I feel like my friends use me and blame me for everything.

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this.
Compared to most of the threads in PI this seems really minuscule, but it's something that bothers me a lot so I'm going to post it nonetheless. This is something that has been ongoing for about a year, and I'm just going to post an example.
So last night my group friends and I all went camping in a field beside another friend's house who lives about 15km away from all of us. There were 9 of us including the friend whose house we camped beside and I brought a 6 person tent which we were all going to use. I didn't bring a sleeping bag with me because I didn't think we'd end up going to sleep at all.
So anyway we were all quite drunk and we lying outside beside the campfire. Everyone had opened the zips of their sleeping bag and we were using them as big blankets. At about 1 o'clock the friend whose house we were camping beside decided she was going to go into her house to sleep because she had to work in the morning. Then at about 2 o'clock everyone decided to go to sleep so we all went into the tent. As I said earlier, I didn't bring a sleeping bag with me so when I went into the tent I went under one of my friend's sleeping bags. She started going mad and hitting me saying to get out and I was like "wtf no". Then she tried to pull it off me and I grabbed it and wouldn't let go saying that I was freezing too. Then she started hitting me again, and I told her that she could share the sleeping bag with me or get out of my tent. Then everybody started going mad at me. The girl started crying and everyone started going spa at me. Then I left the tent and sat down in the field and cried for about half an hour. Nobody came after me, so I went to the friend who was working in the morning's house and asked could I sleep on the couch, she let me so I slept there for the night. The next morning (this morning) they woke me and were like oh go take down the tent. I was like wtf no, you have to help me. Then they started taking the piss about last night and in the end I had to take it down by myself while they sat inside the house. Then I brought 4 of them home. I'm getting the blame about what happened last night, and I seriously cannot understand it. The girl is being treated like such a victim and I'm just sick of it. Tonight everybody in my year went out as we finished 5th year on Wednesday, but I stayed at home because I knew they'd all be giving out to me about it.
I'm seriously sick of all of this, and that's just one example of many. I get blamed for absolutely everything that happens. Can you see where I'm coming from or am I just overreacting and it actually was all my fault?

ziggy

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MitchKoobski

Yeah that was entirely your fault.

You didn't bring a sleeping bag.
You jumped underneath someone else's without asking.
You then demanded she either share it with you or sleep outside on the ground.
You then refused to take down YOUR tent by yourself and wanted them to help, when you had ended up making one of the girls cry because you didn't bring a sleeping bag with you going camping.

I am a friend

You were well out of order there. Chances are the girl was a bit scared on foot of your actions or at minimum uncomfortable.

ziggy

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solerina

OP
You need to grow up a little bit, noone goes camping without a sleeping bag, you be better going without a tent than a sleeping bag.
Its a very rare occasion that no-one goes to sleep so to assume you didnt need a sleeping bag was very silly.
Your friends obviously knew that you were bringing the tent so they brought their sleeping bags, they shouldnt be expected to share with you especially when the night wasnt all that warm...and to be honest if you throw a strop and go off crying I dont blame them for not following you.
The only part of the whole story you are right to feel angry about(imo) is having to take down the tent alone...they slept in it so they should have helped you take it down.

LegacyUser

I agree with the majority of posters here, OP. If some guy got into my sleeping bag and refused to leave, I would probably freak out a bit too. Couldn't you just ask? Why did it have to be this specific friend and not somebody else? I can definitely see why she is the victim there, and not you.

But then I see your point about taking down the tent. If you didn't even get to sleep in it and they did, it's unfair that they would wake you up to take it down. They should have taken it down themselves. You should have insisted that they help. And if they flat out refused, you shouldn't have taken them home.

So I think there is a bunch of things happening here: yes, your friends seem to take advantage of you up to a point, but your behavior seems to oscillate between entitled and pushover.

Eric Cartman

tbh mate you should have asked would somebody mind sharing a sleeping bag, not just hopped under one , but in all fairness the girl does sound like one of these 'victim card' types, id say your both at fault really, bring a sleeping bag next time

Zen65

thismakesmefeellikecrap. wrote: »

I'm seriously sick of all of this, and that's just one example of many. I get blamed for absolutely everything that happens.

