Terrified To Drive (24 female)

Lady Lainy

Right....this is going to sound stupid but please don't mock me...this is a very real painful issue, which I am trying to overcome...me being here should be proof of that...

I'm 24 and I am absolutely hand trembling, tears in my eyes, sick to my stomach terrified at the prospect of learning to drive.

When I was nine my sister was knocked down and killed on the road...this has definitely left emotional scars...to me cars are weapons...weapons I've felt the pain from...but now my whole family is pressurising me to drive...they lost my sister too...they just don't seem to get it...like come on...excuse me if i'm terrified of killing someone and putting another family through what I've been through...

Surely I can't be the only person in Ireland afraid of driving? Any genuine advice will be accepted. Am I write in saying I need to do a theory test before getting a provisional? See I thought it was the other way around.

Can someone PM me links to up to date sites and information....I'm getting lost in all the out dated information on line...so even trying to find info is stressing me out...

All I know is I have to have 12 certified lessons before taking the proper driving test....doesn't bother me...I'd take a 100 if I could afford it...

conscious

I've recently start driving and I feel the worst thing is having pricks up your arse, pushing you to go at junctions! Once you get over this and learn to ignore them it's great!

lil-ms-vodka

Hi Lady Lainy

1st thing you'll need is lots of study for the theory test
http://theorytest.ie/
Once you pass, you can apply for your provisional licence. As you have mentioned you will be required to undertake the 12 lesson course

Can understand you feel nervous, but it will be the best thing you do, once you get your confidence and your in contol of the car there's nothing like it.
I started driving in April and don't know why i didn't years ago

Good Luck

Irish_wolf

A nice place to start would be to go to somewhere like the leinster driving school campus http://www.leinsterdrivingcampus.ie/ They have a track built like a normal road but it will be just you and the instructors, where you can practice driving with traffic lights, hill starts and round abouts.

You dont even need a license to take a lesson because its a private road so you can get as much practice as you want before going out on the roads.

Once you can drive, change gears and handle the clutch without thinking about it you can concentrate much more on your surroundings, other vehicles and pedestrians etc.

Lady Lainy

Irish_wolf wrote: »

A nice place to start would be to go to somewhere like the leinster driving school campus http://www.leinsterdrivingcampus.ie/ They have a track built like a normal road but it will be just you and the instructors, where you can practice driving with traffic lights, hill starts and round abouts.

You dont even need a license to take a lesson because its a private road so you can get as much practice as you want before going out on the roads.

Once you can drive, change gears and handle the clutch without thinking about it you can concentrate much more on your surroundings, other vehicles and pedestrians etc.

yeah i've heard about that place....sounds perfect for me...except me being down in cork...

lil-ms-vodka

Irish_wolf wrote: »

A nice place to start would be to go to somewhere like the leinster driving school campus http://www.leinsterdrivingcampus.ie/ They have a track built like a normal road but it will be just you and the instructors, where you can practice driving with traffic lights, hill starts and round abouts.

You dont even need a license to take a lesson because its a private road so you can get as much practice as you want before going out on the roads.

Once you can drive, change gears and handle the clutch without thinking about it you can concentrate much more on your surroundings, other vehicles and pedestrians etc.

Sounds like a good place, but personally think its better to be on the roads instead of a false environment, nothing like getting stuck in

matt70iu

Lady Lainy wrote: »

Right....this is going to sound stupid but please don't mock me...this is a very real painful issue, which I am trying to overcome...me being here should be proof of that...

I'm 24 and I am absolutely hand trembling, tears in my eyes, sick to my stomach terrified at the prospect of learning to drive.

When I was nine my sister was knocked down and killed on the road...this has definitely left emotional scars...to me cars are weapons...weapons I've felt the pain from...but now my whole family is pressurising me to drive...they lost my sister too...they just don't seem to get it...like come on...excuse me if i'm terrified of killing someone and putting another family through what I've been through...

Surely I can't be the only person in Ireland afraid of driving? Any genuine advice will be accepted. Am I write in saying I need to do a theory test before getting a provisional? See I thought it was the other way around.

