Bad kisser?

LegacyUser

For obvious reasons, I'm going unregistered for this.

I'm a 17 year old girl and I kissed someone for the first time last February. It was in a night club, and to be honest, I didn't enjoy it at all. I was just going through the motions, I spent the entire time wondering how long it would have to last. Needless to say, it was fairly disappointing.

I didn't really bother with even interacting with any guys on subsequent nights out, until Tuesday night. We had just graduated from school and the entire year went out.

A guy and I started dancing, and things started getting closer. He was kissing my neck, which felt lovely and I know I was attracted to him. Then we started kissing, just small kisses and again, I felt nothing, I felt emotionally detached from the whole thing. I then found out that he was 23, and he made his excuses and left, saying he didn't want to get into trouble.

I'm convinced that the only reason he left was because he thought I was a terrible kisser. Surely, if he had felt a connection, he'd have stayed, no matter what my age. Back in February, when I didn't enjoy it, I told myself that maybe that guy was a bad kisser, but this guy did seem to know what he was doing, he obviously had more experience and when he was kissing my neck, it felt wonderful.

Now, perhaps a night club isn't the best place for this sort of thing, I was slightly drunk, as was he - but I can't help feeling that it would be even more awkward if I were sober.

I've always been hopelessly uncoordinated and it's never bothered me, but now I'm worried that I'm going to be uncoordinated and clumsy when it comes to intimate relations and sex, when the time comes too.

I'm obviously a late starter and perhaps these things take practice....but I'm quite embarrassed by it all and mortified that a guy would be turned off because of my kissing.

Help?

Contessa Raven

I think perhaps one of these two things happened:

- He's 23 so he was probably quite surprised when you said you were 17. (He probably assumed you were at least 18 since you were in a nightclub.) I'm also 23 and I think that 17 and 23 is quite a large gap. Perhaps he did too and it turned him off.

- He said he didn't want to get in trouble. Maybe he thought that if you were caught drinking underage or whatever that he'd be accused of sneaking you in/buying you alcohol etc.

Either way, I doubt it was your kissing. My guess would be that it was your age moreso than anything else. As for kissing, it takes practice. There are many different ways and techniques to it and every person will do it a little differently. Try to relax and follow the other person's lead if you are unsure of what to do.

LegacyUser

what the above poster said, also you cant expect to feel an "emotional connection" with someone youve just met in a nightclub. At the very best you'll fancy them and that doesnt even guarantee you'll think the kiss is any good.

Its highly unlikely your technique scared him off.

eternal

Its usually better to have first experiences with someone you are fond of or attracted to.
My first kiss made me sick and I was terrified to go near anyone again.I would say the same about losing your virginity ,dont just try and get rid of it .Wait until you at least care about the guy.
its not about being good at kissing ,its about chemistry.If someone is very drunk their kisses can be sloppy enough through no fault of theirs.
One persons kiss might intice you another leave you cold.It depends on the chemisty between people.Its something people have yet been able to explain.
There will come a day when you kiss someone and it will be magical.

minidazzler

I'm 22, if I was kissing a girl in a night club and found out she was 17, I wouldn't just walk away, I'd say it to the bouncer straight away. He could possibly have gotten in trouble if he had bought you a drink or whatever. It's probably nothing to do with your kissing abilities and more to do with your age. Do yourself, and any guy in a night club a favour OP, and just wait until you are 18 before going back.

Also, the movie "emotion" that comes with a first kiss between 2 people, is in my experience, not real. Maybe twice it's happened to me, but they were with people who I had known a while and had not been able to make a move. An emotional connection takes time.

MitchKoobski

It doesn't matter if I'm kissing a goddess. If I find out she's 17, I'm leaving there and then. What would happen if I bought her a drink and something happened?

It was down to you being 17 and him being 23 OP.

Wompa1

stop going to nightclubs until you're 18. you have years to experience being a drunken idiot in a night club. You are putting others at risk

xsiborg

OP to me it just sounds as though you are thinking FAR too much about the situation. this perhaps is down to your lack of experience and the fact that you may have been influenced by what you see in the media, on tv, or even the way your friends might talk about their experiences.

i think you see yourself as clumsy and awkward only because you don't have much confidence in yourself or your, well, for want of a better word- kissing "ability"?

seriously OP, there is NO "right" or "wrong" way, just what feels right for YOU, and i think THAT'S what this other person was picking up on even moreso than your age. i think they picked up that you weren't feeling it and your mind was wandering, instead of just relaxing and enjoying it and not thinking so "robotically" about it.

in short i'd just suggest you not be so self conscious next time you meet a guy you are attracted to in the club, and i actually say fair play to you for telling the guy you are only 17, at least you let him know, and fair play to him for walking away and not trying to take advantage.

hope this helps alleviate your worries in some way, we've all been through it OP, at one time or another, even if you look around the forums you'll find there are posters in their mid 30's that are confused and bemused by the opposite sex and wonder "is it me?", when in reality the simple fact of the matter is that if they were less self conscious and had a little bit more confidence in themselves, they'd find it so much easier to relax and let natural chemistry take over, hence feeling far better about themselves...

chin up and walk tall OP...