Op, in this story that you told us you have simply been reprimanded by your friends for your own actions... not bringing your own sleeping bag was very presumptuous of you, and very poor planning to say the least. You should accept this and move on, dwelling on the matter is detrimental to your friendships.

You are growing towards adulthood so you have to start taking responsibility for your own actions. Stop sulking over this incident and take more care how you interact with your friends in future. However friendly your school friends may be, sharing a bed / sleeping bag is something that would make most people uncomfortable. You've learned this the hard way.

If you want "recognition" for having brought the tent, this is something you should agree in advance with somebody, by asking them to bring an extra sleeping bag for you. You cannot just choose to share their bag late in the night.

Be at peace,

Z

fghijkl

Interesting how everyone is presuming the OP is male....

If you are a guy though OP then yes it was inappropriate to try get one of the girls sleeping bags. Why didn't you share with one of the guys instead?

I think some of the other posters are being a bit harsh tbh
It was your tent after all, surely someone should have offered to open up the sleeping bag and use it as a blanket?? Seems like the decent thing to do...
Also telling you to take down the tent they all slept in is completely out of order, and just plain selfish imo.

It was a bit stupid not bringing a sleeping bag OP, you also say you'd been drinking and arguing when you're drunk is usually a receipe for disaster anyway.....things always get blown out of all proportion....
You were partly in the wrong OP but so were they. They do strike me as being selfish users though...they blame you for what happened wouldn't help you take down the tent because of it....but yet they weren't so pissed off at you that they'd refuse a lift home:rolleyes:

You only have a year of school to go OP, my advice would just be to just suck it up, don't put yourself out for them anymore, but don't cut them out of your life either just stick with them for whatever time you have left in school, and stay on friendly terms with them, most people you're friends with in school are just "friends of necessity" anyway tbh, a group of people you happen to get stuck with for 5 years with not much in common with. After your leaving cert you'll prob never see them again anyway. If you go on to college/work whatever, it's there you meet your true life long friends.

LegacyUser

Just to clear everything up, I'm a girl.
The reason I didn't ask anybody else to share their sleeping bag was because everyone else was in theirs. She had hers opened as a blanket. I did ask. I ended up just apologising to everyone. Thanks to everyone for making me feel worse.

Firetrap

I hope you've seen by now that you were in the wrong regarding the sleeping bag. The way you behaved towards this girl was wrong. Not only did you go take her bag without her permission but you refused to give it back despite her repeatedly asking for it. So what if it was freezing? You were the one who didn't bother to bring your own bag. You can't just go take someone else's stuff without their permission and tell them what to do. It sounds like you just picked her sleeping bag because she was the last man standing so to speak. Not everyone wants to share their sleeping bags and you went about it the wrong way. Refusing to give it back to her was always going to cause a reaction.

What you should have done was say it to the others who'd surely have helped you out by letting you share a bag or zipping a few of them together. Alternatively you could've gone into your friend's house and borrowed a sleeping bag or something. Your behaviour was high-handed and not helped by people being tired, cold and drunk.

After what you did, nobody was ever going to go after you to see how you were. They were probably discussing what an ass you'd been if the truth be told. The next morning, you'll still have been persona non grata.

I've no idea what sort of friendship, if any, you have with this group or what other stuff you're being blamed for. I wonder has it come as a shock to you to see people coming out and saying that your behaviour regarding the sleeping bag was totally uncool? You sound like you might need to do a bit more growing up and to consider how other people perceive your actions. On the other hand, if these people aren't always that nice to you, it might be time to have a think about what exactly a friend is.

It's interesting that you're thanking everyone for making you feel worse. The truth hurts sometimes and I for one was amazed that you felt hard done by for what happened. I'm not saying that the others in the story are angels by any means - they've not exactly covered themselves in glory either - but your inability to see where you were wrong in this story is something to ponder.

thismakesmefeellikecrap.

thismakesmefeellikecrap. wrote: »

Then at about 2 o'clock everyone decided to go to sleep so we all went into the tent.

