Teacher may be bullying my child

LegacyUser

Hi all. I'm completely at a loss here as to what to do and am so worried. I have a 10 year old child in national school and have had no problems with their teachers before and they had been getting on great in school in general- lots of friends, good marks, praise from teachers for how polite and nice they are, etc. They got a new teacher this year and they have come home from school quite down in themselves which again is a new thing. I asked if anything was wrong and they said that the teacher is laughing at him and getting all their classmates to laugh at him as well, when he doesn't know the answer to a question. I really want to confront the teacher about this but wasn't sure if I should try to talk to some of the other parents first, or indeed the school board?

This could be really damaging for my son's confidence yet he'll have the same teacher next year and I want to tread carefully.

Hope someone who has exp of this can help me out here, would be grateful for any advice/knowledge. Is there a good step by step way to deal with this?

dan_d

The teacher probably treats all the kids the same way, it's probably their way of "teaching".

I remember (particularly in secondary school, which wasn't that long ago) have at least 2 teachers who were the same as that. They were very sarcastic and tended to sneer if you didn't know the answer, and made sure the entire class knew that you hadn't known the answer. It's absolutely soul-destroying. It affects your performance, you absolutely hate going into the class, you hate the subject....everything. I had them both for 2 years and I heaved a huge sigh of relief when I didn't have to see them anymore.

In your case I'd imagine that's just this teacher's way of going about their daily business. However it's a very bad way. I know my mum (also a primary teacher) had it drummed into her in training that you should not use sarcasm or make an example of kids if they don't know something. It's completely against every rule of thumb for teaching children.

I have no experience of this, but if I were you, as it's coming up to the end of the year, I'd have a chat with the school principal (I should ask here what the principal is like?). Just quietly say that your child has been quite down a few times this year and when you asked, that's what you were told and you're worried about this, you don't think it's right. Is there any chance the principal could have a word with the teacher? (I'm assuming here that the principal is that bit older, and the teacher in question is a youngish one??)

meditraitor

handlehow wrote: »

Hi all. I'm completely at a loss here as to what to do and am so worried. I have a 10 year old child in national school and have had no problems with their teachers before and they had been getting on great in school in general- lots of friends, good marks, praise from teachers for how polite and nice they are, etc. They got a new teacher this year and they have come home from school quite down in themselves which again is a new thing. I asked if anything was wrong and they said that the teacher is laughing at him and getting all their classmates to laugh at him as well, when he doesn't know the answer to a question. I really want to confront the teacher about this but wasn't sure if I should try to talk to some of the other parents first, or indeed the school board?

This could be really damaging for my son's confidence yet he'll have the same teacher next year and I want to tread carefully.

Hope someone who has exp of this can help me out here, would be grateful for any advice/knowledge. Is there a good step by step way to deal with this?

Talk to the principle, try to arrange a meeting with the teacher and discuss what you THINK might be happening.

Your child is 10...... be wary of the old imagination at that age.:o good luck

dudara

Moved to the Parenting forum (anon posting allowed there)

dudara

LegacyUser

Op here again. The teacher is the principal in this case and this is definitely real, not their imagination going wild. He got a question wrong during a table quiz the other day and the teacher made fun of him and his classmates -apart from his good friend- were laughing at him. He said this keeps happening, and I believe it because it's obviously starting to bother him and get him down Also the teacher made a couple of cruel jokes about him, which I won't repeat here as they are specific and you never know who is reading this.

I really need to do something about this. Thanks for your reply dan d. I think it's even more important to have kind teachers in national school than secondary school as kids really dn't know how to cope with this, how could they? They can't even stand up for themselves

I really don't want this to affect him, I'm really afraid of long term problems to his confidence amongst other things, and though I want to act asap I want to do it rationally.

Also I heard complaints from a neighbour of mine about this teacher a few years ago. I already knew they are a very poor teacher, but that's one thing, bullying is quite another!

LegacyUser

dudara wrote: »

Moved to the Parenting forum (anon posting allowed there)

dudara

Sorry OP here again. Could i please have this back in Personal issues as there are more people using that forum? Or even both forums? I really need advice and not just from other parents and there seem to be more using the other forum? Hope this is ok. aT my wits end and need advice

LadyMayBelle

meditraitor wrote: »

Talk to the principle, try to arrange a meeting with the teacher and discuss what you THINK might be happening.

