angry

LegacyUser

not your typical post but here we go.

long time babysitter for neighbour 20 meters up the road. live on the side of a mountain. the man is recently a widower (1yr ago) with two small children(5 and 8). im 19. have done everything imaginable for this family and kids know me since birth. would be up there in the depths of winter etc if he needed to go out. dropped everything to look after them cancelled nights out etc cos thats what i do for these people. he recently started seeing someone in dublin and small town gossip everyone knows. never ever had another person babysit till wednesday night when i noticed the car was gone and someone was in the house. transpires that a girl who has only ever babysat once before he allowed to stay the entire night while he was in dublin without having ever asked or tried to get me to babysit. pretty upset by this more for the fact he wold let a total stragnger stay with his kids for fear id find out about his gf than me who practically lives there every weekend and thursdays. hacked off to say the least and tired of being used...had to vent somewhere.

MagicMarker

She's not a total stranger seeing as she babysat before. Maybe it was last minute and he couldn't get a hold of you? Maybe he wanted to give you a night off? Maybe you should chill out?

When I started reading your post I assumed that you were going to be giving out about being taken advantage of. Just relax a little and don't be so upset that you WEREN'T asked to babysit 2 kids from dusk till dawn.

ash23

I'm baffled by this post. I too thought you were going to say he made a move.

I'm assuming he knows your family. Maybe he didnt want it all over town that he spent the night away. He's obviously being gossipped about and he wanted someone who isn't so connected to the family. Maybe she charges less?

You really are too involved with him and his family if this has annoyed you so much and perhaps he feels the same. You were very good to him when he lost his wife but that should have been out of the kindness of your heart, and shouldn't mean he "owes" you.

You need to step back. If he calls you to sit and you're free then do it. But don't go to the lengths you have been.

Taltos

OP - look being blunt you are effectively his employee.
Whatever he chooses to do - or whomever he chooses to hire is his business.

Think you were great to help out as you did - but you cannot use that as something to hold over him. You chose to cancel your nights out etc.

Maybe you need to look at your own reaction here and come to recognize that really you have no business being annoyed at choices he makes...

LegacyUser

Op, sorry but this all sounds a bit unhealthy to me. You're 19 and you're obviously very kind hearted and helped this family through a hard time. However you need to step back, cancelling nights out etc to go and babysit etc is not what you should be doing at your age. The fact you know this girl stayed the night, was babysitting and has only babysat before, well does that not just prove that this man has a reason to try and keep his personal life seperate, you're gossiping like all the rest of them. What exactly are you so upset about and ask youself why you chose to put this in relationship issues? Do you have a crush on this man? It all sounds a bit weird to me to be honest.

Daisy M

You have done so much for your neighbours that they probably feel like family to you, so your hurt and angry I get it:). But the others are right relax a little there may be many reasons you werent asked perhaps the dad feels that he relies too much on you and doesnt want to be so dependant on one person as one person may not enough.
You have a life too and while its ok to help maybe your becoming a little too involved you need to be going out meeting your friends too, dont cancel nights out unless its an emergency or something really important.
I would suggest you speak (calmly) to the dad, let him know you have heard he has a girlfriend and are not bothered as it is after all his business, he probably wants to keep things quiet for his childrens sake and possibly for his wifes familys feelings too but to be frank it really isnt any of your concern.
Tbh it would be a good thing if he had two babysitters it would mean neither of you would be relied on too much. Are you been paid for childminding?

Emoi

MagicMarker wrote: »

When I started reading your post I assumed that you were going to be giving out about being taken advantage of.

So did I!

Maybe the fact that he is seeing somebody else means he is in a better place and can think more clearly and realises that he has been taking advantage of you.

Oryx

I think you should look at your own behaviour here. If you are nosey enough to know that he had a girl stay over to mind his kids, (when its none of your business, really) then you may be a bit too nosey, full stop. You seem to think that you have the right to say who minds his children, and to know what he is up to, and you do not. When you work for a family you need to remember that their private business remains private, even if half the town are gossipping, you dont get involved as that is completely indiscreet if you work for the guy.

