Cougar :(

mary_hayes

Hi!
New here...and just need to get some advice
I'm a mature student at a very small college, going in to final year in September.
We were out as a group last week and me and one of the younger lads in my course ended up having sex and he stayed in my house.
The problem is that other lads from our course stayed too and obviously put two and two together and have spread it around and even on to Facebook, I'm looking at comments people have made right now And I can't get in touch with the lad either
This is making me feel really really ill, I don't regret sleeping with him cause we liked each other for ages but I hate that everyone in this really small college is going to know! When this has happened with other people everyone gossips about it for ages! I'm even thinking about deferring a year just to avoid the gossip...all my own fault I know! well, just needed to get it off my chest thanks

Kimia

I don't really understand what the scandal is, and why they're spreading it around so much. Is the age difference extreme? They sound very immature.

mary_hayes

the age difference is 7 years and we've already kissed each other in our first year at college but no-one knows about that, I know I don't think it's scandalous when people hook up, I just don't know how to approach it

rainbow kirby

Moved from tLL to PI.

CnaG

Is the gossip nasty, or just fairly standard guess who slept with who on our course kind? Obviously, only you can decide if it's going to really affect your happiness on the course, but unless it's malicious personally I'd probably try laugh it off. A that's what happens with a few too many kind of thing.

If it is malicious, maybe mail a few of the people spreading it about and casually, politely ask them to desist. You could point out that it's really none of their business, and rather disrespectful considering you allowed them to stay in your house. Probably the most important thing is to not lose the head. Sex happens. I agree with the other poster though, the lads do seem a bit immature about this. Seven years isn't that big an age gap at all.

spinandscribble

mary_hayes wrote: »

the age difference is 7 years and we've already kissed each other in our first year at college but no-one knows about that, I know I don't think it's scandalous when people hook up, I just don't know how to approach it

oh jeeze louise, thats not exactly cougar age difference. So maybe he was 20/21 and you're in your late 20s? Plenty of girl I knew got with guys older then them by this many years in college and still do!

The 'problem' here is theses are boys, boys who probably havn't had sex enough yet so its such a big deal one of them got with someone older that they felt compelled to post about it 9(making a big deal out of it.

I hope the guy you hooked up with isn't partaking in this silliness. Please don't stay back a year (at a increased cost to you) because of a few boys delighted one of them got some with a "cougar".... you will regret it.

Why don't you just calm down for a sec, think about this. This will all die down soon. Just keep your composure, don't give in to the "drama" they've created. Soon it'll all blow over. Maybe reevaluate who you're hanging out with, the fact ppl getting with others results in gossip for AGES all the time in your group probably means they're kinda immature...

paky

lol 7 year difference is what you call a cougar? try an age difference of 20 years and come back to me.

gandalf

Come on what is the issue here? You are both adults and I assume single. You both like each other and have done so for a while. If the others want to behave and talk like little kids leave them to it. Seven years is not a great difference at all. In my early twenties I went out with two women who were 10 years older than me.

The only deciding factor here is that you and he like each other. Enjoy your final year in college and don't worry about a pack of kids gossiping on Facebook.

Chinafoot

You want to defer because people know you had sex with a classmate? Seriously? I know you're the older one here but jesus christ OP, thats an extremely childish overreaction.

Take your slagging and just get on with things. They'll find someone else to talk about soon enough.

Firetrap

This time next week it'll be someone else's turn to be in the limelight. It was sex between two consenting adults. You'll only make things worse for yourself if you run away from this situation.

R.D. aka MR.D

I hooked up with a guy in my college course which was tiny. The course gossips surely but it's just usually a passing thing. It'll be old news before long.

Try to forget about it and if anyone makes any jokes or anything then just joke along and take it with good humour.

steddyeddy

Dont be worrying your both consenting adults he cleary found you attractive and an age difference of seven years is not a cougar! As Sunflower said just reply "Yea so?". Im currently a mature student and yes there can be some childish people in college I wouldnt act like it hurts you and I definatly wouldnt put your career on hold because of other peoples immaturity!

mary_hayes

Hey all,
Thanks so much for all the helpful replies, I know you all speak sense and I definitely was over reacting! I just like my privacy and didn't like everyone knowing my business but so what? at the end of the day! Was talking to the guy I was with and none of the gossiping came from him so that's good too.

steddyeddy

mary_hayes wrote: »

Hey all,
Thanks so much for all the helpful replies, I know you all speak sense and I definitely was over reacting! I just like my privacy and didn't like everyone knowing my business but so what? at the end of the day! Was talking to the guy I was with and none of the gossiping came from him so that's good too.

