To try for 3rd Child or not to try........

smileyeyes

Girls, I know nobody can answer this other than myself and my husband but I really would appreciate your opinions on this dilemma.......;)

We have a 6 year old little boy and an 18 mth old little girl.....both healthy T.G.

I had a mc two months ago....we weren't trying to conceive and tbh I had mixed feelings about pregnancy (which I now feel guilty about)although hubby was delighted!! I kept worrying about the practical end of things like changing the car as can't fit 3 car seats in a normal saloon and double buggies etc etc and I would have to give up my part time job as my wages wouldn't pay for 2 children in creche and 1 for after schools club.....

But you see...I am nearly 35 and I am thinking that IF we do want to try for a 3rd child well I better the skids under me.......

My problem is today I think I want a 3rd child and tomorrow i'm not so sure etc..... Has anybody gone through this??????

Any thoughts/advice etc??????

xxx

Giselle

smileyeyes wrote: »

Girls, I know nobody can answer this other than myself and my husband but I really would appreciate your opinions on this dilemma.......;)

We have a 6 year old little boy and an 18 mth old little girl.....both healthy T.G.

I had a mc two months ago....we weren't trying to conceive and tbh I had mixed feelings about pregnancy (which I now feel guilty about)although hubby was delighted!! I kept worrying about the practical end of things like changing the car as can't fit 3 car seats in a normal saloon and double buggies etc etc and I would have to give up my part time job as my wages wouldn't pay for 2 children in creche and 1 for after schools club.....

But you see...I am nearly 35 and I am thinking that IF we do want to try for a 3rd child well I better the skids under me.......

My problem is today I think I want a 3rd child and tomorrow i'm not so sure etc..... Has anybody gone through this??????

Any thoughts/advice etc??????

xxx

I'm very sorry for the loss you suffered.

You probably aren't in the best frame of mind to make big decisions, so be gentle with yourself and take your time. 35 is by no means too old.

Practical things usually work out in the end.:)

I haven't been in your position and I'm only young, so I'm not sure how good my advice is, but I wish you the very best.

smileyeyes

Giselle, thank you so much for your lovely 'level-headed' words!!!

You speak so much sense.....maybe you are right in that I am probably not in any fit state to be making such a big decision at the moment!!! Also, re the practical end of things..that is exactly what my husband said... 'that will all fall into place'!!:)

Thanks Again!!!

xx

rainbow kirby

Moved from tLL to Parenting.

2SWEET

Hi Smileyeyes,
I found myself in your position a couple of years back,had just 33 and was talking myself in an out of having a third baby on a daily basis, having regular discussions with my husband and just when we got to the stage were we said right lets do this, something happened to change things and then we'd say maybe the time is not right just yet this went on for months and so in the end we just decided to let nature take it course and now we have a 20 month old son and yes everything did just fall in to place, we had to change the car too but just went for an older model which didn't set us back too much, having the advantage of already having 2 kids you can save a lot of money by knowing what bits you really need and what you can get by without, we definitely spent a lot less on baby items this time round!
My advice would be go with your instinct and take it from there:)

smileyeyes

2sweet... thank you so much for your lovely response:)

I read your message over and over again...:D and I hope you don't mind but I asked my hubby to read it also...... all he said was "you see I told you":D....

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said "go with your instinct" and I was looking at double strollers online this morning so maybe that is my question answered so to speak????;)

I am sure the practical and financial end of things will fall in to place in good time......

kaa

smileyeyes wrote: »

Girls, I know nobody can answer this other than myself and my husband but I really would appreciate your opinions on this dilemma.......;)

We have a 6 year old little boy and an 18 mth old little girl.....both healthy T.G.

I had a mc two months ago....we weren't trying to conceive and tbh I had mixed feelings about pregnancy (which I now feel guilty about)although hubby was delighted!! I kept worrying about the practical end of things like changing the car as can't fit 3 car seats in a normal saloon and double buggies etc etc and I would have to give up my part time job as my wages wouldn't pay for 2 children in creche and 1 for after schools club.....

