I can't continue on

LegacyUser

This isn't the first time I've posted here, I'll be honest, I don't mean to be selfish or anything but I could almost say I was "happy" since the last post, obviously that feeling's gone.

See, I'm kind of depressed. I've no confidence and have no girlfriend, or know next to no girls in fact, how sad.

My parents are separated and now neither are employed, yep very little income there so. My Dad lives out of the house, and my Mum gets low often enough and starts drinking, haven't really seen her for about 4 days now, in her room and that. I love both of my parents and they're usually lovely people but too often I've no support on either side. The amount of dependence some people have on their parents baffles me, I've been forced to be so independent from a young age and the extra responsibility could really be done without right now.

I'm doing my leaving cert, or rather, I will be next year, I'm in 5th year, I already feel defeated. The one thing I've ever had going for me is my academics. I can tell you that I've been a fairly high achieving student for the majority of my time in school. And now, of all times, I really am devastated how bad I've become. I've already mucked up the majority of my summer exams through orals, aurals, in-class essays etc.. I can't do homework, study, I can't hold my attention anymore and it's killing me. I've always aspired to perform extraordinarily in my leaving cert and I don't even see that as slightly realistic right now. I can't do the long term things if I can't even manage to get things done on a daily basis.

What do I do? I just want to cry. What does one do when they fail at the one thing they're good at? I've no one else to talk to about this.

Otis Driftwood

What I would say is,you can continue on.

You have proven up to this point that you can get the results you have always aspired to in your leaving.

So you think you may have messed up your summer exams,they are probably mostly done now and cant be re-done so you need to get past it as you cannot change it now.Its not the end of the world,you have the summer ahead of you to get your head back on track.

Have you a job,even part time lined up for the summer months?

You would be surprised how much confidence and balance a regular job can bring to you.

Finally,do you have anyone you can talk to?

Could be a teacher,a relative,a sibling,school guidance counseller etc.I know from my own past,just having someone to sit there and listen while you vent can be extremely cathartic and sometimes having a good cry does help so dont be embarrassed about feeling like that either.

Just remember,there are always options available to and if you need someone to talk to there are alot of excellent helplines available.

Chin up.

LegacyUser

It's almost 11 o'clock and I can hardly remember what has happened in the last two hours, I've been softly crying to myself. I feel pathetic.

I'd like to get myself back on track, I really would, but I'm far too distracted, unmotivated, gloomy. I haven't succeeded in getting a job yet.

Nobody really knows I feel like this, I put up a false front in public, I try not to act depressed, rather enjoy myself actually but it doesn't take away from reality. That's why I'm posting here anonymously on boards. I really would prefer people didn't see this depressed side of me, but it gets tougher daily.

Are samaritans any good?


Thank you btw.

Silverfish

Hi OP.

Not often I post personal stuff here, but I think this needs to be said.

When I was in 4th / 5th year, I was in almost the exact situation. I was just so, so depressed all the time. Nothing was worth anything. I was having anxiety attacks, losing friends, and spent most of my weekends bawling my eyes out over... I don't even remember what.

Looking back, I'd worked hard at school and then coming close to the LC, without even realising it, the pressure was getting to me. I didn't know what I wanted to do, I was panicking over not having the structure of school around me, and a million other things. Of course, with the LC looming the way it does, it's easy to tie yourself in knots over it.

Once I got my LC done, and left school, I never looked back. It's easy for everything to get to you and just not be able to see a way out of it, and you think it'll be like that forever. Well..... it's not.

If you're academic, will you be going to college?
If so, that alone will open up a world of new options - new friends, new interests, new social life, new experiences.

In the meantime, is there anyone you can talk to about your mam? Any family / friends? That will create an atmosphere in your house that even if you can't put your finger on it, will affect you.

And don't forget, its okay to be miserable sometimes. It's okay to cry and feel down. Even talking to one person though can ease the load a bit.

