adoption,finding birthmothers address??

lettys14

hi,,sorry i'm new at this site so please bear with me,, i am just wondering if anyone could help me out with how to find my birth mothers address, i know her full name and what county she lives in and i know she still lives at the same address that she did at the time of my birth,,, any advice would be greatly apprieciated,, thank you

Konata

Thread moved to Adoption forum

The_Conductor

First things first- are you 100% certain of the information that you have? Where did you get the information from? (We have traceguides here in the adoption forum- they are one of the stickied threads).

Secondly- once you are certain that you're in possession of accurate information- you a few different possible avenues of inquiry.

It would be quite unusual for your birthmum to still be resident in the same place as she was at the time of your birth. Quite unusual, but not unheard of.

Once you have a name- and a county- my own preferred course of action would be to go to the local county library- they will have the historical voter registers for the county- and these are public records (you can find the current registers in the local Garda station- but you have more privacy and time to yourself in the library).

If, for whatever reason, you can't find it- you have other possibilities open to you (which I'm not going to go into here- but come back with any questions you may have, and we'll be only too happy to help).

Best wishes,

Shane

flipall

I'd give google a go or something like goldenpages online! Its amazing what you can find on the internet!

lillymay

hi everyone. i am looking for some advice on what to do next. i gave my son up for adoption in 1989. i have never forgotten him and have thought about him every day. i contacted the agency that arranged the adoption and they said they would write to his adoptive parents telling them that i wanted to make contact. that was 6 months ago and nothing since. as i had the date of the adoption order i got his adoption cert and his new name and address. a quick piece of research on the internet and i found him. my problem is where do i go from here. do i contact the agency again, write to his adoptive parents myself or write to him directly as hes an adult? i'm 100% certain its him. i've waited for such a long time for this day to come and i dont want to mess it up.any advice??

tyview

Hi Lillymay,

I was just wondering if you are on the national contact register? If you are sure that you have found your son than I would suggest either contacting him yourself (not adoptive parents) or I would get in contact with the agency and tell them you want them to contact HIM, not his parents! If you let the agency do it, you'll have no control over the length of time they will take. Personally I don't think they should have written to his parent in the first place if he was an adult. They only thing I can think of where that might be acceptable is if they hadn't told him he was adopted.

If you do it yourself, be sure to have people around for support. A letter might be the safest bet in that case but do it registered post so you know who has signed for it and that HE got it.

tyview

Hi, Have you got your original birth cert? If so, what address did that give for her?

If you don't have that a trip to the research room would be my first port of call in that situation. If you know for DEFINITE that she is still at that address then maybe its on your BC. If she had married then find her MC too as that would have an address. When you find an address, you could use it on www.checktheregister.ie

lettys14

hi ,thanks for posting as i said this is all new to me,, i went to dublin a few years ago i cant remember the name of the place,,but i searched for my origional birth details as i knew i was called donnamaria and was born 13th jan 1981 in bessboro,, in a book there was only one donna maria born there on that date and the surname for mother given was mccadden. i just didnt know where to go from there??? i know also that her first name is mary bridget and according to records she was 23 at the time of my birth,, at a later date though she claimed that she was in fact 33 at the time of my birth so i am unsure which is accurate. i was also told that she had one sister and no brothers and worked in a hospital as an assistant and lived with her parents who were farmers and that nobody at all was aware of her pregnancy not even a friend, a few years ago the adoption board searched for her for me they found her in less than a day as they informed me she was still at the same address but she would not speak to them, also at the time of my birth her sister was reported as a missing person in england,, this is pretty much all the info i have,,,,, any help or advice is greatly apprieciated

tyview

I guess the next thing I would do would be to get a copy of her Birth cert then. If her parents had a farm, she may have lived at the same address all of her life. If you can get back to dublin to the research room then you could search the books for 1957/58 up to 1947/48 even broaden the search to cover up to the early 60's too incase she was younger than 23.

If you can't get to do that then the next thing you can try is to look up the surname and the county on http://pilot.familysearch.org/recordsearch/start.html
If she was born before 1958 then her birth should be on there with references which you can use to order a copy of the cert from here: http://www.groireland.ie/apply_for_a_cert.htm
You will have to print off the form and send it with a cheque or cc details. I don't think the surname is too common but if you can't find it on the website it probably means she was younger than she said so a trip to the research room again might be needed.

lettys14

thank you so much,i will have to make that trip to dublin,,could anyone give me the address for the research room?? thanks again to everyone to being so helpful,,this means so much to me

tyview

http://www.groireland.ie/research.htm
This is the link to the GRO page. It has the address and the fees on it. Best of luck!

lettys14

thank you sooo much

The_Conductor

lettys14 wrote: »

thank you so much,i will have to make that trip to dublin,,could anyone give me the address for the research room?? thanks again to everyone to being so helpful,,this means so much to me

Its upstairs in the Irish Life Building on Talbot Street (straight down off O'Connell Street- towards Connolly- parallel with the Quays).

lettys14

thanks,,just as a matter of intrest am i allowed to get my origional birthcert now that i have my full origional name and i know the county or are u not allowed to have them,,???

