Nightmare at bedtime ....

greengirl31

OK I'm at a loss as to what to do now ...
My 3.5 yr old Girl has been a model child up to recently. Now don't get me wrong she's had her moments but I'd correct her a few times and that would be it - whatever was happening would stop. Lately though it's been a whole other story.
Morning times are generally ok and we get out the door to crèche with little or no hassle - the weetabix bribe works. But the evening times are turning into a nightmare - we seem to be clashing from the minute we come in the door and bed time is an epic battle !! Up until now, we'll have a bath, put the Pjs on, read a story and sleep. Lately though, she's getting out of bed every night. Only minutes after going to the toilet she'll call me to tell me she wants to go again and she'll force out a dribble or she'll be calling me to cover her or for no reason at all!! I started off by taking her teddies away and that worked for a while, now she just hands them to me. I've tried the supper nanny thing of not talking to her and putting her into bed but she thinks that's hilarious !! Last night I took everything away from her - even blankie and dodie and then the screaming started. Now while I think SN is great, I think at that point the no communication thing is pointless and only serves to make the situation worse. About 3 quarters of an hour after balnkie and dodie were taken I ended up giving them back and she was asleep in minutes but that was at 10 o'clock - 2 hours after she went to bed !!!!!! I thought maybe I'm not spending enough time with her in the evenings but the last couple of nights, we've read stories (other than the bed time one), Played in the garden, general playing and that's not doing the trick. I've tried the reward charts too but with limited success. I just don't know what to do next ... Anyone any tips ???

Moonbeam

She sounds to me like like she is craving your attention.

Plan a walk or outing at the weekend together and then she can look forward to it. Let her help plan it.

LadyMayBelle

Bedtime routnes can be an nightmare, but eading what you've written, the very same thing jumps out at me as Moonbeam mentioned. Your little girl is craving your attention. She hands you her teddies now instead of waiting for you to take them away; she wants Mum all to herself.

Start with the 'coming in the door from work'..are you stressed, is there 'chaos' in the house and are you anxious about getting her to bed? A calmer atmosphere will go a long way (BTW, I'm brainstorming here; I'm not saying you are or aren't doing certain things, so pick and choose).

Great idea from Moonbeam to have a long term goal ahead; not too long mind! Try a jellybean jar, stickers; these things will work with consistency and once the beans/stickers arent given out liberally and you are prepared to be spontaneous and come up with a new idea when she tired of one! Maybe come up with a routine that starts when you come in right up to her bedtime; including a little 'free' time for you while she plays and of course the story before bed. Help her be in control of some of the routine; she can help get her PJs on, do her teeth etc; so she has some responsibilty and is hearing you praise her and being with her.

Explain that Mum needs some time to herself also after she goes to bed; no harm trying! As long as you keep routine, keep calm, and don't panic if she kicks off, you'll get there. Make bedtime a calming, relaxing experience.

For the record I don't agree with SN's no communication to point. I think you need to reassure you child and tell them you know it's hard to be upstairs and trying to sleep but I don't like the idea of shutting them out.

Good luck.

Praise her when she does go to bed and tell her how proud you are of her

kaa

well my daughter was like that and then i moved her into a bed and made a big deal out of it and brought her went to buy the sheets and all that and then asked her where she wanted her bed and what sheets she wanted on it and that. so maybe if you try that.
and it worked for me.

im a stay at home mom so she gets all day attention for me but i do notice its different with her dad because he is at work....she wants him to bring her to bed and read her a book and then when all that is finished she looks for me to tuck her in and her dad has to be the last to leave her bedroom.

i do think its your attention she wants and i know coming back in the evening housework needs to be done but maybe she is picking up on that.

because my daughter is the same age as yours and i do find it that we are clashing more somedays..i tell her pick up her toys and she says no...i pretend to put in the bin and she says ok..do the naughty step and she just sits there..because we are both stubborn so are little fights seem to be worst.

im sorry i dont have alot of tips for you but i hope things settle down for you and good luck.