SparkyTech

I would echo the sentiments of Otis and Silverfish

The LC is the worst experience of your academic life, and this seems to be compounded by your family situation at home. But College will be better, more interesting experiences and new opportunities. In the meantime, find someone you can confide in to help you through the next while, Im a big advocate of talking it out. There's links in the forum charter to some helplines aswell

Best of luck

LegacyUser

Thanks all,
I really do need to talk this out because I'm not feeling any better than 24 hours ago. In fact I'm more frustrated at every passing hour. A lot boils down to the exams part of it. All I can think about is how little I want to put in, results in me doing badly, I've almost already sealed the deal, anyway that leads to a worse leaving cert I presume. I'm annoyed because the only person affected by any of this is me. Also I've gotten no hours sleep and It makes me feel worse, look worse, and I couldn't get an early night if I wanted to, I stay up at night now, thinking.

Today was one of the most depressing days I've had for a long time back. I can talk it out with some stranger on a helpline, but I feel so alone and tossed aside.

I don't mean to come across as ignoring your posts or anything like that, I am taking them in but I need somewhere at least just to vent a small bit, sorry.

Katy89

sorry to hear you feel so bad. you seem to get to the point where it all gets really closing in, a bit of a loosing touch to reality..

I strongly can recommend the samaritans. just phone them, they are quite good and listen. it really helps!!

wish you so much to get better, but you will! exams are always a great pressure but don't take it so so serious. it is important, sure, but in say 5 or ten years looking back you'll see that it wasn't worth the worries...maybe it helps to tell yourself you just want to pass, the result doesn't matter. maybe that view gives you some relief..?

Miss Fluff

I'm Done wrote: »

I'm doing my leaving cert, or rather, I will be next year, I'm in 5th year, I already feel defeated.

And that m'dear is defeatist talk! You are a full year away from sitting your Leaving Cert and you can do so much study and catching up between now and then.

Does your school have a good study facility? If so I'd make the request to a head teacher for you to study there as your home life does not sound that conducive to being able to study well.

Stick with it. You sound like you've a greta future ahead of you. Once you get your LC, the exciting world of college and all the adventures that lie ahead for you will turn your life around for the better.

poozers

OP, you are so lucky to be young and so smart!! these exams are so stressful for LC students, but this time in two months (probably less) you will be FINISHED with them forever!!! you will have them done, get your points at the end of the summer, and move on to bigger and better things!!! i did my leaving cert TWICE and it was so tough, but i'll never even regret repeating!!!

embrace your acedemic skills and use them to your advantage!! you CAN do it!!! whatever you decide to do after the LC, whether its work, or college, you will meet great people and they will be your friend for life and love you for being who you are!!! STAY strong OP!!!! once these exams are over, your free to do what ever you want with your life!!! xxx

tinkerbell

Oh OP, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this *hug*.

I think you should really talk to someone at school, is there a teacher that you could talk to or a guidance counsellor? Like Miss Fluff suggested, is there a good study facility so that you can stay in school to study in the evenings?

Secondary school is tough. Just think that in just over a year you will be outta there and onto better things. Keep up your schoolwork and get your grades up again. You need to focus yourself on your studies and doing well in your exams because since you're academically minded, that's your key to getting out of the rut you're in and onto university and better things. How about you take up a hobby to destress? Even going for a walk/run in the evening to destress might help you and you'll sleep better too.

Things will get better, you just need to keep the chin up and realise that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Secondary school is no fun, I don't look back on secondary school that fondly, I couldn't wait to go to university. You've got your whole life ahead of ya and you can start your own life, make lots of new friends, etc.

Silverfish

I'm done wrote: »

Thanks all,
I really do need to talk this out because I'm not feeling any better than 24 hours ago. In fact I'm more frustrated at every passing hour. A lot boils down to the exams part of it. All I can think about is how little I want to put in, results in me doing badly, I've almost already sealed the deal, anyway that leads to a worse leaving cert I presume. I'm annoyed because the only person affected by any of this is me. Also I've gotten no hours sleep and It makes me feel worse, look worse, and I couldn't get an early night if I wanted to, I stay up at night now, thinking.

Today was one of the most depressing days I've had for a long time back. I can talk it out with some stranger on a helpline, but I feel so alone and tossed aside.

I don't mean to come across as ignoring your posts or anything like that, I am taking them in but I need somewhere at least just to vent a small bit, sorry.

Yup, sure, we do that here too, if you want to vent.

I will say, sleep is important. I didn't know how important til I started missing lots of it.
Do you exercise? If you spare an hour or 30 mins every day and go for a walk or a run, (I know it sounds stupid, but I've been there and it does work) you'll be more physically tired, so you'll sleep better.

And make sure you're eating regularly too.