Your child is 10...... be wary of the old imagination at that age.:o good luck

Do this; contact the principal and say ot has come up and home and it is something that is bothering you and your child, rather than going in accusing straight out, you want to suss out what has been happening.

However, a word of caution; while chidren can have very active imgainations at that age, you should still take seriously his worries and concerns; it is clearly something that is bugging him a lot and he needs an adult to help him feel he is being listened to. You will suss it out if he has been exaggerating or whatever, but don't doubt him entirely.

Orion

handlehow wrote: »

Sorry OP here again. Could i please have this back in Personal issues as there are more people using that forum? Or even both forums? I really need advice and not just from other parents and there seem to be more using the other forum? Hope this is ok. aT my wits end and need advice

The subject matter is more of a Parenting forum matter than a PI one so I'm keeping it here. But there is a link to this thread in Personal Issues so you will get traffic from both forums.

kaa

i think you should see the principle and explain your story. because if it was my child i would go in there like a bull in a china shop.

its a disgrace that there is teachers out there doing that to young kids. its a form of bullying really.

LegacyUser

This teacher is the principal as well.

Sorry again: Mods I really need to reach as many people as possible to see if they've experienced the same thing and it's not just parenting here, it's dealing with another adult- teacher in this case. Please, the parenting forum is very narrow. I have nowhere else to turn to for advice outside of my friends who have been great but I need more advice here.

Please can you move this back to personal issues forum?

Namle

I lurk a lot but don't post much however I am very angry after reading your post. I'm in my 40's now and can testify to the lasting effect this could have on your son. I had a teacher in primary school who took a dislike to me and just as you've described took great pleasure in encouraging the class to mock any mistake I made. This very quickly turned into me being singled out and picked on outside class, then outside school and I eventually became a target for the neighbourhood bullies. Kids can be very cruel and very quick to join in the safety of a gang. Sadly i was a soft target made so much easier for everyone because they followed the influence of the teacher. I eventually had to change schools because what the teacher started became to big to stop.

Get it stopped now. The teacher is encouraging bullying in the classroom.

Desire.

LadyMayBelle wrote: »

Do this; contact the principal.

kaa wrote: »

i think you should see the principle

The principle is the teacher in question here!

Pinklady11

I really feel for you and your son. What a horrable position to find yourself in. My sister had a similar problem with her son's teacher last year. It got so bad that the children in the class began to bully him. She went straight to the principle and it stopped immediately. I understand that in your case your child's teacher is the principle so I would suggest you make an appointment to speak with him/her. Just explain the child's unhappiness and see how he responds, if your still not happy maybe you should consider making a formal complaint to the school board.

Good luck.

January

handlehow wrote: »

This teacher is the principal as well.

Sorry again: Mods I really need to reach as many people as possible to see if they've experienced the same thing and it's not just parenting here, it's dealing with another adult- teacher in this case. Please, the parenting forum is very narrow. I have nowhere else to turn to for advice outside of my friends who have been great but I need more advice here.

Please can you move this back to personal issues forum?

There is a redirect from Personal Issues to Parenting for this thread so I can assure you both forums are seeing the thread. There is a primary school forum but it doesn't allow anonymous posting.

LadyMayBelle

Sorry! I posted before seeing the 'teacher being principal' bit.... approach a board of management or someone you trust..the longer you leave this the more difficult it will get and more detrimental to your child I'm afraid.

pontedimilvio

kaa wrote: »

i think you should see the principle and explain your story. because if it was my child i would go in there like a bull in a china shop.

its a disgrace that there is teachers out there doing that to young kids. its a form of bullying really.

I do agree with this one.
Meeting the principle will be the best idea to solve this problem.
Good luck!:)

January

OP has stated several times that this particular teacher is the principal...

If you have a chat with him and get nowhere I'd suggest raising it with the board of management.