Morag

Bed time routines often go to pot this time of year as it's not dark out.
Have you got blackout blinds/curtians? Is the room darkened when she goes into it?

greengirl31

Thanks for the posts girls ...
Perhaps it is the attention she's lacking ...
we get home most evenings at 6 but I don't have a very stressful job and wouldn't consider the house to be caotic in the evenings ... It's just the 2 of us so it's not like I'm milling around trying to get dinner for a big family. I get something quick for the 2 of us that we sit together and eat and we're usually finished by 6.30 - 6.45 the latest ... she'll potter off and I'll load the dishwasher which only takes a few mins. Then we'll water the plants in the garden or colour or whatever and everything is fine till i mention it's soon time to go to bed ... It's a battle to get her to pick up her toys or books or shoes. The getting ready for bed is fine and we'll read our story and everything is nice and calm but when that's over is when it all starts. I tell her that I'd like it if she went straight to sleep and how proud I'll be if she does. I tell her that it upsets me when she behaves like that but I also tell her that I Love her even when I'm cross !! Despite all that, she's out of bed almost before I get back to the kitchen!!!
I'm going to dig the reward chart out again to see if there's any imrovement but I'll suggest a trip on the bus at the weekend if she goes straight to sleep for the next couple of nights ...
Sharrow, I have blackout blinds and while they do make a difference the room isn't pitch dark. Kaa, The 2 of us are stubborn too so if this is what they're like when they're 3 - I'm dreading the teenage years :-)
I don't want to keep harping on negative behaviour with her and I do praise all the little good things she does but it's hard to know how to strike a balance. The battles are evenings are draining me now and I just want my happy little angle back ......

LadyMayBelle

Aw, it sounds like you have a lovely routine going on there and she does sound lovely! I guess consistency is the key; she obviously loves the quality Mummy and Me time and while you can give it to her, it must be hard when you have given her all you have energy for! Def keep up the reward system anyways I do think that will work in time!

kaa

im exactly the same...dreading the teenage years if she is like this now

littlebug

What's the reasoning behind taking things away? To me it would seem counter intuitive to take away the things that usually comfort her at night?

Mine are older so I can't quite remember at what age we did what but I do remember at some point starting to give a bit of responsibility so after the usual stories etc they would get to look at a book by themselves and turn off their own light when they were done. Sometimes they'd just fall asleep with the book, sometimes they would get out and turn the light off before going to sleep.
I also remember making a point of making sure they could hear me in the kitchen... putting away dishes etc, making plenty of noise as it means they were still connected to me in a way which I think is reassuring.
She could also be a bit nervous in the dark?

greengirl31

Littlebug ...
She has a teddie and blankie that I always leave with her ... The teddies I take away are the ones that are picked randomly so they're not necessarily a comfort thing. I did take the comfort ones away last night though even though I knew it was pointless and I'd end up giving them back. I know that's sending mixed messages and it's not somthing I'd do normally but I didn't know what else to do at that stage ..... We're only in an apt so she can hear me pottering around when she goes down and even in the winter i have a nightlight in the room so it's never pitch dark ...
But you might be on to something with the books. She LOVES her books and she used to keep them under her pillow and "read" away to herself after I'd kissed her goodnight. I phased it out though cause she'd have loads of books under there and her neck would nearly be broken !! So I might tell her she can bring one of her books to bed tonight and see if that helps ... I'll try anything at this stage ...

littlebug

greengirl31 wrote: »

I know that's sending mixed messages and it's not somthing I'd do normally but I didn't know what else to do at that stage ..... .

Sorry I didn't mean that to sound critical:o I thought it was a supernanny thing... I don't watch it so wondered was it part of her advice or something.
I'd say try the book and little bit of responsibility thing. I used to just slip the books out of the bed later in the night. It can't hurt and you'll have tried one more thing....
Oh and on the light/ dark thing.. even with the door open and hall light on my son still went through a phase where he was afraid of the shapes that the shadows made so wanted the big light on until he fell asleep. Little imaginations make big scary things out of shadows:D
Has your daughter said why she keeps getting up?

greengirl31

Littlebug, I know you didn't mean to be critical . But I always try to be aware of the mixed messages thing and I would always try to follow through with all the threats/promises I make with my little one ... There have been times when I know it'd just be easier to give in, but that little voice will always be at me telling me that it'll be harder the next time ... I can be stunorn that way

But I'm happy to report we had a good night last night ... Before bed time, I told her that we were going to go on the bus at the weekend but only if she was good at bed time. So we had a plesant evening and after her bath we dug out the story. I told her that she could keep the story in bed with her after we read it and she was delighted. So I put her down and I could hear her "reading" away. She did get out of bed once to get another book but I just went in and said she could pick one and if she got out of bed again I'd have to take it away. And that was it ... she went to sleep !!
She came into my room this morning beaming ... I told her how proud I was of her and we had loads of hugs and kisses so this seems to be the way to go for now ... Long may it last ...