This is where you should have said that you were going to be freezing, that you knew you should have brought a sleeping bag but hadn't thought of it, and politely asked if anyone had anything warm you could borrow.

I was like "wtf no".
...
I was like wtf no, you have to help me.

If this is your attitude, I'm not surprised your friends ended up leaving the tent for you. If it was unprovoked it would be a seriously crappy thing to leave the tent for you, but considering the situation I wouldn't expect them to pack up for you.

The girl is being treated like such a victim and I'm just sick of it.

Maybe she is, maybe she isn't, but I certainly don't blame her for getting upset at 2am, when everyone's drunk, finding out that she has to either freeze to death outside at night, or get all up close and personal with you, in which case she'd still be pretty cold and unable to sleep. Her sleeping bag was unzipped from having it round her outside. There's a reason they make double sleeping bags; a single sleeping bag isn't shareable. I was camping last weekend with my boyfriend and we didn't share a sleeping bag because we'd have frozen to death. You need it under and over you, or the cold comes up from the ground.

Tonight everybody in my year went out as we finished 5th year on Wednesday, but I stayed at home because I knew they'd all be giving out to me about it.

And you think it's your friend playing the victim? You're just punishing yourself like when a kid holds their breath, hurting themselves in the expectation that it's going to hurt other people. You're finished 5th year, so you're not a kid anymore. You shouldn't be expecting people to run after you when you wander off at night, or feeling guilty because you choose not to go out and have a good time. You need to look after yourself. If you forget a sleeping bag, you find a plan B, look for a solution, ask if anyone can help. You don't forcefully take possession of someone else's bag.

The reason I didn't ask anybody else to share their sleeping bag was because everyone else was in theirs. She had hers opened as a blanket. I did ask.

So you took hers because she hadn't gotten there yet and you knew that asking someone would result in a "no". And as for saying you did ask, when was that? It seems clear from the rest of your posts that you didn't.

Thanks to everyone for making me feel worse.

For future reference, it's pretty hard to guilt people over the internet, especially when you asked for their opinions. It's not really the incident that makes me think you were being unreasonable, but more your general attitude throughout your posts. Maybe you're just coming across badly, but it does seem like you're being pretty childish.

ztoical

So your plan at the start of the night was to stay up all night drinking then drive people home?

sorry op but common sense was to throw a sleeping bag or even a blanket in the car, if you were driving it should have been easy to do. You should have asked before getting into someone elses sleeping bag not just got in and refused to move. Maybe the girl is playing up for attention or maybe she had her own reasons for to wanting to share, she might have some body issues or just issues with personal space....doesn't matter what her reasons are hers. Why you didn't ask the person whose house you were camping at for a blanket is a mystery. As for no one helping take the tent down, might be a little bitchy but after your "it's my tent" attitude before hand I'm not surprised they didn't want to help you. You acted like a child and your friends reacted accordingly. You should all cop on a bit.

DazMarz

Kids have scraps all the time, and that is essentially what you all are. Finishing 5th year says to me you are all aged between 16 to 18, and this is an age where bitchiness and bickering can be at their highest.

While it all sounds a bit 'Oh woe is me' from the OP, perhaps there was overreaction from the friends, but then again the OP is going to try and paint herself in the most positive light that she can do. How isolated was this incident? Were there similar in the past, and if so, how severe? Or are they just similar bickering matches and scraps to this one?

Friends will fight, fall out and have shouting matches all the time, and over STUPID things (believe me, I know... I know all too well), and it can happen that the friend who has a certain valuable asset (extra money, or a car, is legally able to buy alcohol, etc.) may get used for said asset by the others. But if you constantly oblige people in that manner, don't expect different treatment from them other than for them to always expect you to be able to provide them with whatever they need (again, I know this all too well).

Both parties involved here were wrong, equally. There would be no winner in this contest and is it worth losing a friendship over something so trivial?

Bit of growing up needed to be done here, a few one-on-one conversations with some of your friends to iron out a few issues and you could be on to a stronger, better relationship with them.