If you set a structure, such as 'Okay, between 6.30 and 7 I will go for a run. At 8pm I will study until 9. Then I will have a cup of tea and think about nothing for 30 mins then I will study from 9.30 til 10.30, then I will see how I feel'

Even breaking off little chunks of study and structure will help you, you'll have achieved something, and it will take your mind off things (I know that seems arse backwards) but it seems you're in a bit of a cycle you have to try to break out of. It's all about making things manageable, if you look at something as a whole it can be overwhelming, but if you break it down into sections it's a lot less daunting.

Hope some of that helps.

Naikon

SparkyTech wrote: »

But College will be better, more interesting experiences and new opportunities.

I really don't agree with this. I would argue that if you find the LC a pain in the nads, why believe college is any better?

tinkerbell

Naikon wrote: »

I really don't agree with this. I would argue that if you find the LC a pain in the nads, why believe college is any better?

Secondary school and third level are two completely different experiences. I loved university, but didn't care that much for secondary school.

OP, Silverfish makes some great suggestions - set yourself little goals for yourself, small steps will make a big difference.

Joey the lips

Has the school got a councillor you can talk to.... They are very good. My mother and father seperated when i was in my leaving cert years and i found them great to talk to.

There is so much going on in your life at the moment your bound to be confused. It will get easier. I would suggest you try hobbies and if you cant i would consider volentary work.

Beruthiel

I'm Done wrote: »

What do I do? I just want to cry. What does one do when they fail at the one thing they're good at? I've no one else to talk to about this.

Deep breath Mr. Done, this is nothing more than a little bump on the long road that will be your life.
Teenage years are difficult to cope with even at the best of times (I certainly found them so), but on top of that, you have two parents who would appear to be so selfishly wrapped up in themselves that they have forgotten you.
I bet they both think you are doing fine and therefore they have nothing to worry about.
Now I can well understand how difficult it is to cope with being out of work. During my brief times of being unemployed I did panic a bit and was down. It is a difficult time.
However, that is no excuse for neglecting your child. Never once did I allow those periods to effect my daughter.

You say your parents are good people, if that is so, do not be afraid to tell them how they are affecting your life and studies right now. If they care for you at all, they will listen and try to do better by you. Certainly, if my daughter turned to me for help during her teenage years, I'd bend over backwards for her.

Get yourself all the help you can.
See if the school can organise some counselling for you.
Talk to your parents.
Understand that your hormones are a bit all over the camp and are probably not helping you right now.
Put the head down and take one day at a time.
Best of luck.

Naikon

tinkerbell wrote: »

Secondary school and third level are two completely different experiences. I loved university, but didn't care that much for secondary school.

OP, Silverfish makes some great suggestions - set yourself little goals for yourself, small steps will make a big difference.

College can at times be described as an extended secondary school. In the past, most people would have probably skipped College and actually learned their craft. Plenty of "degrees" these days aren't worth the paper they are written on. Academics should be in college, not your average typical adult. Good to fall back on one if you lack actual skills mind you. What the hell is a degree in "surfing studies" good for? Wasting tax payers money? Give me a break.

OP, unless you are studying a "hard" science or similar, I would skip college to avoid debt and the lies that a degree in a $NONSENSE subject comes with in your intro package. If you do go to college to major in a real subject, be prepared to put in alot of hard work - far more than what the Leaving Cert requires.

I can't overstate this enough. Competition is rife when you enter adulthood, so it's better to heed my unsavory advice now than in a few years time. Don't go to college without a specific plan. Wasting four years of your life doing a stupid degree is a burden on both yourself and society. Some colleges would "invent" a degree in Xbox gaming theory if they were allowed to. It's becoming a money racket these days.

LegacyUser

Well I've always intended on going to college, and one of the top courses at that too, until now that is. I was always prepared to put in the work and I used to think of things far greater than the leaving cert but even the lc itself seems daunting now.

I had a talk with samaritans last night and they helped me talk thing out a bit, but I still can't stand going to school like this anymore, Days have never been so long, I just sit there, I want to cry but I can't.

I also had a talk with my mum, who has sworn to me to try and do better in the future and I accept that but find it hard to forgive her for being one of the factors leading to me being in this mood.