The Princess Bride

OP.
Even though the teacher is the Principal, you have to still discuss this issue with him first.
Then,you are within your right to put this in writing to Board of Mgmt.
There are cases where teachers genuinely do not like children and vice versa- however,this is serious as your child is facing into another year with this teacher.
Contact National Parents Council(number on google) for expert advice on what to do.
Good luck.

deisemum

You need to discuss this with the principal even though he's the teacher. You can be sure he will not admit to it so will probably try throwing it back on your son.

There are plenty of teachers that bully pupils and some schools will cover for the bully teacher including some principals and union reps, the only way it stopped when a teacher was bullying my son in 3rd class was when I got the gardai involved (the gardai were fantastic) but there was also physical abuse involved so different to here.

If the principal continues bullying and ridiculing your son do not hesitate reporting it to the Board of Management but don't expect too much because by the very nature of how Board of Managements are set up they're normally stacked against parents when you've normally got 2 parent reps and then the principal, chairperson usually the parish priest, teachers rep, union rep and then a few from the wider community who are often principals in other local schools or the local brown nose brigade, most of whom will go along with the principal.

If you end up going to the Board of Management and the matter is not resolved then contact the Educational Welfare Officer who are very experienced at dealing with this sort of behaviour.

One thing to remember is that you'll often find adults who bully or abuse children will try and push the notion that young children imagine things but you know your child and one thing that was drilled into me at a child protection course that I always keep in the back of my mind when it comes to children is "Not all children tell lies and not all adults tell the truth".

Fittle

Hi Op,

Firstly I'd like to let you know that I found this thread through the PI forum - so while I understand that you want it over there, it is also reaching that 'audience'.

Secondly, I could have written your post myself at the start of school term 2009. My son also had a wonderful time in school, great teachers, great friends, doing well academically, and then came 2nd class, where he got the worst teacher in Ireland. There were alot of minor incidences - not laughing at him - but he was definitely being bullied by her and two of his close friends were very upset by her treatment of him (as he was himself). One of his friends mum told me that her boy was in tears one evening, when he was telling her how the teacher had treated my lad that day.

I let it pass because as other people have said, I'm not sure how much of it was his imagination and how much was fact, and it took me a long time to accept that a teacher could possibly bully my child. Eventually, I had a quiet word with the teacher, not in a confrontational manner, more in a 'I think my son is losing his confidence and being treated badly in class...do you have any idea what's going on?' kind of way. I left it a week, until another incident occurred and then went to the principal. The teacher was officially reprimanded for something she did..but her behaviour continued and all we could do was count down the days until 2nd class was over...

In my case, I rang the National Parents Council - http://www.npc.ie/npc/page.aspx?pageid=129

I have to say, they were very helpful - I don't know what I'd do if the teacher was the principal and it's a very difficult situation for you, and your son.

A bully is a bully however. There are only 4wks left until the end of term - my belief is that if you report her now, she will treat your boy much worse (in a very subtle manner of course)....something similar happened to my boy. After she was reprimanded, there were other minor incidences which were very obvious to me, but not as obvious in a classroom situation.

Anyhow, the NCP were very helpful to me and I rang them a few times, just for support. I'm sorry I can't really provide any other constructive support, but I just wanted to say that you are not alone.

Everyone feels humiliated when they get stuff wrong in class, and at that age it's easy to feel picked on, so obviously it's important to ensure that this has crossed the line of bullying.

I was bullied by two teachers, one in secondary school who was an out and out bully, and one in primary school, who to this day I just can't be sure whether a line was crossed or not. No doubt, it made primary school very difficult for me, and had an extremely detrimental effect to my education, my social skills and my emotional stability. After the one in secondary school I pretty much gave up going to school. DO NOT let this continue in any way shape or form. If you can be sure that the teacher is definitely in the wrong (and it sounds like you have) you absolutely MUST go to the higher authorities mentioned by previous posters. Your son could be seriously damaged by the continuation of this.

kaa

Desire. wrote: »

The principle is the teacher in question here!

sorry for posting my view before getting told the teacher is the principle!!!!!

Desire.

kaa wrote: »

sorry for posting my view before getting told the teacher is the principle!!!!!

Actually, it was mentioned before you posted, calm down, I was just letting you two know.

Lahm

Everyone gets a whip with a schlong at school. Maybe it's harmless enough.

