What to do.... :(

cottonsocks

Hi all,

Just looking for some thoughts/advice. I graduated from a Masters in November, and got what seemed to be the job of my dreams in London in Feb. I moved to London not knowing anyone but not thinking it would be much of a problem as I could make friends. However, 4 months on, I have made no friends, and the job that seemed perfect for me is not working out. I find I am disinterested and don't find the work as stimulating as I thought it would be. My employer has noticed this, and agreed to work with me on finding a solution, but as I am entry level, I am still learning and find there are days when I can do nothing right. Along with having no friends, I feel completely worn down and that moving here has not been the experience I had hoped it would be. I am very close to leaving the job and coming back to Ireland. I know there is no work at home, but I don't feel that staying in a job completely miserable and spending every weekend alone is the answer either. Opinions much appreciated

LegacyUser

oftentimes we get what we were looking for, then find it doesn't suit us...and we have a conflict....you're suppposed to want it and you should feel grateful and lucky, and everyone is so happy for you....so it's hard to accept and go with your gut when it tells you it's not the job for you.

you've worked hard, you got the job you wanted in the end - so super congratulations! now have a look at what's really happening and decide the next step - it's ok to realise it's not working out. you're not afraid of change, you know that you have it in you to cope - you've moved to England with no support network, now go find what makes you happy. Don't get stuck in the job just because it's what you're supposed to want to do.

That said - give the job a full 6 months - it takes around that much time to settle in. If you still feel that you just don't like the job, then find something similar in a different company, or change career track.

It sounds like the biggest problems you have are the exhaustion and lack of support - both are connected. I moved to Spain about a year ago, had no job/friends/home before i came here and I know what you're going through. What I'm facing now is that all my friends were foreigners, and have all returned home, leaving me stuck in my apartment alone over the weekend and having to start from scratch again. You'll find that without a 'life' outside work, work itself can seem terrible, even if it's not the case. So you'll have to really make an effort to get involved in something and start making friends. I've heard from others that London is a hard place to move to and make friends, maybe try and get involved with other expats - start doing language exchanges (you talk for an hour in English to help a foreigner, they teach you their language), I've made some friends from that. Start a sport/hobby and generally push to get invited to things - let people know you have no friends here, tell your colleagues and ask if they dont mind hanging out wth you for a while. It's not something they'll think to ask usually - because they have their own set of friends, but most people are quite open to it once you suggest it. start organising parties/expat events in local bars - here in Madrid I've noticed ads up from hillwalkign groups, football teams, even just nights in different bars around the city for expats...

don't go home just yet, you're having a rough time, but remember it takes a long time to settle in to a new country and it IS hard...you're doing well, stick it out a few months more and then reassess. If the job is really making you unhappy, change...find a new place to live, or move city if you want. There's nothing happening back home - don't go back, you'll end up on the dole and bored and you'll use up any money saved to make a fresh start somewhere new. in the meantime, save as much cash as possible and if you feel like it, then move country again or move back home if you really can't cope.

Kevin Duffy

Perhaps you're looking at your work problems through the wrong end of the telescope and your feelings about your life at the moment are impacting there, rather than the job itself being the problem. Improving your social life may pay off in work too.
Outside work, what are you involved in that might get you meeting people?

Kimia

First things first. Try to improve your social life because if you're happier in yourself you will be more motivated in work. Try meetup.com = join some groups and get meeting people that way. That will keep you busy on weekends.

With regard to work - what exactly is it you don't like about the job? You say you don't find it stimulating - I don't know how high your expectations are (although you did mention 'dream job' which gives me some idea) so perhaps you are placing too much emphasis on the job being your saviour. It's still just a job.