Long Distance - any advice?

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Hey there.

I'm sure this has come up before, however this forum is lacking a search button. For the next year, I'm probably only going to see my girlfriend for 4 days every 5 weeks. Afterwards, she'll move to where I am, so the distance is temporary. She's the one for me, and we are going to get married. We've talked about it at length. To be honest with you, I am finding this long distance thing hard. The longest we went without seeing each other was over Christmas for a period of 3 or 4 weeks. She left 7 days ago and I do get to see her 2 weeks from next Friday. I know I just need to keep busy and get on with it, and keep looking to the future - the distance is temporary.

I'm just wondering if any of you have done the long distance thing before, and if so how did it work out for you? Have you any advice? I'm going to do cute things, like order flowers for her, to let her know I'm thinking of her. That sort of thing.

Cheers!!

silja

We did the long distance thing for a year (me in Dublin, him in Arkansas) for a year before getting married. It is hard, no doubt about it! I think it is important to be honest and communicate lots (daily email or phone calls/ skype), and make eachother part of eachother's lives- ie when you talk, don't just be lovely dovely or plan the future, but talk about daily little annoyances, who you met, what you had for lunch etc. Do not be afraid of admitting "silly" feelings of insecurity or jeallousy, because it will fester otherwise.

But at the same time, get on with your life- do not become a hermit and stay in every night just so you can talk to her! Like you say, stay busy, get a hobby, go out with friends. It gives you something to talk about.

When you are together, relax. Do not build up meetings too much, or you will be let down. If you are intimate yet, don't expect her to be ready to jump into bed with you as soon as you two see eachother every time.

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Brilliant advice - thank you! I'm glad it worked out for you. How long have you been married?

lil-ms-vodka

If you know your GF is the one will work, been in a long distance relationship for a few years now due to work commitments, it can be hard but once you trust each other and make the most of the time together it works
As for not jumping straight into bed when you meet, forget it ha ha :cool:

prinz

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To be honest with you, I am finding this long distance thing hard.

It is hard, accept that and you're half way through succeeding. As long as neither of you are under the impression that it's going to be easy then you have every chance of making a success of it. Myself and my OH went through the long distance thing for about three and a half years. Got married. Then we were together in the same country for about eighteen months and now we are long distance again unfortunately.

Good advice above in terms of the communication, and yeah important just to chat about everyday ups and downs and what you did, sometimes that's a hassle because the last thing you want to do is discuss the crap mundane details of day to day life but it should be done. Gives you the sense that the other person is more involved in your life that way than if you are only discussing your relationship or the future. Also keep yourself busy too, maybe get into a new sport/hobby or interest. It takes your mind off the distance and also gives you something exciting to chat to her about.

AnonoBoy

Skype is your biggest friend. Seeing the other person makes a huge difference in connecting I find.

And here's the thing - fill them in on the little details. I was in a long distance thing some years back and neglected to tell the other person about small things cause I thought they weren't important. It led to them feeling really disconnected from my life.

So whether it's "You'll never guess the crazy thing that happened to Jim at the weekend" or "Stayed up half the night playing computer games" let them know about it.

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Thanks everyone. We are both finding it difficult to adjust but we'll be fine. Lots of Skype dates so far and we never run out of stuff to talk about. Chatted for over 90 minutes last night and I had to stop there because it was 1am and I had to be up at 6am hehe.

My stomach is still in knots since she left though. I really need to harden up lol.