Relationship woes

LegacyUser

Was reading a thread elsewhere and something suddenly dawned on me and was hoping maybe people could offer me some opinions or advice?

I'm a 27 year old woman never had any proper relationships just a couple of months here and there. But the over whelming common denominator with me and men i've just realised is that they always tell me: i'm lovely, or i'm so nice and it's usually followed by the dreaded but.. one guy actually told me i was very tender but in a way that suggested it was a bad thing???...
In fact i'm sure if i asked any of the men i've dated to describe me in one word, "nice" would be it - how dull
It's not just men either, even when i make new friends they describe me as "nice".

I'm quite shy, actually no I wouldn't say shy i'd say i'm just quiet, others call me shy though. I do my best to be a good person (help friends/people out as much as i can, am loyal, friendly etc) but within reason i'm not a doormat or a pushover either. I'd rather not argue with people, actively try to avoid it, but will on the very very very rare occasions when people push me too far. But it's just dawned on me that all my female friends who are in relationships would be described as 'feisty' and not at all afraid of an argument.

Do men really want to date placid quiet easy going women, or do they really/would they rather a woman who was feisty/argumentative ?? Maybe the reason i'm having so much trouble finding a relationship is because i'm just too dull, too "nice"?? Do men see "nice" woman as just well...boring?
Thoughts would be appreciated

bigbaz

na youre reading to much into it,loadsa men would love a nice quiet respectful woman,seeing as theyre a far rarer breed than feisty ladies,and any man who was in a relationship with a high maintenance woman would be glad to go out with someone like you!

johnr1

No No NO ! Definitely no.

Nice, respectful, no drama type women are worth gold, imo, too many attempt to put on a front of feistyness/moodiness, which comes across as constant drama, being unnecessarily difficult, and is often used as an excuse for bad behaviour or downright rudeness. Fair enough, no thinking person wants to be in a relationship with a walkover, but a couple of exes whom I remember most fondly were the ones who just didnt want all the drama and arguing.
All the breakup/makeup stuff is probably highly stimulating when in teens or early twenties, but think about it, would you yourself want to be stuck in a long termer with someone with whom you know you'll never get a day's peace with.
I broke up with someone not too long ago over it.
Dont try to change yourself, it's not that unusual not to have had a lot of ltr's at 27, and worse imo to have had nothing but.
Relax, be confident in your own strengths, and that will show, and attract the right type of guy,- you're only now hitting the age where most guys are looking out for a serious girlfriend rather than a bit of fun.

My opinion, but only that.

Stheno

My bf often tells me that what he most enjoys about our relationship is that I am calm. We tend not to have mad arguments, life just drifts along in a calm and happy way, we have our routines and he enjoys them.

Now I'm not a quiet person per se, but I like peace and quiet and stability and order.

Maybe you are just meeting the wrong guys?

Azureus

Feisty doesnt automatically mean argumentative or dramatic. It an also mean exciting and willing to put something extra into a relationship that could otherwise be lacking. Im not saying that you lack personality, but maybe you lack showing this personality?
First impressions mean a lot, and nice and easy going are fantastic traits in a person, but the word 'placid' while great in times of stress etc could be percieved as slightly dull and unexciting.

Again, Im not saying you are dull and unexciting, but have you to let people know this! This is only coming off the back of a recent night out, where i met a lot of people that I didnt know, and one girl in particular stood out to me. She was gorgeous looking, but so bland that nobody paid any notice to her. It was only after chatting to her for awhile that her personality started to (very slowly) show. Lovely girl, but didnt get the attention she deserved because she didnt make the effort. Eye contact, a smile etc goes a long way and encourages people to get to know you without you having to shout and scream from the rooftops. You dont have to be loud and in your face.

Also as a sidenote you sound like my best friends perfect woman. He always goes for the quiet, shy sweet one

squonk

LOL OP you sound lovely! Can I get your number (I'll probably be banned now). Seriously though, I know a few friends of mine going out with girls who won't scream the house down but are quiet, well mannered, accomodating but assertive when they need be. That's very appealing and there's so much to be said for it. Feisty is grand but I'd go for the calm lady who will discuss an issue rather than having a blazing row any day!

LegacyUser

littlemissnice? wrote: »

Do men really want to date placid quiet easy going women, or do they really/would they rather a woman who was feisty/argumentative ?? Maybe the reason i'm having so much trouble finding a relationship is because i'm just too dull, too "nice"?? Do men see "nice" woman as just well...boring?

Your problem is you're too worried about what other people think of you. Men don't like quiet women-they also don't like loud women, shy women, fat women, thin women, argumentative women, big women, small women.....the list goes on. The reason the list goes on is because every person in the world has their own likes and dislikes. Everyone also has their own insecurities. Your 'insecurity' is that you're too nice, and now you're trying to subtley change yourself to attract men. Bad idea. If you're not being yourself, it'll be spotted from a mile off.
It's hard to strike a balance, but you can be nice without being a walkover. Don't push yourself into the background, hoping you'll match the wallpaper. Let people know what you're like-tell them 'I like this because....', or 'I don't like this because....'. Find out what it is that makes you tick. If you have no opinion on what makes you tick, well how is a potential boyfriend supposed to treat you (ie buying you two tickets to that thing you love : )).
Seriously, take a step back and look at your past relationships....were you vocal about what you liked/didn't like? Did you always say 'I don't mind what we do....'. In the initial stages men usually make the plans, but after a while you'll have to start voicing your opinion about things because otherwise the pressure's constantly on the other person.

I could have it all arseways and maybe you do voice your opinion, but it's just a thought!

LegacyUser

Quiet,considerate,helpful are not bad characteristics to have, You should like a great catch.
The fact that you appear the complete opposite to your friends probably highlights your differences a bit more in your eyes.

Do not change, you have no reason too.

Mc Kenzie

awww be yourself hun.:)

so what a few relationships didnt work out but yanno you are prob better off. opposites attract sometimes prob why you have such fiesty freinds.

you sound great and just as everyone else is saying, not every fella wants the same type of girl or someone whos "drama drama drama" yano:)

im sure you are perfect some nice guy out there looking for you;)