Can't stop thinking about staff Xmas party

LegacyUser

As the title says, we had our staff christmas party there last december. I got extremely drunk and i ended up going back to a hotel with one of the male staff members (a guy who i detested). Anyways I'm only 20 years old, while he's early 30's. I live at home with my family.

I can't stop thinking about how dirty this was of me Not alone am i so embarrassed as he probably told other people within the company, but I am SO ashamed of myself for allowing myself to drink so much As I said I really didn't like this guy, and no way would I have done this sober. It's been 5 months since this happened and I am terrified that my mum might know.... (she does business with this company on a day to day basis and she knows a lot of staff in there), and I am terrified it may have gotten back to her. I really wish I could take this back, it's killing me inside.

neveah

I think we've all been there at some stage, got so drunk we did things we probably normally wouldn't do. The demon drink as they say! Don't beat yourself up over it OP, just learn from your mistake. Next time you won't allow yourself get so drunk because you'll remember how sh*te it felt when you did things you regret. It sounds like it was a one-off.
Ok, you don't like this guy so put it down to a bad experience and one that you have learned a valuable lesson from. Forget about who knows in the company, even if they do know it's been months since it happened, it's old news! They'll have moved onto something new trust me.

I presume this guy was as drunk as you otherwise I would be worried that he took advantage of you in your drunken state. Have you talked to him since? Are things awkward or have you cleared the air? Honestly though you haven't committed any crime here so don't be so hard on yourself.

shadowcomplex

neveah wrote: »

I think we've all been there at some stage, got so drunk we did things we probably normally wouldn't do. The demon drink as they say! Don't beat yourself up over it OP, just learn from your mistake. Next time you won't allow yourself get so drunk because you'll remember how sh*te it felt when you did things you regret. It sounds like it was a one-off.
Ok, you don't like this guy so put it down to a bad experience and one that you have learned a valuable lesson from. Forget about who knows in the company, even if they do know it's been months since it happened, it's old news! They'll have moved onto something new trust me.

I presume this guy was as drunk as you otherwise I would be worried that he took advantage of you in your drunken state. Have you talked to him since? Are things awkward or have you cleared the air? Honestly though you haven't committed any crime here so don't be so hard on yourself.

This type of talk is sexist beyond belief,so if a man is a non drinker and has a one night stand with a girl that does , he is taking advantage, what if the girl is a non drinker and sleeps with a guy that is, has she not taken advantage?basically what your saying sex is this thing that a man must earn and only a women can give away, the bottom line is blaming drink for things you didnt want to do is a cop out, if drink has this much control on on a persons life then they should consider quitting

LegacyUser

shadowcomplex wrote: »

This type of talk is sexist beyond belief,so if a man is a non drinker and has a one night stand with a girl that does , he is taking advantage, what if the girl is a non drinker and sleeps with a guy that is, has she not taken advantage?basically what your saying sex is this thing that a man must earn and only a women can give away, the bottom line is blaming drink for things you didnt want to do is a cop out, if drink has this much control on on a persons life then they should consider quitting

ShadowComplex...I think you're missing the point. If a guy was extremely drunk, and the girl was sober, I doubt she would be ABLE to take advantage, if you get me. If on the other hand, the guy had a few drinks and while not as drunk as the girl in question, albeit he didn't REALISE how drunk she was and went home with her, then that would not be considered 'taking advantage'. BUT if he was reasonably sober and REALISED how drunk the girl was, then that would be 'taking advantage'. It really isn't the same for girls and guys.

OP, please don't worry about it. As the other posters said, it was 5 months ago...this happens a lot. Everyone makes a t*t of themselves at these things. Just don't think about it...no-one else is. xx

mikemac

It's tough OP and it can drive you stressed imagining the whole office is talking about you.

It's pretty likely this guy told the lads in work if that's what you're wondering

The truth is OP, the next week they probably moved onto some new topic. Someone got engaged, someone had a baby on maternity leave or someone else was in a scandal.

After five months you need to stop torturing yourself.

