How to approach mother with drinking problem?

LegacyUser

Apologise about the longwinded post but I'm hoping someone can help me because I'm desperate for help.

There is so much background information to this situation that I can't even begin to type it out or I'll be here all night. In a nutshell, my dad died when I was 4. I'm now 25, and I'm the youngest of 4 children. 11 years ago my mam married a man 17 years her senior, who had 6 grown up children, one who has a disability and therefore will be dependent on someone for life.

Over the years, there have been various arguments between the two families. My family are very loyal to my mother, and my stepdad's family are very loyal to him but the two families aren't very close. Most recently there was a big argument last December and my mam told me in private that she was planning to leave my stepdad after Christmas. I was happy to hear this, as she had given me hints over the years that she wasn't happy. I have one brother, who is 10 years older than me, the oldest in the family, and when I confided in him what my mother had told me, he said that she has promised to leave half a dozen times over the years, and that she never does. I was surprised at this, but from what she told me, I was convinced she would leave him. She's in her late 50s, has a good income from a pension that was left by my father, and should be enjoying her days of leisure. Instead, she has to be at home every day for my disabled stepbrother, has to ask my stepdad's permission to go on holidays with her friends and doesn't partake in activities with her friends as much as she used to.

Anyway, Christmas came and went and I gently hinted a few times about it being time to move out, but she kept coming up with excuses, the main one being my sister's wedding, which was a few week's ago. About 6 weeks before the wedding, I noticed that my mam seemed to be drinking during the day. My mam is NOT a big drinker at all. It would be rare for her to even have 3 glasses of wine in a night. However there were days when I'd come home from work and I'd smell drink off her. I asked her about it a couple of times and she told me she'd had a glass of wine with dinner but I could tell it was stronger than that.

I confided in my sister who was getting married that I was worried that she was heading for a breakdown and it was only the wedding that was keeping her going. I was actually pretty correct. The week before the wedding and ever since (about 3 weeks ago) she has been drinking whiskey during the day a LOT. Nearly every evening I have noticed her sluring her words, staying up until after midnight (she used to go to bed at about 10.30, the same time as my stepdad) and always bringing another drink up to bed with her. I spoke to my brother and sister about this and they asked me to keep an eye. I have been monitoring the whiskey bottle and the levels change at an alarming rate. She seems to be going through nearly 2 bottles of whiskey a week now. We have decided to spend a couple more weeks "monitoring" her before confronting her.

However, I'm the only one still living at home (besides my stepbrother with the disability) and I am devestated seeing her like this every night. Every night I feel like ringing my brother or sister to tell them what states she's in, but my sister's just newlywed and my brother's wife is in the early stages of pregnancy and is very sick, so I don't want to put any more stress on either of them. It's completely out of character for her to be drunk and I can only remember seeing her drunk before this about 3 or 4 times in my life.

I really don't know what to do. I can't talk to my stepdad about it. He's in his late 70s and is very old fashioned. I don't know if he even notices how much she's drinking. I think the underlying issue is that she's very unhappy with him. She has talked to us about buying a house and moving out but we wonder will she actually do that. She's the sort of person who cares too much what other people thing, so I think she'd be ashamed to get separated. My brother and sister and I met last week to discuss how we'd approach this. We're all stuck, we've never dealt with anything like this before. We're considering getting professional advice before approaching her, but that could take weeks and I'm getting increasingly worried about her, especially since she appears to be drinking during the day and sometimes driving after that. My brother said that she hit the whiskey a bit after my dad died but that she got over it eventually but I don't know if she'll do it this time. I'm planning on moving out within the next few months and I'm so scared about leaving her here in this unhappy home.

God if anyone manages to read down this far I'll be so grateful. Any advice will be really welcomed. Thank yo.