Advice needed from guys and girls. I'm being driven demented!

LegacyUser

Firstly - Apologies for this being so long but I felt I couldn’t simplify it any further as it wouldn’t give you the entire picture and I feel it’s important I tell you a balanced story. I'm looking for some advice folks, I am hoping someone has been in a similar situation / known someone in a similar situation, or just can give me their views or ideas on how to deal with this....

So I've been with my man for over 5 years and I love him to death. We haven't spoken in 4 days because we have had another one of our arguments. This is a fairly regular occurrence. We will have some petty argument and then he won’t speak to me for days. Every single time I have been the first to make a move and contact him after one of these arguments, I have called and pleaded with him, even though it eats away at my self confidence, self respect and makes me feel like sh*t.

The content of our arguments is never serious. We usually argue over some petty things, to give you an example - the most recent argument - Sunday. We travelled to my home town for my fathers 60th birthday in the a.m., my family all went out for a lovely meal, paid for by my family, we went for drinks after - neither myself or the boyfriend were drinking as we both had to head back to the city that night, as we had work the next day. Anyway - the meal was at 2pm, drinks after at about 4 - he then tells me that we absolutely must leave 'in the next hour' to get home as he needs to listen to the soccer on the radio for the car journey. I see my folks once every 6 weeks or so, im not spending 3 hours with my dad for his birthday (we live about 1 hour 20 minutes away from my home town) I had wanted to leave them at about 8 or 9 and still be home for a fairly reasonable hour. Anyway I told him that there was no way we were leaving between 4 and 5 and that was it.

He didn’t speak to me nor any of my family for the next 2 hours (keep in mind my family paid for dinner and all our non alcoholic drinks) he sat there like a spoilt brat for 2 hours staring into space, ignoring everyone until I couldn't take it any more and told him we could leave so he could listen to the soccer. Said goodbye to my family after spending only 4 hours with them and went off in the car. He didn’t say one word to me the whole hour down in the car and just dropped me at my house (we don’t live together). I asked him if he was ok and if he wanted a few days... he said 'yeah whatever I don’t care' like he always does and told me to get out as he had to get home. I text him about 2 hours later (not wanting a fight, I never do) and told him that I was hoping he'd say no when I asked him if he wants a few days off, I told him to just have a good think, I told him that I wouldn’t contact him, I’d leave him contact me first and I told him that I would be upset until I heard from him. Got no text back and its now Thursday and I still haven’t heard a peep from him.

Now - if this was a once off then I wouldn’t be so worried but what kills me is that this stuff happens every couple of months. If I have an issue with him, like if he does something to annoy me or if I disagree with him then im almost afraid to say it to him because he can’t stand up like a man and talk it out...he is gone at the first sign of an argument.. He walks out the door and I won’t hear from him for a day or two until I finally give up and ring him or text him first. Usually I'm devastated for those few days without him and by day 2 I am just desperate for him again so I’ll go begging like a fool, I hate myself for it. Anyway about two months ago something similar had happened and afterwards I told him that if he ever ran off on me again that it would be the last time and he would never ever hear from me again. SO HERE WE ARE!!!! He’s doing it again, Im like is this happening. Am I a fool?

I'll give you a bit of background on him. He is amazing, he is gorgeous, loyal, faithful absolutely goes gogogaga over babies and puppies and kittens, loves nothing more that sitting in with me watching a movie, cuddling on the couch, he often talks about our future together, travelling etc. Has lots of friends, my family and friends adore him and he never has a bad word to say about anyone. If anything he is slightly removed from reality and lives in a little bubble all by himself. I trust him 100% and he is my best friend. Its just this crappy issue of him not being able to deal with reality - I feel like he thinks that relationships should not have drama. He thinks that we aren’t normal because we argue. It doesn’t happen a whole lot, like we'll have our tiny arguments over what to watch on TV, but when it comes to real life things, he can’t handle it and runs off like a child. Then I’m left really really miserable for days on end until I make the move. Above I mentioned his good points. His bad ones are this horrible childish attitude to our relationship - over the 5 years, he's never once really gotten me a present for my birthday, valentines or anniversaries...when I met him, I was the most romantic person in the world, I fell head over heels in love with him and then I noticed he was a bit crap with the presents giving (our first xmas - I had lots of pressies for him all wrapped up in little colourful packages and he gave me socks and face wipes in a Tesco bag) but that was ok, I decided I just had to lower my standards which I did, now I don’t really expect anything for xmas, valentines or anniversaries and I’m OK with that, but my birthday, each year I hope for something special from him... last year I got a little candle and this year I got an egg shaped thing with a little paint set and socks and face wipes again.

Now - in saying all that he is not a cheapskate... the laptop im typing this on was a gift from him. He won a sum of money before and got this for me as I didn’t have one. He helps me out financially as im back in college (a mutual decision, I’d go back and better myself, he would help out financially) - I work 2 part time jobs and do my best to get myself by, then every so often I need him to give me 50 quid to make my rent, or a tenner here and there to buy food. This is a constant issue with him. He throws it back in my face every time he's in a bad mood, even though when I was talking about going to college full time he thought it was a great idea and promised to look after me. When I finish I will be earning the big bucks and will repay the monies, I also own a house in my home town and one day this will be his house too.

I still very much do my bit working as much as I can but still need his help. Anyway none of this is really the issue - the big one is what the hell do I do about this horrible childish attitude. After I told him that the next time he does it will be the last - he still does it anyway...I think he lacks empathy and feelings for others, he cares very little about seeing me upset - ever. When we make up he's all sorry and apologies and never doing it again etc and I tell him how much it hurts and not to do it again, but he will - and he'll do it over and over. I don’t see it ever ending. Am I being the selfish one? Should I just keep my mouth shut - after all he is a nice guy and he’s got all these great qualities. What kills me is that he is 30 years of age and I feel like if he hasn’t changed by now then will he ever really change? I can’t see myself with anybody else but then I don’t want to feel like a doormat for the rest of my life. If we have kids together, which we both really want – can I trust him not to run off like this again at the first sign of trouble. I really am at my wits end. Has anybody else been in this situation before? What was the outcome? Please help me…

I understand that people out there dont see this as a real problem, that is why I cant really talk to my friends about it, some of them have had horrible relationships before, or been the victim of an affair... but it is a serious issue for me. I want him to see that its ok to sit down and thrash it out. I want this man to be my husband and father of my kids but I just cant trust him enough not to run off on me in the future. Do I contact him again and ask him to sort it out or do I just give him a taste of his own medicine? Any reply would be very helpful....