How to tell family about depression

The Lovely Muffin

Hi,

In January this year I was diagnosed with depression, since then, I have kept it from my family. I am 20.

A few weeks back I told me dad, but he already knew, having suffered depression himself he recognized the signs.

I think my mum might know about my depression or may well suspect I have depression. She hasn't said anything to me about me being depressed but she has hinted about someone having depression, and to my knowledge, none of my other family members have depression.

The reason I have never told my mum about my depression because she tells our other family members everything and they love to gossip. They would love to know about my depression because for them, it's gossip. For this reason, I don't want my aunties/uncles/cousins to know this, not now anyway. Mentally I am not able to deal with them (or anyone) gossiping about me and my illness.

A lot of my family member also don't understand depression, I remember once, a few years ago now, one of my aunties said that anyone with depression is mad in the head and should be locked up, obviously someone with depression isn't mad in the head and shouldn't be locked unless they are a serious threat/danger to themselves or anyone else.

I have thought about self harming and I almost overdosed a few weeks ago, but I didn't over dose (although I was close to it), but I would never, ever harm another person.

I want to tell my mum about my depression, but I don't know how to tell her.

I would really appreciate some advice on how to tell my mum, because I am at a total loss as to how to tell her.

Any and all help/advice is appreciated.

robinph

<moved from LTI>

pheasant tail

OP sorry to hear about ur problem but i know all about it and its the worst thing in the world!!
tats a discrace what you said bou someone saying about being locked up,,so many people just dont understand it and never can or will unless theyv experienced it

theres of course a stigma attached to it but just get the courage to tell ur mam,itl help honest you need all the support you can,theres nothing to be asshamed off,its just a sickness!! And with ur dad once experiencing it then ur msm wont be too bewildered by it,,it is genetic!!

Flojo

There's nothing wrong with having depression hun, nothing to be ashamed about at all. Infact in light of recentish events a lot of people would have developed it. I was diagnosed when I was 19, I'm 23 now so I kinda know how you feel.

I would advise you to have a chat with your dad, as you said he was a fellow sufferer and ask him for advice on how to approach your Mam. He should know what's best seen as they are married hehe. Your Mam would hardly gossip about it, would she? I know Mammies can natter on about silly things but this is something more serious. Just make sure you go visit your docter and they arrange for a councellor for you. I would try that first before going down the meds route.

You've thought about self harming? For what purpose? Scars are awful and you feel like shíte/ashamed after. Do you really want to end up being scarred for life? What happened with the OD? Did you change your mind? Thank god, you're very lucky hun. Life is very precious and it took me a long time to realise that. Depression is about self loathing. Unless teamed up with another mental illness or you have very aggressive tendencies anyways you would never harm anymore else.

You just gotta become your own life coach. Chant that you can through this... you are strong and awesome to yourself over and over whenever you feel weak. How are things in your home/love/college/work life? Are there any major issues there that aren't being addressed?

My story - I had a really difficult life, marred with a lot of bad shít that no kid/teen should have to put up with. I kinda grew out of it I guess, still have bad days but they happen less often now. It just takes time and plenty of support to get through it. Surround yourself with a good network of family and friends. Try to distract yourself with hobbies and things you enjoy doing. Don't be afraid to pick up the phone and call people close to you when you need help. They will help you... no matter what you think.

Anyways best of luck. Take care of yourself loveen.

The Lovely Muffin

Thank you both so much for your replies, I really appreciate them.

I am not ashamed of my depression, I apologize if I came across like that, it wasn't intended.

As I said in my OP, my family don't understand depression, they see it as someone being 'mad in the head' which of course isn't right.

My parents aren't married, they split up before I was born.

My dad was married to my half-siblings mother when he was seeing my mum, so basically my mum and dad had an affair. It's not something I am proud of, but because of their affair I'm here.

I don't know if my mam would gossip about it, she would certainly tell my other family members and they would gossip, they love to gossip and as I said in my OP, this would be gossip for them, they would love this.