My friends and peers at school find it hard to be around me in this mood,and I find it too difficult to say anything about it to them. Our school doesn't really have a councillor. Only what I could call a not very serious resource teacher/ guidance councillor type.

As for study well I simply can't afford after school study, the same goes for counselling. I must sound very defeatist but I really couldn't bother myself to get a hobby, volunteer, jog etc. because all I feel I can do is sit here, on my bed.

And all I keep thinking over and over is that I'm the only one effected. If I don't have good exams, well, that's my future, and it's looking miserable.

Silverfish

I don't think you sound defeatist as such, more you feel like you just can't. I used to do the exact same thing.

My mum eventually booted me out of the house every day yelling 'Go for a walk!' and wouldn't let me back in til I walked somewhere and came back.
Much as I loathe to admit it, it did help a lot. Fresh air will clear your head, exercise will increase your heartrate, improve your appetite, and make you sleep better, which in turn will help you think clearer, and in turn that will help you see what you can do to improve how you feel.

I know it sounds like a monumental task, but it's worth a shot.

It's good you had a talk with your mum, and I hope she does try a bit harder in the future.
But also, I think you should put her problems which have become your problems to the side a bit and think of yourself a bit more.

I'm going to guess that chances are, you're bright enough to do well in the LC as it stands even, and every bit of study you do manage will be a bonus.

lollipoplady

i just had to write a reply when i read this. You are so young you dont even realise how much you have ahead of you and how much potential you have. Even if you get knocked back it keep pushing on.
I failed a year in college. I spent the year doing nothing but drinking. I was out 4/5 nights a week. Everyone used to say what a great time I was having "living the dream" but really I was a mess. A year went by and somehow I managed to pull myself together and get back to college. It made me SO determined and i swore i would never mess up again. I finaly realised feeling sorry for myself was changing nothing! I can see now that the bad times (like that awful year) made me who I am and probably pushed me to get as far as I am now. Only recently I have started talking to friends about how depressed and close to the edge I was back then and their reaction really surprised me. Sometimes you dont realise that EVERYONE has times when they feel like giving up. Maybe if you just gave one of them a chance they could show u why they are your friend! and when you feel like giving up remember why you have held on so long x

LegacyUser

Thanks you all for posting, all of your input means a lot to me.

I kind of realise now that depression isn't something that I can just shake off and return to where I was, I expect it will be a while and I'm going to have to start with baby steps (like just going for a walk as you said). I can't say I'll be a different person tomorrow, or even next week, but I really, really hope that with time and support I can restore myself to the person I was, and better. I'm sure you understand when I say that it is all very hard to imagine when you're depressed like this, its hard to think of anything but negative thoughts.

Thank you

LegacyUser

OP my heart goes out to you - I am 27 and have been prone to depression for the last ten years or so. You are wise to realise that there's not an overnight fix - it does take time but believe me it *is* possible to emerge from these negative thoughts and feelings. I am just out of my last bout and two months ago I could not have imagined feeling as calm and contented as I do today, but here I am, and you can get here too. It would be great if you could see a GP about these feelings - you need all the support you can get at this time.

What I actually posted to say is - please don't feel as though you have made a pig's ear of your leaving cert at this stage - you have so much time ahead of you. I did rotten in my mock exams, didn't start studying until the Easter of sixth year and I came out with nearly 500 points - I'm fairly bright but no genius, and you sound equally or more capable. I'm not necessarily advocating this course of action but using it to illustrate the point that you have tons of time left. Maybe spend from now till September just focusing on yourself and getting your mood and energy levels stabilised - it'll be a lot easier to knuckle down to some study when you're feeling better.

Best of luck

,mnb

Youre so young but you show massive maturity. If I had your maturity when i was 17 in the time leading up to the Leaving Cert it would have been a much happier experience. To contact the Samaritans at your age and get help is impressive.
One thing over the Summer - get a book like "depression for dummies" you can learn about tools to keep good mental health. Have a back up plan that if you feel like this in a month then maybe go to a GP. My advice for someone your age is explore the counselling route before meds but GP can advise you of that. also this crowd seem interesting www.jigsaw.ie.
I want you coming back on here in a few months telling usthe massive improvements you made. OK.

LegacyUser

Thanks again,
I will definitely post here again and let you all know how I'm doing. I'm sure it would be nice for everyone in PI to hear a happy ending so I hope that happens. I post on boards regularly so I won't forget.

