Long distance - contact - Am I worrying over nothing?

LegacyUser

I've been doing long distance with someone for a few weeks now. We were friends first, then got together about a month before he was leaving to go to another country (the flight is only about an hour). When we're together, everything - communication etc is so balanced. When we're apart, I'm wondering if he perhaps doesn't care enough to do long distance. He says he does and that he loves me etc. It was him who wanted to make it work long distance in the first place as there's a chance we'll be in the same city in the next two years.

The last time he initiated contact was four days ago (by text). I called him two days ago. I just feel like I'm not hearing from him enough but I do not want to come across as being clingy - as I already mentioned it once before. When I was in a previous long distance relationship, we'd contact each other all the time and skype etc. I'm thinking that he must just not be that into me - as if he was, surely he'd contact me more often. Any advice/ opinions are welcome. Thank you.

DangerMouse27

I guess ive kind of had two similar long distance relationships similar to yours..
One was in Wales and involved alot of texting,calls and emails, all very regularly and the odd visit too and fro.
The other relationship was with a girl in Mayo..im from Offaly..and we sort of texted and the odd phone call.

and the point is...none of that had any impact on the relationships and wasnt the reason for them ending. The girl from Mayo, we were just strangled with work and decided to not go further. The girl in Wales..we just decided the distance was too much.

But we had trust.. be wary of other factors like happiness and health and trust..some people love to text all the time, others dont, thats ok. He seems really happy with you and you with him....ride that train! woo woo!! ha ha ha enjoy the journey, ye sound fine. Dont worry.

Monkey61

From the sounds of it OP, the amount of contact sounds fine. However, different strokes etc.

You were only together for a month before he left, so your relationship is only about 2/3 months old now? At this stage in a relationship, I wouldn't be expecting massive amounts of contact all the time, as for me personally, it would take a lot of the fun out of getting to know eachother etc.

How often are you likely to see eachother? My girlfriend and I only see eachother at weekends, as we live in different cities. We have been doing this for over a year now. At the start, we would barely text during the week, maybe just the odd text chat/comment etc. and we would never call eachother. We both got on with our lives and looked forward to seeing eachother at the weekend. It wouldn't be unusual to go 3 days without contact.

It depends what you want out of a long-distance relationship. Personally I would want to look forward to seeing eachother and send a few emails, the odd text etc, depending on how big the distance is. It also would depend a lot on how much contact you had before he moved and how long he is likely to be away for.

If you are unhappy with the amount of contact, just talk to him about it. Ask him what he would be happy with and reach a compromise. I wouldn't think it weird, or a sign that he's not into you if he wants a lot less than you, it would just be a sign that you have different ideas on that issue.

Scarinae

Hi OP, I'm in a long-distance relationship myself so I understand how you are feeling. I moved to London to do my MSc, and my boyfriend and I decided to keep it our relationship going. It took me a while to adjust to it, he has never been a great texter/caller but it hadn't been a problem before that because we'd been in the same college course and seen each other nearly every day.

I had been in a long-distance relationship before, and I'd had constant contact with that boyfriend - we had talked for an average of an hour every night, and sent each other texts all the time, unless there was some reason that we couldn't. I could not help comparing the amount of contact I'd had with my ex with the amount I was having with my current boyfriend, and I was convinced that we were drifting apart and that he was losing interest in the relationship. I often felt lonely and unwanted, even though he said he loved me, because it might be a couple of days before I'd get another text.

Anyway, I talked to him about it in person. I wasn't whiny or accusing, I just told him that I felt a bit neglected and couldn't help worrying that he wasn't as committed to the relationship as I was. His side? He loves me and I'm still important to him, but he has never been one to text unless he has something to actually say - he just hadn't been texting because he felt he didn't have any news (In that way, there was no point in comparing him to the ex, they're just too different) However, we're both aware of the other person's point of view, so he makes an effort to initiate contact every few days and I trust that he means it when he tells me how important I am to him.

Your boyfriend may be similar to mine in that sense - but the only way to find out is to talk to him about it, without being angry. He may not realise that it has been upsetting you. Communication is so important for long-distance, you have to let him know how you feel about things as he can't pick it up from your body language or your actions in the same way that he would if he saw you in person. It goes both ways though - listen to his point of view as well, and come to a compromise.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. It's good to hear of other people's experiences. Financially, we can see each other about once a month. One of the most frustrating things is that in the time it takes him to contact me once, other guys will contact me much more often. I don't get asked out all the time or anything but it is annoying that other guys are willing to put some effort into contacting me/ wanting to hang out etc. I'm completely loyal to him. But his lack of contact makes me drift/ feel distant. I will talk to him about it when we see each other. I'll have to be careful not to come across as clingy. A compromise would be good indeed. Thanks everyone.