Boyfriend labelled me filthy to his friends cos i wont clean his home!!!

LegacyUser

i have been dating my oh for a year and a half. he's country i'm city. i found out at a wedding last week that hes been telling his mates for ages that i'm dirty and disgusting because im not cleaning his house. i spend about 2 sometimes 3 nights a week there. i don't create a mess but i have my own home to tidy so i just tidy after myself. he would never lift a cup to the sink at my apartment. we both have our own places although mine is a shoebox and his is a 3 bed house.

he has been going on at me constantly for ages with stupid 'banter' type jokes about not thinking im clean etc, ive always said if we live together the cleaning will be 50/50 as we don't live together i clean up my place you clean yours. i generally get a hmph! and thats it.

at the wedding when he and his mates were all trollied (i was driving my oh and 3 mates home so i was sober) one of the them started going on at me about a womans place being in the kitchen and as nice as i was if i wanted to keep my man id need to get my 'womans' act together. with the drinking and being with his mates it all came out. Hes been b!tching about me for over a year and his friends are all so so shocked at the disgrace of a woman i am for not cleaning up his home!!! i went to the bathroom and met one of the other gfs, even she knew about it and she said she couldnt understand why i wouldnt clean up his house either!!!!

im still a bit shocked by this and have no idea what to do or where to go from here. im morto that everyone of his friends thinks im some filthy knacker and im offended that all of them think i should be cleaning up after him....ugh its good to get it out but any suggestions?

muboop1

Ok,
Just to throw another perspective on it all...

Is it possible it was a joke taken to far or a comment that was mis-interpreted?

Weddings are messy, people get to drunk and will sometimes talk ****e.

I've often seen what started out as harmless slagging be exaggerated etc with drink involved...

I think you need to talk to your BF about this and get the full story! It could be a mis-understanding..

Then again maybe he is that type of lad! If so, you need to make your POV clear to him. Let him know your expectations 50/50 etc... If you cannot come to a compromise... doesn't bode well...

strandroad

OP didn't you have a thread like this just recently? If you can't find it (search is disabled in "problems" forums) ask the mods and they will look it up for you.

LegacyUser

normal or not wrote: »

i have been dating my oh for a year and a half. he's country i'm city. i found out at a wedding last week that hes been telling his mates for ages that i'm dirty and disgusting because im not cleaning his house. i spend about 2 sometimes 3 nights a week there. i don't create a mess but i have my own home to tidy so i just tidy after myself. he would never lift a cup to the sink at my apartment. we both have our own places although mine is a shoebox and his is a 3 bed house.

he has been going on at me constantly for ages with stupid 'banter' type jokes about not thinking im clean etc, ive always said if we live together the cleaning will be 50/50 as we don't live together i clean up my place you clean yours. i generally get a hmph! and thats it.

at the wedding when he and his mates were all trollied (i was driving my oh and 3 mates home so i was sober) one of the them started going on at me about a womans place being in the kitchen and as nice as i was if i wanted to keep my man id need to get my 'womans' act together. with the drinking and being with his mates it all came out. Hes been b!tching about me for over a year and his friends are all so so shocked at the disgrace of a woman i am for not cleaning up his home!!! i went to the bathroom and met one of the other gfs, even she knew about it and she said she couldnt understand why i wouldnt clean up his house either!!!!

im still a bit shocked by this and have no idea what to do or where to go from here. im morto that everyone of his friends thinks im some filthy knacker and im offended that all of them think i should be cleaning up after him....ugh its good to get it out but any suggestions?

To be honest, the idea that you, as a woman, should have to clean his house is a disgrace. I think you're biggest concerns are a) Telling his mates to f off in a diplomatic manner, and b) Letting your boyfriend know that his attitude is complete bs.

seenitall

Hi OP,

if you are the woman who posted here with this problem (b/f "told" on you to friends for not cleaning the house) a couple of weeks ago, you have been given some excellent advice on the situation on that thread and I really think you should heed it more. As you can see, the problem is not going to go away, on the contrary in fact, it will just grow and grow, as it is a problem of basic lifestyle incompatibility (namely, it's that your boyfriend expects a "girlfriend" to also fullfil the role of "servant", while you don't) and general disrespect in blabbing your domestic issues to others in order to pressurise you into submission. There is no middle ground here, because your b/f doesn't seem to be the kind of person who will allow for any middle ground. It will have to be his way or the highway. My advice is to save yourself a whole lotta stress and dump his manipulative ass on the grounds of "irreconcilable differences".

If you are not the woman who posted this before, my advice is to save yourself a whole lotta stress and dump this guy's manipulative ass on the grounds of "irreconcilable differences". This problem isn't going anywhere, IMO.

Best wishes.