How many 1st dates does it take?

zxcvbnm1

Folks

I'm a male in his 30's.

I'm just curious as to how many people date before they start seeing someone?

Over the last 2 years I have been on around 15 1st dates.
I.e. Dated 15 different people

Of these, only one resulted in a 2nd date - and that didn't even progress to a third date.

Do other people have similar stories? I'm thinking this must be a bad return. Or is it this much work for others also?

Admittedly its me a lot of the time that doesn't want to progress to another date. And when i am interested it seems they are not.But as to who calls it off is neither nor there really.

The point is should it really take this many dates before there is a proper mutual attraction to at least get to a stage where both parties are happy to go on a simple 2nd date?

I can't help but lose a bit of hope. Should it really be this difficult ?

inexperienced

hey, i know your frustration. same here. met a lot of guys (from the dating web sites, from work or even from swimming pools!), went on dates, some can go on a few dates... but then for those i was interested to move on to next level, they just then became distanced (none of these i had sex with so it's not a matter of they took my advantages of what, they are nice people and they know i am very slow there).

i know that i am quite serious and i did express that when i was with every of my ex. (not a lot), i did think of marriage. (if they asked)

and my different culture, and my seriousness about religion.

i just think it's very difficult for me.

um, but, yeah, i believe there will be the day that i would meet someone who accept me as who i am.

LegacyUser

hmm OP well i'm 26 and i've had about 7 first dates, so i don't think 15 is a huge number of first dates for your age by any means. Of that there were only 2 date that lead to more, with the first guy we had about 3 more dates the 2nd guy we had about 5 or 6...

I think me and the 2nd guy were about at the point where we were ready to be bf and gf...but unfortunately "for reasons out of both of our control" it couldn't be

Do other people have similar stories? I'm thinking this must be a bad return. Or is it this much work for others also?

The point is should it really take this many dates before there is a proper mutual attraction to at least get to a stage where both parties are happy to go on a simple 2nd date?

I can't help but lose a bit of hope. Should it really be this difficult ?

You know i've always seen it as knowing what you want rather than a bad return, i think the good thing about dating a lot though is that when there's a mutual click on a date you know pretty soon that you want to be exclusive. It's just sometimes it's very hard to find someone that 'click's'

It only takes one person at the end of the day, the next first date could be the last and all that. Also (dare i say it) maybe it's the age of these women which might be causing a problem? i guess younger women might be less inclined to give a guy a second date if they're unsure that there's a spark, where as older women would be more willing to keep an open mind? (I know HUGE generalisation there but just throwing it out!..)

If you don't have any problem attracting women or getting dates in the first place then i'd honestly put it down to just bad luck (well i hope it's just bad luck or else i'm screwed lol)

Fittle

I think internet dating has alot to answer for OP. I'm assuming your 15 dates have all been online chatting before you met?

The problem with online dating is that you (we) build up assumptions about the other person, before we ever meet them. Human nature makes us think the other person is a brad pitt/angelina jolie type person, when in fact, none of us can live up to that expectation. Also, the pressure involved in online dating is way too much in my opinion....the fact that you may have developed some type of 'online relationship' with this person, before you've ever met them means that the pressure is really ON to actually fancy/be attracted to their physical 'person' also.

I gave up on internet dating a long time ago - I found that there were few, if any online 'personalities' that matched their physical presences, and few physical presences that matched their 'online personalities'.

Try meeting people in real life first...before you do the 'first date' scenario. It's much more real, and best of luck:D

cafecolour

If it's internet dating, then yes, that's pretty normal. You can't judge chemistry online.

zxcvbnm1

Fittle wrote: »

I think internet dating has alot to answer for OP. I'm assuming your 15 dates have all been online chatting before you met?

The problem with online dating is that you (we) build up assumptions about the other person, before we ever meet them. Human nature makes us think the other person is a brad pitt/angelina jolie type person, when in fact, none of us can live up to that expectation. Also, the pressure involved in online dating is way too much in my opinion....the fact that you may have developed some type of 'online relationship' with this person, before you've ever met them means that the pressure is really ON to actually fancy/be attracted to their physical 'person' also.

I gave up on internet dating a long time ago - I found that there were few, if any online 'personalities' that matched their physical presences, and few physical presences that matched their 'online personalities'.

Try meeting people in real life first...before you do the 'first date' scenario. It's much more real, and best of luck:D

But it wasn't from online dating.that's the thing.

These are people I met in real life first. The last couple of years I have been quite proactive in getting peoples numbers that I meet.

It's just meeting someone whereby both of us wanting a second date doesnt seem to be happening at all.
Either only one party is interested - or neither party is interested.
The combination of both parties being interested just doesn't seem to have happened.

I reckon it's just bad luck. My luck may change soon. I can't help thinking getting no 2nd date from all those dates(bar one) seems quite unlucky though.

I suppose I'm just having a moan really as I really liked the last one but no joy.

Kevin Duffy

Are the dates going well? Does it come as a surprise to you when you don't arrange a second date, or it it obvious during the dates that's not going to go any further? How well do you know the people you date before you go out? Total strangers, or know you have something in common, some rapport or bond?

Fittle

I've a similar question so - you say you are 'proactive in getting the numbers of people you meet'. Are you just getting numbers for the sake of it? Or is there some attraction before you even get the number?

zxcvbnm1

Fittle wrote: »

I've a similar question so - you say you are 'proactive in getting the numbers of people you meet'. Are you just getting numbers for the sake of it? Or is there some attraction before you even get the number?

It's not completely getting dates for the sake of getting a date.
But ya - i would ask people out on the basis that the more dates you go on the better chance of getting a good one.

But I wouldn't necessarily know a lot of these people well at all in advance to be fair.
I could be talking with them for a half hour or an hour or so in a pub - maybe more sometimes. Maybe as part of agroup - maybe as one on one. Maybe a friend of a friend i met in a pub or something.
Get their number then.

So there is some sort of screening process there. But it's not like i know them well either to be fair.
But you can tell a lot in that length of time i would think (Although maybe not as much as i think it seems).
And if you're not in then you can't win - so why not ask them on a date.

But its certainly not like i ask anyone out. In fact - my friends acuse me of being too fussy generally in fact.

Anyway - thanks for your replies. Not a lot else can be said on the topic.
On to the next one i suppose.
Lets hope the next batch will produce at the very least one 2nd date.