Accepting that its over

LegacyUser

How long does it take to accept a break up?

I know he did the right thing by ending it as his heart wasnt in it. And I know that it was the right thing for me too as I want to be with someone who can love me. Logically, I know these things.

But I wake up every morning still with a pain and tightness in my chest. I cant seem to accept it at all. It wasnt a long relationship, just 7 months. Ended a week ago. Though I know it was the right thing, part of me hopes he'll ring up and say it was all a huge mistake My head knows he won't.

Theres been no contact of any sort since, before anyone tells me to do that.

Faith

You poor thing . It's such a horrible place to be in. They say it takes about half the time you were together to be over it completely, which seems to be close enough. I'd say in your case in another 2 or 3 weeks you'll be feeling a hell of a lot better about things. The first week or two is by FAR the worst.

Miss Fluff

First of all a hug across the interweb to you. You poor thing. I've been exactly where you are right now and you think life will never be the same again.

Your value as a lovable and worthwhile person is not determined by the opinion of only one other person although it feels like it is when you've had your heart broken. It's an awful old place to be what with the sadness, the disbelief and the endless over-analysis.

It is a terrible cliche I know but time is a great healer and strictly adhering to the "no contact" rule is by far the best and quickest way to get over it. While you may be tempted at some stage to contact him with questions or because you've had too many glasses of vino, please don't. I never did and it really helped me not to.

Surround yourself with friends and loved ones and talk and rant about it as much as you can to get it out of your system. You're already making great strides if you are objective enough at this early stage to know that it wouldn't have worked so kudos to you for that. It seems like you are already well on the way to getting there xx

DangerMouse27

Hugggg!
Op, i can only sat time is a healer and i know you have been told that but its so true.
No contact is absolutley the best way, the alternative ive done many a time and it only damages you. Id text..hope your ok?.. cant believe we are over..and then anger set in..i was in denial and so many fall into that trap and its a far worse off place than where you are now. Chin up! cant rain all the time

LegacyUser

Oh I'm objective alright. The head is very sensible but the heart isn't listening.

Elle Collins

Get hold of a lipstick and write on your bathroom mirror: "HE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!". Some day the penny will drop and you'll realise it's true. Then it's time to clean the mirror. Funny thing is, if you confront yourself with the truth this way, wiping-the-mirror-time will come much sooner than it otherwise would have done.

Good luck to you hun, we've all been there.

LegacyUser

Elle Collins wrote: »

Get hold of a lipstick and write on your bathroom mirror: "HE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!". Some day the penny will drop and you'll realise it's true. Then it's time to clean the mirror. Funny thing is, if you confront yourself with the truth this way, wiping-the-mirror-time will come much sooner than it otherwise would have done.

Thanks for your advice, but I dont think I will ever believe that. I dont think thats the issue and I dont think it will help me get over it.

He just didnt fancy/love me enough to continue. Its not his fault and its not mine either. I didnt do anything wrong.

Today is a bad day. I just cant accept it. I dont know how this happened

Elle Collins

kicked in the chest wrote: »

He just didnt fancy/love me enough to continue. Its not his fault and its not mine either.

It's not about anyone being at fault hun, it's about what he had to offer you not being good enough for you. You deserve someone who'll love and appreciate you very much.

This pain will ease, not that I expect you to believe that now - you wouldn't be heartbroken if you were capable of believing it. But in time, when the pain does ease, you will realise that what this man had to offer was not enough, that you were worth more, and you will be glad that you wasted months on him instead of years.

Believe me I know what I'm talking about because I've been down the same road you've just been down, and I spent years going down it, not months - worse fool me.

car.kar

I am exactly where you are right now, with pretty much the same reason, and very much struggling with the no contact thing. I know not talking is helping though, stick with it and know that you're definitely not alone :-)

gypsy_rose

Alright, how about you think to yourself, "If he didn't want me, he wasn't the one?" Someone out there is waiting for you, they will love and adore you, and breaking up with this guy just brought you one step closer to them. Just think to yourself that it wasn't meant to be and he wasn't the right one for you, that's why this happened. Think that, time, and keeping yourself occupied and you'll be fine, promise

LegacyUser

Six weeks on, and things are infinitely better.

I took myself out of the sort of context where I used to do things with him, went a bit crazy, had a lot of fun, and I feel a whole lot better.

Just for other people who are going through what I went through. It does ease, and you will get through it. Keep getting up, going to work, going out, doing stuff. Keep busy. Thinking is not good.

Wompa1

kicked in the chest wrote: »

Six weeks on, and things are infinitely better.

I took myself out of the sort of context where I used to do things with him, went a bit crazy, had a lot of fun, and I feel a whole lot better.

Just for other people who are going through what I went through. It does ease, and you will get through it. Keep getting up, going to work, going out, doing stuff. Keep busy. Thinking is not good.

Way to go OP. Looks like the idea of half the time might be true. Unfortunately that means it's another 6 months of not being able to stop thinking about her for me :-( Hope you enjoy your new found single status

wobblyheadedbob

It definitely takes a while to get over these things. Don't rush yourself for the moment but enjoy the perks of being single. Glad to see that things are improving for you, and they will keep getting better from here. Enjoy being single!