relationship mess up

Barrt2

earlier today i made a joke about cheating on my gf she found out about it needless to say she flipped but then again i never really hid, now i have flipping out giving me s*it. So any advice what i should do stay or go?

Otis Driftwood

Moved from tGC.

Barrt2

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

Moved from tGC.

sorry i had no idea where to put it.

lil-ms-vodka

Why is she flipping out over a joke, even if u did cheat move on r move out, be how i see it

That_Guy

What did you say OP?

Barrt2

That_Guy wrote: »

What did you say OP?

i have your user name for some other forum lol

basically i just made a joke about cheating no details or anything and i didnt hide it and a few of us had a laugh then her friend tried ringing me then text me insulting me then the gf said i'm sick in the head? hmm i stuck between a rock and a hard place at the moment

Ickle Magoo

lil-ms-vodka, text speak is not permitted in this forum.

Cheers

/ mod hat

OP,

You say "needless to say" she flipped out and yet seem annoyed that she did...surely if you knew that would be the response, you would have a choice to make as to whether to tell it?

Barrt2

i knew she'd find out, but i'm annoyed at her reaction saying i was sick in the head getting her friend to give s*it to me. and now she wants to talk about how much i've changed etc,

tenchi-fan

Barrt2 wrote: »

i knew she'd find out, but i'm annoyed at her reaction saying i was sick in the head getting her friend to give s*it to me. and now she wants to talk about how much i've changed etc,

Hear her out.
You were pretty disrespectful and you deserve an earful.

lil-ms-vodka

Life is too short, for a joke to be made into a drama

Barrt2

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Hear her out.
You were pretty disrespectful and you deserve an earful.

i see your point. we've been together for nearly 2and half years and lately anything i do or say is not fair.

she went mad because i made reference to a girl she doesnt like.

i'm just confused because sometimes its great and for the past 3 months its been crap

Kimia

Barrt2 wrote: »

i see your point. we've been together for nearly 2and half years and lately anything i do or say is not fair.

she went mad because i made reference to a girl she doesnt like.

i'm just confused because sometimes its great and for the past 3 months its been crap

Maybe it's crap because you're making jokes about cheating (maybe with a girl she doesn't like) in front of her peers?

Not attractive at all tbh.

Barrt2

Kimia wrote: »

Maybe it's crap because you're making jokes about cheating (maybe with a girl she doesn't like) in front of her peers?

Not attractive at all tbh.

one joke, not in front of her peers, didnt ask was it attractive either

Kimia

Barrt2 wrote: »

one joke, not in front of her peers, didnt ask was it attractive either

You said you were confused because at times it's good and then in the last 3 months it's been crap. I gave you a possible reason. I just re-read your question in your OP - why don't you break up with her? I mean, how dare she get annoyed at your jokes, they sound hilarious. :rolleyes:

Barrt2

Kimia wrote: »

You said you were confused because at times it's good and then in the last 3 months it's been crap. I gave you a possible reason. I just re-read your question in your OP - why don't you break up with her? I mean, how dare she get annoyed at your jokes, they sound hilarious. :rolleyes:

hmm you gave me a reason as to why today was s*it, you dont know anything about why the last 3 months were crap as i didn't deem it necessary to be included

Why dont i break up with?
good question to which i can honestly say i dont know.
i loved her when she was fun and easy going but feel my feelings changing as of late due to her seriousness and general bitchiness over everything and anything

and by the way Kimia thanks at least i can see what i should not have done

DangerMouse27

What do you do now? (think thats what you were asking?)

evaluate whether you have the motivation to stop yourself from saying such things in the future?
wonder,did you say it because its something you wanted to do?
if you think you were waaay out of line...apologise..and if you think you werent..then look to get out of a relationship you aint growing

Barrt2

DangerMouse27 wrote: »

wonder,did you say it because its something you wanted to do?

i have a feeling that might've caused it

DangerMouse27

well then all you have done is prove your human! jeez if me or my buddies were honest, we have all thought of cheating while in unhappy relationships...especially with the hot polish in the local deli! doesnt mean we have..i know i havent,cant speak for them.

Barrt2

nicely put, if unhappy should i just leave or try again?

DangerMouse27

Honestly...hard to tell. There are certain guys out there who look at girlfriends mates and think..(id bang her,her,her..not her..her,her,def her) but you dont say it..not even jokingly,its one of those things that stays in your head. Keep the relationship, you just had a brain fart. No big deal.

