Priest not giving us church for wedding

sparktest

hi,

just looking for your feedback here.

We are trying to get a country church for wedding on NYE this year. The priest will not give us use of a church we found, as we are not from the parish [or the county for that fact but not being form the parish was the deal breaker for priest]. Just wondering has anyone had this issue in the past??

We will find another church obviously but p1ssed off for bride to be as she liked the church.

Thinking of writing a strongly worded letter to bishop of the county due to the priest's ignornace on phone on 2 seperate occasions....

any thoughts???


Thanks,
Sparktest.

Thoie

I'm not Christian, but I don't see any reason why a priest has to give someone with no connection to the parish a church. It's not a function room for hire, it's a place of worship. With no connection to the vicinity, the priest may think that the church is being requested purely on its aesthetic qualities. If that's not the case, then a letter to the priest explaining why she'd like that particular church might help.

Zillah

Tell him you hope he enjoys being one of the last generation of Catholic priests on the planet and then go find somewhere else to have a wedding. The Church are like the police force, make a complaint and they close ranks rather than turn on each other.

sparktest

Thoie wrote: »

I'm not Christian, but I don't see any reason why a priest has to give someone with no connection to the parish a church. It's not a function room for hire, it's a place of worship. With no connection to the vicinity, the priest may think that the church is being requested purely on its aesthetic qualities. If that's not the case, then a letter to the priest explaining why she'd like that particular church might help.

thanks for feedback. bride and groom's families are from different sides of the country and therefore having the wedding in a county half way between purely for convenience for all travelling. the church itself is in an ideal location for all parties to find.

I agree its a place of worship completely but as practising catholics why not allow us worship and celebrate our special day in 'his' church??

thanks again.

CoalBucket

We are also getting married in a church outside both our parishes. We had no problem getting a church. We were told that we could have the church but because we weren't from the parish we would have to make a contribution to the church i.e. €350. We also have to provide our own priest which isn't a problem.

I don't think contacting the Bishop will have any joy in terms of getting that church. I'd say put it down to experience that you met an unhelpful priest.

Thoie

sparktest wrote: »

thanks for feedback. bride and groom's families are from different sides of the country and therefore having the wedding in a county half way between purely for convenience for all travelling. the church itself is in an ideal location for all parties to find.

thanks again.

Does the priest know that? If not, then a letter rather than a phone call might help (he can't interrupt a letter ). It might be worth having a conversation with your own parish priest asking him if he could help out by giving the other priest a call.

alchemist33

sparktest wrote: »

thanks for feedback. bride and groom's families are from different sides of the country and therefore having the wedding in a county half way between purely for convenience for all travelling. the church itself is in an ideal location for all parties to find.

I agree its a place of worship completely but as practising catholics why not allow us worship and celebrate our special day in 'his' church??

thanks again.

It sounds better when you put it like that. Since you're practicing, you could try getting one of your own priests to intervene.

alchemist33

Damn you and your quick typing, Thoie.:D

sparktest

We found another church and hopefully have it. I'd just like to give the priest's 'supervisor' i.e Bishop feedback on one of his workers I'm sure he has heard before.

That other church we found has asked for €500 contribution.
Very expensive me thinks.

sparktest

thanks for all the feedback.

the priest in question I have since found out is renowned as very hard to deal with. I dont mind what church we get as long as the misses is happy.

I dont want to put pressure on my priest who will be marrying us as he is retired and also a close family friend.

no fuss

There is so much variation in terms of getting married outside of your parish. We are getting married in a church in Dublin, which isn't in our parish and the priest said there was no fee for the church or for him!!Only 50e for the parish clerk. We will give a donation as it is so kind of the priest as we didn't know him at all and have no priest to say the mass so he is going to do it! There should be some standardisation especially when I hear some of you had to pay up to 500e!

