Eye Contact, and how to learn to keep it

LegacyUser

Just wondering how many are adept at keeping eye contact, and if so, how you manage to do it, as it is something that is extremely important to convey confidence and self-assurance.

Semele

I used to have real trouble with this OP but sort of grew out of it. What used to help was directing my gaze at the spot between someones eyebrows, which is indistinguishable from their POV unless you're right on top of them! Once I got used to holding that then actually making eye contact just came naturally

Otis Driftwood

Try looking into a mirror and eyeballing yourself while talking/reading something.

As silly as it may sound and believe me,you will feel like a total dork,after a while you will find yourself more at ease with making eye contact.

LadyMayBelle

I have always struggled with eye contact, no matter if it’s family or complete strangers; worse still because I do counselling work and a part of listening and conveying it is eye contact. I have worked out that looking between the eyebrows, or thereabouts, helps massively; other people cannot tell. I did have to practice it, naturally enough with classmates, but as time went on I became more comfy with actual eye contact. I still resort back to looking at the space between, but it will come!

Fentdog84

Best way to talk to someone using eye contact is to tilt your head slightly to side as you are talking to them and look at them from an angle. This shows you are relaxed, and non threatening to the other person and you are interested in what they are saying. Also nod occasionally as the other person is speaking. Dont look at the other person above the eyes as you are speaking to them as that comes across as agressive or as if you are talking down to them. Also dont stare at a persons lips as that makes you look like you want to kiss them!(unless thats your intention!)

Roselm

Remember that when people are talking they break eye contact when thinking/planning what/how to say something in the next few sentences (even while still talking) and they maintain eyecontact while making the point. You don't want unrelenting eyecontact as that makes you seem very full on and can make the other person uncomfortable and make it harder for them to focus on what you are saying.
When listening usually people keep looking at the other person's eyes but remember because the other person is talking they will be looking away at times so the eye contact between the two people will not be unbroken.
Good luck!

kjl

I get issues with it sometimes, just look at the other persons forehead, works a treat for me.

mary_hayes

This happens me too but I have a slight turn in my eye which makes me paranoid! I've gotten better at it though and find it you look at the person and glance quickly away at something, then back to them it's ok...for me anyway!

Desire.

I used to just look at a person's mouth when they were talking to me. I didn't even take any notice of it. I've been making a conscious effort to make eye-contact since then. I've no problem maintaining eye-contact when I remember to it, it's just my natural reaction is to look at someone's mouth!

susancollins

i also had the same problem. day by day i studied.. now its fine...

poozers

when people talk to me i can really maintain eye contact...and im quite proud of the fact that i can, BUT when its me whos talking, i find it really difficult to keep eye contact, and that makes me really self conscious, and i realise im doing it, and that makes me self conscious then, and i tend to focus more on that than what im trying to say, i get really stuttery and fumbly, and its a major problem for me!! whats that about???!!!

LegacyUser

As someone who's big into making eye contact (i know it's a bit cruel to say as i know some people are just very shy, i am quite shy myself, but) it's a pet hate of mine when people don't make eye contact, i have to say i really disagree with this statement

What used to help was directing my gaze at the spot between someones eyebrows, which is indistinguishable from their POV unless you're right on top of them!

It's fairly obvious you're doing this tbh, when you look someone in the eye properly i don't know how to explain it but you can see that they're looking "at" you, when people look between your eyebrows it's like they're looking "through' you, it's very cold or something.
In the same way you can tell by a persons eyes if their smile is genuine or not, it's all in the eyes. (actually if you try this by looking yourself in the eyes in front of a mirror and then looking between your eye brows you'll see the difference and how obvious it is)

So personally i wouldn't go down this route...i do think practicing making proper eye contact with yourself in the mirror is a great idea though

xaoifsx

i'v never noticed someone not making eye contact with me.. but is it annoying and obvious when someone can't make eye contact with you?? or does a thought run through your head thinkin 'can that person not make eye contact' ...if you understand what im asking??

Angeles

Not making enough eye contact and making too much eye contact are equally as bad, one can come across like they are completely uninterested in what your talking about, other can be classed as a dirty stare.

Limits and experience judge them with people, i don't think its wise to force yourself into having more eye contact with people then you yourself are actually comfortable with, it comes naturally with social skills.
You should goal to get yourself around more people, more sociable, chat to friends and see there reactions, watch when/if they break eye contact, without trying to freak them out of-course