Cool glad you feel better about it. Gossip can be rife in college or work amongst immature people. Its just a matter of not taking these people seriously!

tinkerbell

They are just gossiping, don't mind them. You and the guy like each other, just ignore the gossipers! You've nothing to be ashamed about at all.

Gyalist

mary_hayes wrote: »

Hey all,
Thanks so much for all the helpful replies, I know you all speak sense and I definitely was over reacting! I just like my privacy and didn't like everyone knowing my business but so what? at the end of the day! Was talking to the guy I was with and none of the gossiping came from him so that's good too.

If you so value your privacy and don't want to be the subject of gossip, you will have to learn to be more discreet. Sleeping with him when there were others from the course in the same house was not the brightest idea if, as you claim, you value your privacy.

Wompa1

mary_hayes wrote: »

Hey all,
Thanks so much for all the helpful replies, I know you all speak sense and I definitely was over reacting! I just like my privacy and didn't like everyone knowing my business but so what? at the end of the day! Was talking to the guy I was with and none of the gossiping came from him so that's good too.

You can nearly bet that's a lie...of course it came from him. Otherwise how would they know? People can share a bed without having sex. Sounds like you made it with a lad, lads ham it up to their friends and he'd be more than willing to make jokes about it when surrounded by a group, even if he's nice as pie talking to you. But sure best of luck with it anyways...all I'd say is don't listen to what a group of lads say anyway, not worth the brain power

gosuckonalemon

mary_hayes wrote: »

Hi!

I don't regret sleeping with him cause we liked each other for ages but I hate that everyone in this really small college is going to know! When this has happened with other people everyone gossips about it for ages!

mary_hayes wrote: »

Hey all,
I just like my privacy and didn't like everyone knowing my business but so what? at the end of the day! Was talking to the guy I was with and none of the gossiping came from him so that's good too.

These two statements contradict each other.

You know that people in you class gossip when things like this happen and you like your privacy. But you still shagged him??

Also, he 100% went back and told his mates he shagged you. If he didn't and you didn't then who did?

I am a friend

Yeah unfortunately you slept with a kid with a big mouth. It's a harsh lesson though...

You could try contacting each of the posters and asking them to take the posts down.

King of Kings

I am a friend wrote: »

Yeah unfortunately you slept with a kid with a big mouth. It's a harsh lesson though...
.

bit rough there on the chap. It happened in a house with others there...if he was asked who knows what he said... He could have denied to it high heaven and there still could have not believed him. Maybe he can't lie for ****. Stop judging him unless you you were there.

Anyway why should he lie? Did the OP tell him to keep it qt?

I would never deny being with somebody if ask and I'd be kinda miffed if somebody denied being with me either. Not saying to braodcast it but if ask be truthful or tell them to mind their own business (exceptions being if your parents ask -then lie!)

I think the OP is too sensitive - if she likes the lad then who cares.

It'll be somebody or something else next week

LegacyUser

I can't actually believe you're the "mature" one in this situation. To consider putting off a years education because of a boy is beyond childish. I'd suggest you take this on the chin OP, and just get on with it. The lesson to learn is don't screw the crew !!!!!!

Distorted

I think you're overreacting OP. You are the older one, so you its up to you to lead by example. Hold your head up, smile enigmatically if asked any awkward questions and it will soon all die down. Although it doesn't sound as though it has even started. If they are a decent bunch of lads they won't gossip, if they do, then simply cut them off and don't have any more to do with them. Lesson learned. Although I do agree with the post above that points out that if you don't want to be gossiped about, perhaps don't have a ONS in a house where there are other people around. I think thats a far bigger issue, if you want to call it that, than having a ONS with someone 7 years younger, which is really no big deal especially since you are all in the same social circle.