Perfection

Snowie

Hi..

This topic has been well its something I've not so much drawn on a conclousion but I think its possible that it could be the case in some case's maybe..

I'm buy no means pointing the finger at either gender.

Its come apparent with in my own life. That in some case's when it comes to potential ladys that I could be deamed a bit picky. now to be truthfull I think its a fair point...

But this is my basis for this point have the younger gernation aloud them selves to be come so clouded bye how some one looks

nice teath, mussels yada yada yada ....

Yet the most important thing on the basis of any coupleing is who the person is, personality as a hole....


Yet most people arnt even letting them selves experence, real happyness because of how that person may look....

So what are your thoughts

do the younger generations strive for the things that really wont bring them anything ?

or am I getting older :eek:

KylieWyley

I definitely look for mussels in the opposite sex.

Tasty

Snowie

KylieWyley wrote: »

I definitely look for mussels in the opposite sex.

Tasty

glad to hear it youle proabably have a full inbox of pictures of guys flexing now

but this is kinda more about not seeking such things in the oposit sex

Otis Driftwood

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

Hi..

This topic has been well its something I've not so much drawn on a conclousion but I think its possible that it could be the case in some case's maybe..

I'm buy no means pointing the finger at either gender.

Its come apparent with in my own life. That in some case's when it comes to potential ladys that I could be deamed a bit picky. now to be truthfull I think its a fair point...

But this is my basis for this point have the younger gernation aloud them selves to be come so clouded bye how some one looks

nice teath, mussels yada yada yada ....

Yet the most important thing on the basis of any coupleing is who the person is, personality as a hole....


Yet most people arnt even letting them selves experence, real happyness because of how that person may look....

So what are your thoughts

do the younger generations strive for the things that really wont bring them anything ?

or am I getting older :eek:

I dont think its the younger generation that feel like that tbh.Everyone has to feel an attraction to whomever they are with that goes beyond personality.

Yes,its personality that will ultimately keep you with someone however without that initial oommph factor then its pretty pointless I think.

OldGoat

Awwww bless, Snowey is growing up.

Younger generations - teens - male in particular (though that is changing rapidly) tend to be driven by peer pressure*. In my youth you didn't want to be seen with the plain Jane, the bird with the glasses, the fat chick, the spotty one...you had to have the ideal (as portraied by the media) girl - not too tall, not too short, not too fat, not too skinny or else your life was made a misery by the pisstaking of your mates. With that pressure you wern't allowed to see people for who they are but rather at how many of your mates 'would'. The biggest prize was making your mates jealous of you for having the 'perfect' girlfriend. Yes, we are that shallow. I've known boys to put up with really obnoxious girls because they were pretty.

As we get older we (hopefully) learn that the old addages of 'Beauty is only skin deep' and 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder' ring true. We start to see more of the person and less of the surface.

*This is leaving out the sex drive where the rule of 'Any port in a storm' holds true. This is about relationships rather then a quick knee trembler down a dark alley.

LeeHoffmann

glad to hear it youle proabably have a full inbox of pictures of guys flexing now
but this is kinda more about not seeking such things in the oposit sex

I think you missed her funny joke. hint: there are 20+ spelling mistakes in your OP

LeeHoffmann

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

I think you missed her funny joke. hint: there are 20+ spelling mistakes in your OP

It's Snowy, leave him alone


as for OP, I don't think this is any new phenomenon. Youth and insecurity and all that??

Galvasean

OldGoat wrote: »

Younger generations - teens - male in particular (though that is changing rapidly) tend to be driven by peer pressure*. In my youth you didn't want to be seen with the plain Jane, the bird with the glasses, the fat chick, the spotty one...you had to have the ideal (as portraied by the media) girl -

I recall being 12-15. If someone asked me what my dream girl was I would have quickly replied, "Blond, hair blue eyes, big tits", not that I knew my sexuality's arse from it's elbow mind you. I guess I was just from the growing up watching Baywatch generation and to a youngster like myself who was very insecure about being called gay (yep, back then being called gay was not just considered an insult, but about the worst thing anyone could say about you) it was more about living up to expectations than anything.

