I feel like I'm going through a mid life crisis at 22

effluent

I feel like I’m going through a mid (maybe quarter) life crisis and I’m 22. I feel very overwhelmed and I really need to get this off my chest. I can’t really talk about this with anyone, not great with the deep conversations. I’ve mentioned something like this to a friend ages ago but he thought I was very depressed.

I just feel very anxious and nervous a lot of the time recently and I’m not sure why. I’m usually very laid back . I’ve just finished college and I’ve had a very stress full year. I was I had applied for jobs both seem to be getting nothing for now and I knew I’d probably end up on the dole for a short time anyways. I thought that I would enjoy the peace and free time, since I seemed to spend all my time last year; waking up-go to college-eat-work on project-go to bed. To be honest I was really at my wits end trying to get things done (It’s never meant to be easy). I thought some free time would do me some good, but I just feel like I have to be working on something and I feel like I’m wasting my time while not in employment. Can’t see how some people like spend most on their life on dole when they are well able to work :eek: I’m not even sure what I want to do with my life, I keep thinking will I be happy in x number of years of working and will I be satisfied and happy with what I did. I’m not sure what it is that I want from life; Academic success, life experiences or to live in my hometown for the rest of my life.

There is this girl who I have had a crush on for some time and haven’t had the nerve to make an effort to get to know her. I’ve had plenty of opportunities, just last week we were at a party and the group was posing for a photo she was sitting on the seat next to me and had her head on my shoulder! I’m not sure if she would like me and I’m afraid of coming across as boring, making a bad impression or looking like someone who is trying too hard. But if I don’t make an effort I may never get the opportunity again and I could look back and wonder if she was the one I should have spent it with (this could apply to any girl). But yet even knowing this I don’t try and make the effort.

I feel like I have been sitting idly by and letting opportunities and life pass me by. But yet I still can’t make the effort to take these opportunities. At the moment I’m living at home with my parents. I have no girlfriend and haven’t had a real serious relationship to date. To be honest I just feel I don’t have a lot to live for and that I’ve wasted so much time. Should I try to talk to someone about this? There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with me (i.e. I have a degree, my own car and in perfect health), maybe I’m just wound up or a compulsive worker, I just find it hard to relax.

Thanks for reading and any advice you might offer

Deus Ex Machina

It appears to me that you are putting too much stock in expectation, both your own and those of others, rather than keeping it simple and following a more natural path, ie: doing what you enjoy, what feels right. At a number of points in your post you allude to sense that you are not making the best of things, or not taking opportunities. The fact is if you really wanted to take these opportunities you wouldn't need to create motivation, it would come to you quite naturally. I think you would be best served by identifying that which you would be happiest doing without consideration for how this would be perceived by others, and then do whatever that thing is. The world of financial security and "success" as many people define it is a relentlessly boring one, don't chase it unless you really believe you want it.

Vicxas

I agree with Deus,

I am going through something similar, i think its actually called a quater life crisis (thank you wikipedia). The best thing to do is just relax, the job will come, the girl will come around and it'll get better, i know i should really be taking this advice myself, but it sounds like you need to relax.

effluent

Never knew there was actually such a thing as a quarter life crisis, looked it up and it seems to describe what I'm going through. I thought it was a thing of being burnt out from a stressful period, it's not a thing of missing college. Just last year I was in high spirits even though I was aware that I probably wouldn't get a job. Just latley I just feel so down and sad. I find it hard to get up early in the morning as I don't really see the point.

I've been trying to relax by doing some of the things i wanted to do while I was busy at college but still feel very anxious and sad.

I have a bit of an idea what I want to do, I'm pretty much at a crossroads and weighing up the pro's/con's/ It's up to me myself to decide that, can't really talk about that to anyone. Four years ago when I was picking what courses I should do in college, I was way to money+easy job orientated. I think I was very wrong to go for this, and I'm going to make a mends to this.

I guess I am trying to be something I'm not, but I was trying to improve on my faults. Improving my social skills and raising my self esteem. You see if I don't improve on my faults (quiet, reserved etc). I feel if I don't get over this I will live a life perpetuated with disappointments of missed opportunities to find that special someone. I'm not trying to be a "ladies man" but perhaps to represent myself better.

Would this be a perfect time to correct some of my faults, or is it a thing that I'm taking on something more than I can chew?

LegacyUser

Op, I'm in the exact same boat, I thought I was going mad! Jesus I thought I was the only one in the world like this! I'm 22 as well, have a degree and a masters and I'm doing a PhD. I looked up that "quarter life crisis" on wikipedia, I can easily say I have all of those "symptoms" as well (even the desire to have children???). The no girlfriend, no money or no sex is driving me up the wall, I now get depressed and angry when out some times, especially if I fancy a girl, Jesus I'm overcome with jealousy and act like a total dick and I don't mean to! I thought it was due to my personal circumstances (family stuff etc...) but it's almost the crushing loneliness of not having a girlfriend or money that's driving me mad. However, I have been reading Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt and there's a great speech that his Uncle Pa Keating gave him (it's omitted from the film, but probably one of the best lines in the book);

"Ah, pension my arse. Sixteen years of age an' talking about the pension. Is it coddin' me you are? Do you hear what I said Frankie? Pension my arse. If you pass the exam you'll stay in the post office nice and secure the rest of your life. You'll marry a Brigid and have five little Catholics and grow little roses in your garden. You'll be dead in your head before you're thirty and dried in your bollocks the year before. Make up your own bloody mind and to hell with the safeshots and the begrudgers. Do you hear me, Frankie McCourt?
I do, Uncle Pa. That's what Mr. O'Halloran said.
What did he say?
Make up your own mind.
True for Mr. O'Halloran. 'Tis your life, make your own decisions and to hell with the begrudgers, Frankie. In the heel o' the hunt you'll be going to America anyway, won't you?
I will, Uncle Pa."

Op, it'll get better. Faults are faults and there's no point trying to be something else, just be yourself, as cliched as that might sound. The only advice I can give is try and take up something that'll take your mind of things, and maybe some kind of exercise as well. I was told before that if you pretend to act confident, then sooner of later you'll become confident. Just don't give a fiddlers fart of what anyone thinks, especially your own self-doubting. I'm still trying to get through it as well but that's all I've come up with so far and that's nearly taken a year of shite. Hope things work out in the mean time.