The_Conductor

You can get copies of any birthcerts at all- you need the reference from the book- fill out the form, pay your fee and get your cert.

The original purpose of the research room- was for people studying genealogy (their family trees) so no-one will know any better if you're in there doing your own research.

lettys14

ok thanks so just to make sure before i go back up to dublin ,i find myself in the reference book tell them this is the cert i want fill out the form and thats it,,is it really as simple as that???

goat2

lettys14 wrote: »

ok thanks so just to make sure before i go back up to dublin ,i find myself in the reference book tell them this is the cert i want fill out the form and thats it,,is it really as simple as that???

is she from south of the country

The_Conductor

lettys14 wrote: »

ok thanks so just to make sure before i go back up to dublin ,i find myself in the reference book tell them this is the cert i want fill out the form and thats it,,is it really as simple as that???

Pretty much- you have to be 100% certain that you have the right cert though- they wil cheerfully hand you over literally any cert at all that you ask for- you need to do your research and be 100% sure you have the right one......
I'd seriously recommend that you consult the traceguides in this forum- and follow the advice in them.......

lettys14

i went to the research room a few years ago but i didnt think you could get a photocopy of the cert at the time i knew that my first name was definately donna maria and that i was born in the sacred heart hospital in blackrock cork on 13/1/81.. all this i am definate about, there was only one donna maria born in that hospital on that date and the surname on the book in the research room was mccadden and the adoptoin board did tell me that i had an unusual surname that was only common to the area my mother was from,,they also let slip once that she was from donegal,,this also matched what i found in the research room so im pretty sure i have the right details

lettys14

sorry goat 2 only saw your post now,,i only know that she is from donegal have no clue of her location other than that

The_Conductor

lettys14 wrote: »

i went to the research room a few years ago but i didnt think you could get a photocopy of the cert at the time i knew that my first name was definately donna maria and that i was born in the sacred heart hospital in blackrock cork on 13/1/81.. all this i am definate about, there was only one donna maria born in that hospital on that date and the surname on the book in the research room was mccadden and the adoptoin board did tell me that i had an unusual surname that was only common to the area my mother was from,,they also let slip once that she was from donegal,,this also matched what i found in the research room so im pretty sure i have the right details

Did you actually get non-identifying information- formally, in writing from them? If not- do it. Get a copy of the cert that you think is yours- and leverge it to get your Mums cert- and then go look at marriage certs/death certs etc- and get a picture of her family situation- does it correlate with the non-identifying information you have and do you have the right 'mccadden' family (I'm guessing it could well be a common family name in Donegal?) You might need to work on your birth-mother's family tree, to make sure you get the right person- and once you're satisfied that your information is accurate- then you can do up a card, or a letter (or ask advice on what other folk here have done- we'd be more than happy to give advice).

Getting your own original birthcert is the first important step on your journey- its a stepping stone towards finding your birthmum- its impossible to even guess how much work might be involved after you have your own cert.

lettys14

smccarrick wrote: »

Did you actually get non-identifying information- formally, in writing from them? If not- do it. Get a copy of the cert that you think is yours- and leverge it to get your Mums cert- and then go look at marriage certs/death certs etc- and get a picture of her family situation- does it correlate with the non-identifying information you have and do you have the right 'mccadden' family (I'm guessing it could well be a common family name in Donegal?) You might need to work on your birth-mother's family tree, to make sure you get the right person- and once you're satisfied that your information is accurate- then you can do up a card, or a letter (or ask advice on what other folk here have done- we'd be more than happy to give advice).

yes they gave it to me in writing that i was donna maria born 13/1/81 in sacred heart hospital blackrock,and that her first name was mary from the north west of ireland,,it was a complete accident that i found out it was actually donegal i was assigned a new social worker halfway through my case and when i phoned her she asked was i the donna maria from donegal i just said yes and afterward she said to me "you didnt know that before i said it did u" she then refused to give me any more info as she said she had already given me too much information,, they also told me after they had tracked her down that it had been easy to find her as she was still residing at the same address

goat2

lettys14 wrote: »

sorry goat 2 only saw your post now,,i only know that she is from donegal have no clue of her location other than that

i was asking, i cannot help,
but about ten years ago a friend of mine phoned me asking me about a woman i happened to know very well, he had met a girl who had been adopted and she had known the name of her mother and the town she resided in as she was born in my town, and he just rang me taking the chance that i might know the woman, i did, and it was of great help to the adopted person, they found out through me that she had two sisters and a brother and that the woman had worked with me, and had never mentioned that she had had a baby adopted in the past,
and just a few months ago i know a family who found out they had a brother, they welcomed him, i do hope you have a good result,

