Feeling really isolated.

LegacyUser

I'm nearly 18 and I'm a lesbian. I'm still in school and I'm the only gay person within my group of friends (but there are a few who call themselves bisexual but who I doubt would really get into a relationship with another girl, I'll get onto that later). I'm only out to one girl because I'm really not OK yet with other people knowing but there are a lot of rumors about me

My main problem is that I'm really sick of being by myself. I have no gay friends, no-one to talk to and no girlfriend. I've never even kissed a girl and I'm starting to feel like I'm going to go to college and everyone is going to be so experienced and such and I'm just going to be the weird person whose about as comfortable with their sexuality as a 13 year old gay kid in the deep south of America :P I tried a gay youth group ages and ages ago but I just felt really left out. Everyone else seemed to be really out there about their sexuality and were generally just very cliquey, so I was basically left on my own for the whole thing. I'm considering trying it again but I'm not sure.

The other issue is that I'm in love with this girl who doesn't really know what her sexuality is. I don't know if she will ever really be ready to be in a relationship with me. She has said things like she has feelings for me but doesn't want to lead me on or ruin our friendship or be judged by society/family. We're really really affectionate, to the untrained eye you'd probably think we were going out like. :P The reason I kind of want to get out of my shell and meet other gay people is she's going to get a boyfriend at some stage and I'm going to be crushed and I really want to preempt that situation.
So if anyone has any enlightening advice that'd be really great

Kanoe

If it helps at all I kinda felt that way and I was in my thirties
You'll probably find that college will open a lot of doors for you and help you get out there in ways you just haven't imagined yet. It might be good too as a way of distracting you from your feelings for your friend and in a couple of years I'll probably be coming to you looking for advice and enlightenment :P so don't worry and just give it a little time. (there's plenty of good people here too and in your age group so stick around a while)

ninty9er

It's really crap that you're feeling this way, but getting past the isolation is something a lot of people go through. I feel it at the moment because my best friends have all gotten jobs elsewhere, which is completely unrelated to being gay.

You still have your friends, and a common reaction these days to someone in a group being gay is no reaction at all.

The other girl part, all I can say there is even if she is gay, there's no guarantees. A good friend is sick of saying to people (straight girls mainly): "have you considered that maybe he's just not into you". I'm still coming to terms with a relationship like that. People are into different things, so don't get too attached unless you know this girl is seriously into you. I don't know if that's a little harsh, but I'm about as blunt as a butter knife at the best of times.

Maybe sit down and have a talk with her, but don't spill the 'L' word, trust me, it scares people off in general, can make them feel bad for not feeling the same and leave you feeling guilty for making them feel bad. However, it may work out just fine for you. You won't know til you try.

Asry

that sounds sucky

To be honest though, I felt that way in school too, and there were rumours about me too (there still are, in work). But when I went to college, after that first nail-biting plunge into a meeting of the LGBT soc, I began to meet other gay people, and began to realise that they weren't really different from everyone else.

Most of my friends are LGBT now, but that's just the way it worked out, really. I didn't intend to form my own little rainbow ghetto But all that didn't really settle down until I was nearly 24.

I hope things will get better

I agree with ninty9er about this girl of yours.

apkbarry

sammi555 wrote: »

I'm nearly 18 and I'm a lesbian. I'm still in school and I'm the only gay person within my group of friends (but there are a few who call themselves bisexual but who I doubt would really get into a relationship with another girl, I'll get onto that later). I'm only out to one girl because I'm really not OK yet with other people knowing but there are a lot of rumors about me

My main problem is that I'm really sick of being by myself. I have no gay friends, no-one to talk to and no girlfriend. I've never even kissed a girl and I'm starting to feel like I'm going to go to college and everyone is going to be so experienced and such and I'm just going to be the weird person whose about as comfortable with their sexuality as a 13 year old gay kid in the deep south of America :P I tried a gay youth group ages and ages ago but I just felt really left out. Everyone else seemed to be really out there about their sexuality and were generally just very cliquey, so I was basically left on my own for the whole thing. I'm considering trying it again but I'm not sure.

The other issue is that I'm in love with this girl who doesn't really know what her sexuality is. I don't know if she will ever really be ready to be in a relationship with me. She has said things like she has feelings for me but doesn't want to lead me on or ruin our friendship or be judged by society/family. We're really really affectionate, to the untrained eye you'd probably think we were going out like. :P The reason I kind of want to get out of my shell and meet other gay people is she's going to get a boyfriend at some stage and I'm going to be crushed and I really want to preempt that situation.
So if anyone has any enlightening advice that'd be really great

+1 =/