LeeHoffman wrote:

I think you missed her funny joke.

Oh man I just got her joke now. Well played.

LeeHoffmann

I agree with all that's been said, but I've noticed something similar in some of my female friends. I think people are probably more ambitious now than they were 30+ years ago and are more exposed to different lifestyles etc. So some women I know would see it as a fair reason to dump a guy if he didn't pull his weight around the house, wheras 30+ years ago they might not have. I guess that's because of the whole catholic culture thing as well. In some way though I think people expect more because they know all too well what a 'better' girlfriend/relationship/life looks like.

Giselle

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

personality as a hole....

Freudian overload.:)

Star Lord

Come one guys, there are typos in Snowy's post, get the hell over it. You know what he's saying as well as the rest of us do.

On topic:

I think I've always gone for personality over looks, but obviously there has to be some attraction there physically too. What I have always found though, is that the more you are attracted to someone based on their personality, the more attractive they seem to you physically too. I dunno how that works, but I have found it in the past, where I became friends with a girl that I initially didn't really find attractive at all, but as time went on, found myself getting more attracted to her because of her personality, and she just seemed prettier!

LeeHoffmann

Come one guys, there are typos in Snowy's post, get the hell over it.

chill out dude. some typos are funny.

the more you are attracted to someone based on their personality, the more attractive they seem to you physically too

but obviously there has to be some attraction there physically too

agree

Ardennes1944

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

chill out dude. some typos are funny.
agree

yes....some.

Giselle

DamoElDiablo wrote: »

Come one guys, there are typos in Snowy's post, get the hell over it. You know what he's saying as well as the rest of us do.

A little gentle fun isn't the same as mocking, which I'd never do.

Wibbs

DamoElDiablo wrote: »

What I have always found though, is that the more you are attracted to someone based on their personality, the more attractive they seem to you physically too. I dunno how that works, but I have found it in the past, where I became friends with a girl that I initially didn't really find attractive at all, but as time went on, found myself getting more attracted to her because of her personality, and she just seemed prettier!

I hear this one a lot and that has never happened for me so far. Yes I'll like the woman more if she's nice, but I won't be more romantically/sexually attracted to her than I was initially. I've yet to have a woman "grow on me" anyway.

18AD

I'm going to go philosophical on this one and say that peoples minds are embedded in their bodily behaviour. Peoples mannerisms and facial expressions are all linked to emotional states and mental states. Basically you can "read their minds" by how they present themselves. That's why I think looks are important. Looks include, dress sense, facial expression, posture etc...

I often find myself attracted to mannerisms or expressions and similarly can find someone more attractive based on their personality. I think that's just because you then understand what their expressions mean.

To separate looks from personality I'd say, is impossible, because they are inherently part of the same being and you can't separate them.

SugarHigh

18AD wrote: »

I'm going to go philosophical on this one and say that peoples minds are embedded in their bodily behaviour. Peoples mannerisms and facial expressions are all linked to emotional states and mental states. Basically you can "read their minds" by how they present themselves.

lmao no you can't. Your minds eye just fools you into thinking you can. People can look nice and friendly, it doesn't mean that they are it just means they give off the impression that they are.

Wibbs

There's defo an element to what 18AD says, but IMHO it's way too vague and that "gut" instinct is a rock many perish on.

micayla

I think for me, if there's nothing there physically then I wouldn't be in a relationship with the person. There has to be a physical attraction, otherwise I'm not going to want to kiss the person. But, I do agree that the more you get to know someone the more attractive they can become. You can also become unattracted to someone the more you get to know them. This is one of the issues with dating, I find the first few dates people are hiding their true selves to impress, so they may seem attractive to you but once you get past the rose tinted glasses you find they're actually not that nice and you can be physically repulsed by the person, experienced this a couple of times over the years. It's a delicate balancing act between personality and what is sexually attractive to you.

As for the younger generation, they are influenced by television, films and magazines, this will fade as they grow older, and hopefully, wiser. Back in 6th year we were all asked by one of our teachers what were the five things we looked for in a future husband and I can tell you my five have definitely changed in the past 8 years! One thing people, young and old, need to realise, is there is no such thing as perfection. We all have our flaws and as soon as we take our SOs off the pedestal, the happier we'll all be.

