work colleague leaves me in the shadows - feel like a failure

LegacyUser

I started a new job not so long ago and I was getting on well enough, but still finding my feet. It's not a permanent job - 6 months contract - so I am anxious to make a good impression, not so I can be kept on (because I think thats impossible) but more so I can get a good reference. A woman, a few years younger than me and very outgoing, started recently also and the two of us have the same title. She is super confident, self assured and motivated. I am just naturally quieter and while I get on well with people I work with, I am quite shy. She has more experience than I do, and I've heard my manager talking to someone saying how great it is to have someone like her in the office. At meetings she really gets involved whereas I am more easily intimidated by my new working environment and new people. I would have found more confidence sooner, had I not felt totally outdone by this person. Just when I am thinking of a new project, she thinks about it quicker. Its like everything I do she does better. I feel awful, I know its stupid and irrational but I am questioning everything I do. This is the sort of industry where you need to get to know people, and at social events she manages to charm the important people, always knowing who to talk to and how to talk to them. Meanwhile I lurk in the corner and if I do say something I mumble and sound stupid, or else say way too much. I feel like I am going to fail, and its getting worse every day. She seems to be best friends with our seniors who barely notice me at all, even though I try to be friendly to everyone.
What should I do? Ps - I'm sorry if it seems like I'm moaning on about something silly!!

bellylint

Heya Op,
If you are doing your job and doing a decent job of it, you shouldnt have to worry about a reference. You say this girl has more experience than you and that is something that you cannot argue with. She has had a bit more time in the role to find out how the role works and feel more comfortable in it. It is only natural. If you leave the job feeling that you did what you could in it and are happy with the effort that you put in, you will learn from it and your managers if they are worth anything should feel the same. Hopefully with a good reference and some experience you will more comfortable in your next opportunity. The other girl as you say has more experience in the role but that does not mean she cant make a mistake and if/when she does, work as a team to show that ye can get the job done overall. In most things we do there is always gonna be someone somewhere who is better than us at attempting things, just take stock of yourself and try not it let you feel like you have nothing to offer.

Good luck with the rest of your contract

Kimia

Don't compare yourself to anyone else OP. You're letting her outshine you because you're getting so intimidated by her. You need to concentrate on your own strengths. I'm very outgoing and confident in my job and I have a colleague who is also a good friend who is not as much. However, she is fantastic at other things that I'm only average at so it balances out. That's why you are a team! Appreciate your colleague for who she is and work on becoming more confident to show off your own abilities.

Doogieboogie

Here's an idea - why don't you approach her, tell her that you admire her skills and the way she is so outgoing and confident, and ask her to help you do likewise? All she can say is no, you're unlikely to be seen as a threat to her as you are on a short-term contract, so she may be delighted to help you out. Neither of you have anything to lose - go fo it!

Miss Fluff

She has experience under her belt so of course she is going to be more confident, more adept and ultimately better at the job.

If you are spending your time agonizing over how good she is you're going to start missing things and not give your own job the due consideration that it warrants. Forget about her.

Sure, observe how she does things, ask her for tips and learn from her but concentrate on improving yourself and being the best you can be rather than spending your time fretting about what she's doing. I bet she didn't do that when she was finding her feet and look how good she is now.

Concentrate on the job that has been assigned to you

ongarboy

Hi OP, Have you had any reviews or feedback from your manager as to your performance? Have they commented about your work being below par? If they have, focus on improving the weak points they highlighted. If they haven't (which I suspect they have not), then you should not be worried about your performance. Managers are not shy, they will tell you if you are doing something wrong and good managers will ensure the criticism is constructive and assist you in improving yourself.

Like the other posters said, focus on yourself and your ability, not this other girl. It may very well be that she is more highly regarded by management then you but as long as you are doing your job to the best of your ability and management do not see fault with your work, then you are doing a good job!

It may be a sense of envy you have of this girl's confidence and people skills which you are unfairly using to criticise your own perceived lack of abilities. We are often our own worst critics! Perhaps not all companies conduct official appraisal or formal reviews so if you need complete assurance, why not suggest a 1:1 meeting with your supervisor to discuss your role and say you would like feedback on your performance so far so that you can be sure that your work input is aligned with the company's expectation of you. Good luck

mikemac

Might be an idea to request a quick meeting when you hit three months, so half way through your contract.

Ask for feedback.

And maybe you can take ownership of something. There is almost always something that everyone avoids but if you take ownership it becomes "your baby"
Could be as simple as sorting out a filing system or a better way to issue reports. Or it could be more complex.

So you can try to sort it and suggest how to improve it. Since it's yours you'll be very interested in it.

Firetrap

How about observing the way she goes about her job and see is there anything you could learn from her?