Pandora2

Gotta say...sounded like you may be headed into stormy waters..let's face it..most of us have a couple of serious relationships before we find the "one" and not all of them have to end like an episode of Eastenders! Sometimes we just grow out of relationships and find ourselves not valuing them as much as we once did..hence, imo, the flippant joke that you knew she would find out about and probably knew she would not be happy about...imagine doing that in the first 3 months you were together.....happened to me once or twice:rolleyes:

Not sure if I would end a two and a half year relationship because the last three months have been difficult..is there anything else going on?? Money worries, lack of work, one of you wanting to move on in the relationship and the other stuck?? It could be just about anything!! Would you not talk to her?? Sure as eggs are eggs, if you avoid talking about this it will fester:eek: And whatever you do, DON'T CHEAT, you'll hate yourself in the morning:rolleyes:

I am a friend

Barrt2 wrote: »

i knew she'd find out, but i'm annoyed at her reaction saying i was sick in the head getting her friend to give s*it to me. and now she wants to talk about how much i've changed etc,

You dont sound mature enough to be in a relationship so move on and let her meet someone who is willing to treat her well....

IrishEyes19

lil-ms-vodka wrote: »

Life is too short, for a joke to be made into a drama

depends who is on the receiving end :rolleyes:

I am a friend

Barrt2 wrote: »

nicely put, if unhappy should i just leave or try again?

You are not making her happy so if both of ye are unhappy whats the point.

Barrt2

I am a friend wrote: »

You dont sound mature enough to be in a relationship so move on and let her meet someone who is willing to treat her well....

one joke and you say i'm not mature? hardly a winning argument. yes i believe being youngish should be about fun not major factors that should be considered later in life. main stress point at the moment is the LC and she said she didnt mind me studying but all get is clingy stuff?

is it fair to say that when you think you find the "one" you jump into the relationship too serious and end up a few months later in some deep feelings that you werent ready for but accepted. but in the past few months i have started to lose feelings. i told her this because being honest with her is only fair but she just bit my head off and told me to leave if that was the case. (i'm not trying to make her sound bitchy because shes mostly amazing) but she finds being serious the best thing to do?

i think the joke was to prove that to myself. i'm not too sure . grrrrrr stupid me

Chinafoot

Barrt2 wrote: »

but in the past few months i have started to lose feelings. i told her this because being honest with her is only fair but she just bit my head off and told me to leave if that was the case. (i'm not trying to make her sound bitchy because shes mostly amazing) but she finds being serious the best thing to do?

Hang on, you told her you've started to "lose feelings" and you expected her to react how exactly? Did you want her to laugh and crack a joke? Really? YOu're looking for reasons here. YOu're fooling yourself but don't try to fool us.

Barrt2 wrote: »

i think the joke was to prove that to myself. i'm not too sure . grrrrrr stupid me

Your joke was incredibly unfunny and would have got the same reaction from most girlfriends tbh. You sound like you're trying to justify breaking up with her. You're trying to make her out to be this big serious pain in the arse that won't let you have any fun when, tbh, you're really not coming across the best here yourself.

If you don't want to be with her then finish it. But rest assured, a similar joke with the next girlfriend will more than likely be met with the same reaction. Perhaps you should take on board the comments posters have made about your level of maturity.

Pandora2

Barrt2 wrote: »

one joke and you say i'm not mature? hardly a winning argument. yes i believe being youngish should be about fun not major factors that should be considered later in life. main stress point at the moment is the LC and she said she didnt mind me studying but all get is clingy stuff?

is it fair to say that when you think you find the "one" you jump into the relationship too serious and end up a few months later in some deep feelings that you werent ready for but accepted. but in the past few months i have started to lose feelings. i told her this because being honest with her is only fair but she just bit my head off and told me to leave if that was the case. (i'm not trying to make her sound bitchy because shes mostly amazing) but she finds being serious the best thing to do?

i think the joke was to prove that to myself. i'm not too sure . grrrrrr stupid me

Are you doing your Leaving Cert?? First time round or mature student??

Barrt2

Chinafoot wrote: »

Hang on, you told her you've started to "lose feelings" and you expected her to react how exactly? Did you want her to laugh and crack a joke? Really? YOu're looking for reasons here. YOu're fooling yourself but don't try to fool us.



Your joke was incredibly unfunny and would have got the same reaction from most girlfriends tbh. You sound like you're trying to justify breaking up with her. You're trying to make her out to be this big serious pain in the arse that won't let you have any fun when, tbh, you're really not coming across the best here yourself.