I think you should still go to the next staff night out just so you can show to yourself you can have a good time and drink in moderation.
Don't hide away from every night out for years to come

so_ashamed wrote: »

I am terrified that my mum might know.... (she does business with this company on a day to day basis and she knows a lot of staff in there),

Think about it OP.
Nobody in work is going to tell your mother

How would they even bring that up?
"Oh I saw your daughter head back to a hotel room with one of the lads in work"

Come on OP!
Nobody told her. The lads in the office were talking about you for a few days but no way did any of them tell your mother

tenchi-fan

neveah wrote: »

I presume this guy was as drunk as you otherwise I would be worried that he took advantage of you in your drunken state.

:rolleyes:

The op's trying to take personal responsibility for her own actions. This type of comment isn't helpful.

Ickle Magoo

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Distorted

I wouldn't worry about it OP. Your'e through the worst period now, which is the first few weeks after it when its fresh news. 5 months after and anyone who did know about it will forget about it. Plus you will be viewed leniently because you are so young. But don't do it again or you risk getting a bit of a reputation. Learn from it and move on. Its generally better not to have ONS with people from work.

Firetrap

As the others have said, what happened is old news at this stage. For all you know, some of your colleagues have similar skeletons in their closets. I would also be very surprised if anyone did tell your mother what happened. Especially seeing as she does business with the company. No, that isn't going to happen.

All of that stuff is out of your control now anyway. What you can do is learn from this experience and make sure that you never allow yourself to get that drunk again or go off with a colleague.

neveah

shadowcomplex wrote: »

This type of talk is sexist beyond belief,so if a man is a non drinker and has a one night stand with a girl that does , he is taking advantage, what if the girl is a non drinker and sleeps with a guy that is, has she not taken advantage?basically what your saying sex is this thing that a man must earn and only a women can give away, the bottom line is blaming drink for things you didnt want to do is a cop out, if drink has this much control on on a persons life then they should consider quitting

I partly guessed people would pick up on that line.
I suppose that line of thought crossed my mind mainly because the guy is a lot older than the OP, he's in his early 30's and she's only 20 so he's over 10 years older than her, therefore I would presume he's wiser, a bit more clued in etc etc and if she was that drunk and he knew it then I would think he was taking advantage of her. That's why I brought that up.

tenchi-fan

neveah wrote: »

I partly guessed people would pick up on that line.
I suppose that line of thought crossed my mind mainly because the guy is a lot older than the OP, he's in his early 30's and she's only 20 so he's over 10 years older than her, therefore I would presume he's wiser, a bit more clued in etc etc and if she was that drunk and he knew it then I would think he was taking advantage of her. That's why I brought that up.

Don't try to defend it by bringing ageism into it, too.

IrishEyes19

Agree with what others have said, 5 months have passed and unless your co-workers lead very boring lives, they wont even blink an an eye at it. Furthermore, they would want to be very strange individuals to personally inform your Mother about it. Dont worry about it anymore

Maple

Will everybody please calm down and going forward direct all replies to the OP, please also keep your response constructive and helpful.

Let's have less of the generalising/stereotyping of posting please.

This is the last onthread warning we will be giving.

Maple

neveah

Just want to clarify that I wasn't intending to make any sexist or ageist remarks so apologies if that's the way it came across. Unfortunately I've just witnessed situations like that before.
OP you obviously don't like the guy anyway so just steer clear of him, forget about him and forget about all the others as well. No one will tell your mother so don't worry about it.

You're not the first person to make a mistake while drunk and you certaintly won't be the last. Just forget about it now. Chin Up

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Can I just add in a few details which I think make this slightly different to other ONS stories. I left the company before the staff christmas party, it was only work experience as I'm so young.

I made a lot of girl friends within the company and I am terrified of ever bumping into them as I'm sure they know what happened.

It's a very high end company and I'm absolutely terrified it's going to effect my life and come back to haunt me if I go to another company in a few years.

I really do feel so ashamed and embarrassed about what happened. I know people say you can't blame drink but I 100% blame the alcohol, I wouldn't have done this sober. And I know it was 100% my fault for drinking so much that night.