Can someone PM me links to up to date sites and information....I'm getting lost in all the out dated information on line...so even trying to find info is stressing me out...

All I know is I have to have 12 certified lessons before taking the proper driving test....doesn't bother me...I'd take a 100 if I could afford it...

Hi

Learning to drove is no small feat. Yes you are right, a car is a potential weapon if in careless hands. It's made even more difficult by the fact that all your peers are learning to drive.

I would encourage you to go at a pace you feel comfortable with, not a pace that you feel pressured into. Just take it in baby steps, one at a time.

i was very nervous starting off. You have the added emotional pressure from your past trauma. All I can say is well done for getting the ball rolling and getting back on the horse.

best of luck... you will get there in the end!!

Matt

g'em

hey Lainy

Lady Lainy wrote: »

When I was nine my sister was knocked down and killed on the road...this has definitely left emotional scars...to me cars are weapons...weapons I've felt the pain from...but now my whole family is pressurising me to drive...they lost my sister too...they just don't seem to get it...like come on...excuse me if i'm terrified of killing someone and putting another family through what I've been through...

That must have been an incredibly traumatic thing to have gone through and it's entirely understandable that you're nervous about learning to drive.

I was in my late-twenties before I started driving and was unbelievably nervous about it too; I was in two crashes a few years ago, one minor and one major (I was very lucky to walk away from it) and just like you I saw cars as weapons and dangerous yokes altogether.

Learning to drive isn't easy when you're nervous, and don't be surprised if your first few lessons are tough going. I had a very patient instructor who got very used to my tears and tantrums

But one day it'll click and you'll realise that when you're driving, you're in control, and these days you can barely keep me off the road, I love it!

Just remember that you definitely are the first nervous learner and you definitely won't be the last. Just keep going at your own pace and don't mind anyone who puts pressure on you, you'll get there when you're good and ready.

Best of luck

Lady Lainy

Like my uncle wants to teach me to drive in the field....which is our own private land....learning from family with my level of nerves....i dont know if him being family will make me more nervous or relaxed.

I have found a local instructor who covers my area....local roads... back roads...nasty junctions ect...just coming out of our drive way is a nightmare...its a particularly nasty stretch of road..alot of deaths...including my sisters...so i have constant reminders staring me in the face...put me on a unpredictable horse....not a bother...but a machine....YIKES!

matt70iu

Lady Lainy wrote: »

Like my uncle wants to teach me to drive in the field....which is our own private land....learning from family with my level of nerves....i dont know if him being family will make me more nervous or relaxed.

I have found a local instructor who covers my area....local roads... back roads...nasty junctions ect...just coming out of our drive way is a nightmare...its a particularly nasty stretch of road..alot of deaths...including my sisters...so i have constant reminders staring me in the face...put me on a unpredictable horse....not a bother...but a machine....YIKES!

Well fair play to you for facing up to your fears. Perhaps you could get your instructor to drive away from the the house. That way, you can learn the basics away from an area that holds such painful memories for you.

Regarding learning on your uncles land. To learn the basic mechanics, that could work well, just be careful you don't pick up any habits that a driving instructor can teach you not to do from the start.

The most important thing is that you feel comfortable. Take it in baby steps and you'll be fine. In time, you'll be ok to drive closer to your home.

Lady Lainy

Thanks everyone...nice to hear genuine replies and advice...I've had some ppl in my life just tell me to "get over it and move on"...which just makes me wanna dig in my heals and refuse to do it almost out of spite...childish i know!!!

matt70iu

Lady Lainy wrote: »

Thanks everyone...nice to hear genuine replies and advice...I've had some ppl in my life just tell me to "get over it and move on"...which just makes me wanna dig in my heals and refuse to do it almost out of spite...childish i know!!!

No worries.. sure we're all wearing nappies in some area of our lives. It's what makes us human:)

Lady Lainy

well....I did it....21st June 3.30pm, Sitting the theory test...at least thats a start....could have sat it next week...but just not ready...at least now with the appointment made...and people wont be breathing down my neck....

