Am I wrong to hate my life

bubbles37

Hi,

Recently I've been feeling really down with my life, I just feel like I'm losing my friends because I don't have alot of time for them anymore and I don't get on well with my parents either. I have no independence as my parents are very controlling. I'm 19 and had a baby nearly a year ago. I moved in with my boyfriend but after a couple of weeks was forced to move back home by my parents because they threatened to cut me off from my whole family if I didn't. I have no independence because I don't drive, can't afford driving lessons, a car, tax, insurance or petrol. I rely on social welfare and can't get a job because I am in college and even now that I am on holidays my parents won't let me get one because they would have to drive me. The only places I go are my boyfriends house one day a week and any appointments my son has that he really needs to go to. My parents wont allow mw and my son to go to my boyfriends house for more than one night a week so they determine how much he gets to see his own son. This causes alot of fights between me and my boyfriend and also between me and my parents.
I don't have much time for my friends at the moment either because they spend time with each other by going out alot and staying in at one of the girls houses. I can't afford to go out with them and there's also the fact of getting a lift. I only get to see my friends once every 3 months of not longer and that's when they can manage to come out to visit me.
I just feel like I'm completely trapped in this house and I'm never going to get any independence. I've already lost my best friends and I'm terrified of losing my boyfriend because of my controlling parents. The only thing that keeps me going is my beautiful son but I can't help sometimes feeling like my life is going nowhere and if I don't get out of here soon I won't be able to give him the life or family he deserves.
I guess what I'm really asking is has anyone been in a similar situation and how did it work out for you? Or just has anyone any views on the situation because I don't see my friends enough to talk to them about any of this.

Thanks!

Esoteric_

Look, I'm not being harsh here and I completely get you hating your life at the moment, but the power to change it is in your hands. Move back in with your boyfriend and get away from your parents. If they try to turn your family against you, ignore it. Any sensible family member you have would ignore petty rumours and gossip anyway.

If your boyfriend wants you to move in, move back in and forget your parents. You're letting them walk all over you because you're scared of standing up for yourself, but there is nothing they can do to stop you really. They can't stop you from getting benefits if you move out, they can't stop you from getting a job if you move out, they can't stop you from doing anything if you move out. The ONLY consequence is that they might turn some family members against you. What does that matter in the grand scheme of things?

Fea.

I agree, its time you took control hun, your 19, not 12, they can't dictate anymore no matter how good or bad their intentions are. You already see and understand the problems that are there, given time, these problems will mount and fester making yours and theirs but more importantly your son's life miserable.

Maybe its your boyfriend and son that should be coming first, not your parents. Afterall, you three are the most important family now.

Ainekav

I completely agree with the above two posters - you are letting your parents control your life. How are you going to teach your child in the future to be an independent, level-headed human being, if you never stood up for yourself and your baby?

Move back in with the boyf

Tell your friends (via email or facebook) what is going on (as much as you want to divulge) and say you will need their support. Explain to them that you can't go to see them much - but if you can, at all, with the baby or whatever - then do. It is going to be paramount to you that you have the support of a few GOOD friends as you build your new life away from your parents. (By the way - re-evaluate how good these friends are if they can only come to see you every 3 months, given that you have a baby. They should acknowledge how hard it is for you to go out with them and visit them, and should be making the effort to visit you).

Your parents are the problem here - not your boyfriend or anyone else. How ridiculous is it that they wont let you or help you get a job - you have a child to feed!!! It's absurd!! Get a job that you can bus it to, or walk to. And get your boyfriend to help you out with childcare.

If they turn your family against you - or threaten to - tell them they won't see their grandchild again. Harsh, but fair.

Good luck - It's time to start standing on your own two feet. You are a Mother.

Firetrap

I agree with the others. You need to get out of home before your parents destroy whatever life it is that you have left. You are an adult, you've got a little boy and you've got a boyfriend. In other words, a nuclear family of your own. It's time to strike out on your own and do your best for your son. You're not a delinquent 10 year old - you are a grown adult and you have more control over your destiny than you think.