If he is aware of how invested you feel in his life, that would be a valid reason for him to want to have another option for his childminding, so you arent too close to his affairs, which you do appear to be.

squonk

OP, chill out. I too read this and expected to hear by the end that he'd made a move and you're not happy. What I read instead was that you're a bit too invested in all of this.

Feel free to shoot me down here boardsies but what I took out of it was that you considered yourself the kid's other mammy. Dropping your own things to go babysit for them isn't normal. Are you sure that you're not imagining that something might happen down the line with you and their dad and that some of what you're feeling isn't just a bit of jealousy as well?

Really, you're 19. Frankly you need to be feeling put upon and pissed off when asked to babysit because at that age you should have plenty of things to be going out to with your friends.

Neyite

Is there any possibility that he might wonder if you are responsible for some of the gossip in the village and feels that someone who doesnt know his family that well would be more unlikley to talk? I am not saying tha that you are a gossip, but he might think that you are?

On the other hand, he may very well be concerned that his children still grieving for their mother would get overly attached to someone, only for that person to head off to college or whatever?

Why not tell him that you heard that X was minding the children, and ask him if he was unhappy with they way you mind them? Approach it like any professional role, where you approach the boss and ask for feedback as to why someone else was chosen.

LegacyUser

If you are being used, there is only ever one person to blame. You. Look in the mirror, if you let yourself be used, people will use you.

Smarten up OP. Stop babysitting. He 'owes' you precisely nothing.

LegacyUser

while i appreciate the replies kind of feel im being seriously judged here. i clearly wasnt fully coherent enought when i wrote that post. the idea being it is my job. this is what i do for this family. nothing to do with being involved in his business. it for me was akin to being "fired" for want of another word without any explanation or reasoning and my job handed to someone else. again appreciate the replies.
cheers

Ickle Magoo

Were you contracted? Did you have the title of Au pair or childminder? Babysitting is surely undertaken on a night by night basis - it's not a full time position - and as a parent he's entitled to ask whomever he wants to babysit his kids, he's under no obligation to keep asking you back - tough but I think you are just going to have to accept that. There are a million and one reasons to choose or change babysitters - perhaps he was uncomfortable at being reliant on one that seemed to take it very (too?) seriously?

I'd just chalk it up to experience and move on OP - he didn't owe you the work or an explanation for hiring someone else, that you chose to drop everything for them at the drop of a hat was your decision, and has tough as it sounds, that doesn't indenture you to their service - getting too involved would actually put me off a babysitter. You really have no idea who the other sitter is and what relationship she has to the family beyond gossip so I'd begin by stopping with the assumption she's usurped you in a "position" you didn't actually officially hold.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Your a casual babysitter. Im assuming you dont have a contract to work for this man, and in most babysitting arrangements there is no assumption that this is a permanent position exclusivly offered to you. Its annoying for you that he's chosen to pay someone else, but its not like there was any violation of an employment contract here.

As someone said earlier, you choose to bend over backwards to help this man out. He doesnt want your help anymore by the sounds of it. He's done nothing wrong.

LegacyUser

while he may indeed be entiteld to choose whomever he wants, when you are told not to go looking for a summer job as he will give you the hrs(insinuates a verbal contract if nothing else) and then to lose out on said income to someone else for no aparent reason. as for being too involved...im not involved beyond the fact that this is the reliable source of income which i have which is on a regular basis and then just vanishes. however situation has been resolved. understand your points. very valid ones too. but dont fully think people get the entire situation as its taken prett much out of context anyway

CBFi

Well OP I was very confused by your first post too as it suggested an emotional reaction/ connection to the family or job. However, from your last post, I can see why you're pissed off! Of course he can ask whomever he wants to babysit but if he told you not to go looking for a summer job because he'd give you the hours then maybe you should suggest to him that you get first refusal? If you're relying on it as your income and he's basically promised you the work, then I can understand how you would be annoyed then that he gave someone else an overnight job which would have been a nice pocket of cash I imagine.

You're probably best speaking to him like an employee and clarifying things.