I need the truth, please.

too unsure

Too Unsure

I need an honest opinion here, someone to speak the truth to me.

For about 4 years now, I have been friends with some people in another country via the internet. Its not like we talk daily or even weekly, but we all stay in contact and chat about everything and anything. I have been with them through thick and thin, a lot of ups and pretty disastrous downs and likewise, they have been there for me.

I would consider them to be very good friends that I would even call part of my family as we all know so much about each other. The problem…

I have never spoken to any of them, never even heard their voices. They said they can’t hook up a mic to their pc to chat live.
I can’t talk to them by phone, they say my calls never come through but my texts only reach one of their phones.
I have never chatted on IM to more than one at a time, they share a pc.
I was planning a trip to see them along with a visit to other friends that I actually do know, and they panicked saying it was the worst possible time to come. That was a year ago and its never been mentioned since.

I realise even typing this that this is all making me sound pathetic, but I’m beginning to think, that no matter how much I thought I knew them, that in fact, they are complete strangers. Even though they have all shared so many personal things with me, and me with them, I am feeling that I have in fact been completely duped by someone who is having a great laugh at my expense.

Four years is a long time to be friends with people, I would have thought that it would come as natural to move to the next phase of a friendship and actually want to talk and hear each others voices. I no longer make an effort trying because I’m too scared that what I believed is all a complete lie.

Scared to hear the truth but need to.
Miserable.

Kevin Duffy

Unless there is some reason you can't, it's probably a good idea to go and make some friends closer to home, people you can interact fully with.

If the contact in the form you've had it up to now has been good and important for you, why not just keep it as it is and not try to turn it into a visit?

If the alarm bells are ringing 'cos of the excuses, maybe limit the detail you pass on to them, for your security. If I heard these excuses, I would be suspicious of everything they've said - they may not be who or where they say they are, they may not be two people. They are also definitely NOT part of your family.

What age are you? Have you told your family about this contact? How and who started it?

too unsure

No I have friends, people who I see regularly and socialise with. As so why after all this time, I started to question what kind of friendship I had with these people about a year ago. I said that I would love to see a pic of them all together in one shot, but its been side-stepped around and I have yet to see one. So not only have I not ever talked live to any of them, but I have no idea what they look like other than single shots which when you think of it, could be just about anyone, yet these are all supposed to be living together.

I have never questioned my friendship with them before because I have been ignoring all these small things. Is it possible that there aren't friends, but in fact one person pretending to be all of them? lol Now I just sound paranoid but I've heard of worse things.

Thanks for replying though

too unsure

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

What age are you? Have you told your family about this contact? How and who started it?

I am a grown woman lol not a teenager. I completely understand where you are coming from but this isn't the case. I have a healthy full active life and do not live on the pc. If this were one of my own kids, I would be seriously concerned, but as I said, I have been corresponding with them for a long time now, this is not just a passing phase thing.

Miss Fluff

too unsure wrote: »

I would consider them to be very good friends that I would even call part of my family as we all know so much about each other.

You don't know the first thing about "them" to be honest. You don't even know if it's one person or a crowd of people. They are ultimately strangers and you have "befriended" someone/people with a virtual identity (in all senses of the word). I'd advise you to pull the plug, quite literally pull the plug and make more of an effort in your real life.

You claim to have friends but the fact of the matter is that you are equating people who you don't know the first thing about to being "part of my family" which quite frankly is bizarre in itself.

too unsure

Yep, I think your right. Time to pull the plug.

Thanks everyone, much appreciated.

TashaMonster

Watch the documentary "Catfish" sounds like your situation could be very similar.

username123

It does sound odd. I have some online friends and Ive spoken to one or two of them on the phone ocasionally, seen pics, friends on Facebook so seen family pics etc.... I cant think why they would be refusing basic contact like a phonecall. Four years is too long for it to be a financial scam either so thats just odd. Apply common sense, pull the plug if you are feeling weird about it.

qwerty13

Personally, I operate on the '3 strikes' kinda rule:
- anyone can seem odd / mess up
- a second time? ... hhmm - a good excuse needed
- a third time? it'd want a serious level of excuses
I'd gather you are on strike 3 or beyond! I hope you can sort this out to your satisfaction - it sounds like an awful lot of excuses are being made though

too unsure

Tashamonster, I actually have the Catfish here but have never watched it, I just might now, thanks.

