Difficult boss - don't see a way out..

doireann08

Really would like advice on how to approach my boss

I have been working for an IT company for about 6 years. I did really well and got promoted every
year


Background:
I reported into my current boss J about 5 years ago – at that time we got on well – only reported into J for a few months. However I know that other people have had issues with J, some people even found him to be a bit of a bully a few years ago

I have been promoted into a management role reporting into J who is now a senior manager. I have switched from a sales role into managing a telesales team. I am new to management.

My issue with J is that no matter what ideas I come up with J either disagrees or no matter how I decide to deal with any day to day issues that crop up – J will more or less imply I took the wrong approach. Effectively it is now undermining my confidence to such an extent that I want to leave the job. I rarely get any positive feedback – either from J or J’s boss
I feel I have completely lost confidence and I feel I need to approach J. I must say that J is not very approachable. If I need a second opinion on anything, J either says – “we have discussed this” – I never get any good feedback at all.

How do you think I should approach this?


My thoughts are:
1 - try and get old job in company back.
2-Apply for new job
3 - Ask for meeting with boss - doubt this will be fruitful

..............4 Grin and bare it
...............5 Have a think about where he is coming from, you are new to the role, maybe he has valid points that you could take on board
...............6 Feck him, it pays the bill

doireann08

Thanks Rover - I don't mind constructive criticism however J just disagrees with what I do.. but when I ask what would be a better approach... he doesn't offer any

It is such a negative atmosphere that it has started to affect my health at this point

Icaras

Have you gotten an appraisal or any kind of performance review since you started the new role? I would say that is the first step. Even if you ask for it and it doesn't happen if you claim for constructive dismissal in the future it will stand to you. If you do have appraisals/reviews keep notes and date and make sure realistic targets are set and review dates are set in the meetings.

Positive feedback is something that in some organisations never happens so the old mantra of if you hear nothing its good news is maybe something to keep in mind.

Also if you are thinking a meeting between you and him wont be fruitful and you have a meeting it probably wont be fruitful again clear targets are the key.

Finally maybe start standing up for yourself - if you dealt with an issue and he tells you you should have done it a different way tell him your happy with the way you done it and are happy with the results/consequences - just make sure you are 100% happy because he will try harder to find problems with it.

doireann08

Thanks I

I wanted to give a concrete example - J gives very unclear/confusing instructions -Also the areas that I do need input on - J doesn't address the actual question I have.

Example:

I work with several managers in other sales departments. One of these managers wanted clarification on the results I reported. I spoke to J about this - J initially said just send the manager an email confirming the results etc etc

In order to cover myself I composed said email and said to J .. have a look at this, J then came over to my desk - ( we are in an open plan office) and said

Doireann you need to be more assertive with these managers - we make the final decision on the results. Im not sure your meetings are productive - they need to be more strategic rather than them nitpicking over deals etc etc. Don't sent them an email ( when previously he told me to)

I wasn't happy that J felt the need to tell me this in an open plan office. It's exhausting having to deal with J's constant negativity

When I started the role a few months ago. J didn't even want me to send an email introducing myself to the new managers without him seeing it first!! For god's sake I have been working for the company for 6 years!! I think I know how to compose an email!!

Apologies for the rant.. but I am at my wits end. Its got to the point where I can feel myself withdrawing....

Teyla Emmagan

Hi Doireann,

Sorry to hear things aren't working out at the mo. Stick with it though, it will get better. And it sounds like you're getting good experience. If nothing else, you can use this as excellent interview material in the future about how you managed a difficult person!!

It sounds like your boss is a bit conflicted alright. On the one hand he wants to micro manage you (or at least he did at the start) and on the other hand he wants you to stand on your own two feet. Maybe you should take this as a positive - he may no longer feel you need to be supervised all the time and could be getting frustrated that you aren't now taking more initiative.

Why don't you write down a few examples of what you consider to be conflicting instructions from him and sit down with him and discuss them. If you're in the role a few months now it's time to ask him how he feels you're getting on (and not in front of the whole office). Set up a meeting, prepare yourself thoroughly and try and have a really constructive conversation with him. Make sure you come away with a really clear idea about what he wants from you and how you can achieve that. And then have regular check ins to discuss your performance after that. Just tell him honestly that at the moment you don't think he's happy with your work (maybe he'll suprise you and tell you that he is) and that you want to know what would make him satisfied.

Also, I wouldn't worry about never feeding positive feedback. C'est la vie and all that - that's just how some managers operate.

Don't sit there under a cloud planning on running away though - take the situation into your hands and do something about it. You're not going to learn anything in the long run if you don't.

Good luck

Edited to say: Try and be positive Doireann, you wouldn't have been given this position if you couldn't do it. You have performed really well in there over the last few years and people obviously think highly of you. You can handle this fella

BostonB

I expect you have to burn through, his lack of confidence. Might take some time though.

Jim2007

doireann08 wrote: »

Example:

I work with several managers in other sales departments. One of these managers wanted clarification on the results I reported. I spoke to J about this - J initially said just send the manager an email confirming the results etc etc

In order to cover myself I composed said email and said to J .. have a look at this, J then came over to my desk - ( we are in an open plan office) and said

Doireann you need to be more assertive with these managers - we make the final decision on the results. Im not sure your meetings are productive - they need to be more strategic rather than them nitpicking over deals etc etc. Don't sent them an email ( when previously he told me to)

I wasn't happy that J felt the need to tell me this in an open plan office. It's exhausting having to deal with J's constant negativity.

May be I've been at this too long, but I'm beginning to see where J is coming from - He told you write an email confirming the results, but it sounds like you did an email justifying the results!!!

He pointed out that you are allowing the meetings with these guys to go off track, rather than achieving your objectives and he pointed out what you needed to do get it right.

As regards the open office point, I don't see it as a issue, if a manager had to take everyone out for a private talk every time he/she needed to deal with a work issue, we all be spending a lot of time in meeting rooms....

I think you need to realise that if you are going to be in a team leader role you need to grow a thick skin, otherwise you are going to have a hard time dealing with a lot of the issues that will land on your desk.

Good luck,

Jim.

Kotek Besar

It looks to me like J wants you to be more assertive, like he is.

I had a boss like this once. The more he bore me down, the more of my confidence he destroyed, the more I wanted to be just like him. Weird. What's weirder is, we're both now in different roles, not directly connected with each other, and we get on like a house on fire - really well actually. And you know, I kind of see now where he was coming from in being (what I felt at the time to be) a complete dick to me.

Try it. Try and mirror J. Think like J thinks. Do as J does. I bet you it makes he and you feel and work much better together.