Borderfox

Sparktest, some priests are very hard to deal with and for some of them I wonder why (no matter how nice the church) the couple put up with them (I wouldnt) Best of luck with the new choice, going out of Parish costs rise sharply (no idea why)

mariebeth

Unfortunately sparktest, some priests are just finicky like that. My mum has two brothers who are priests - when my eldest sister was born my mum asked one of them to baptise her in our own local church. He refused because he believed that babies should be baptised by their parish priest in to their local church. She then asked the other brother and he had no problem doing the christening, and christened all the rest of us as well.

Best of luck finding another church, I'm sure the one ye find will be even nicer than this one & ye'll be glad he wouldn't let ye get married there.

Tayla

Contributions of €350 and €500, the church really is a joke these days

shannon_tek

If you can find your own priest im sure you can get the church . Twas the story for my aunt not from the area at all. But she has a good friend as a priest who was from up somewhere in the country now living in far east or Africa. but she got the church in a different parish. and also used a local hotel. . . so id try something like that. know any priests?:D

Einhard

Tayla wrote: »

Contributions of €350 and €500, the church really is a joke these days

They have bills to pay too.

Tayla

Einhard wrote: »

They have bills to pay too.

€350 would pay my electricity bill for 4 months so €500 would pay for nearly 6 and that's in a home with a family of 4 so a priest asking for €350 to €500 is just downright greedy.

Jaysoose

Tayla wrote: »

€350 would pay my electricity bill for 4 months so €500 would pay for nearly 6 and that's in a home with a family of 4 so a priest asking for €350 to €500 is just downright greedy.

Do you live in a church? its not even remotely comparable to provide heat and electric for 4 people as it is a church.

Whats greedy about it? there are running costs associated with holding a wedding in a church do you think this should be free or something?

Tayla

Jaysoose wrote: »

Do you live in a church? its not even remotely comparable to provide heat and electric for 4 people as it is a church.

Whats greedy about it? there are running costs associated with holding a wedding in a church do you think this should be free or something?

What's greedy about it??

How much would the associated running costs to the priest be for having a wedding in a church?

By all means pay for those costs but they would not even come close to €350

sheesh

Tayla wrote: »

€350 would pay my electricity bill for 4 months so €500 would pay for nearly 6 and that's in a home with a family of 4 so a priest asking for €350 to €500 is just downright greedy.

I would imagine alot of it goes on insurance too, your wedding might be a larger crowd than the church usually gets on a Sunday an as such you might not be covered by their ordinary insurance.

It is alot yes but the church might be on hard times too. I cannot imagine many people are contributing to their capital programs these days.

Don't get me wrong, it might be the case of him being a bitter individual and not wanting to go to the bother of doing a wedding too...:)

sweetheart

Absolutely ridiculous prices here. I mean they signed up to become priests knowing that they would be required to provide these services to the general public and are funded by the state. Honestly, if a Garda retrieves your stolen car, what do you do, give him 350 euro because he provided a service in which he signed up for???

Teyla Emmagan

sweetheart wrote: »

Absolutely ridiculous prices here. I mean they signed up to become priests knowing that they would be required to provide these services to the general public and are funded by the state. Honestly, if a Garda retrieves your stolen car, what do you do, give him 350 euro because he provided a service in which he signed up for???

Priests are not public servants.

mikemac

sweetheart wrote: »

I mean they signed up to become priests knowing that they would be required to provide these services to the general public and are funded by the state.

No they aren't.

OP, as you say yourself if you went to your own parish it would be no issue getting the church and the local priest will be happy to deal with you.

Now you are going to another county and you've chosen new years eve when the priest and the local cleaners and alter boys/girls and maybe choir have been flat all Christmas week.
You don't know anybody there but you want the parish to get the church ready for your wedding and then they'll never see you again.
Yes, a contribution is due and being right around Christmas the local priest might be turning down all wedding dates

Your local priest wouldn't charge anything or a minimal amount

sparktest wrote: »

thanks for feedback. bride and groom's families are from different sides of the country and therefore having the wedding in a county half way between purely for convenience for all travelling. the church itself is in an ideal location for all parties to find.

I agree its a place of worship completely but as practising catholics why not allow us worship and celebrate our special day in 'his' church??
.