I've decided to forget about school for now, I've exams next week but I'm not going to let that stress me out. I'm taking it easy now, there should be plenty of time in the summer to sort myself out.

One small other thing I feel I should say, in school the other day, rather than act depressed all the time, I was sort of "loopy". My friends thought I was gone mad. I'm a shy person and I acted fairly confidently, out of character, I suddenly didn't care what others thought of me. Then when I got home, I sulked again. And it's been like since. Fluctuating moods I suppose. Probably putting up a facade in public to hide myself.

Anyway I just thought that was slightly strange. When I'm sitting here at the computer I find it easier to properly reflect on myself objectively, I don't think I would lie either, nobody here knows who I am so that would be pointless. I do believe I'm depressed and I found this site interesting http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/depressive-illness-the-curse-of-the-strong.html and I tick nearly all of the symptoms but I just thought the mood swinging one was peculiar, It wasn't listed on the site so I was just wondering is that at all common?

Thanks guys

LegacyUser

I didn't intend on coming back so soon, my exams are over today and I feel just as bad if not worse.

I did mediocre to say the best. I'm not mediocre and I'm not boasting either. Two of my teachers actually approached me to tell me that my results were more than below par. They did ask me if everything was all right but I regret to say that I couldn't say anything. Served on a plate to me and all. Some exams I couldn't even write anything, my head's so messed up.

And now once again I'm severely depressed, I've nothing to do this summer and even if I did I wouldn't want to do it, I don't want to make plans with anyone.

I left home today with the intention of leaving for another city for a few nights. I didn't go in the end, my mum called me. I'm still in dublin cc now. I don't know what to do. Sure I'll return home but I just want to be alone and cry.

I want to give up on life, because theres nothing in it for me. I don't want to commit suicide though it regularly crosses my mind.

SparkyTech

I'm Done wrote: »

I didn't intend on coming back so soon, my exams are over today and I feel just as bad if not worse.

I did mediocre to say the best. I'm not mediocre and I'm not boasting either. Two of my teachers actually approached me to tell me that my results were more than below par. They did ask me if everything was all right but I regret to say that I couldn't say anything. Served on a plate to me and all. Some exams I couldn't even write anything, my head's so messed up.

And now once again I'm severely depressed, I've nothing to do this summer and even if I did I wouldn't want to do it, I don't want to make plans with anyone.

I left home today with the intention of leaving for another city for a few nights. I didn't go in the end, my mum called me. I'm still in dublin cc now. I don't know what to do. Sure I'll return home but I just want to be alone and cry.

I want to give up on life, because theres nothing in it for me. I don't want to commit suicide though it regularly crosses my mind.

Hi OP, Try not to worry too much about your exams. Whats done is done and you can always repeat them, in the span of your lifetime, its fairly insignificant and academia can be rectified the second time round.

Have you thought about volunteering this summer if you have no other plans? It would give your mind some focus and could be really rewarding (not to mention good experience for the CV down the line) .

Do you have any friends/extended relatives down the country (or even within Dublin City away from where you live?) Maybe staying with them for a day or two, have someone else to talk to and get 3rd advice from could hep you? Don't disappear on a whim though, let your folks know if you need to stay away from home for a bit and where you'll be going so they arn't worrying.

I would strongly suggest you see a GP and/or a professional therapist re the depression ASAP. Don't be afraid to ring the Samaritans either, talking is a sign of strength, not weakness. 1850 60 90 90.

LegacyUser

OK I was an A1 student. As in 5 A1s in my mock LC. I got really depressed and over anxious around the time of the leaving cert and dropped significantly in marks. Problem was that at the time I had no idea I was depressed - I just couldnt sleep, lost appetite, had constant racing thoughts for the time leading up to the exams and during it and after. It was more than a year later that I got myself together and did well in college for a while but have had episodes since and actually in the middle of one now. Its very very inconvenient and damaging to my life and career.
BUT I will say this. You have the advantage of recognising youre suffering from depression and you could be back to normal within weeks. Also early intervention will help. I also believe the earlier in age you get help the less likely you will have another episode - this is probably your first episode. You can get help where I didnt know how to. Get to a doctor asap and try the counselling or medication route or both combined. There are discount counselling available and this crowd look good http://www.mymind.org/.
If you cant afford a GP and feel suicidal before you do anything go into any hosptial A&E and you will see a psychiatrist fast.
Keep me posted.

