My Personal Problem

unknowntoown

hi all
just to start off, im 17 years old turning 18 in 3 months time
im not exactly an angel but im not a scumbag either, im just in between
a teenager who likes to drink most weekends with his mates having a laugh
basicly a social life

heres my problem
since i was about 12 entering my teenage years MY sister who was currently 8 at the time, my ma and da go out every wensday and saturday without failure
so i was stuck minding my sister which didnt bother me until i reached 16 and wanted more time for going out and having a laugh and not having to babysit
my sister right now is currently 13 years old and im 17 going 18 and shes turning 14 just a few days after me
and i STILLLLL have to babysit her
i find it really unfair to me
not to mention i have a girlfriend who ive been with for almost 2 years and shes starting to get annoyed over it and i can understand its a waste of a saturday night for both of us

i mean my sister is nearly 14 she has little to no social life, shes always inside and my da keeps filling her head with these ideas of people might rob the house
now i find it ridiculious that he says this because what are the odds of someone robbing my house which is on a main road with cars going by it every night and over 300 houses surrounding my house around the road
what are the odds of a person robbing my house the second she stays on her own

it never bothered me until i was 16
i do have constant rows with my ma and da over this
when im 18 i plan on clubbing every week since i have the money for it
i have a job i should be able to enjoy my self with what i earn special when i turn 18
i put it straight to my ma today
i said, look when im 18 im not babysitting anymore, its a waste of my time, shes nearly 14 let her grow up stop filling her head with **** for **** sake let me have a life yous go out twice a week im in most weeks over both yous , my birds on me back about it so if you think this is going to continue when im 18 think again il leave the gaf and ya can find someone who would actually mind a 14 year old,

im not showin off or actin a big man but even by then i was drinking with mates and messin around.
just because they cant accept the fact that my sister is old enough and that i should be aloud to have a life and not stay in and mind ( i stress this) A 14 YEAR OLD

please no flames or kids replying to this i want adult advice or a parent advice cause this is just gettin out of hand

sorry for spellin mistakes i tryed, im really a text type kind of person ha also sorry for abit of language in there im stressed out over this mods you can remove the language part if you want
but i feel its necessary to show that this is really serious to me

Silverfish

Hiya OP,

I call this the curse of being the eldest.

What I did was as soon as I could afford to, BAM I was out the door and into a flat in Dublin. (actually a bit before I could afford to, I lived on beans, toast, pasta and pot noodles for a year)
In order to pay the rent, there was 4 or 5 of us in a two bedroom flat.
I was still asked to go home every weekend to babysit, sadly I was working 3 weekends out of every 4.

So, just keep working towards the day you move out.

In the meantime, I'd try negotiate with your parents, I.e can she stay at a friends, or with a cousin or another family member, or can someone else stay over.

unknowntoown

thanks for fast reply
i do plan on moving out after college
but if this gets out of hand then the second im 18 i will be moving out.
she cant stay in a friends because she doesnt have any
she doesnt like staying in other family members house so she moans and crys until she gets what she wants
shes almost 14

personal im 17
i actually want to enjoy my pre adult years before i turn 18 cause its a buzz yeno
but i cant with my sister
no one will mind a 14 year old
i think shes the only 14 year old in ireland who gets babysitted
shes never going to grow up this way
they wont listen to me
im on the verge of just moving out now and living with my girlfriend her ma and da said im always welcome they even think its bullsh...
so basicly im just looking for some advice on how to get around this
cause when ever I try to have a normal talk about this to my parents they just try ignore it or they say tough your 17 your still a minor and as long as your living under my house you live by my rules
in fairness my ma does understand i get the odd night out sat because of her she stays in
but my da just controls everything
i feel like were gonna end up having a boxing match over this

even if anyone just agrees with me over this il know then that it truely is stupid what i have to do

up for anything

She is not the only 13 year old in Ireland who doesn't get left on her own in the house during the evening!

Children of that age who may be left on their on during the day may not have the confidence to stay on their own in the house during the evening when it's dark. My daughter 'babysits' a 13, nearly 14 year old boy who is 6" taller than her and about 2 stone heavier. He's still a child at that age and gets freaked out by noises in the house and outside once it gets dark. It's pretty normal. Also houses these days have a lot more strangers coming to the door during the evening then they used to. People such as charity collectors, takeaway delivery people coming to the wrong house (happens at least once a week to me). Even if she's told not to answer the door it's unnerving.