My post seemed harsh, yeah that's a good reason. You just have to make that clear.

sweetheart

Ooops my bad. But honestly its a joke. they are asking ridiculous prices just so we can practice our faith its not fair. I know a lot of priests just accept a donation to the parish and how much you donate is entirely at your own discretion.

username123

sweetheart wrote: »

Absolutely ridiculous prices here. I mean they signed up to become priests knowing that they would be required to provide these services to the general public and are funded by the state. Honestly, if a Garda retrieves your stolen car, what do you do, give him 350 euro because he provided a service in which he signed up for???

Eh - priests are not funded by the state nor do they provide services to the 'general public'. Your taxes do not fund the catholic church.

Cill Dara Abu

sparktest wrote: »

We found another church and hopefully have it. I'd just like to give the priest's 'supervisor' i.e Bishop feedback on one of his workers I'm sure he has heard before.

That other church we found has asked for €500 contribution.
Very expensive me thinks.

I find this absolutely disgraceful, €500 to use the Church for a few hours?

Lustrum

Back on topic, the fees for churches tend to be ridiculous for weddings, but then again so is the cost for almost everything when it comes to weddings

mikedragon32

It strikes me as bizarre, when it comes to weddings, that thousands will be spent on the reception, honeymoon, dresses, suits etc, but when a church asks for some money for hosting and conducting the ceremoney people are up in arms about a few hundred euro.

The place doesn't heat or light itself you know! Churches also have insurance bills etc.

Even if it was your local parish, OP, you should be looking to make a contribution. €500 doesn't seem unreasonable to me in these circumstances. It is after all, the core element of your wedding.

Little A

The parish beside mine has a gorgeous, quaint church that was under huge pressure from out-of parish couples who only wanted to use it as it would look lovely in the pictures, generally they were non practicing catholics.

So the parish priest decided, he didn't want to turn anyone away, but if people were willing to pay €'000's for an ideal venue, it made sense to charge for the ideal church.
- no body from the parish has to pay a penny (most would make a donation)
- exceptions are made for practicing catholics who have a genuine reason for not getting married in their own parish (he will discuss with the other parish priest & make a decision, but in the OP's case, I'd reckon there would be no charge).

I'm not sure what the current charge is, think it's about €300, but in fairness the church has to be cleaned, heated etc before the wedding.

Personally, I think it is fair enough if a couple is just looking at it as a venue, but in the OP's case (as practising catholics & the family set-up) I'm surprised some compromise wasn't reached.

OP - were you very clear with the parish priest about your set up?

Paparazzo

Op, same thing happened me. Was getting married in england because that's where my wifes mam lives. She attends mass there every week, but we were told to pìss off by the priest! Tried about 3 other catholic churches in the area and got the same response.

Then went to a really nice church that was church of england. The vicar said he doesn't care what religion we are, if we love each other he'd be delighted to marry us. Shouldn't the catholic attitude at least be "doesn't matter where you're from, if you're catholic we'll marry you"?
It was about 150 pounds to the church (included priest, bell ringer, music, cleaning etc) and 100 for the overseas wedding licence. No one would accept a few quid extra, no hidden costs (alter boys, local auld one that tidys the place etc) like you get at catholic weddings and the vicar did an amazingly good sermon. Only difference was a couple of hymns and the our father goes on a bit longer.
Even after the rehearsal he was great and had us totally relaxed.

Tayla

Lustrum wrote: »

Back on topic, the fees for churches tend to be ridiculous for weddings, but then again so is the cost for almost everything when it comes to weddings

Yes but all the other costs are from businesses who provide goods or services to the couple, they're in the business of weddings to make money....a priest shouldn't be providing the service and expecting to make a tidy profit from it.

MazG

Tayla wrote: »

Yes but all the other costs are from businesses who provide goods or services to the couple, they're in the business of weddings to make money....a priest shouldn't be providing the service and expecting to make a tidy profit from it.

A tidy profit for the priest? Really?

If you know for sure that a priest is personally pocketing donations for the church, then that is certainly disgraceful. However if the money goes to the church, as in the actual building where the couple wish to hold the wedding, then what's the problem?