LegacyUser

I'm posting here again because I really don't know what else to do. I've never been so depressed in my life, every minute kills me and I'm serious.

I visited my GP who believes that I'm depressed also, all he could do for me was tell me he'd try to make an appointment for tuesday evening at the Best for Cluain Mhuire. I'm in such despair, I can't see how talking to someone can do anything. I've talked to my mum, my gp, samaritans, and I feel no different, in fact I feel more despairing because talking does not help me. Now I've got to wait at least 4 days to talk to someone else.

At the end of the day whether I talk to someone or not I
have no friends
have failed academically
have no talents
have no money
have nothing to be proud of
have no future

and I don't see how talking to someone can make me happy or give me the motivation to help myself, because right now I'm so mentally ****** up I can't even think straight.

For years I've tried to excel at various things, make friends, make a life; and that was all when I was only a little down. I don't have any strength left whatsoever, let alone achieving all that stuff I can't help myself out of depression. Also I had thought that I was depressed before, back to normal within about a week, I now know that such a state is just feeling down or short term depression. What I feel now is an extraordinary step past sadness. Operating on a daily basis is all the effort I can take.

And time and time again I've been told that only I can turn this around but I have NO strength, motivation or desire anymore. I NEED help but theres no solution. I never imagined my life could be so bad and nobody understands.

By the way I've lost all faith in God. If there was a God, he would help me. If there was a God he would help the BILLIONS of people in the world who suffer. God never answers prayers, God allows even the strongest Christians die unnaturally. God is not alone either, there are hundreds of other God's in cultures worldwide, chances are none of them exist.
There is no God.

I'm going to spend another 4 days in my bed crying because thats all I feel I can do.
Your responses are somewhat even keeping me slightly sane as real people are actually reaching out in some form to console me. Thank you

Silverfish

Hi,

Having been where you are, I can tell you, you won't feel better overnight, it won't be instant, but from talking to professionals they are qualified to help you see how you can take steps to feel better.

have no friends
have failed academically
have no talents
have no money
have nothing to be proud of
have no future

See, all of these things are temporary. Friends are easy enough to make, it's harder when you feel like crap but remember, that's not permanent. You won't feel like crap forever. I doubt very much you'll feel like crap this time next year, or even in 6 months.

You haven't failed academically - honest. And there's options even if you do, that's not permanent either.

No talents - you probably have, have you tried everything yet? You write well, for a start.

No money - well, you're young. That won't be permanent either.

Nothing to be proud of - that's hard to quantify. You should be proud at least that you recognised how you feel, and took steps to rectify it, you spoke to your mum and your GP - those are steps YOU took, and you should be proud of that.

No future - of course you do. Everyone has. It's harder to see when you're in a black hole, but if someone had told me 10 or even 5 years ago where I'd be today, I wouldn't believe them. Yet, here I am.

This is just a glitch, OP, just one of those rough patches. Everyone gets hit by one now and again, but you're taking all the right steps and going in the right direction.

AngryBadger

Hi OP,

A little known secret about my own life, when I did my leaving cert I didn't get what I wanted, and was crushed. The situation at home was similar to your own in some respects, different in others.

Here's what i'd suggest, try to knuckle down between now and the LC exams. And after that, maybe take a year out, work, put some cash aside to fund your time in college. And if you don't get the points you need, then take the year and repeat.

Your parents are being horribly selfish right now, but they can't see that. So you need to give yourself the breaks they can't. Stop tormenting yourself about the LC. If you don't get what you want this year you can get it next year. If you feel college is going to be too much pressure without proper support then decide you're going to work for a year, or 2 or 3, until you can go to college in relative comfort.

Above all OP, your parents problems are not your fault. YOu don't need to be carrying around their guilt. It sounds like you're doing amazingly, particularly given the circumstances at home. Keep that in mind, and try to go easier on yourself.

Trust me on one thing if nothing else; you'll have years and eyars and years to punish yourself for imagined sins if that's what you really want. Or you can accept that's not the way for you, that you don't deserve to spend your time punishing yourself for other peoples weakness.

If it helps to talk to someone who's experienced a similar(-ish) situation,feel free to drop me a PM. If you do any exchange will be in total confidence

Best of luck!