I would say to your parents that you will babysit her every second weekend and either one of them will have to stay home on the weekend you don't do it or they should hire someone. Your sister sounds like she hasn't a lot of confidence. It might be nice for her to have a 16 year old girl to hang out with sometimes.

Do you make an effort with her? You sound pretty scathing about her which could just be the usual sibling stuff but it might bring her out of herself if you bring her around with you some times or include her in stuff that you do. Big brotherly niceness can really boost a girl's confidence. I remember feeling really good in myself when my brother took proper notice of me and once in a while included me in things he was interested in - it made me feel more adult.

C-J

Ah teenage angst! Wait till you have a mortgage, bills to pay and real problems!

Silverfish

C-J wrote: »

Ah teenage angst! Wait till you have a mortgage, bills to pay and real problems!

That is not particularly helpful to the OP.

If you do not have anything constructive to add, please do not post.

unknowntoown

actually everything you just said is the opposite
i love my sister id kill anyone who tryed to harm her
i even got her going out at one point and she had a social life until my da filled her thoughts with stupid things like an example " he said " you have to be carefully when your out cause anyone could kidnap you in a car" and " theres robbers around the neighbourhood so tell ..... to look after you" the dots are my name
anyway
no i wont bring my sister out with me, even if i wanted to i couldnt my da wouldnt let me hes to over protective with her
im 17 mate im not gonna let my sister hang around with me and my mates while were drinking/smoking or playing football she would just sit there be bored or she would say no im not coming out anyway
my girlfriend also trys to help she asks my sister to come to town with her to help her shop and all
my sis refuses to go
shes afraid
at the end of the day
its not about my sister she tells my da that she doesnt mind stayin home alone, shed prefer it because even when im home babysittin shes downstairs watchs tele til me ma and da come in and im just in me room all ni
so i could sneak out the window come back and itd make no difference
all i want is to have my sat nights free
all i want is advice on how to get this, thanks for trying two of yas but either way when im 18 im either gone out the door or they can just let me free for sat nights
but until then im trying to compromise with them, they aint listenin, its the reason im posting it hear to show and tell you its unfair for me , like i cant even talk to them normal about it until me da flips out and were at each others throats then

C-J

How do I appeal a warning? Long term boards user and NOT happy about this decision. I was not attempting to be unhelpful rather I was just being realistic, if the op wants to move out he'll have to cope with bills, rent, mortgage etc. I also note that text speak is being permitted in several posts and surely this is also 'against the forum charter'.

Fittle

So you're 17 and she's 13. You like to go out on the piss every weekend (but you're not a scumbag) and you have a girlfriend who is pressuring you to do so, and she's also pressuring you not to mind your younger sister?
Who pays for your beer OP? Do your folks subsidise your piss-ups? I'm assuming they do. What else would you be doing on a Wednesday night (which I assume is a school night?).

You need to cop on OP. Your folks need to get out too. Move out when you're 18 if you don't like it. Or get your girlfriend to come over and babysit with you if your folks allow it. Or go out on Friday nights with your girlfriend. Growing up is all about realising that life is all about give and take.

shellyboo

unknowntoown wrote: »

when ever I try to have a normal talk about this to my parents they just try ignore it or they say tough your 17 your still a minor and as long as your living under my house you live by my rules

They're right. You're not old enough to be going out drinking anyway, your parents kindly let you because they obviously trust you. It could be worse, you could never get out.

unknowntoown wrote: »

in fairness my ma does understand i get the odd night out sat because of her she stays in

The odd night is better than no night. Stop being so ungrateful! Minding your sister at weekends is the least you can do for your parents, who spent every Saturday night in for 14 years minding YOU.

King of Kings

to be honest I feel that it's not a huge ask to mind your sister one night of the weekend assuming you get to go out the other night.

If the fact that it's every sat night is bothering you then discuss a rota with your parents.
But if it's the fact that you want the two nights of the weekend to go out then tough - your parents need a life too and families should all pitch in together.

Although your dad does sound like a fool filling your sisters head with that ****e.
Your gf and YOU should cop on too and accept that we all have responsibilites
(even teeenagers) .

Silverfish

C-J wrote: »

How do I appeal a warning? Long term boards user and NOT happy about this decision. I was not attempting to be unhelpful rather I was just being realistic, if the op wants to move out he'll have to cope with bills, rent, mortgage etc. I also note that text speak is being permitted in several posts and surely this is also 'against the forum charter'.

If you wish to dispute a warning, use the Dispute Resolution Procedure.