What did they say to them?

Cat Melodeon

Lahm wrote: »

Everyone gets a whip with a schlong at school. Maybe it's harmless enough.

But they shouldn't. There are guidelines for how to treat children, physical and emotional bullying is simply not on and can have massive long-term effects.

OP, I go along with what Fittle and deisemum have said. It needs to be dealt with sooner rather than later. If you do start a process of dealing with it, make sure that you and your child keep a detailed journal of incidents with specific times and dates, get the support of the NPC, maybe speak informally with a member of the BOM if there is someone on there that you feel you can talk to.

You have to trust your child to some extent, particularly if he has never had problems before and particularly if the teacher has a history of this type of behaviour.

deisemum

It's worth remembering that you're entitled to bring someone who can act as a witness to whatever's said and take notes in the meeting.

goat2

your child may be quiet and not showing that he is upset in school, count yourself lucky that he is expressing his feelings to you, the teacher may not know that he is being offended and is thinking that he is taking no notice of it, i would not go in there like a bull in a china shop, but i would ring the teacher who happens to be principal, and ask to have a chat, i would just ask the teacher if your child show emotion to comments in the classroom, and just say that he/she gets upset at comments that the teacher may not think offend him or her, that would most likely do the trick, as we all know that the only people who know children well are the childrens own parents

Moonbeam

Talk to her then voice your concerns to the board of management .

LegacyUser

I was a child like your son but 20 - 30 years ago the teacher was God and you did not tell.
I would ask to have a chat with the teacher and just ask how your son is getting on in the class and if they are finding any subjects difficult.
Wait and see what they say.
I would not say anything about the bullying until you hear what they say.

If you know the problem is with the teacher I would wait until the start of the next school year and say I hope that ---- will have a better year this year than last.
If you continue to make fun of my child in the class I will take this further.
Find out who is on the board of management and when they have a meeting and be ready to go to this if the problem continues.

John Mason

OP, can you have a chat with any of the other mothers - this may be happening to more then just your child.

2 voices are louder then one

dan_d

Oh, that sucks OP....hmm....

Well, I think where I would start in that case is probably with having a word with one or two of the other parents. If your son is experiencing this, then it's likely he's not the only one, especially if that's that teacher's way of "teaching". If you find you are the only one (ask a few, not just one or two), then it's time to start looking at contacting the Board of Management. Can you bring the deputy principal into this? Would that help you at all?

I might also suggest that maybe you have a word with the teacher he had last year. Teachers won't say much, but they all know about each other's methods of teaching, and the same complaints arise all the time. They tend to know who does what. The teacher he had last year mightn't necessarily say outright "yeah, that's how the principal works in a classroom", but they might be able to point you in the direction of someone that could help you out.

I wouldn't think he's imagining it OP. It's not a great situation, school's can be somewhat impenetrable organisations when things like this happen. However, they're just human like anyone else, and keep at them. Go to everyone you need to, without publicly blowing it into a massive big deal. It's an unprofessional thing to do on his part, asides from anything else....just because he's the only adult in a room full of kids and (quite possible) that's what he's "always done" doesn't make it right.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for going to the trouble to reply, you've all been a great help.

I'm going to meet with the teacher and try the subtle, nice approach as there are just a few weeks left to go, and I will monitor things more closely but don't want to upset my son anymore. I'll get it across in my own way without alienating the teacher or making things worse. Ridiculous that I have to walk on egg shells around such a person! But it has to be done.

Was very surprised to hear that Fittle's experiences were with a woman teacher- it's the last thing you would expect isn't it? How can these people go into teaching at all? It beggars belief!

Will take your advice and call the National Parents Council also and get advice if this continues after I have my little talk with this teacher.

I definitely do not want any long term affects as a result of this so I'm going to get to the bottom of it, and change schools if necessary, but hopefully it won't come to that.

goat2

handlehow wrote: »

Thanks everyone for going to the trouble to reply, you've all been a great help.

I'm going to meet with the teacher and try the subtle, nice approach as there are just a few weeks left to go, and I will monitor things more closely but don't want to upset my son anymore. I'll get it across in my own way without alienating the teacher or making things worse. Ridiculous that I have to walk on egg shells around such a person! But it has to be done.