But you see...I am nearly 35 and I am thinking that IF we do want to try for a 3rd child well I better the skids under me.......

My problem is today I think I want a 3rd child and tomorrow i'm not so sure etc..... Has anybody gone through this??????

Any thoughts/advice etc??????

xxx

i no exactly what your going threw.....i only have a 3 year old girl and i would like another child but i do think of the costs like we need to buy this and this and that and when your in shop you kinda look at the prices and your think cant afford that.

35 is not too old....so u can still have time to decide. maybe wait for another 6months or a year and see.

im only turning 24 in 2 weeks so i think what the rush but i dont want a big age gap between my daughter and the next baby either. so personally since i have doubts i think im not ready to have another baby.

and sorry to hear about the mc but having mixed feeling on it is not a bad thing when you weren't planning a baby and it came as a surprise.

my mom had one and she says you never forget about it but she does think things happen for a reason and she had my brother afterwards and she believe she was ment to have him. so maybe this happened to you because your ment to have another child or ment to have the two you have.

but i do think if you have doubts and changing your mind maybe you should wait awhile and see how you feel.

hopes this helps

snuggles09

i'm a mum of 3 girls 9,6 and 3

our last dd was the only one that was planned, like you i was all over the place, will have to change the car, cost of school, putting 2 girls into one room etc etc and in the grand scheme of things these things do all slot into place

best of luck with whatever you decide and i have to say i found it easier going from 2 kids to 3 kids than i did from 1 kid to 2 kids. i fret a lot less and our youngest has literally grown up so fast, blink and you'd miss it.

i'm actually a bit sad as i see her going as she's my little baby and the last of the children i'll ever have. i would love to be in your position all excited about adding another addition to the family, it's such an exciting time

best of luck with everything:)

lynski

We had a baby 3 mths ago, no 3 all under 5. I was thinking we were mad, but as time was pushing on for me (39 in 2 wks) we went for it. Now I am so happy.
My dad died last month and there is three in my family; the extra support of another sibling has been so welcome of the last few weeks and I can't help but think my three will have that in the future.
practically for us we have not had to change the car, yet, have 3 seats in the back of an s40, had a lot of things we needed and got given most other things, the older 2 love him and he is the most placid little man.
It is harder because there is no time during the day for anything other then children, but i know he already brings so much to the lives of the other 2; oddly enough he 'balances' things because my daughter is a little bossy madam and it will take 2 to stand up to her ;-)
If you are considering it at all I really believe you never regret the children you choose to have, only the ones you didn't.

argentum

We went away 6 years ago for my 40th birthday and came home with a present that arrived 9 months later.I was the one that realised my wife was pregnant and when she took the test I have to say i went mad.I wouldn't talk to her for a week and turned into a grumpy fecker.i too had all these worries in my head.we need a people carrier,what if something is wrong with the baby .we're too old we can't afford one.
At one stage I even told my wife that i hope she lost it as I just didn't want another baby,At this stage we had a 6 year old and a 10 year old.
Well in the end I copped on ,we got the car.we could afford the new baby and to be honest its a lot easier the older and wiser you are.
I am so glad we had this little fella and to be honest he's my favorite,every now and then when im playing football with him and having the craic my wife as she walks past wispers into my ear" and you didn't even want him in the first place"
She knows it breaks my heart that I actually said it in the first place.I would say go for it

Moonbeam

argentum - thanks for the honest post.

smileyeyes - I can understand @35 you are not getting any younger and if you want more children now is the time to go for it and if it is what you really want and can afford it go for it.
I have a 4 month old and a 28 month old, it is a lovely age gap and I need to buy nothing only a double buggy and a play pen(protection from big sister and her friends) for #2.
I would love #3 in the not too distant future but as it is my car seems a bit small for the weekends away so would need a new one with at least 3 isofix points preferably more to future proof it,would definitely not be able to afford childcare,it would be hard to ask anyone to look after 3 small people for a night out,would have to give up the visitors/grandparents bedroom,would never have a moments peace.
Saying that wait 6 months and see how you feel then make the decision.