Username123, I would have thought the exact same thing as you if anyone else said this to me, but not once ever has any suspicious come up with regards to any financial scam or any scam at all. Its literally general chit-chat like any friends would but as you quite rightly point out, if friends are friends, friendships should develop and progress to at least a phone call.

Qwerty13, I'm way beyond strike 3, now that I'm actually taking notice of everything thats being said, I'm into multiple digits now.

I have had many acquaintences over the years that I would have met through the internet and never before have I experienced anything like this. For a long time I just put it down to thinking it was their choice, cultural differences etc, no big deal but now, I'm thinking different.

Now, I'm just curious and wondering if there is a way I can actually find out the truth.

I am a friend

Do you have a crush on one of them?

You sound a tab obsessed tbh.... Maybe they sense your over eagerness and are uncomfortable with it and want to establish boundaries...

Miss Fluff

too unsure wrote: »

Now, I'm just curious and wondering if there is a way I can actually find out the truth.

Why would you actually bother? In order to actually find out the truth about this person/people it would probably involve time and/or expense and I really think four years is enough wasted time on these people don't you? They haven't been forthcoming in showing themselves in any shape or form away from the shield that is their PC so nothing you can really do now bar the above is going to alter that at this stage. Just forget about it.

wildlifeman

sounds like its one person pretending to be a group. why on earth would they not send a group shot? it sounds to me like its one bloke who talks to you and puts on multiple personalitys and googled a few pics to add an image to each persona.. get rid of the freak. or at least give them/him an ultimatum.

Eve_Dublin

I don't see the harm as long as you're okay with it. Sounds like you aren't though,OP. Personally I don't see a problem with this at all....even here on Boards people share a lot about themselves and get into conversations with people over years that they've never met and no intention of meeting. It's when your personal life suffers and you have no friends in the real world....but you do. Only pull the plug if it really bothers you. If these people have helped you through difficult times and visa versa, I don't see the harm. Doesn't sound very sinister to me.

Personally I don't have friends like these but when I travelled, I made a lot of Facebook Friends that I met for a night and probably won't meet again if the truth me known (although at that time we thought we would). We still stay in touch via Facebook and I don't see a problem with that. Sound people are sound people.

michellemuncher

Hmm sounds like your 'friends' is one disturbed individual. Who nowadays shares computers? They are so cheap and they all have built in mics to them. It's incredible that you trusted these 'people' so much without getting proof that who they said they were was true. I have had an online relationship for more than one year and as soon as I felt we were becoming good friends I felt I needed to send him pics of myself (I had seen loads of his already). And then it moved into Skyping and visiting.

If I were you I'd be looking at yourself rather than 'them'. I don't mean to be harsh, but if you want to move on from this and not make the same mistake again, it is necessary. Why were you so willing to share personal info with people you didn't know? Can you not have deep convos with your real friends? How come you asked us the public for this advice rather than your friends? I'm guessing you are perhaps ashamed and embarrassed but you are only human who wants to be listened to and needed. I'd encourage you to talk about this with a real life friend you can trust

Daisy M

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I don't see the harm as long as you're okay with it. Sounds like you aren't though,OP. Personally I don't see a problem with this at all....even here on Boards people share a lot about themselves and get into conversations with people over years that they've never met and no intention of meeting. It's when your personal life suffers and you have no friends in the real world....but you do. Only pull the plug if it really bothers you. If these people have helped you through difficult times and visa versa, I don't see the harm. Doesn't sound very sinister to me.

Personally I don't have friends like these but when I travelled, I made a lot of Facebook Friends that I met for a night and probably won't meet again if the truth me known (although at that time we thought we would). We still stay in touch via Facebook and I don't see a problem with that. Sound people are sound people.

Totally disagree with you, there is a problem if the numerous people she has been chatting too turns out to be one person assuming a lot of different identities, that would to put it mildly one weird individual.
I have to admit I really dont understand how and why anyone strikes up friendships online with numerous amounts of people.

JonathanAnon

I have had many acquaintences over the years that I would have met through the internet and never before have I experienced anything like this. For a long time I just put it down to thinking it was their choice, cultural differences etc,

I think it breaks down to either that a) the person is painfully shy or b) they have something to hide... Either way, I wouldnt go looking for trouble.. you know what they say about curiousity.. Just keep the online relationship at a safe distance and on YOUR terms..