I think I have already made a reputation for myself and it's killing me that I can't take back what happened.

louise5754

I would imagine they probably havent even gave it another thought especially 5 months later. I still cringe at things I have done in the past when under the influence yet other people have completely forgotten (Thank God ) Is there many people where you work? Have you spoken to the guy since?

Miss Fluff

so_ashamed wrote: »

I really do feel so ashamed and embarrassed about what happened. I know people say you can't blame drink but I 100% blame the alcohol, I wouldn't have done this sober. And I know it was 100% my fault for drinking so much that night.

Just don't get so hammered in future. If boozing that much "makes" you do things that you wouldn't normally then obviously don't over indulge to that extent again.

I'm not sure why all this talk of it going to "effect my life" and "come back to haunt me". Aren't you over-recating here? Is there more to this story other than you had a drunken ride with some older guy in the company? If not then you seriously need to get over this. Not to patronize you but when you get that little bit older you will realise you're not the centre of the universe and that people do actually have other stuff to talk about. i.e. if people know what happened it was probably touched on briefly in the canteen the next day and left at that....you can be pretty certain that their not having team debriefings five months on about the fact that some intern scored someone in the company. People don't really care.

anndub

You really don't need to be worrying about this.

1.) You'd struggle to find an adult who has not had at least one one night stand. It's normal, not dirty. As long as it's fully consensual.

2.) This kind of situation is really really common at staff parties. Hotels make a fortune with last minute bookings after Christmas parties

3.) You won't get a "reputation" because you slept with ONE guy, this is a professional environment, not a school yard. You don't need to avoid those girls. They don't care. They've had one night stands too, or will in the future.

4.) Absolutely no-one is going to penalise you in your future career because you got carried away one night. It bears no relevance to your professional abilities.

5.) As an adult you shouldn't really be worrying about your mother knowing you've had sex. It's not her business and to be honest at 20 she's not going to be surprised you're sexually active.

Forget about it. It's no big deal

Firetrap

It's surprising too how quickly workmates fade from the memories of their colleagues once they leave. In my workplace, a girl who worked with us last year came up in a topic of conversation and we were struggling to remember her name.

Another thing too is that the majority of adults either have had one night stands or their friends have. It's not all that unusual these days and I'll bet the colleagues in question have done the deed as well. So apart from vaguely remembering that Mary got drunk at the Christmas party and went off with John from accounts, they'll not be talking about you

neuro-praxis

Hi OP.

What's going on here is that you've done something that transgressed your own set of values. And to try and make up for it somehow, you are punishing yourself by wallowing in guilt and shame.

Ok. So you did something you are unhappy with and that you feel was wrong and a mistake. Acknowledge this, then forgive yourself and move on. You will know better in future. Guilt, as a wise friend once said to me, is a luxury that we cannot afford.

Good luck, and remember it is up to you to find your own peace.

foodie1

Hey OP,

Happens to the best of us, a ONS is nothing to be ashamed of.
The obsessive and self loathing language you are using is a concern though.. Also the fact that you slept with someone you detest...I dunno, sounds pretty destructive.

Try and build your self esteem, if you have self belief and confidence you are less likely to indulge in behaviour that makes you feel crap about yourself afterwards.

LegacyUser

Hi,

Totally agree with Anndub!!

1) I think most people have done something similar in staff parties – to get completely drunk, or at least a bit too sleazy, even the married ones!

2) If it helps, not only I’ve done that (drunk and madly flirtatious), but it was with the boss (on whom I always had a secret crush – well, not that secret anymore! )

3) Worst case scenarium, as was suggested before: “"Oh I saw your daughter head back to a hotel room with one of the lads in work"

SO WHAT? You are an adult, you do your job fine, you didn’t harm anybody. Who you sleep with is your own business, so just hopefully they get a life and leave you alone. And if it happens again, make sure you pick a cute guy you like this time!

Serious now, it’s your life. Try to keep these things away from workplace, but tbh prob 90% of the people come home from these parties quite worried about their own actions to actually care about what you did!;)