Galvasean

Wibbs wrote: »

There's defo an element to what 18AD says, but IMHO it's way too vague and that "gut" instinct is a rock many perish on.

I prefer to think with my brain rather than the organ which turns my leftover food into poo.

Snowie

Giselle wrote: »

Freudian overload.:)

its not my fault...

DamoElDiablo wrote: »

Come one guys, there are typos in Snowy's post, get the hell over it. You know what he's saying as well as the rest of us do.

On topic:

dude thanks

but serously some of my best work in funny posts is bye mistake :cool:

kinda like the same way champain was believed fvck ive got class :pac:

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

I dont think its the younger generation that feel like that tbh.Everyone has to feel an attraction to whomever they are with that goes beyond personality.

Yes,its personality that will ultimately keep you with someone however without that initial oommph factor then its pretty pointless I think.

Id agree...

but do you ever wonder that mybe people focus to much on looks...

I mean you see a girl that ticks your personal boxs every single one phisically but you go to talk to her and shes got the dullest most un interesting personality youve ever come accross is that person still attactive?

Galvasean

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

I mean you see a girl that ticks your personal boxs every single one phisically but you go to talk to her and shes got the dullest most un interesting personality youve ever come accross is that person still attactive?

Been there done that. Answer is no

18AD

SugarHigh wrote: »

lmao no you can't. Your minds eye just fools you into thinking you can. People can look nice and friendly, it doesn't mean that they are it just means they give off the impression that they are.

Yes and that impression that they are giving off is motivated by some sort of psychological underpining. The same way camouflaged animals can give off fake signals as well as true ones. Generally an intimate understanding combines both an understanding of the mind and body, which you can consider to be a unified whole.

My point was that you cannot separate the two. Not that the two are identical.

If you're saying they can't, then you are saying that someone's behavioural habits are absolutely no indication of their mental states. This is patently false.

Also: I never said it was a gut instinct. You are perfectly capable of reflecting on possible psychological states of other people. In fact, things like bad posture are perfectly good indications as to ones mental state. You have to take into account that it may have just been a bad day. But in general I think we consider these things subconsciously. No harm in being more aware of these faculties.

cocoa

this one seems fairly appropriate to the thread:


also important not to forget the hover over text : "Every age: "I'm glad I'm not the clueless person I was five years ago, but now I don't want to get any older.""

In my experience personality trumps looks by quite a lot, but I aim for both. Someone highly attractive might be good for a quick shag, but if they're insufferable outside the bedroom, or even if they just don't make you light up or feel as happy as when you're with someone else, it's just not worth it. Perfection's not going to happen, but happiness and acceptance are

SugarHigh

18AD wrote: »

Yes and that impression that they are giving off is motivated by some sort of psychological underpining.

Your psychological underpinning not theirs. It's you who decides what their mannerisms mean. Two people can interpret the same person differently based on their own minds eye.

The same way camouflaged animals can give off fake signals as well as true ones. Generally an intimate understanding combines both an understanding of the mind and body, which you can consider to be a unified whole.

My point was that you cannot separate the two. Not that the two are identical.
If you're saying they can't, then you are saying that someone's behavioural habits are absolutely no indication of their mental states. This is patently false.

I'm not denying people give of physical cues about their mental state I'm denying your ability to read these cues.

Also: I never said it was a gut instinct. You are perfectly capable of reflecting on possible psychological states of other people.

My point is the answers you come up with aren't trust worthy. Two different people might come up with completely different conclusions, they can't both be right but they can both be wrong. People really aren't good at reading what going on in someone else's head because you are far too biased by whats going on in your own head. You can only see from someones else's perspective from your own perspective. You are always going to blinded somewhat by your own minds eye.

In fact, things like bad posture are perfectly good indications as to ones mental state. You have to take into account that it may have just been a bad day. But in general I think we consider these things subconsciously.

Complete nonsense. Bad posture can be caused by loads of things you are just assigning meaning to it.

No harm in being more aware of these faculties.

You aren't more aware if anything your views are now more clouded because you are giving too much importance to benign movements.