Going to be stuck in the car for 4 hour on tuesday with my mother...i knew i had to book SOMETHING....or it would just be 4 hours of fighting....

matt70iu

That's brilliant, you've taken a step. Then when you get your theory test, you'll have taken another one. You'll be amazed how quickly you'll get things done once you get the ball rolling.

Although it's a simple action to book the test, once you have your learner permit, that's another step, look at it like that and make sure to give yourself a well deserved pat on the back each time.

Might sound silly but even in doing these things, it will build your confidence to the point that you will want to and be ready to get into the car and start to learn to drive.

I'm sure your mum just wants to see you driving, but that doesn't mean you should do things any quicker or slower than you feel comfortable with.

Keep us posted:)

Lady Lainy

matt70iu wrote: »

That's brilliant, you've taken a step. Then when you get your theory test, you'll have taken another one. You'll be amazed how quickly you'll get things done once you get the ball rolling.

Although it's a simple action to book the test, once you have your learner permit, that's another step, look at it like that and make sure to give yourself a well deserved pat on the back each time.

Might sound silly but even in doing these things, it will build your confidence to the point that you will want to and be ready to get into the car and start to learn to drive.

I'm sure your mum just wants to see you driving, but that doesn't mean you should do things any quicker or slower than you feel comfortable with.

Keep us posted:)

I think I'm just going to take it as one little event at a time...

Booking the exam...
Taking the exam....

Taking the car out for the first time (even if its just in the field)
Taking the car out on the road first time..

Taking the 12 formal lessons....

Booking real test...
Actually taking the test....

Buying a new dog! LOL Rewarding my self! haha!

Monife

Hey Lainy

I was very nervous when first learning how to drive. Had to learn from scratch and on my first lesson, the instructor drove down the road, told us to swap sides, told me the basics and then said "ok off you go" I was like are you mad, you wan't me to drive straight away lol

But once you get the hang of it, it is such a great feeling, feeling of independence, freedom, confidence.

Try and google reviews of driving instructors in your area. The fact that you know how dangerous cars can be, will make you all the more careful and cautious when you are driving which is good, but try not to get too hung up about it. Once you do your lessons and practice practice practice, you will be fine.

I would also recommend going just with the instructor, not a family member/friend. They may teach you bad habits without realising which can be very hard to shake. At least if you start off with the instructor, you know you are doing it right, and if you feel you need more lessons, then get them, that is what they are there for. I had 10 lessons and lots of practice before I drove on my own but after that, I took to it so naturally, and I am sure you will too.

matt70iu

Lady Lainy wrote: »

I think I'm just going to take it as one little event at a time...

Booking the exam...
Taking the exam....

Taking the car out for the first time (even if its just in the field)
Taking the car out on the road first time..

Taking the 12 formal lessons....

Booking real test...
Actually taking the test....

Buying a new dog! LOL Rewarding my self! haha!

That's great:) Just make sure ya don't get a dog every time or you'll end up with a puppy farm:)

lil-ms-vodka

Good luck with the test, will fly in Within 4 wks i'd taken my 5 lessons and bought my car, waiting on my test next

Skyrim

Don't feel so bad, I'm 19 and i feel nervous about it too, think its more a case of building up confidence. Lot of my cousins are learning or at least out driving and so my parents keep nagging me about it. That is one thing i hate, as if i needed any more pressure . Gets annoying, don't lose heart, plenty of other people like you. My sisters were around your age when they started driving, they are flying it and have their full licenses a few years now.

Reloc8

Hi Lainy,

It is perfectly normal that you would have these feelings about learning to drive having had that awful experience of losing your little sister to a road traffic accident. In fact, you would be a strange person if you did not.

With that said everyone is nervous when learing to drive, even if they don't admit it, and the best drivers are those who recognise and acknowledge this and act accordingly - they learn the skills and the rules, and they never take a risk, and they are therefore just as safe as they can possibly be towards themselves and everyone else.

There is absolutely no doubt that you are going to fall into this category of safe & competent driver.

Finally, the great thing about driving is that its fun - before you know it you'll be champing at the bit to get into the car and drive.