cbyrd

I remember trying to talk my husband into number 3 for nearly 4 years . . eventually he relented and we had a boy after the 2 girls. . . we're now expecting number 4 :eek: unexpectedly :pac: i changed my car last year and will have to change it again this year for a 7 seater . . i just laughed when i found out. . my husband was hilarious. . . he nearly had a nervous breakdown but, it took the 2 of us and he was supposed to go for the snip last year but kept putting it off. . he's now booked in for july :pac: We just shook our heads laughed and got on with it. ..
We still can't believe we're going to have 4 children(hopefully) but we'll just get on with it and love them all. I'm taking the slagging in my stride and hoping its a boy so i won't have to buy anything new :rolleyes:

Khannie

Worth pointing this out: 3 > 2 + 1.

I vividly remember when we were waiting on number 3 to arrive and I was at the youngfellas football match and got chatting to a guy who lives a few doors down and who has 3 kids. The conversation went like this:

him: "oh yeah...this is your third, right?"
me: "yeah"
him: "I remember thinking ah sure we have two already, what's one more?"
me: "eh.....yeah that's exactly what I was thinking" and getting nervous..

but then he pointed out a few things that I have noticed have changed with the 3rd:

Holidays are slightly harder to book (2 + 3 for us is awkward now because the youngfella is > 12). That's just an inevitability....it'll happen some time.
Getting a night out is harder. People are reluctant to mind 3 overnight.
The car is squashed / if you have 3 in seats you need a 7 seater.

Having said all of that, I'm mentally gearing up for number 4 (which will result in the need for a 7 seater for us). Jesus I can't get enough of them.

smileyeyes

thanks a million to everyone for your replies so far.....:D

It is so lovely to know I am 'normal' and that there are so many of you in or having been in the same boat!!!

I read somewhere since that 'going from 2 children to 3 children changes everything as the parent to child ratio changes'........thought that was interesting... until I thought 'sure my parents had 6 of us and my da's mother had 22 children.... 17 survived:eek: God bless her......:D

Still changing my mind like the weather......

magrat

Another parent of three here.

I would also be of the opinion of it not being one extra - more like three times the work. I have no regrets about having the 3rd in fact would agree with an earlier poster and say it was probably only our 3rd who was really planned ...

But it has been a lot more work than two. Even minor little things like dividing up a pitza - its harder to divide it in five than four! Holidays - tables in restruarants - cars - family entrance tickets ... the list goes on and on!!

What I would say is - at the end of the day - if you have to ask then NO you don't actually want another one. Because at the end of the day - in your heart of hearts when you want another child none of these questions come to you. You just want what the heart wants.

unkel

Khannie wrote: »

Worth pointing this out: 3 > 2 + 1.

I vividly remember when we were waiting on number 3 to arrive and I was at the youngfellas football match and got chatting to a guy who lives a few doors down and who has 3 kids. The conversation went like this:

him: "oh yeah...this is your third, right?"
me: "yeah"
him: "I remember thinking ah sure we have two already, what's one more?"
me: "eh.....yeah that's exactly what I was thinking" and getting nervous..

Same thing happened me - I didn't believe them either

It's a LOT more work going from 2 to 3 but the OP will probably not believe us

Quick tip: even with 2 full baby seats and 1 booster for your 6 year old, you might get away with a large saloon / estate car, i.e. a BMW 5 series or a Mercedes E-class. These would generally be cheaper to buy second hand than a full size MPV. And much nicer to drive than one of those big buses

I had never planned to have 3 and I was content with 2 healthy children but my wife convinced me to try for one more. My own worries were not so much about space / costs / car / hard work / money but I was worried sick about the baby's health when my wife was pregnant. The baby was worn just after my wife turned 38 but all was fine

And the baby is the best craic of them all. It might be hard work to have 3 but it is so well worth it. And in a sense we were lucky having the harder going child first and the easiest last (better eater, better sleeper, better playing on their own, etc.)

I don't regret it for a moment!