'what do you want to drink?' Ahhhh!!

Emoi

Apologises in advance because I'm sure a thread like this must have been started a thousand times in here!!

For those moments when you approach the bar with people/alcoholics and they ask, 'what do you want to drink?'

And you say 'pineapple juice, sprite zero, or heaven forbid just some refreshing ice-cold water'.

I want a short, sharp, witty one-liner that puts everyone in their place and puts an instant stop to the 'WHAT??', 'Don't be so boring',

or the main one you get from Irish ppl, 'Don't be such a dry shite'

I always find that one particulaly hurtful and insulting!!:(
Straight away I just want to go home!

So does anybody have any smartarse one-liners they use to shut ppl up?

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

the fact that it makes you want to go home might be an indication they have something of a point, doesn't help that you're asking for tips on witty retorts from the internet

friend of mine had to give up alcohol for medical reasons recently, he's getting the usual "ah, you can have a pint, gwan gwan etc etc" he just looks at them and says "no, i'm not drinking" and sips his orange juice. I didn't drink for a couple of years and whenever anyone brought it up I just shrugged my shoulders and went on with my evening.
A bit of self respect and confidence can go a long way. if you try to engage them all in "witty" retorts, you'll lose. There are more of them than there are of you, and the drunker they get the easier it is for them to be "witty".

mikemac

A rock shandy, they are expensive and so I'm going to sting you during rounds

It's not witty but it's a comeback anyway

NecroSteve

YER MA!

Guaranteed to earn you a smack in Wexford. Entertainment for everyone else, so very unselfish in that regard.

Really though, I can go to a pub with friends and not drink and they don't mind, because they're friends. People who slag me for not drinking aren't even worth the effort of a retort.

unreggd

Just tell them what you want

If they question it, just say you dont drink, and thats what you want

If they keep naggin just say 'nevermind, ill get my own'

rounds in the most stupid idea I've ever heard of anyways, but would NEVER buy into them if I dont drink

languagenerd

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar wrote: »

the fact that it makes you want to go home might be an indication they have something of a point, doesn't help that you're asking for tips on witty retorts from the internet

In fairness, the OP sounds like they only want to go home because people are being tools to them, not because they don't wanna be out having fun or whatever...

Tonyandthewhale

mikemac wrote: »

A rock shandy, they are expensive and so I'm going to sting you during rounds

Why would you be in rounds if you're not drinking? Not that I understand the appeal of rounds in the first place.

Emoi

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar wrote: »

the fact that it makes you want to go home might be an indication they have something of a point, doesn't help that you're asking for tips on witty retorts from the internet

Jesus lighten up for christ sake!!!

If I was a dry shite I would have stayed at home in the first place! I just meant that when all the craic stops so everyone can make a big deal over what's in your glass it kinda brings a downer on your mood.

And I'm one of those people who thinks of clever things to say 2 days later!!

moomooman

I agree with the OP, its a pain in the behind, I've had that conversation a thousand times:

"What are ya havin?"
"I'm fine thanks, I'm not drinking"
"WHAT! WHY ARENT YE DRINKIN?"
"cos I'm not"
"I'M BUYING YA A FOOKIN PINT AN UR DRINKIN IT" (points finger for effect)
"You'll be wasting your money"
"HEY! HES NOT DRINKING!" etc. etc.

I'm known to drink an odd Rum'n Coke so these days I just buy coke and say theres rum in it, to keep people quiet.

You see a very strange side to friends though when they cant let it go that your not getting locked with them, they start getting real offended and all aggro, then throw the classic "dry ****e" routine as if the person that can have fun without an alcohol OD has the problem....

Emoi

moomooman wrote: »

"I'M BUYING YA A FOOKIN PINT AN UR DRINKIN IT"

Funny how forcing a pint down someones neck is almost considered more polite than somebody just happily drinking a coke in Ireland!!

I have heard that crap a million times as well! They try to make out like your being ungrateful and rude.

unreggd

Seriously, its the most annoying subject goin, its so backwards too

citizen_p

I have afriend that dosn't drink but is confident and would be the first to get on a dancefloor and his shirt coming off would usually be soon after(classy), he dosnt get called a dry ****e because he dosn't sit in a corner all night and hes god craic.
his usual line is
"I don't need drink to have a good time"

but he dosn't say it like he's trying to insult you, he says it normally like in a conversation

unreggd

I do joke to me mates sayin 'I dont need to drink, I already have a personality' :P

Emoi

unreggd wrote: »

I do joke to me mates sayin 'I dont need to drink, I already have a personality' :P

Finally!! I like it, short and simple but a bit insulting as well!!

languagenerd

Thought of this thread the other night - I was at the bar and asked for a diet 7up. The man next to me (complete stranger and about twice my age) turns to stare at me and said "JUST 7up?"
Me: "Yep"
Him:"No drink?! Do you ever drink?"
Me: "No"
Him: "Just 7up!... But that's illegal..?"

I shrugged and said OK, which seemed to infuriate him, but I just laughed

omen80

Just use the old Frank Sinatra quote - "I feel sorry for people who don't drink......When they get up in the morning, that's as good as they're gonna feel all day".




Oh wait you wanted a comeback for not drinking........eh can't help you there!