Good luck with it all and enjoy

BizzyLizzie

Congrats on booking your theory test

You'll be fine. I was hugely nervous and still am to an extent but I'm getting better. Started lessons with a different instructor today and the change in my driving today is crazy! I'm actually looking forward to getting in the car again tomorrow. Before I was trying to think of every reason not to drive. So don't be afraid to try a few different people if one doesn't make you comfortable. Best of luck, keep us all posted

Daisy03

Hi Lainey,

I just wanted to say best of luck with the driving. I'm just starting out aswell and feel the exact same. My best friend died in a car accident a few years ago and I think that makes me more nervous than I probably otherwise would be.

I went out for a lesson with my dad today and he said that he still gets moments where he is nervous in the car and that is after 25 years driving. I had never thought of that and its something I found re-assuring in a strange way... It's not just us learners that can experience nerves.

Good luck with the theory test

Moon Indigo

I am 28 and see everyone around me driving. I feel the exact same about driving. I have my provisional a good few years now and decided recently to give it a real go in a manual. It didnt work.

I am starting my lessons again today in an automatic. I find it easier as there is no clutch and I cant feel comfortable behind the wheel of a manual. I would advise you take a few lessons with a good driving instructor (you will know when you meet them ask friends and plently of research!) and see how you go. I wouldnt dismiss an automatic if nerves still get the best of you. You have your whole life to learn to drive a manual if you are that nervous. Drive what your comfortable in and this is turn will lead to you becoming a safer driver and less accidents like the one that happened to your sister. Best of luck.

Whippersnapper

I'm not scared of driving, I'm scared of learning to drive. I'm afraid that I won't get it, that I'll humiliate myself, that I will have to give up the lessons. It just seems far to complicated for me to get my head around. I'm even afraid that I will fail the theory test to the extent that I can't book it. I would feel like such a failure if I didn't pass it. Nearly everyone I know passed their theory and practical on their first go.

Monife

Whippersnapper wrote: »

I'm not scared of driving, I'm scared of learning to drive. I'm afraid that I won't get it, that I'll humiliate myself, that I will have to give up the lessons. It just seems far to complicated for me to get my head around. I'm even afraid that I will fail the theory test to the extent that I can't book it. I would feel like such a failure if I didn't pass it. Nearly everyone I know passed their theory and practical on their first go.

Preparation is key. I failed my first theory test (34/40) because I "thought" I knew it all and "Ah sure it cant be that hard". If you have the CD, practice, practice, practice. You can keep taking mock tests and learn all the other questions in relation to the rules of the road. Once you have the CD down, and are managing 39-40 out of 40 a good few times, then you are ready. You might not get 40 on the day, but all you need to do is pass.

Lady Lainy

So I've been doing practice runs of the theory test at home...

Its technicalities I need to brush up on....fair enough....thats expected...cos i've never actually driven.

But what is helping....so far in every practice test i've done i've scored 100% in observation and good judgement....:) thats kinda putting me at ease....that i can trust my judgement!

matt70iu

Lady Lainy wrote: »

So I've been doing practice runs of the theory test at home...

Its technicalities I need to brush up on....fair enough....thats expected...cos i've never actually driven.

But what is helping....so far in every practice test i've done i've scored 100% in observation and good judgement....:) thats kinda putting me at ease....that i can trust my judgement!

That's great to hear. The theory test is not difficult, but it is not the sort of test you can do without doing any preparation. You obviously are so I reckon you should breeze through it.

A lot of it is common sense as well, with a bit of knowledge thrown in.


