Advice Needed Please

blondy555

What should i expect from him?
Ive just found out i, five weeks pregnant, ive been seeing the dad casually for almost two years and i really like him. Im preparing to tell him and im so worried about his reaction. He has an 11 year old girl, hes 36 and working and has a good head on his shoulders. Me on the other hand is 27 (9yrs younger) unemployed, have a mortgage on my own etc.
What should i expect of him? im so confused and im worried that the way i am now will have huge consquences on the babies life. As in, should i know what i want and say right i want you there 50/50 etc, im afraid that not knowing what he should do or give now will make him laxy daisey in the future...
Any help would be greatly apprieciated, my head is wrecked. I dont want to tell anyone else til i get my head around it and i tell him and im happy and settled in my pregnancy

cbyrd

Just tell him... he might surprise you and be delighted. Don't stress yourself on what if's. How is he with his 11 year old daughter? that should give you some gauge as to how good a dad he is. The sooner you tell him the easier it'll be to talk about what you expect from him and what he expects of you too.
Stay calm and remember, the 2 of you made this baby so it's not all your fault ;)There is nothing straight forward about raising a child, but there is no point in wondering what he'll say till he says it. Then you can tell him what you want
Best of luck and congratulations

blondy555

Thanks for your reply, i feel like im going to burst as im not telling anyone.

Im going to take a few more days to gather myself before i tell him and hope that he can come to see me when i ask and not a few days later cos i wont be able to wait.what he is like with his daughter, well she has a step father and id say that he feels a little unneeded but he is mad about her and often talks about her and has showed me picks. She lives beside his house so shes in and out all the time so to be honest im not sure how much effort he has to put in but it sounds like step dad, ex girlfriend and him all get on great.
Its lovely to hear how some of ye stayed with the dads against all of the odds, i would just love that but ill just have to wait n see.
I intend on settling into my pregnancy, sorting out my finances and enjoying the growth of my baby, just hoping it will have its dad here

lara_k

Hi blondy555,

Best of luck to you, I can imagine how stressful this is for you but just trust that everything will be all right. He sounds like he's a good dad already so hopefully he will be by your side for this. Just take it one day at a time - easier said than done I know!

Let us know how things go, you know you have people you can talk to in the forums.

qwertytlk

hi, congratulations!!!:D
Im sure everything will be fine, you have been with him for a long time, and must know each other quite well so try not to worry, and the fact that he already has a child, and he has stayed involved in her life even though he is not in a relationship with the mother anymore, makes him seem like a good dad to me. Just talk to him, im sure he will be supportive. If it was a shock for you, then it will be for him too, so bear that in mind and just try to relax!
Let us know how u get on, best of luck

metrovelvet

Ok. I'm going to deliver the ugly truth. This is what will be going through his head while you are talking:

He will be wondering if its his. He will be wondering if you want to trap him. He will be hoping you dont expect a ring. He will be rationalising by saying it was just a fling. He will want to kill you.

But if he has any decency he will hide all these thoughts...but he is thinking them...they all do...when unplanned

If I had to do it again I would send a note and leave the country.

Good luck and congratulations. Deep breaths.

January

I don't think all men think that when an unplanned pregnancy occurs... bit harsh to tar them all with the same brush.

liliq

I was seeing my baby- to - be's Daddy for less than a year, only just 9 months, when I found out I was pregnant, and I had no idea how he was going to react when I told him. I was so careful about taking my pill at the same time every day etc., and really didn't plan a pregnancy at all cos I'm still in college, we haven't been together that long... so many reasons not to have a baby!

But... when I bit the bullet and told him (had to repeat myself a couple of times because of the sobs!) he was brilliant... he was so calm about it, no rash judgments or reactions, no negativity at all! And he has no experience with kids at all! His sister has a baby that he held for the first time after we found out I was pregnant.
I know I'm lucky with the reaction I got though!

I really think it's just something that needs to be said... don't expect him to be overjoyed, but don't expect a negative reaction either. No matter what way he's going to react, he still needs to know. And as soon as you know where you stand with him, you can start getting your head around the whole thing!

Good luck