lettys14

goat2 wrote: »

i was asking, i cannot help,
but about ten years ago a friend of mine phoned me asking me about a woman i happened to know very well, he had met a girl who had been adopted and she had known the name of her mother and the town she resided in as she was born in my town, and he just rang me taking the chance that i might know the woman, i did, and it was of great help to the adopted person, they found out through me that she had two sisters and a brother and that the woman had worked with me, and had never mentioned that she had had a baby adopted in the past,
and just a few months ago i know a family who found out they had a brother, they welcomed him, i do hope you have a good result,

aaaww its lovely to hear when things work out,, i do know that my birthmother had a nervous breakdown after giving me up and wrote to the adoption board for 2 years looking to make sure that i was safe and happy but when they made contact a few years ago she did not seem interested in having any contact,,i feel that maybe it would be too hard for her to meet me and i understand that and respect that she may not be able for it,, but i also know many people who traced their birth mothers who were told to do it privately themselves as a lot of these women have bad memories of dealing with the adoption board and do not like speaking to social workers,, either way anyway it is not my wish to push her into meeting me if she would prefer not to but i do need to know where my background lies i want to go there and take it all in,,,after that well we will have to wait and see i suppose

tyview

lettys14 wrote: »

i do know that my birthmother had a nervous breakdown after giving me up and wrote to the adoption board for 2 years looking to make sure that i was safe and happy but when they made contact a few years ago she did not seem interested in having any contact,,i feel that maybe it would be too hard for her to meet me and i understand that and respect that she may not be able for it,, but i also know many people who traced their birth mothers who were told to do it privately themselves as a lot of these women have bad memories of dealing with the adoption board and do not like speaking to social workers,, either way anyway it is not my wish to push her into meeting me if she would prefer not to but i do need to know where my background lies i want to go there and take it all in,,,after that well we will have to wait and see i suppose

Hi letty, I've read too that some BMs don't like dealing with 'Officials' about adoption. The fact that you say your BM had a nervous breakdown too could bring back a lot of the past which I presume she would have had sme sort of councelling for. When you do find her (and I say when because if you're anything like me, you won't stop until you do), she will probably need some time to digest all of the info. As Shane said, don't just stop at your birth cert, find hers and find as much as you can while you are in the research room. You can order your birth cert and her birth cert at the counter and while you are waiting for them, you could have a look for her sisters birth cert and parents marriage cert just to build up a picture. It may be very useful or hold a clue you may need to find her.

lettys14

well i sat on the fence for about 2 years not knowing should i put myself through the mental torment of trying to trace my birth mother or not,, i finally got my birthcert this week and it only confirmed what i already knew. SADLY THERE WAS NO ADDRESS GIVEN. have had no luck finding birth mothers cert, either she was not born in donegal or she gave a wrong name i dont know its very frustrating

The_Conductor

@lettys14 - Contact the agency that handled your adoption and get your 'non identifying' information.

Also- when were you adopted (this may be important- as there are information avenues open to you if you are a pre-1984 baba).

Whether or not she was from Donegal- could be debateable- many people who think they are from Donegal were actually delivered in Derry rather than Letterkenny or elsewhere- as it seems to be a hospital of choice for many in the Northwest.

I wouldn't necessarily discount the little information you have- you probably have a lot of work in front of you- but the good folk here can offer several different avenues of suggestions to you that may possibly yield further nuggets of information.

A search can take a long time- and I know only too well how emotionally draining it can be. Finding your original birthcert is a stepping stone, on the road- every little bit of information you get will either give you a better picture of who you are and where you're from (as a worse case scenario) or possibly even act as a conduit to unlocking other stepping stones on your journey.

If any of us can help- or offer suggestions- please don't hesitate to ask.

lettys14

i have already gotten the non identifying info, i was born in cork bessboro (sacred heart hospital) they told me she was from donegal sorry i didnt explain myself very well.. they said she had a sister who was a missing person in the uk at the time of my birth and no brothers. her parents were farmers and no one knew of her pregnancy. they said she was born in 1958 but when contacted several years ago siad that she was born in 1948 and they had the wrong person.. there is no record in donegal of her or her sisters birth between 1946 and 1961 no femal mccadden was born during that time, so i think she may live in donegal now but perhaps was born elsewhere,, they did tell me that she currently lives at the same address as she did at the time of my birth alright which may be a good thing if i can locate where she was living then

Dee42

smccarrick wrote: »

@lettys14 - Contact the agency that handled your adoption and get your 'non identifying' information.

Also- when were you adopted (this may be important- as there are information avenues open to you if you are a pre-1984 baba).]

Shane, just curious, what is the significance of pre 1984 adoption with relation to information avenues?

goat2

i always give a look on here, just in case someone would be looking up someone i may know, and of course if i could help i would, it is nice to know where we started out from, looking for resemblances and traits
little things that matter,