From the PI Charter (which I requested you read)

Questioning a mod action in a thread in the Personal Issues forum is considered off topic and unhelpful posting and may result in a ban from the forum.

unknowntoown

Fittle wrote: »

So you're 17 and she's 13. You like to go out on the piss every weekend (but you're not a scumbag) and you have a girlfriend who is pressuring you to do so, and she's also pressuring you not to mind your younger sister?
Who pays for your beer OP? Do your folks subsidise your piss-ups? I'm assuming they do. What else would you be doing on a Wednesday night (which I assume is a school night?).

You need to cop on OP. Your folks need to get out too. Move out when you're 18 if you don't like it. Or get your girlfriend to come over and babysit with you if your folks allow it. Or go out on Friday nights with your girlfriend. Growing up is all about realising that life is all about give and take.

Piss ups in clubs and pubs is not scumbag
girlfriend not pressureing me, pressureing is if she threatend to break up with me thats pressure idiot
i pay for the beer as i previously said i have a good job with good income
my folks are laid back with me drinking and smoking
i dont drink school nights
so before you come in here and judge me get your facts straight dumb ass i wasnt looking for judgement cause clearly you havnt read all my posts other wise you wouldnt of made such an idiotic reply

unknowntoown

King of Kings wrote: »

to be honest I feel that it's not a huge ask to mind your sister one night of the weekend assuming you get to go out the other night.

If the fact that it's every sat night is bothering you then discuss a rota with your parents.
But if it's the fact that you want the two nights of the weekend to go out then tough - your parents need a life too and families should all pitch in together.

Although your dad does sound like a fool filling your sisters head with that ****e.
Your gf and YOU should cop on too and accept that we all have responsibilites
(even teeenagers) .

its not my responsibilite to mind a 13 year old every weekend and wensdays sometimes even fridays,
Doesnt matter anyway i moved out last night
thanks everyone for your help
for all yous who didnt even read my posts and commented anyway, you need to get your life sorted cause i must of hurt you in some way in my original post

my rent is 450 a month
i get over 1600 a month
end of the day i knew it was coming

my ma and da actually got a babysitter for her, but alls fair in love a war

iguana

Fittle wrote: »

Who pays for your beer OP? Do your folks subsidise your piss-ups? I'm assuming they do.

Why would you assume that when the OP has already stated that he has a job and uses his earnings to finance his nights out? Also bare in mind that since he was 12 he has been babysitting twice a week for his parents, so it's not as if he's refusing to pull his weight. And it's understandable that he is frustrated by the fact that at the age of 12 he was responsible for himself and his sister when his parents went out at night but at 14 his sister won't be responsible for herself.

OP, I'm assuming that the Saturday nights are the real bone of contention? I suggest you talk to your parents again, but with a different attitude because if you really spoke to your mother in the way you recounted it's not surprising that you didn't get anywhere. Tell them you'll keep doing the Wednesdays but you'll pay for a babysitter on Saturdays as part of your room and board.

Morag

Look legally you should not be buying drink, and it has to be said as the rules for this site
have a bit in them about not promoting illegal acts.

You said that your left minding your sister a lot, what are your parents doing?
Are they that invovled with hobbies or clubs or are they constantly down the pub?
If they are in the pub most nights, then honestly I feel sorry for you and yoru sister if that's the type of childhood you have had and I don't blame you for wanting to get away.

13 these days is considered a bit young to be left alone for an extended length of time.
Yeah I know at 13 I was minding my 4 younger siblings on occasion, but I'd feel wrong about leaving my now 13 year old alone in the house for 4 hours during the day never mind at night.

You are entitled to your own life and socail life and your parents are going to have to learn to let you have that. I get your pissed off but this will be a series of compromises you will have to reach with them as you become an adult living in the house.

Which means you have to pick when you want to have the 'chat' about it, pick a time when they are not stressed or due to go out and don't raise your voice, try to be as reasonable as possible.

You sound pretty level headed which is prolly why your parents were happy to have to babysit at 13 and why they are happy with having you mind yoru sister. You parents will have worries about her that they would not have had about you cos she is their daughter.

How harder would life be at home if she was left to her self on friday/saturday nights and started having mates around or started seeing a fella and then ended up knocked up and then there was a baby in the house?

Yeah it's not fair to put the burden of supervising your sibling solely on you, but family looks out for each other, so talk to your parents about.

Silverfish

As the OP is now banned for personal abuse, I am closing this thread.