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friend or more?

  • 02-06-2011 11:51am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I need a guys opinion here on a relationship which has developed in the workplace.
    I work with this guy and we get on like a house on fire.. same sense of humour and outlook on life.. we're best of mates in work and have gone out outside of work a few times and had a great night but nothing other than mates.
    He was in a relationship that kinda ended when his girlfriend went travelling months ago with no plans of returning.
    Now sometimes in work he says to people that he is single and other times he has said his girlfriend lives abroad.
    we text alot and its usually jokey, but then he sent some flirty and complimentary texts to me... this happened a few times and made me look at the friendship in a different light.
    So one night i decided to respond with a complimentary text back to test the water... but his reply was simply 'Thanks'.
    Thanks didnt really seem the correct response, so now i am thinking that he only wants to be friends.
    I would love some guys opinions on this situation as i dont want to make an idiot of myself and say something which would ruin a great friendship... which is great by the way... but we get on so well that if it could be mad to ignore it.


Comments

  • #2
    squonk
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,990 ✭✭✭squonk


    Better off addressing the issue OP. If you're that good as friends, which it sounds like you are, it won't hurt the friendship. At least you'll know and it sounds like you're not completely invested in there being something yet so it won't be a big thing to get over.

    One thing I think though is that he might be feeling a bit 'alone' since the ex went off and, while you're near at hand, you're a convenient woman to get flirty with, maybe because he knows nothing might happen. It's something to consider but not worth dwelling on too much.

    Tell him how you feel. I think it's the best option and it'll be over and done with one way or the other and you can move on as friends or a couple. Either way, it won't be a disaster.


  • #3
    Kevin Duffy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,439 ✭✭✭Kevin Duffy


    Just my opinion, but when you work with someone the signals have to be very clear and strong for it to turn into anything more than a good working relationship - if they're mixed or you are unsure, you don't risk the work relationship.
    That said, if your friendship so far is good enough, maybe it's possible to open up a candid conversation about it with him and see if you're on the same page. If that's not a conversation you can have, well maybe that's your answer.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi

    Again only my opinion but I'd say he is thinking the same as you, dosent want to make a wrong move incase its rebuked! In replying "Thanks" could it have been a case of just saying "Thank" rather than saying too much and mybe giving the impression he was "big headed"?

    Anyway, I'd hold off making the 1st move, if you are interested in him then respond positively to him when flirting and all that, he should get the message!!!!

    Well put it this way, you wont be offended if he makes a move, you know that but what your not sure of at them moment is that if you make the move will he be offended... Id say bide your time and keep up the flirting....... Next time your out with him make sure he has a couple of more drink than he intended, maybe then that will make him loose his cautiousness...

    Does all that make sense????


  • #5
    squonk
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,990 ✭✭✭squonk


    Tadhy, I don't get the part about him being offended. Two things are going to happen here. Either they both feel the same and something comes out of it or one doesn't and the other will be a bit uncomfortable for a while. If he is a bit unsure himself all that is going to happen maybe is that they'll both end up thinking 'maybe, maybe not' for a good while. I think the OP has as valid an opportunity to make a move as he has. the important thing is that somebody does and they both know where they stand.

    If her making a move offends him then he deserves to be without her. I don't want to hijack this thread but her flirting away with him is what led up to this point. Personally speaking I'd have no problem whatsoever if I was interested in a girl, not sure what was happening but she made the move first. Good on her. It'd get the whole thing sorted out and we'd be able to get on with it.


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