Is my Depression back?

Milky Moo

I am afraid this will be a long one. Here's the back story.

I suffered with mild to moderate depression beginning at the start of 2009. I had just finished a degree and was unemployed, was in a relationship I didn't want to be in and just felt hopelessly sad and full of anxiety. I ended the relationship and went to see a counsellor after a few months struggling by myself.

I wasn't quick to go on anti depressants, instead I took part in counselling for a few months, in the end me, my GP and counsellor came to the conclusion that it would be beneficial for me to go on Lexapro 10mg.

The September of 2009 I was accepted into a masters course finished up with my counsellor, met a new great guy( who I am still with and love dearly) and the lexapro was working. I felt like the old me.

I finished my masters in september 2010 and have been unemployed ever since. I did a few internships(ironically in mental health charities) but no work came of it. My mom had a heart attack in october 2010 and my dad was diagnosed with cancer, he is currently getting treatment, but both are doing very well.

Around March of this year I decided to come off of Lexapro gradually with a doctor's guidance. All was well, until the last week or so, I feel pretty much exactly like I did previously. The horrible feeling of second guessing ever emotion and feeling of anxiety has returned. I am so worried, it has only been a few days, but I feel so scared. I have told my boyfriend and he is worried but obviously he isn't a doctor so feels abit useless.

Another thing, I don't have a medical card, my previous one ran out and it takes 6months to a year to get another once you reapply in a new area( I am still in Dublin since I finished my masters)

I am so worried my depression has returned, I barely have the money to go to the doctor or get a prescription but I will do it if it needs be.
I know it has just been a few days so I hope I am just over reacting but right now I am so scared. Things I would do normally just fill me with dread and seconding guessing.
I also do not want to go through my life on Lexapro, I was on it for over a year, I truely felt like I was ready to get off it!

I think I just needed to get this all out, but if anyone has advice or experience on this matter I would truely appreciate it!

Milky Moo

Thank you for the reply, I am planning on visiting my doctor in my home county on Friday or monday if I can get an appointment. I don't really have the money, but it isn't exactly something I can wait and see about.

Writing this down has helped somewhat, I guess if I look back over the past few months there have been signs, ever since I came off the lexapro I have been quicker to cry etc. I guess I just put it down to feel bad about myself and inability to find work and my parents. I also dislike one of the people I am living with in a house share, but my lack of income makes it damn near impossible to move out.

I guess my biggest worry now is my life will always have lexapro in it!

Benny_Cake

Hey OP,I know something of what you are going through.All I'll say is that so many others just like you are going through or have gone through something similar.10 mg of Lexapro is actually a fairly low dosage,so I'm inclined to think if they worked for you that you shouldn't be so quick to come off them.There are also some symptoms associated with coming off Lexapro which your GP should have discusses with you.Also,there is no stigma with you taking an anti-depressant! Above all,talk to your bf about it,and people here will always listen.