18AD

So you're saying that a smile has no mental content that you can derive, with any accuracy, from seeing it?

Have a look at some of this stuff:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microexpression

At the end of this it shows that we actually empathise by imitating others expressions: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9cGdRNMdQQ

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirror_neuron
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatics

Most of these things point to a direct connection between empathy as experienced through imitation of movement. Which includes, as I said, things like posture.

Also: I'm not saying it's 100% accurate, I'm just pointing out that it's pretty much the best we've got. Neither is it 0% inaccurate. It can also be improved upon with some basic awareness of it. The opposite is also not 100% accurate, that is, asking someone how they feel, so if you place the emphasis solely on that side of the argument I'm afraid you equally fall short.

SugarHigh

18Ad honestly do you even remember the original point you were trying to make? You've drifted pretty far from it.

gargleblaster

DamoElDiablo wrote: »

I think I've always gone for personality over looks, but obviously there has to be some attraction there physically too. What I have always found though, is that the more you are attracted to someone based on their personality, the more attractive they seem to you physically too. I dunno how that works, but I have found it in the past, where I became friends with a girl that I initially didn't really find attractive at all, but as time went on, found myself getting more attracted to her because of her personality, and she just seemed prettier!

That's how I've always been, too. The very few times I went for a guy based on his looks, it only reinforced the fact that that just does not work for me.

18AD

SugarHigh wrote: »

18Ad honestly do you even remember the original point you were trying to make? You've drifted pretty far from it.

That expression and mental content are linked in direct ways. Pretty consistently.

You can tell things about people from their behaviour, posture, expressions etc, just as much as you tell about them from what they actually say. And that the distinction between the two isn't as cut and dry as personality vs. looks and that the two are a very similar thing.

I will repeat this question because it seems fairly apt with regards the discussion:
So you're saying that a smile has no mental content that you can derive, with any accuracy, from seeing it?

SugarHigh wrote: »

I'm not denying people give of physical cues about their mental state I'm denying your ability to read these cues.

This is exaclty what my response was related to. Empathy is based solely on your ability to read these things. Without it you are devoid of the ability to relate to anyone and these ways of relating are mostly quite accurate. They can go astray though, again, not 100% accurate, but neither are people's word.

SugarHigh wrote: »

You aren't more aware if anything your views are now more clouded because you are giving too much importance to benign movements.

No I'm not. I'm giving equal weight to an all round balanced view of someone as being constituted by their own behaviour and expression of mental states.
Apologies if I came across as saying that you could actually "read people's minds" or telling exaclty what people were thinking by their bodily expression. I wasn't. I was just saying that it is a vitally important aspect to a person's "whole" personality. To ignore their body is a mistake and to ignore their mind is equally a mistake.

LegacyUser

Is this thread about seeking perfection as in hotness and sexiness and not perfect posture or friendly and happy body language?

Not sure how body language stuff ties in with looks really.

miec

Hi..

This topic has been well its something I've not so much drawn on a conclousion but I think its possible that it could be the case in some case's maybe..

I'm buy no means pointing the finger at either gender.

Its come apparent with in my own life. That in some case's when it comes to potential ladys that I could be deamed a bit picky. now to be truthfull I think its a fair point...

But this is my basis for this point have the younger gernation aloud them selves to be come so clouded bye how some one looks

nice teath, mussels yada yada yada ....

Yet the most important thing on the basis of any coupleing is who the person is, personality as a hole....


Yet most people arnt even letting them selves experence, real happyness because of how that person may look....

So what are your thoughts

do the younger generations strive for the things that really wont bring them anything ?

or am I getting older

Hi Snow Monkey

Good post, I was only thinking about this the other day. I think in essence most of us have higher expectations nowadays because of more choice. Before online dating a person could only meet someone in their local vicinity or surrounding area, now a person can choose someone anywhere (if they want to). I also think that with an increased focus on body beautiful, cosmetics for men and women, that the expectation of looking good are higher. I don't think it has anything to do with age. I personally feel that personality is more important for long term relationships, you can't spend the rest of your life with a beautiful person but have feck all to say to them. Besides looks fade over time anyway.