Keep at it!

trek04

Glad to know that you have taken the step and yes you are right the things we see and hear we tend to get scared from them which is common and anyone in your place would have felt same so don't worry take your time and i am sure you will learn it

layviae

good luck in the theory test lainy!!!!
when i was first learing to drive i used to come back from lessons with sore hands from gripping the stearing wheel so hard. i remember a friend telling me she used to be scared of driving and used to just drive down the road to her friedns house and back for the first year and she was so proud of herself cause a year later she had driven around dublin city centre.
anyway i was thinking theres no way i will ever drive around dublin city centre... two years later im driving around dublin city centre twice a day to drop my baby into college!!!! even last week was a learning experince bacuse my car (a 01 micra) broke down and i was given a rental car from the aa (a pink 10 fiesta) i was terrified getting into it and i collected it from a car rental company on the long mile road (in dublin) and drove straight into dublin city centre to collect my exam results (nothing else could have motivated me more to get into that car but it was 4 oclock and i had to collect my results by 5 or else not get them till this week.
anyway lainy what im saying is even though your scared now (and ive been there) i know you can do it anyone can do it if i can!!! i only just passed my theory test as i was bang on the minium ammount of questions right and i promised myself if i didnt pass my actual driving test the 100th time i did it id give up but i passed it on the second go and if i can you deffo can

Lady Lainy

thoery test tomorrow!

Am i right in saying that if i pass it....and after paying like 40 euro for the bloody thing....i then have to pay even MOREto get the fecking piece of paper????? FFS day light robbery!

book/dvd (optional) 40 euro
the exam 40 euro
the provisional is like 15 euro
and eye test is about 15 euro

No where on the DTT site did it say any of that!

matt70iu

Lady Lainy wrote: »

thoery test tomorrow!

Am i right in saying that if i pass it....and after paying like 40 euro for the bloody thing....i then have to pay even MOREto get the fecking piece of paper????? FFS day light robbery!

book/dvd (optional) 40 euro
the exam 40 euro
the provisional is like 15 euro
and eye test is about 15 euro

No where on the DTT site did it say any of that!

Expensive business isn't it! Not to mention the money you'll have to spend on lessons. Shop around for an instructor though, the most expensive isn't always the best! Word of mouth works well for this also.

A friend told me about my instructor, I simply wanted someone who would enable me to pass my test, he was strict and a pain in the arse, but that's exactly what he did!

Once you have your permit though, apart from your log book for your lessons, that's all the paper work you'll need to go through till you go for your test.

Keep going and you'll get there!

Matt

Monife

Good luck Lainy.

You will be grand. Don't stress yourself out too much or your mind might go blank, although I don't think it will because it's not like exams where there is loads of text to learn, if you can just put yourself in the situation the question asks you, you should be able to get the right answer.

condra

I second the Automatic transmission suggestion. Most arguments in favour of manuals tend to be macho claims about "engaging driving" from guys who have never actually driven an automatic.

Automatics are much easier to drive because you don't have to think about your left foot or left hand. You can simply stick it in "drive"... and drive!

They don't suffer from clutch grinding. They're easy to park, quicker for 3 point turns, don't roll back on hills, and make learning to drive way, way easier.

Lady Lainy

condra wrote: »

I second the Automatic transmission suggestion. Most arguments in favour of manuals tend to be macho claims about "engaging driving" from guys who have never actually driven an automatic.

Automatics are much easier to drive because you don't have to think about your left foot or left hand. You can simply stick it in "drive"... and drive!

They don't suffer from clutch grinding. They're easy to park, quicker for 3 point turns, don't roll back on hills, and make learning to drive way, way easier.

sounds exactly what i need. except the old corolla already outside the door. the hand me down from my brother.

condra

Well I think you should definitely look into it. Used cars are ten a penny these days. But please only get second opinions from someone who has actually driven both!

Actually, ideally you might know someone who would let you have a little spin in an automatic. My brother struggled to get into driving for about 2 years until he got an automatic.

I'm a sort of automatic evangelist, so I'm definitely biased. I hope you do try one out for yourself at some stage.

Lady Lainy

condra wrote: »

Well I think you should definitely look into it. Used cars are ten a penny these days. But please only get second opinions from someone who has actually driven both!

Actually, ideally you might know someone who would let you have a little spin in an automatic. My brother struggled to get into driving for about 2 years until he got an automatic.

I'm a sort of automatic evangelist, so I'm definitely biased. I hope you do try one out for yourself at some stage.

Thanks! Will definitely look into it! I know you need a special licence for automatics isn't it. I think my uncle has automatic, but its a jeep. I'm starting livery business in the next year or so would need something that could tow a box!

