why would he say that?

LegacyUser

I have a dilemma, I can't get this man i work with out of my head.

Now we had a bit of thing (mainly on work nights out etc) but as our work place is very small...it was kind of agreed that it was best not to pursue this further, so for the last three months we have put our feelings aside (well I am trying...i think he has moved on from it totally!)

Now our "thing" really was based on lust, and i never really knew if he genuinely liked me or if it was just a drunken thing (i.e. some men will score anyone when drunk (so will women no offense intended)...and i happened to be around

He is now seeing someone and that seems to be going well...but I can't get him out of my head, it is seriously driving me crazy (It would help if there was someone on the scene for me ...but there isn't..)

Anyway lately when we are around eachother when drunk, we'd be just messing ...we kind just take the p*ss out of eachother, and well one night we were out and we were talking about how many times you have been in love ...he said once and then said "oh but i love you" now he did laugh when he said this...


then a couple of nights ago i said something like..."ugh I know you hate me!" (jokingly) and he said " no I'm in love wth you" ...then laughed again..

When he says this i just snigger a bit and go "yeaahh..." or whatever

Why the hell does he keep saying this, is he just being really cruel?? knowing that i probably still fancy him...

Its driving me crazy...do me tell their female friends they love them??

Is he just enjoying the idea of me liking him ...i don't really give him any indication that i still have a crush on him (as far as i'm aware )

I just needed to vent there.... any opinions ...i just don't understand him...is he really just messing ... could there be something behind it ??

Just confused basically (doesn't help that i have strong feelings for this man!)

greengiant09

this guy is NOT in love you. if he was, he wouldn't be going out with someone else, he'd be going out with you. workplace or not, if you are in love with someone you couldn't help but go out with them.

you need to move on.

LegacyUser

but as our work place is very small...it was kind of agreed that it was best not to pursue this further, so for the last three months we have put our feelings aside

Ah, I'm sorry to say but that's a line to let you down gently. No-one would really let 'working together' stand in the way of a relationship if they wanted it. That's just an excuse. I think the 'feelings' are all in your own head. He is playing with you I think with the 'love' stuff. He probably likes the flattery. He is a messer. Ignore him.

Miss Fluff

Not what you want to hear but if he was interested in you in that way he wouldn't have gone and got himself a new girlfriend. Sorry.

Elessar

I know these types of guys, I work with some of them.

Let me guess, he's slightly cocky, confident, probably a bit arrogant, maybe a bit careless/lazy in work and has seen a few women from work?

As the other posters have pointed out, he's not in love with you. He loves the attention of you. If he genuinely was, he would not have gone and got with another girl, that's a fact. I've found personally that people become more flirtatious when they are in relationships with other people than the other way around.

I know it's difficult but you have to try to distance yourself from him. I'm in a similar situation with a girl and the only way to move on is to distance yourself. Stop looking at his facebook (deactivate it if you have to), stop talking to him so often in work, keep it to pleasantries, short and sweet.

Are you sure there is no one else in work? Quite often you may be overlooking someone who genuinely likes you.

LegacyUser

Hey original poster here....

God....that was exactly what i needed, thank you guys. I think I was going slightly mad with delusion for a couple of weeks there!

I feel like such an idiot....so much so that i don't know how to face him tomorrow, he must think i am the biggest moron ever....I seriously don't know how I am going to go to work. I mean I don't think you realise how small our work space is, there is no avoiding him.

How am I going to make sure he gets the message that I have no interest in him whatsoever? (which is what i need to do to regain any kind of pride at all, cos right now i feel like hiding under my bed and never coming out!)

....i just keep imagining him telling his friends that "this idiot in work fancies me its hilarious" ... now I have gone mad with embarrassment !

What to do!

Fentdog84

Just give it a bit of time and these feelings will pass, you'll get over it. Avoid indulging him or bantering with him just keep any conversation with him impersonal, on a professional level. If he trys anything on with you again in the future, just tell him you are no longer interested and and plus you think it wouldnt be fair on his girlfriend.

Miss Fluff

confused10123 wrote: »

How am I going to make sure he gets the message that I have no interest in him whatsoever? (which is what i need to do to regain any kind of pride at all, cos right now i feel like hiding under my bed and never coming out!)

No, if you do that he's going to know he's gotten under your skin and it will massage his ego even more. Just act totally easy, breezy and beautiful. Be friendly and be professional but don't allow any flirting or innuendo. To go out of your way to be cool and/or nasty will just make you look like a woman scorned.

spinandscribble

Miss Fluff wrote: »

No, if you do that he's going to know he's gotten under your skin and it will massage his ego even more. Just act totally easy, breezy and beautiful. Be friendly and be professional but don't allow any flirting or innuendo. To go out of your way to be cool and/or nasty will just make you look like a woman scorned.

couldn't agree more, just treat him like anyone else. The truth is you'll start to naturally seem uninterested in him as time goes on, if you ham it up to "prove" anything it'll be worse as in, "wow look how much i mattered to her, she is so angry with me".

There's no need to prove anything to him, revenge or acting in a certain way won't help you. its corny but "living well is the best revenge", and it means you're doing the best thing for yourself.