Going to be outed!

L.Jenkins

I came out to my older brother and his wife last year about my gender issues hoping for support. I recently informed them that I have my appointment in August and they've been piling on the pressure for me to come out. I can understand that as I'm too cowardly myself to inform the rest of my family and parents. Now my brother is planning on outing me by the end of the week as I'm finding it hard to do it myself.

Not really looking for advice, I'm just not looking forward to the possible fall out that will come of it. I'm waiting until Friday as I have enough things to upset and stress me out this week and I may just out myself.

baby and crumble

That really sucks, Its, although I can see how your brother might be doing this out of some sense of love, although where you're at right now it probably doesn't seem that way at all.

Perhaps it might not be a bad idea to grab the bull by the horns and tell them yourself. Own it, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Clearly you have some family support from your brother and sister-in-law (misguided though it may seem at the moment). But if you wait for your brother to tell your parents it will seem like you are ashamed or something. If you can find a way to come out with confidence, it will help if they're on the fence about it. I know that's what happened with my family when I told them I was gay...

Whatever happens, we're here for ya! Come vent, whatever.

L.Jenkins

Ya, it's just that I'm warped with anxiety at the moment and while I apprciate what they are doing, it could make things bad. I'm not only anxious about that this week, but something stupid I did over 2 years ago and the guards set up an appointment friday over a caution I got back then. I think it's only paper work or something to that effect as I've never got into trouble before or since.

With that I've a friend who's been depressed and threatening all sorts, so I'm having an insanely sh!tty week and my brother isn't helping matters. I haven't told my family about the guards either as I only received a caution and told to behave myself or else..

deirdre_dub

ItsThatManAgain wrote: »

I came out to my older brother and his wife last year about my gender issues hoping for support. I recently informed them that I have my appointment in August and they've been piling on the pressure for me to come out. I can understand that as I'm too cowardly myself to inform the rest of my family and parents. Now my brother is planning on outing me by the end of the week

Frankly, IMNSHO, that isn't right.

It will take some time for the effects of HRT to be obvious. And, HRT is a great teacher - it will likely teach you more about what it means to you to be trans.

What is your brother thinking? That you are never going to tell your parents?! That is, in the long term, pretty much physically impossible! Unless you cut off all ties, or unless you try and live a very difficult double life, your parents are pretty certain to find out some day anyway!

Links234

Your brother is totally out of line! It's your decision when to tell people, not his and he shouldn't try to take that from you. God damn.

Annasopra

ItsThatManAgain wrote: »

I came out to my older brother and his wife last year about my gender issues hoping for support. I recently informed them that I have my appointment in August and they've been piling on the pressure for me to come out. I can understand that as I'm too cowardly myself to inform the rest of my family and parents. Now my brother is planning on outing me by the end of the week as I'm finding it hard to do it myself.

Not really looking for advice, I'm just not looking forward to the possible fall out that will come of it. I'm waiting until Friday as I have enough things to upset and stress me out this week and I may just out myself.

Tell your brother to back off and that this **** is making you more stressed. It's really not upto him at all.

L.Jenkins

I won't be sorry to see the end of this week I can tell ye. I'll have no other choice in the matter but to come out, for myself.

Beruthiel

Johnnymcg wrote: »

Tell your brother to back off and that this **** is making you more stressed. It's really not upto him at all.

And while you're at it, remind him that you only told him so you could have his support and not for him to be adding to what is already a stressful situation.

Aishae

its already been said - its bang out of order even if he does think he is doing it out of love. NO ONE has the right to out anyone else - whether its something like this, or someone's penchant for red dwarf whilst dressed up.

i know this must be so tough and you need the support in place for whats to come. but if it were me id tell him 'i love you. i appreciate what you think you're trying to do. but this is stressing me up to the eyeballs. so back the feck off please or this is going to ruin our relationship'
at the very least the trust would be gone. would you ever tell him something remotely sensitive or secret again? it'd damage the relationship. and id find that hard to take too, when he is currently the only support there is.

i really hope he backs off for your sake and allows you to work through this in your own time.

diddlybit

So sorry to hear that you're have a crappy week. I'm with everyone here, it's not your brother's right to tell your parents, that 's your choice, and you will do so when you feel the time is right. Talk to him and tell him that it's just inappropriate for him to think that these are his decisions to make.

Hugs on the rest of the stuff too.

L.Jenkins

Thanks guys. Absolutely appriciate all the support. I'll keep ye updated over the next few days, if any thing happens at all.

L.Jenkins

Thought I'd provide a small update. 2 out of 3 issues have been resolved this week, which relieves an ass load of stress this week. I'm still working on the coming out part.

Links234

Great to hear!

Hope the outing issue works out well for you. Best of luck!

L.Jenkins

Thanks Links. I'll try and get it over and done with tonight, that's if I don't get cold feet at the last second. God, I'm not looking forward to it

Animord

Good luck, hope tonight goes ok for you.

Freiheit

Believe in yourself and in what your doing, there's a lot of reason to. Whether others throw stones at you or not (and they might not) you still have the assurance that what your doing is right. That will sustain you.

Attitudes are constantly evolving and I hope that in time families will realise that gender variance is not something to be anxious about, not an expression to be discouraged.

There's lot's of support here and elsewhere for you regardless!..maybe within your family too!:)

diddlybit

Best of luck. Hope that it goes well for you.