If you don't want to be with her then finish it. But rest assured, a similar joke with the next girlfriend will more than likely be met with the same reaction. Perhaps you should take on board the comments posters have made about your level of maturity.

i'm not trying to fool anyone?

if she says leave should i?

taking into account we've broken up twice before, one was her doing one mine.

but as soon as i said i was leaving she kept texting me and asking to meet up and eventually i felt guilty for leaving. so asked her to get back and she said yes.
i feel like a p*rick for the joke and i told her that.

Is it wrong to be in a relationship for fun? i dont think so

again thanks for comments,advice and constructive critiscm

if i acted like a d*ck which i did why hasnt she left? all i get is completely mixed messages for example " f*ck off and dont come near me or talk to me" then an hour or two later" can we please talk tonight, please:("
it confuses me

Barrt2

Pandora2 wrote: »

Are you doing your Leaving Cert?? First time round or mature student??

First time, why?:)

Pandora2

Barrt2 wrote: »

First time, why?:)

That makes you about 17/18??? Lot of emotional angst considering you will probably date numerous new people and have another 1 or 2 relationships before you settle down.

My eldest girl met a lovely guy when she was 16....they had a great time for a couple of years and then split up chiefly cos he wanted to travel, he was a little older than her...well off he went, she waved him goodbye and
got on with her life, both of them free to see other people.....he'll be back at Christmas and they are to give it another go...he has the whole travel thing out of his system and she has experienced "dating"...it has been good for both of them. She now appreciates him in a whole new way and he got the chance to miss her!!. I hope it works for them...it may not, time will tell but my point is, could you, in your late teens, commit to this relationship wholeheartedly?? Not knowing what life will bring you?? Or her!! If you are meantr to be together it will happen but all this angst at your age...is it just too much drama;)

Barrt2

Pandora2 wrote: »

That makes you about 17/18??? Lot of emotional angst considering you will probably date numerous new people and have another 1 or 2 relationships before you settle down.

My eldest girl met a lovely guy when she was 16....they had a great time for a couple of years and then split up chiefly cos he wanted to travel, he was a little older than her...well off he went, she waved him goodbye and
got on with her life, both of them free to see other people.....he'll be back at Christmas and they are to give it another go...he has the whole travel thing out of his system and she has experienced "dating"...it has been good for both of them. She now appreciates him in a whole new way and he got the chance to miss her!!. I hope it works for them...it may not, time will tell but my point is, could you, in your late teens, commit to this relationship wholeheartedly?? Not knowing what life will bring you?? Or her!! If you are meantr to be together it will happen but all this angst at your age...is it just too much drama;)

agreed and thanks

I am a friend

Barrt2 wrote: »

one joke and you say i'm not mature? hardly a winning argument.

No it was the lack of respect for your parter that led me to the 'immature' conclusion, which i stand over.

If you had a mature head on you, you would realise that making little of others (gf included) only reflects badly on you, not them. Its the case here..

Barrt2

I am a friend wrote: »

If you had a mature head on you, you would realise that making little of others (gf included) only reflects badly on you, not them. Its the case here..

fair comment and is accepted. i think i've had enough though.

I am a friend

OP, Ive been round the block and the only advice I will give you is to start to develop good relationship habits now and what I mean by that, to save you a lot of grief, hassle and heartache in future just follow some basics:

• dont lead anyone on - ever..
• walk away when you know in your gut its not right.
• second chances are ok if something has changed for the good due to the break up but third, fourth and fifth goes seldom work.
• dont bad mouth anyone for the reason above and most importantly
• BE HAPPY

Am not trying to patronise you but if you learn you when you quit and run, you will save yourself a lot of grief for the years ahead. Good luck...

Barrt2

I am a friend wrote: »

OP, Ive been round the block and the only advice I will give you is to start to develop good relationship habits now and what I mean by that, to save you a lot of grief, hassle and heartache in future just follow some basics:

• dont lead anyone on - ever..
• walk away when you know in your gut its not right.
• second chances are ok if something has changed for the good due to the break up but third, fourth and fifth goes seldom work.
• dont bad mouth anyone for the reason above and most importantly
• BE HAPPY

Am not trying to patronise you but if you learn you when you quit and run, you will save yourself a lot of grief for the years ahead. Good luck...

Thank you

missgroovy21

joking about cheating on ur gf is not very respectful!!!! if you did cheat then you dont deserve her if you didnt cheat then i guess you wish you never said it in the 1st place....if you cant say something nice you shouldnt say anything at all.....Hear her out tho!!! you owe her that much