gay advice for a guy

ahyeah78

Ok just putting this out there to see if anyone can give me some useful advice. Basically is there a 'guide' of sorts for a single gay male in ireland? Not looking for smart ass replies but like a book i should read or a film i should see?

Aard

Not really. What did you have in mind? Also, just ask questions here; probably more informative than any book.

gavdown

I can't think of any guide. There are other websites like gaire and queerid which can show you different things that are on and if there's a magazine thats out monthly called GCN (gay community news) which has lots of stuff on whats happening at the moment in the gay community with notices and stuff for things on offer (like swimming, reading groups etc).

Can't imagine fitting a 'one size fits all' guide together because people in the gay community are as diverse as everyone else and peoples tastes are so different.

ninty9er

ahyeah78 wrote: »

Ok just putting this out there to see if anyone can give me some useful advice. Basically is there a 'guide' of sorts for a single gay male in ireland? Not looking for smart ass replies but like a book i should read or a film i should see?

Whoever writes a book like this will a) need to take a lot of differences into account and b) end up very wealthy.

wonderfulname

ninty9er wrote: »

Whoever writes a book like this will a) need to take a lot of differences into account and b) end up very wealthy.

Opinion noted, especially the b part... OP you can just throw a few questions out here and we'll answer to the best of our knowledge or point you towards specific resources... They can become the chapter titles for my new book... hehehe

easychair

gavdown wrote: »

I can't think of any guide. There are other websites like gaire and queerid which can show you different things that are on and if there's a magazine thats out monthly called GCN (gay community news) which has lots of stuff on whats happening at the moment in the gay community with notices and stuff for things on offer (like swimming, reading groups etc).

Can't imagine fitting a 'one size fits all' guide together because people in the gay community are as diverse as everyone else and peoples tastes are so different.

I've looked at gaire from time to time and it would put me off gay people. It seems to consist of about 10 or 15 people who live in a parallell universe where they spend their lives talking to each other via message boards, and if you look a year from now you'll see the same 10 or 15 people saying the same things to each other via message boards. Presumably they will all be there in another years time, and so on, and still be saying the same things to each other and so on. It seems like a very dull and non inspiring place.

If someone is wanting to know about gay life, boards.ie threads are way better. More mature, more informative, the threads don't all degenerate into smiley faces and "lol"'s after three attempts to actually discuss a topic, and the people writing here seem, in the main, to be intelligent and less self absorbed.

In addition to boards.ie, I've heard there are good groups for individuals who want to talk to others, and groups who bring together individuals who are unsure and want to meet others in a similar situation.

Personally, I think its usually better to talk to friends and friends of friends, as strangers can sometimes have their own agenda, or want to direct you in one way or another. The only advice I'd give is to take time, choose wisely those you seek out for advice (I've often found that those who offer free, unasked for advice, or are liberal with their adive are rarely the same people others seek out for serious advice -my pet hate are those who begin a sentence with "do you know what you should do" ), and enjoy.

Being gay, if you are, is not your life, but only a part of your life. I've heard it said that a good sex life takes up 5% on ones life, and a bad one 95%, so experiment but try not to make the mistake that some do of being obsessed with sex. I know a guy who gave up gaydar, claiming it was addictive and taking up an increasing amount of his time for less and less benefit, and two years on he claims he had two successful businessess on the time he would otherwise have wasted on gaydar!

Annasopra

ahyeah78 wrote: »

Ok just putting this out there to see if anyone can give me some useful advice. Basically is there a 'guide' of sorts for a single gay male in ireland? Not looking for smart ass replies but like a book i should read or a film i should see?

Do you have any questions? and perhaps we could try and answer them

Graeme The Poet

It's the same story on both side of the "great divide", it's difficult to find someone for a real relationship. Bars (gay and straight) just don't really work for everyone.

What's the best way to meet people - does anyone have a good answer to this one?

easychair

I don't think there is one best way to meet. There are many ways to meet a potential partner, and also the time has to be right in that one has to be open to it. My parents met on a tennis court when one of their mixed doubles partners dropped out due to illness. I met my partner online. I introduced a friend to her partner. Another friend met his partner on safari in botswana. And so on. There really is no one best way.

Many people I came across when dating didn't know what they wanted. So I learned to avoid anyone who was unsure, as they just ended up messing me around. It's said that the man who knows what he wants will find it, and the man who doesn't know what he wants will find that, too!

Not being Irish, i found the whole dishonesty which surrounds dating in Ireland to be disheartening. It seems, in ireland, many think it rude to say "no", so instead they say "yes" when they mean no. For example, if I didn't want to see someone again, I'd say something like "It's been great meeting you and you are a lovely person, but not my type. unfortunately. I hope you find someone wonderful really soon and thanks for meeting me today". Many Irish dates I had were unable to say that, and would instead lie and say they wante to meet again, and then not answer texts or calls and I'd have to learn by osmosis that they meant "no" even though they said "yes", which is particularly cruel and a horrible way to treat others.

However, eventually i met my partner who is Irish and very able to say "no" if necessary so its an affliction which only affects some Irish people.

Aard

Absolutely true. The Irish gays, in very general, are quite different from the continentals.