Was very surprised to hear that Fittle's experiences were with a woman teacher- it's the last thing you would expect isn't it? How can these people go into teaching at all? It beggars belief!

Will take your advice and call the National Parents Council also and get advice if this continues after I have my little talk with this teacher.

I definitely do not want any long term affects as a result of this so I'm going to get to the bottom of it, and change schools if necessary, but hopefully it won't come to that.

that is the right thing to do, that is the way i always fixed problems for my children and they worked all the time, because if we go in all guns blaring it only gets up the noses of others, i have seen it happen, and dont agree with it, this teacher may not know that your son is very upset, as he wait till he get home to leave off all the stress, you are doing great as you are keeping that door wide open with your child, keep it up and you will rear a well adjusted person, good luck to you

iguana

I just thought I'd add this to the thread so when you do meet the teacher you are well armed with the knowledge that what this teacher is doing has been prohibited in our schools for nearly 30 years now, and you can let him know that you are well aware of the Board of Education regulations.

This regulation was circulated by John Boland, Minister for Education, Republic of Ireland to all schools on January 26, 1982, and took effect almost immediately, on February 1, 1982.

1. Teachers should have a lively regard for the improvement and general welfare of their pupils, treat them with kindness combined with firmness and should aim at governing them through their affections and reason and not by harshness and severity. Ridicule, sarcasm or remarks likely to undermine a pupil's self-confidence should not be used in any circumstances.
2. The use of corporal punishment is forbidden.
3. Any teacher who contravenes sections (1) or (2) of this rule will be regarded as guilty of conduct unbefitting a teacher and will be subject to severe disciplinary action.

shootermacg

I've been the victim of this approach for two years. It did make my life a living hell. The fact that your kid is confiding in you means you should take this very seriously.

I'd get on to the powers that be and explain how this is upsetting your kid. Kids at that age don't really have the tools to deal with it.

cynder

My lady (age 11) is having trouble with her teacher, she thinks he is targeting her but his like it with everyone, she does get on his bad side as she has a mouth on her ( as in she will stand up for herself and defend her actions and throw in a few smart coments here and there). im happy to leave it in the teachers hands, he swears his like it with all the kids (and the kids say they all hate him, they do say they think my lady has it harder with him). She only has 4 weeks left with him and then she moves on. I have spoken to him as ive been called into the school i get called in often as my lady is a diabetic. she said she hated him to his face, infront of me and also that he picks on her. TBH i think his just a strict teacher and she has to accept that.

first thing to do is talk the the teacher in question (even though its also the principle) there are 2 sides to every story, failing that then involve the bord of management, best of luck

LegacyUser

Hi there,

Interesting reading everyones posts, as i too have a child aged 10 (since May) and feel she's being bullied by her teacher in a similar way but its the punishments she dishes out i cant get on with, she has a 'cut off book' and basically if a child is added in there they have to stand on the wall at playtime watching all the other kids play...

Heres wat actions gets them put in the cut-off book or as she (the teacher) calls it double detention (so its x2 straight away)) :- * mom (me) not reading with her and signing her reading record everysingle day (sometimes if we visit nans we run out of time), not doing homework (understandable), getting 7/10 or less in there tests, spelling, maths, etc. (at least three different ones a week and watever else teacher decides warrants an entry... now by my calculations if i sign her book everyday, and altho she's probably suffering here with feeling like she has 'nothing to lose' by not doing her homework, if she was to do that too, but get 7/10 in everything that makes 6 days worth of detentions in a five day week thus on the wall indefinitely tbh.. when i asked my daughter when was the last time she actually had a morning playtime she answered 'cant remember'... again she used to be gr8 in school, loved every minute of it, was very keen and was always sad when her teachers left or at end of term.. but this last year/term she's constantly h8'd any mention of school, i've also noticed a difference in her attitude at home too... I have spoken to the head mistress too but felt bullied myself as she just went and got the offending teacher before hearing wat i had to say and that teacher scares me let alone my girl and my gripe at the time was how my daughter was always upset that she seemed to have a mountain of homework all the time and would be punished if it wasn't done perfectly, shes under a lot of pressure for a 10yr old imho. then it was suggested that she hadn't been listening and teacher only said to do a 3rd of the homework given out i just asked them to go easy on her as its having a reverse affect and shes rebeling but generally i felt it all got turned around on her...