When I thought of self harming I don't mean cutting myself, I mean taking medication. I did change my mind about the overdose and decided instead to go to my GP who then sent me for a psychiatric assessment.

I overdosed once before(I was a teenager in secondary school) the reason I over dosed was because I was being severly bullied. The bullying was the reason for my overdose, I gave my mother some silly excuse about not being able to go to a concert or something as the reason for the overdose and she believed me. The doctor at the hospital asker her if I wanted/needed to see a child psychologist and mam said no, obviously she shouldn't have said no.

Things at home aren't good, at all. If you can search through my posts (in tLL) you will get an idea of what things are like at home.

I'm unemployed and not in college, I was in college but in March of this year, my tutor and myself decided it would be better if I left the course I was doing as I wasn't mentally able for it. I have been told I can go back in September, but it depends on what my depression is like. If it's as bad as it is now, I won't be given a place in September as I won't be able for the course or the work load that comes with it. I would love to go back to college, I really would.

My love life is pretty much non existant, to be honest, I don't want a boyfriend right now as I think it's better if I stay focused on myself/my depression and try and overcome it as best I can before I get involved with anyone. I think it would be unfair for me to be with someone now and expect them to take on my problems.

I did date someone once (a year ago) and it didn't work out, at the time he said it was because he had stuff going on in his personal life, but I didn't believe him, looking back now, I realized that when I met him first, I came across as confident, fun and outgoing, but when we dated and he got to know me, he realized I was different, I was quiet, shy, and depressed. He never mentioned depression to me, I guess because he didn't want to upset/offend/insult me.

I think it's a good thing we didn't continue dating because since we dated, my depression became much worse and it would have been a huge strain on us/him and it wouldn't have been fair on him, he's a young guy and doesn't need the stress/strain of my problems as well as dealing with the problems he said he had in his own person life.

I am on Lexapro 20mg, so already on the med route. All issues are being addresses, my doctor knows about everything, I haven't hidden anything from him.

Miaireland

I suggest that you contact Aware. I am sure they would be able to give you good advice about how to tell your mother.

OI think your Mom is a bit like my Dad, in that he finds it very hard not to tell things to his best friend & family.

I rcently had to tell him something that I did not want him to discuss with anyone else. In the end I had to sit down with him and before I told him my news I basically had to list everyone he could not tell person by person before I told. I explained to him that telling them would cause me distress that I didn't feel I would be able to cope with at the time.

Garathon

Agree with the last poster there. Had a similar issue as both with a gossipy parent. Sometimes just telling them 'the rules' is all you can do. Definately worth contacting someone, from what you've said it looks like you're well on the way to helping youself so well done.
I attended CBT, was refered by my GP and it was a help if even to have an objective view of things- was very helpful, might be worth asking your GP about!

The Lovely Muffin

Thanks so much for all your replies, I really do appreciate them.

I am going to tell my mam this weekend, hopefully tonight.

Hopefully it will go well.

Thanks again for all your replies.

mariebeth

Best of luck telling your mum OP. It's really unfortunate that there is a stigma still attached to depression, there shouldn't be. There's nothing wrong with it, and you should be proud of yourself for seeking help. Talking to your mum will hopefully take some of the stress off you and help you to move forward and conquer your depression.

I agree with the other posters that you should explain to her that you really don't want anyone to know, that she can't tell anyone.

Deus Ex Machina

I am in a similar position, the difference being that in my case nobody is aware of the fact that I suffer from moderate to severe bouts of depression every year. I decided that I won't ever tell my family because I don't believe that their being aware of it could help me all that much, and yet it would without doubt be a source of anxiety for them. I have also decided that medication is not a good idea, and therefore I don't need my parent's help in seeking medication.

The Lovely Muffin

Hey guys just a quick update to let you know it went well, much, much better than I expected.

I wrote her a letter as I couldn't face telling her so thought a letter was better and thankfully it went very very well.

Thank you for all your responses in this thread I really appreciate you taking the time to help me.