Brother with Panic Attacks

LegacyUser

Hi All,

Two weeks ago my bro (just turned 24) moved to a Spanish party capital for the summer. He has lived in the place a couple of Summers ago. Today he rang home in bits saying he had suffered a numbe of panic attacks so scary that he went to the doc over there and they put him on Diazepam. My bro is not the sort to ever admit to any weakness, in fact he is the very definition of 'hard man'. He was crying on the phone to our mom and said he thinks he also has a drinking problem as he cannot face the day without drink. He is already freaking out that these attacks are going to affect him for life. He is booked on a flight home on Sunday.

So I have a few questions I wanted to put to you all just for debate:
1)Him & our mom DO NOT get on well at all whenever he lives at home. When he has moved home in the past it has resulted in huge fights, my mom at breakdown point, and them not talking for months. That being said she is a great mom and always there for both of us. Will it really be helpful for him to be at home?

2)I know he uses coke and also Ketamine. Coke in particular can cause some pretty serious panic attacks and I imagine he has been doing a lot of it the past 2 weeks. I don't want to braek his confidence (he told me about the drugs a year ago) as we have only started to become friends but does my family need to know about this now?

I dunno what I am expecting putting this up here but a friend recommended it so I thought I would try. I want to help him but my mom is fragile and if she finds out about the drugs it could really tear the family apart. How can I help him and how much does my mom need to know?

Any advice/debate/info appreciated.

Freiheit

I think he needs to get support from a Professional, either a Counsellor,Psychotherapist, Psychiatrist, Support Group or even ask your G.P. for recommendations. There is centres that offer support for addiction, can't think of the names off hand but your G.P. should know of them or do a Google search and you might find something in your area.

Panic attacks do not have to be for life but illegal drugs can cause them,that's why somebody needs to speak to someone knowkledgable about addictions and their side affects. It might not be as a result of his addictions, it might be just an overload of worrry and if that is the case he will need to acknowledge and share those worries. If it's a result of the drugs he will need to talk to a professional in this field and change his habits.

I think it might be a good idea to have a quiet word with someone who you can trust in the family, I think at least some family members should be aware.

Sounds as though if possible to be near home but perhaps not in the family home might be best, if he's volatile and isn't prepared to acknowledge his problem.

There's lot's that can be done to combat panic attacks but he needs to change his lifestyle and attitude as part of that.

Miss Fluff

If he is lamping into the charlie and ketamine on a regular basis then no wonder he's having panic attacks, he's probably on one big come down. Ibiza and other party islands can be really full on and it just sounds like he's gone there with a totally gung-ho approach and obviously found it all to be too much.

Do not under any circumstances break his confidence and tell your Mother he dabbles. His life wouldn't be worth living and she'll hold it against him for the rest of his life. While he may dabble in recreational drugs (albeit Class As) she will equate that with him being a heroin addict and if she's already been close to a breakdown in the past then this will tip her over the edge. DO NOT SAY A WORD!

Just be there for your brother when he comes home. Fill the house with his favourite food and DVDs, make sure his bed is nicely made up and just be a good sister.

cafecolour

I don't think his mother needs to know much of anything, other than the two of them working on their relationship. IMHO knowing your (adult) children are doing drugs is like knowing they're having sex - TMI.

Coke/ketamine and alcohol can certainly lead to increased likelihood of panic attacks. However, I think a lot of time people with anxiety issues often self-medicate with drugs/alcohol to calm said anxiety, so it can be a vicious circle.

As suggested, he absolutely needs to see a proper DR/psychologist in Ireland. Also, try and keep him off drugs/alcohol (the meds should help), doing regular exercise (helps balance mood), and maybe he can look into various meditation approaches, etc.

sambuka41

OP is your brother planning on doing anything about his drinking and drugs? Cause if he isn't then I would tell your mother, she has a right to know what she is getting herself into. He's an adult who needs to take responsibility for himself, if he's not planning on doing that then at least give the other people the heads up. If they don't get on at the best of time it'll be impossible for them to get on while he drinks and continues to take drugs,which are most likely causing his panic attacks.

If he is going to do something about it all then say nothing and let him sort it out.

Freiheit

yes I think the mother if he's staying with her has a right to know the truth. She should not disclose it to your brother but I feel that she has a right to know because that will at least enable her to understand your brother and make the necessary 'allowances'. Especially if you feel you could trust her not to disclose this.

Regardless he needs to change his habit's, otherwise there will be more problems ahead. Maybe you could assist him in finding a qualified professional or support organisation.

LegacyUser

Hi there,

that sounds like a rough situation and as other posters have pointed out, it is probably the cocktail of drugs and drink that is causing your brother to have panic attacks. Drugs are known to creates panic attack symptoms in people, I believe (as I'm not a doctor), and alcohol is obviously a relaxant, so he could be using that in order to calm himself.

I'd suggest first bringing him to a GP. If he has admitted that he has a drink problem he can get treatment for it in a rehab centre. The panic attacks are probably going to be a seperate issue for him. There are many things you can do to solve the panic puzzle and as others have noted a counselor (preferably a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist who deal very well with panic clients) and a good rehab programme. I wonder would the GP suggest going into a psychiatric unit? Not for the panic attacks, per sé (as they aren't, techincally, a reason to be comitted) but for the drugs and as a backdoor into a rehab?

Hope you guys stick together and sort this out.

blueyedson

Sounds like he's going through a rough time of it. I would see it as a good thing that he has confronted his problems by way of going to a gp and also on the phone to your mother. It shows that he recognises there is something wrong and he wants to do something about it.

It might be a good idea staying with your mam in the sense that if he is out on his own there is more chance of temptation. It can be difficult to turn down going out with mates if your living with them or hanging with them all the time.

Its probably best not telling your mother at the moment as previous posters said she might freak out. Mothers usually pick up on stuff anyway, she will probably suspect something, if she just thinks its the drink that might be better for now.

You could support him by finding out about consellors in your area and maby going along with him for support.

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Thank you all for taking time to reply. We have had a very tough few days...my mom ended up in hospital on Friday and is still there now. She is ok...just had a bit of a turn, pains in her chest etc. Due to years of high blood pressure they are keeping her in to run some tests

My bro arrived home today at lunchtime....I went with my dad to pick him up. He had been travelling since 7am and had been out all night before that so not a great start. I fear his 'I know best attitude' has not changed but I'm willing to give him a few days to adjust to being home before I confront him about this. For example: He offered me one of his diazepam/valium which I refused and he told me he had given one to the bloke next to him on the plane. I told him to be careful giving other people prescription drugs (as if they react badly he is liable) and to keep them himself. His attitude was 'it's grand, if it goes wrong I'd just deny giving them the tablets. I can do what I want with MY tablets.'

We then went to visit my mom in the hospital. My bro only stayed a very short time due to him being so tired and when he left my mom got upset as she thought he seemed very down and is worried. I couldn't tell her he was just tired from partying as she would have been really angry.

Once again I feel I am the buffer for my family always trying to make sure everyone stays calm and gets along. I don't live in the family home anymore so worry about the fights to come when my mom is discharged from the hospital and goes home.....if my bro doesn't change his attitude.

He has said he will go to our GP tomorrow so fingers crossed he does this.

Thanks again for the advice...it is good to have somewhere to vent and hear(read) other opinions.