Single 99% of my life, glimmer of hope this will change

karaokeman

I am 19 years old, never had a girlfriend barr one I only had for about two dates.

I am about to sit my Leaving Cert in two weeks and I am thinking about how my social life will (hopefully) change in college.

Generally my self-esteem is pretty good. There are only certain stages when it hits me that I am still want to be in a healthy relationship with a girl.

It is something, which has always bugged me. Been in an all-boys school the past 6 years so I often question will I have a better possibility in college.

I also struggle with confidence issues when it comes to asking girls out. I've only asked about 3 or 4 I would say in my whole life. I have other mates in my situation, single for most of their lives and they had the confidence to ask a great many girls out but were rejected by each one.

And the one girl I was with was only doing it to take advantage of me, I realised that soon enough and my friends knew it too so we had some common ground there.

But really what I want to believe is when I go to college my luck will change with dating. I really just want to meet a girl who I can care about, talk to when she's feeling down, hug her when she's cold, comfort her when she cries, bring her on dates to the cinema, town etc.

And in case this comes up the reasons I gave are WHY I really want a gf. Its not that I just want one for sex or anything like that. I'm not that type of guy who would go out with a girl just to use her, I've been single for so long I'm determined not to take it for granted.

Otherwsie has anyone got any advice, sorry this is poorly written but I really had to come out and express my feelings.

Belladance

College will open up a world of possibilities for you. There are so many different types of people at college, you will find someone you like and someone who will respect you. Dont afraid to take chances and put yourself out there. If she rejects you then it really is her problem because you seem like a decent, genuine and honest lad. Value yourself - you are a good catch - why should you settle for anything less than the best? Time is on your side... dont be afraid to be fussy and break hearts either. Best of luck - I'm very jealous... these will be the best days of your life and I would give anything to do it all over again.....

karaokeman

Thanks for the reply buddy.

Currently there is no one girl in particular I want to ask out, but I do often wonder what college will bring.

I'm going to NUIM, which I believe has almost 8000 students.

Its the fact college has this number of students I often believe I might have a better chance in college because I really haven't met enough girls in the last few years. About 5-7 who I got to know really well but they didn't like me anymore than a friend, so we won't go there.

Keep em' coming.

Fentdog84

Just relax and stop worrying. Your still only 19 there will be plenty opportunities and plenty girls. Didnt have my 1st serious gf til I was 21. I thought it would never happen. But It WILL happen. Best of luck with the leaving and just enjoy life.

When you start college, talk to EVERYONE. Guys, girls, in your course, outside your course. Don't ever be afraid that you'll seem over-friendly. Everyone's in the same boat, everyone's trying to make friends, and for the first month or so, it's completely acceptable to just start talking to anyone. After that, friendships become fixed and you'll be glad you made the effort at the start.

Making friends is half the battle, and it's enjoyable, not hard. Having a large network of friends makes it more likely that you'll meet girls you like, similar minded people and people interested in you. You'll also be more likely to go out, and let's face it, clubs aren't somewhere to get with the love of your life, but it is a place where you could meet someone like that. Concentrate less on getting with girls, just on getting to know them, and put some effort into being a friendly, reliable guy. When you get to know a girl you like, don't be afraid to make it clear that you like her, but don't approach her in a student-disco kind of way.

GirlWithBrain

Karaokeman, from someone who's nearly written the book on being eternally single, you really don't need to worry. College will change absolutely everything you've known so far socially. It's crazy how different it is from the school age social scene but just make sure you're ready for it - it's a wonderful opportunity to meet all kinds of people so be open minded and as a previous poster said, talk to EVERYONE! The majority of people will be in the same boat as you as a newbie looking to meet people so embrace it - the friends I have from college are definitely friends for life. Make sure to join some clubs/socs and just get to meet as many people as possible and then the rest will follow. Don't focus on finding a girlfriend, just enjoy the whole experience and I can guarantee you won't have problems!

karaokeman

true-or-false wrote: »

When you get to know a girl you like, don't be afraid to make it clear that you like her, but don't approach her in a student-disco kind of way.