If the donation heats and lights the church for a fortnight in the winter for example(and at the price of oil, and the size of churches, and the tendancy of people to leave doors wide open after themselves, it may even be less than 2 weeks!) then why is that not an appropiate contribution to make? I don't expect to just cover the light/heat cleaning etc in the church for the hour or so of the wedding ceremony.

TommyTippee

mikedragon32 wrote: »

It strikes me as bizarre, when it comes to weddings, that thousands will be spent on the reception, honeymoon, dresses, suits etc, but when a church asks for some money for hosting and conducting the ceremoney people are up in arms about a few hundred euro.

It's just the greed of the couple involved. Not many guests are going to be impressed with the church, so to pay €500 to use it is just an inconvenience for them.

Meanwhile they will happily shell out €500 on a flash car they will use for 5 minutes and consider it a bargain.

It's the celtic tiger generation....materialistic and shallow, everything measured by the €.

Paparazzo

TommyTippee wrote: »

It's just the greed of the couple involved. Not many guests are going to be impressed with the church, so to pay €500 to use it is just an inconvenience for them.

Meanwhile they will happily shell out €500 on a flash car they will use for 5 minutes and consider it a bargain.

It's the celtic tiger generation....materialistic and shallow, everything measured by the €.

Asssuming the car is rented from a business. Their purpose is to make money. A church is a place for people to get closer to god. It's not supposed to be making money.
And it's not like they're a struggling business.

PARKHEAD67

sparktest wrote: »

hi,

just looking for your feedback here.

We are trying to get a country church for wedding on NYE this year. The priest will not give us use of a church we found, as we are not from the parish [or the county for that fact but not being form the parish was the deal breaker for priest]. Just wondering has anyone had this issue in the past??

We will find another church obviously but p1ssed off for bride to be as she liked the church.

Thinking of writing a strongly worded letter to bishop of the county due to the priest's ignornace on phone on 2 seperate occasions....

any thoughts???


Thanks,
Sparktest.

Frankly, its always been this way.Whats your problem.Get married in your local church like everyone else.

PARKHEAD67

TommyTippee wrote: »

It's just the greed of the couple involved. Not many guests are going to be impressed with the church, so to pay €500 to use it is just an inconvenience for them.

Meanwhile they will happily shell out €500 on a flash car they will use for 5 minutes and consider it a bargain.

It's the celtic tiger generation....materialistic and shallow, everything measured by the €.

So true.;)

PARKHEAD67

Zillah wrote: »

Tell him you hope he enjoys being one of the last generation of Catholic priests on the planet and then go find somewhere else to have a wedding. The Church are like the police force, make a complaint and they close ranks rather than turn on each other.

What have cops to do with this? By the way your statement is nonsensical.

Tayla

MazG wrote: »

A tidy profit for the priest? Really?

If you know for sure that a priest is personally pocketing donations for the church, then that is certainly disgraceful. However if the money goes to the church, as in the actual building where the couple wish to hold the wedding, then what's the problem?

The problem is the fact that the priest or the church should not profit from the wedding. By all means cover the costs and then if the couple choose (and it should be a choice) to give the priest a donation then it is up to them.

The Catholic church is one of the wealthiest organisations in the world and no doubt these €500 wedding donations will keep it that way.

If a priest asked me to pay the associated costs of the wedding and then donate €500 to a Trocaire box then I would willingly do so but I don't think it is right that they ask for this money for themselves.

Paparazzo

I was telling a mate in Germany this and he couldn't believe it. He's catholic and he said in Germany you can marry in any catholic church

mikemac

In Germany, the church gets taxpayers support

Here, the parishes run themselves and getting married in your own parish solves all these issues

I am a friend

They probably reserve the church for persons who make regular contributions to that church and thats normally from their own parish... Thats fair enough...

Paparazzo

mikemac wrote: »

In Germany, the church gets taxpayers support

Here, the parishes run themselves and getting married in your own parish solves all these issues

That is true.

Although, just read through The Sacrament of Matrimony in the Catechism of the Catholic Church section on the Vatican website and it mentions nothing about getting married in your own parish.

