Stuck in the closet

McChubbin

I'm 23 years old and somewhat closetted as a bisexual woman. I say "somewhat" as due to other issues involving my mental health, I had to see a therapist and I told her with my mother present in the room that I felt I was bisexual.
The therapist asked me if I was experiencing a conflict of sexuality but I've know I was bi since I was 15. Lately I've been feeling a bit claustrophobic as I'm struggling to keep myself in the closet.
I know I'm not ready to come out yet largely because I tried when I was 16 and my mother said it was "just a phase".
Also, a few members of my family are slightly homophobic and I'm not sure how they'd cope.

I'm not asking for advice on how to come out here. I just wanted to share my thoughts with other bi people as I'm feeling a bit lost on the subject.
Hrrrmm. I can't wait to move out and finally feel free as I still live at home with my mother who is very clingy when it comes to the idea of me having something resembling a social life.

I yearn to be able to go out and seek out the gay scene and explore my sexuality a little more but it's difficult at the moment. That said, I think my mother is slowly understanding that "it's not just a phase" and that I need to be let off the chain a little.

Mrrrr. Just some thoughts here. Figured this was the best place for them. :pac:

Asry

hey

I have had what sounds like a similar experience, mental ill-health issues and all. That must have been horrendous to have to talk about things like that with your mother present. I love my mother, of course I do, but Jesus Christ on a cracker does she hate bisexual people. Which is odd because she's told me about things she did with her friends and her feelings and stuff.

Frankly, I think the whole coming out thing is a bit overrated. I mean, if you just wait awhile and get a bit older, you don't have to bother because you won't live under their roof and what you do with your life is your own thing. My family have probably figured it out on their own anyway. I mean, I tell them which clubs and pubs I go to (gay ones) and which friends I hang out with (lesbians mostly) so....

I just think that as you get older and move out and your life goes on you feel less need to explain yourself to your family, or your parents.

To put it bluntly, coming out to my mom was one of the stupidest things I've ever done, but I'm probably just saying that because of her hysterical reaction.

Are you an only child? (I am)

I'm editing this to add that I'm centering on my mom because my parents are divorced, so it was her that I felt I had to tell.

McChubbin

I'm the youngest of two and my parents are also divorced.
I tell my mother all the time about how I long to bring her, my aunt and grandmother along to the bingo nights at the George but it never happens. Like yourself Asrey I tell them what clubs I go to but I think they all are in denial.
At the very least my mother is tolerant of me and my 'obsession' with gay bars but she never wants to come with me to the bingo.
I guess I'm just looking for someone to ease me into the scene- I'm very close to my mother and we often joke about the LBGT scene but for now, I don't think it's really hit home.

As for coming out, I'm afraid of being the butt of jokes. In the past my brother has called me a lesbian over certain haircuts I've had and certain choices of fashion and it hurts that he does it.

I have no gay friends I can talk to. All I want is someone to go to the bingo with.

Asry

aw no! I love the bingo! I'll go with you! I'll check my roster and we can work it out. I know some lovely lesbians also and it's just normal hanging out, not with the whole 'oh I have to act and look this way because I'm gay', the way I feel sometimes on the scene (I'm just so afraid of being called a fag hag! ) .

I have been the butt of jokes but you just have to rise to it and mouth back. At the end of the day, if you do the backchat thing, they'll stop.

That's really great that your mom seems to be well used to the idea of the LGBT thing, that's a really strong place for support that you can use if you need it, you know? She'll be willing to try to understand how you feel.

rainbow kirby

McChubbin wrote: »

As for coming out, I'm afraid of being the butt of jokes.

This was part of the reason why it took me a very long time to come out of my family. My family's way of dealing with anything was and is to make a big joke about it, and I really didn't want my coming out to be dealt with in that way. It's a completely reasonable and understandable fear, but it most likely won't end up being dealt with in that way. Most likely they already know or have guessed (particularly if your brother is making little digs like that) and they're just waiting for you to confirm.

McChubbin

I've been through a lot the last 18 months- being diagnosed with Aspergers and bipolor syndromes- and my mother's been a pillar of support. I just wish she'd ease up and stop being so overprotective of me.
I'd love to go to the bingo with you Asrey-are you free this week?

Asry

yeah, if they're taking the pi$$ with you, it's usually a good sign.

We could organise a bingo gathering here, and reserve one of those tables if you'd like?

Asry

I'm off this Sunday (the 29th, right?) actually And in late the next day. So yeah! Definitely!

I'm bi-polar too, so you know. Well. At least. They'red medicating me for it and all but....they also don't seem to have a clue with what they're doing.

I can understand your mom's worry though. She just doesn't want you to get hurt, you know?

Asry

sure tis up to you.

I do realise that I am now spamming. I really need to be able to organise my thoughts better and put them in one post.

So, we can either go together or open it up and do a little poll and stuff and gather us a posse.

McChubbin

Asry wrote: »

yeah, if they're taking the pi$$ with you, it's usually a good sign.

We could organise a bingo gathering here, and reserve one of those tables if you'd like?

Sounds like a plan! I'd love an excuse to get out of the house.:D

Asry

sorted! I'll open us up a thread :cool:

McChubbin

Asry wrote: »

sorted! I'll open us up a thread :cool:

Freakin' sweet! Hey, is it true that Shirley Temple Bar does the bingo calling?
I've always wanted to meet a drag queen. I have something of a minor obsession with transvestites- something about being mesmerised by the flash and the glitter.

baby and crumble

As drag nights go i prefer panti & bunny on Thursday's in pantibar but the bingo is probably easier to start off... Stick me down though and I might possibly drag my gf and a friend of mine who's new to the scene too...