Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Another ex thread

  • 23-05-2011 8:56pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    So I've been going out with this guy for the past few months and he's really great. Very attentive, caring - not afraid to tell me how he feels but there is only one problem and its really got nothing to do with him. He is still really good friends with his most recent ex. They broke up over a year ago - and it was just because the relationship had fizzled out, no bad blood between them so no reason for them not to be friends.

    Now I know there is nothing wrong with this, and he has always been very up front about it, never lies about hanging out with her, treats her exactly like any of his other friends. And I actually think it is a great sign of maturity to have such an amicable and friendly break up. But the problem is even though I know its totally fine I cant help but getting insecure when I know he has been hanging out with her. I freak out about it in my own head, scared he will think he has made a mistake and want her back, or realise that I am nothing like her at all and thats he's made a mistake with me.

    I know these are my own insecurities and I do not want to let them affect our relationship. I've been treated very badly by guys in the past and I think its just the fear of being hurt all over again coming out in this. How do i deal with it without letting him know? I dont ever want him to feel bad about this or that he has to hide it or anything else from me.


Comments

  • #2
    DangerMouse27
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 699 ✭✭✭DangerMouse27


    Oh your prob better of saying it. He prob thinks your fine with it.
    Im really good friends with an ex(a) and a most recent ex(b) said she had a problem with it so i just lessened the contact or not at all. The past ex(a) was cool with it because we were friends and thats all.
    But def say it, i remember ex(b) used to get very upset and i didnt want to make her upset


  • #3
    Elle Collins
    Closed Accounts Posts: 681 ✭✭✭Elle Collins


    Well I think you're taking a mature attitude towards it as it is OP. Just remember not to get into interfering with their friendship; I can tell you if a new partner tried to interfere with my friendship with my ex I would be prepared to dump him very fast. I think a lot of people would take this view.


  • #4
    Elle Collins
    Closed Accounts Posts: 681 ✭✭✭Elle Collins


    DangerMouse27 wrote: »
    Oh your prob better of saying it. He prob thinks your fine with it.
    Im really good friends with an ex(a) and a most recent ex(b) said she had a problem with it so i just lessened the contact or not at all. The past ex(a) was cool with it because we were friends and thats all.
    But def say it, i remember ex(b) used to get very upset and i didnt want to make her upset

    OP, advice like the above is best avoided. If this poster was prepared to dump his friendship it wasn't much of a friendship to begin with, and not all people would be happy to treat an ex-partner/now-friend in such a disposable fashion.


  • #5
    Count Duckula
    Closed Accounts Posts: 570 ✭✭✭Count Duckula


    Elle Collins wrote: »
    Well I think you're taking a mature attitude towards it as it is OP. Just remember not to get into interfering with their friendship; I can tell you if a new partner tried to interfere with my friendship with my ex I would be prepared to dump him very fast. I think a lot of people would take this view.
    Elle Collins wrote: »
    OP, advice like the above is best avoided. If this poster was prepared to dump his friendship it wasn't much of a friendship to begin with, and not all people would be happy to treat an ex-partner/now-friend in such a disposable fashion.

    I disagree. To a certain extent you're completely right, but there comes a point when a new partner is perfectly entitled to ask that you see less of your old ones. Even if you then just reassure them that nothing is going on, it will no doubt make them feel better. Insecurity may be irrational, but it can be unavoidable in situations like this.


  • #6
    DangerMouse27
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 699 ✭✭✭DangerMouse27


    hey hey hey...you dont know me or my friend. Its actually quite a mutual friendship, we are great mates but dont want to do the whole lets talk about new gfs bfs with each other.
    Dont make generalisations about people. The most important person to me was the girl who was upset that she thought the ex was better than her. I talked to the ex and said lets just ease up on texts..etc..she was a good enough friend to understand...

    u cheeky sod :)


  • Advertisement
  • #7
    Elle Collins
    Closed Accounts Posts: 681 ✭✭✭Elle Collins


    Sorry Dangermouse, it seemed to me you were saying new gf came along and old gf's friendship just got the boot. Of course it's reasonable (and prudent) to lessen off contact a bit.


  • #8
    DangerMouse27
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 699 ✭✭✭DangerMouse27


    ah your alright Elle! :) its a very divisive subject..the ol bezzie mates with exs things while your still with someone.

    Op..id maybe say it to him..after all you are just being honest. Like you said, you would feel alot better if he knew how bad you felt sometimes, and maybe he would do or say something to ease your mind even more.


Advertisement