MazG

Tayla wrote: »

The problem is the fact that the priest or the church should not profit from the wedding. By all means cover the costs and then if the couple choose (and it should be a choice) to give the priest a donation then it is up to them.

The Catholic church is one of the wealthiest organisations in the world and no doubt these €500 wedding donations will keep it that way.

If a priest asked me to pay the associated costs of the wedding and then donate €500 to a Trocaire box then I would willingly do so but I don't think it is right that they ask for this money for themselves.

I think you and I have a fundamentally different understanding of what the donation is for. I'm pretty sure it's not for The Catholic Church (the organisation), nor is it for the priest. My understanding is that it goes towards the general maintenance, upkeep, cleaning, lighting, heating etc of the church (as in the physical building) where the wedding takes place - not just for the hour or so of the wedding ceremony.

As has been mentioned already, a donation is not generally required if the couple gets married in the home parish of one of them.

Out of interest, does anyone here have information on how much it would be to hire some other type of building, just for a wedding ceremony? Is it free or do the owners/caretakers sit down with a calculator and work out how much the annual heating, light and maintenance bill for the year is and then get an hourly rate. Or do they perhaps just charge a couple of hundred Euro? Genuine question, as I don't know the answer. But to hear some of the complaints here about paying for a church, you could be forgiven for coming to the conclusion that it's free everywhere else....

All those who are saying how ridiculous it is to charge, please submit your estimates of how much a church (and grounds!) costs to maintain, light and heat for the year and then we can calculate how much 'profit' the church is getting from your wedding.

Paparazzo

MazG wrote: »

I think you and I have a fundamentally different understanding of what the donation is for. I'm pretty sure it's not for The Catholic Church (the organisation), nor is it for the priest. My understanding is that it goes towards the general maintenance, upkeep, cleaning, lighting, heating etc of the church (as in the physical building) where the wedding takes place - not just for the hour or so of the wedding ceremony.

As has been mentioned already, a donation is not generally required if the couple gets married in the home parish of one of them.

Out of interest, does anyone here have information on how much it would be to hire some other type of building, just for a wedding ceremony? Is it free or do the owners/caretakers sit down with a calculator and work out how much the annual heating, light and maintenance bill for the year is and then get an hourly rate. Or do they perhaps just charge a couple of hundred Euro? Genuine question, as I don't know the answer. But to hear some of the complaints here about paying for a church, you could be forgiven for coming to the conclusion that it's free everywhere else....

All those who are saying how ridiculous it is to charge, please submit your estimates of how much a church (and grounds!) costs to maintain, light and heat for the year and then we can calculate how much 'profit' the church is getting from your wedding.

Again, you're comparing the house of god to a business.

MazG

Paparazzo wrote: »

Again, you're comparing the house of god to a business.

The 'comparison' you are referring to was to illustrate that it is not a business transation (or at least I don't view it as such). It is a contribution to the church in which the wedding takes place.

If it's your local house of God, then it's (usually) free of charge (or request for donation). If it's not your local house of God, if the couple are choosing the church for aesthetic purposes or for geographical reasons, then you are requesting that a church and priest are available to you. I have no problem with the priest in those circumstances requesting a donation to contribute to the upkeep and running of the church. It's not about making 'profit' for the church. It's about keeping the church in a condition where it can be used safely and comfortably by the parishoners for all the ceremonies throughout the year.

kandr10

MazG wrote: »

Out of interest, does anyone here have information on how much it would be to hire some other type of building, just for a wedding ceremony? Is it free or do the owners/caretakers sit down with a calculator and work out how much the annual heating, light and maintenance bill for the year is and then get an hourly rate. Or do they perhaps just charge a couple of hundred Euro?

That's a good point. We're getting married in the reception venue and will be charged 300 in addition to the cost of reception. The standard 150 to HSE was paid separately. I'm not sure how they calculated the 300 though, and as with churches, I'd say each hotel or whatever has their own way of calculating it.

@Tommytippee - it's not only the celtic tiger generation that judge everything by the euro. The Vatican was built well before the celtic tiger hit Ireland!