Funny...I feel safer on a horse out on the road than I think i would in a car!

condra

If you pass your test in an automatic car, your license will be restricted to driving automatics, until you take a test in a manual, which you can always do at a later date.

Jeeps are great things. Surprisingly easy to drive. Definitely have a go in that! You might even decide to pick up a compact jeepy thing like a Terios or HRV.

Personally, I wouldn't recommend you tow anything until you have at least a years experience.

Lady Lainy

condra wrote: »

If you pass your test in an automatic car, your license will be restricted to driving automatics, until you take a test in a manual, which you can always do at a later date.

Jeeps are great things. Surprisingly easy to drive. Definitely have a go in that! You might even decide to pick up a compact jeepy thing like a Terios or HRV.

Personally, I wouldn't recommend you tow anything until you have at least a years experience.

oh yeah... definitely.....just dont want to go off and get a car maybe next year...then have to change it in like 3 years time for something powerful enough for towing....

but for now just going to focus on tomorrow!

layviae

didnt wanna go off topic on the other tread but laniy dont let it put you off just book it again and you'll do better next time!!! (plus you probally just got hard questions)

Lady Lainy

layviae wrote: »

didnt wanna go off topic on the other tread but laniy dont let it put you off just book it again and you'll do better next time!!! (plus you probally just got hard questions)

32/40 folks! But gunna try again in about two weeks...just cant afford another run of it just yet...

and you know what...even tho i failed....its a good learning tool....its made me feel a little safer in my self...i have actually learned!

It was technical stuff i got stuck on, got asked stuff about tyres and brake pads but observation/vulnerable road users/signs and markings.....got all right....which i hope means i'll never cause an accident!

matt70iu

Lady Lainy wrote: »

32/40 folks! But gunna try again in about two weeks...just cant afford another run of it just yet...

and you know what...even tho i failed....its a good learning tool....its made me feel a little safer in my self...i have actually learned!

It was technical stuff i got stuck on, got asked stuff about tyres and brake pads but observation/vulnerable road users/signs and markings.....got all right....which i hope means i'll never cause an accident!

That's it... stick with it! You've learnt a lot from the experience and that's the most important thing of all:)

Yeah try again, I reckon you'll get it the next time a you know more what to expect. Well done!

Skyrim

Lady Lainy wrote: »

32/40 folks! But gunna try again in about two weeks...just cant afford another run of it just yet...

and you know what...even tho i failed....its a good learning tool....its made me feel a little safer in my self...i have actually learned!

It was technical stuff i got stuck on, got asked stuff about tyres and brake pads but observation/vulnerable road users/signs and markings.....got all right....which i hope means i'll never cause an accident!

Don't lose heart, i know a lot of people who didn't pass first time and got it the second time. Give it another go.

Lady Lainy

I PASSSD the theory test 39/40

matt70iu

That's great to hear... Well done! Next step now would be to apply for your learner permit. Make sure ya do it within 2 years or you'll have to sit your theory test again:)

Feels good to be making progress doesn't it:)

Lady Lainy

matt70iu wrote: »

That's great to hear... Well done! Next step now would be to apply for your learner permit. Make sure ya do it within 2 years or you'll have to sit your theory test again:)

Feels good to be making progress doesn't it:)

Getting eye test and more passport pics done tomorrow then up to county hall

Lady Lainy

First Driving Lesson This day next week! The car took a fair ole bit of sorting out...and had to save for insurance, nct, road tax+ lessons.

but I'm doing it!

starlit

Best of luck with it OP, once you get over the first initial lessons, get your confidence up, practising and mastering the basics you be well on your way to tackle learning to drive and get over the nerves. Takes time but you will get there!

matt70iu

Lady Lainy wrote: »

First Driving Lesson This day next week! The car took a fair ole bit of sorting out...and had to save for insurance, nct, road tax+ lessons.

but I'm doing it!

Well done. You're getting there. To think that just a few months ago you were just about to take your theory test. Keep at it, and let us know how you get on:)