People who seem to have little interest in much outside their kids/partners

cakeisgood

I know a lot of people with children who seem to have very little topic of conversation/interests outside their kids and also people who never seem to socialise with anyone outside their partner AND people who practically drop their friends the minute they meet a partner/or talk about very little besides their partner. I am just curious to know what people think regarding the subject? Obviously peoples children/partners are important to them but when does it get unhealthy (never mind boring for people who dont have children or who are single):)

This topic seems more suited to Humanities, cakeisgood, so I've moved it there. (From EYH.)

AJG

I not sure. I've friends who've fallen by the wayside recently due to having kids. But at a certain point in life (early 30's) it's just a fact of life. Families are pretty time consuming. As much as I'd like my mates to hang with me after work I realise that they've a responsibility to head back to their wives and kids.

As for just talking about their kids/partners I don't find this to be the case (at least in my circle). I'm the one usually doing the enquiring.

In lots of ways I don't envy them. I get to do what I want when I want. Kids: their always better in theory. If they happen they happen, but I'm in no rush based on my mate's lives at the minute.

Although I have experienced people who live through their kids but they were never that interesting in the first place. I guess their lucky to at least have something to talk about.

strobe

Ah, I make great allowances for new parents talking about their kid(s). I don't have kids but I can imagine it being one of the most interesting things in the world watching a human growing from basically a skin covered bag of organs into a proper little person with a personality and their own mannerisms and all. Then multiply that by the fact that the organ ball > person is their genetic legacy and all that entails...

It's no surprise they would think it is the most interesting topic of discussion possible.

I know a lot of people hate it, and once the kid is older than X or so they are really pushing their luck, but I completely understand it, and try to cut them a break and be a little more understanding.

Sometimes, if you really listen, it is actually interesting too. What could be more interesting (objectively) than the earliest formation of a human personality?

I guess some people would say "what happened on Glee last night" but I think I'll pass.

======================

The partner thing I obviously have much less tolerance for. I still humour people. We all know what it is like to fall in love with someone and to you they are the best thing since sliced bacon, and as interesting as fukk. But people break up with new partners all the time and frequently are with them for other reasons than being madly uncontrollably in love with them. So I have no problem with people waffling on about their new bf or gf but have not much problem just telling them to give it a fukking rest if they are going overboard, as I hope they would with me.

"You are basically just talking about my next door neighbour/cousin/boss/doctor, who I don't like and is a boring prick, as far as I am concerned."

dimiec

Hi Op

As a parent myself I have encountered that as well. I love my child (almost teenager now) but I have no desire to talk about them all the time. There is so much more out there and so many topics to talk about. In particular when my child was a baby / toddler and young school child I encountered so many parents that talked nothing but children. I guess each to their own but I tend to avoid people like that now.

Ado75

I'm a dad of two children under 4. As well as being a very busy time in my life it's also a happy time as most I genuinely delight in their development. Parents of young kids have a shared experience. They strike up conversations and share information with each other readily even when they are unknown to each other. This is common at places like playgrounds and parks etc and I definitely feel more community orientated over the past while.

I suppose we are the first generation to have an extended period of freedom after leaving school. Many of us have gone to uni, traveled the world, got well paying jobs relatively young are not settling down until our thirties. I for one found it difficult to adapt to the little interlopers in my life of free choice but I have gotten over it. I still go out from time to time but these events are becoming rarer as friends are also becoming parents.

I do not think the behavior you are talking about is unhealthy. The most important thing in any parents lives is the health and well being of their wife and children. It's a human imperative and at a primitive level that's exactly what we are designed for. To a non parent (as I once was) it's hard to fathom. But believe me, once you have established your little family unit - there is absolutely nothing more important than them.

I'm sure as children become teens parents shift focus again. I don't worry about my real friends. Most of my true friends I have known for 15 - 20 years and I don't see that changing.

cakeisgood

Ado75 wrote: »

I'm a dad of two children under 4. As well as being a very busy time in my life it's also a happy time as most I genuinely delight in their development. Parents of young kids have a shared experience. They strike up conversations and share information with each other readily even when they are unknown to each other. This is common at places like playgrounds and parks etc and I definitely feel more community orientated over the past while.

I suppose we are the first generation to have an extended period of freedom after leaving school. Many of us have gone to uni, traveled the world, got well paying jobs relatively young are not settling down until our thirties. I for one found it difficult to adapt to the little interlopers in my life of free choice but I have gotten over it. I still go out from time to time but these events are becoming rarer as friends are also becoming parents.

I do not think the behavior you are talking about is unhealthy. The most important thing in any parents lives is the health and well being of their wife and children. It's a human imperative and at a primitive level that's exactly what we are designed for. To a non parent (as I once was) it's hard to fathom. But believe me, once you have established your little family unit - there is absolutely nothing more important than them.

I'm sure as children become teens parents shift focus again. I don't worry about my real friends. Most of my true friends I have known for 15 - 20 years and I don't see that changing.

I understand where you are coming from and am glad you are so happy but what I mean is people who dont consider how boring such a topic of conversation can be for people who dont have kids

Ado75

cakeisgood wrote: »

I understand where you are coming from and am glad you are so happy but what I mean is people who dont consider how boring such a topic of conversation can be for people who dont have kids

Well seeing as though the care and upbringing of children is the most important aspect of human society a couple being engrossed in it is as it should be. I'm not particularly interested in other peoples children but If someone is bored by a couple discussing the most important issue in their lives it then that's their issue.

looksee

Even as a parent I can see that endless talk about other people's kids is less than entertaining. However I know lots of people who can only talk about football, or computers, or how far they ran yesterday, or their boyfriend, or clothes. Either you get smart about nudging the conversation in different directiions, or leave them to it and find someone to talk to that you do find interesting.