She has also been punished (for being in cut off book) where she's not allowed to go on school trips... i wouldnt mind if she was roudy and naughty in school but she's not... she seems to wait til she gets home for that lol

So far i've applied for them (i have 7yr too at same school) to be transfered to a new school closer to us anyway, but still waiting on that... also i find confrontation embarrassing now and feel my views at the school fell on deaf ears..

Anyway hope this helps that feeling of 'ur not alone' i'm just looking forward to hopefully seeing a diffenrence in my daughter behaviour when she finally does move on..

SerialComplaint

OP - It would be good to get a 2nd opinion on exactly what is happening in the classroom. Could you get 1 or 2 of his classmates round to your house over the next few days, and speak to them about what is happening. Let their parents know first what you are up to.

Is he going to have a different teacher next year?

Overature

OP I dont have any experiance of this and I dont have kids, I would be seriously pissed about this though. I would definly confront the teacher and dont be afraid to get angry, dont let yourself be pushed around, good luck

Fea.

OP, my son was bullied in school. I begged and begged the principle to help me to find out what was going on that was making his life a misery. My other kids were happy and content all the time, but not him. He finally left 6th class and went into first year, I was demented that he would be a sitting duck all his life with people picking on him. It wasn’t until the summer before he went into 2nd year, that he finally told me what had happened in school and I finally learned the truth.

It turned out, it was the teacher that was terrorising him. Three years that went on and I never knew. I’ll never forgive myself for not even considering the teacher at the time. I’ll never forgive the principle or the other teachers that knew all along but covered up this creep that was there to teach our children. This same man told me that my son would never amount to anything, he failed everything for the 3 years he taught him.

Three years later, my son sat his Junior Cert and brought home 10 honours.

You know your own son. Listen to him. And don’t give yourself the chance to have any regrets in what you do to make sure he’s always okay.
Let us know how you get on
Xxx

mikehunts

handlehow wrote: »

Thanks everyone for going to the trouble to reply, you've all been a great help.

I'm going to meet with the teacher and try the subtle, nice approach as there are just a few weeks left to go, and I will monitor things more closely but don't want to upset my son anymore. I'll get it across in my own way without alienating the teacher or making things worse. Ridiculous that I have to walk on egg shells around such a person! But it has to be done.

Was very surprised to hear that Fittle's experiences were with a woman teacher- it's the last thing you would expect isn't it? How can these people go into teaching at all? It beggars belief!

Will take your advice and call the National Parents Council also and get advice if this continues after I have my little talk with this teacher.

I definitely do not want any long term affects as a result of this so I'm going to get to the bottom of it, and change schools if necessary, but hopefully it won't come to that.

I think shag the egg shell approach he is bullying your child, go in all guns blazing and give him a taste of his own medicene. Say you won't stand for his crap and there's more if he wants it.

byhookorbycrook

mikehunts wrote: »

I think shag the egg shell approach he is bullying your child, go in all guns blazing and give him a taste of his own medicene. Say you won't stand for his crap and there's more if he wants it.

Which will get you nowhere and may back fire. Thre is procedure for a reason. If this teacher is bullying your child, follow procedure or you may end up worse off than ever.

carlybabe1

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

Which will get you nowhere and may back fire. Thre is procedure for a reason. If this teacher is bullying your child, follow procedure or you may end up worse off than ever.

Realistically speaking, if he genuinely is NOT bullying your child, then he wont be given to spitefully victimizing your child, and will want to set things straight. If he IS bullying your son then no matter how you approach him he will make a point of getting his own back (if only to prove a point) UNLESS you go in, not with all guns blazing but calmly ask him whats going on, and when hes told you, insist that you wont accept him making a class clown out of your son, and that if he does it just once more, he'll be getting a letter from your solicitor informing him of what action you will be taking. End of, its not acceptable, you wouldnt allow this from another of his peers, why would you allow a teacher to do so much damage to his confidence