Thanks for all the replies so far.
I will try and remember that after this summer college will be the best years of my life.
Hopefully the summer will pass soon enough, I'm going to Take That on the 19th and then Oxegen in July followed by Sweden so it should probably go by really fast with everything I have going on.
And true-or-false may I ask what you mean by a "student-disco kind of way"?

Cottontail

I'd never gone out with anyone when I was 19, and college was a great social experience. I met my husband there too. It will be great for you, just enjoy it and don't stress too much about meeting someone and it will happen.

karaokeman

karaokeman wrote: »

And true-or-false may I ask what you mean by a "student-disco kind of way"?

I'm not sure I can pin point it, but I basically mean be confident. By student disco I just meant when you're really young and a guy comes up who has never talked to you before and just tries to get with you, without a word said to you. So no looking down at the ground, mumbling, and definitely not asking your friend to talk to her! I'm sure these aren't problems you'd have, as you made it clear in your OP that you want a proper relationship. A lot of guys starting college seem to be bewildered at the notion of being in a quiet social setting with girls instead of the back of a club.

karaokeman

true-or-false wrote: »

I'm not sure I can pin point it, but I basically mean be confident. By student disco I just meant when you're really young and a guy comes up who has never talked to you before and just tries to get with you, without a word said to you. So no looking down at the ground, mumbling, and definitely not asking your friend to talk to her! I'm sure these aren't problems you'd have, as you made it clear in your OP that you want a proper relationship. A lot of guys starting college seem to be bewildered at the notion of being in a quiet social setting with girls instead of the back of a club.

Thanks for the clarification.
Well I prefer meeting new people in a quiet setting really.
When I go to clubs & pubs and whatnot its really just a way to enjoy myself with friends I already have.
But for the meeting part, something casual would definitely be better.
And I think in college I will get that in the daytime, maybe not as much so at night with all the evening activities that happen on campus.

racso1975

can i ask if you went to an all boys school?

coolmoose

karaokeman wrote: »

Been in an all-boys school the past 6 years so...

racso1975 wrote: »

can i ask if you went to an all boys school?

Yes he did

OP. definitely don't focus on getting a girlfriend...my advice is to enjoy the great social experience that college is, and when you least expect it normally, an opportunity will present itself with a girl that you like.

Would love to go back and experience college all over again, you're lucky!

Ainekav

You are 19 years old ffs - stop worrying about getting a girlfriend!!

My boyfriend would tell you that you will find that once you have one they are the cause of a lot of hassle

Relax

unknowntoown

to OP
dont worry about a girlfriend man
TRUST ME im 17 years old going 18 in 3 months time
im with my girlfriend nearly 2 years
and right now i love her to bits but at the same time i want to be single to enjoy life
go clubbing
gob(french kiss) some random girl in a club, youl either get a slap or theyl give you one back ha
na seriously though man
lay back go clubbing have a laugh with your mates, theres a girl out there for everyone until you find that one just ask any random girl out
if you cant do that, if your ina bar get a girl a drink, only 1 drink 2 at the most cause you might get taken advantage of, ask for her number
text her next day asking does she want to buzz into town or where ever for a drink with your mates or hers and if she says yes then boom your in there
or if you handle rejection well just ask any girl to dance or chat them up
its easy mate just need confidence if they say no then just say to yourself, screw it il try with someone else, theres so many girls out there who love the attention that they get from fellas but they love it more when a confident fella comes up to them having a normal talk and a laugh

just dont be too cheesy not all girls like that.
good luck man, if you want im going clubbing next weekend you can bring your mates and il get a group of birds around us ha.
good luck bro

also its all about personality, girls love a funny fella , so if your not confident in your looks but you have a great personality dont worry about it cause girls prefer personalitys over looks anyday
as long as you dont look like the hunchback your alright