So confused - should I stay in Oz or go home

Mossy1983

Like the title, indicates, I've been living in Oz for the past 3 years nearly and REALLY cant decide whether to stay or go home. Coming out, I couldn't wait to leave Ireland - been to college, qualified, no job, on the dole, so depressing (like plenty of others I know). I found it a bit difficult to get a job in the beginning but I got lucky and now work for a really good company.

I've really enjoyed living Australia and think its a great place. Weather is good most of the time, cost of living is pretty high but so are wages - all in all I have way more spare cash in pocket at the end of the week than I ever did at home. Job prospects are good. But at the end of the day, its not my home and I dont think it ever will be. The last few months (and weeks esp) Ive been really homesick. I miss my family, I miss the scenery (sad I know but I do!), I miss the way of life, I miss the shops, I miss stupid things like watching tv on my couch in my house, I miss going out at night there, and most of all I miss having that solid network of people I can turn to that I just dont have here.

So decided to bite the bullet and bought tickets to go home. I knew there would be zero chance of me getting a job at home in what I'm qualified but planned on maybe heading Britain or Europe - just somewhere where I could go home at the weekend on a whim if i felt like it. My plans were pretty vague but I just told myself I'd sort something out when the time came. I have looked around on job websites in England and its hard to tell. There seems to bits and pieces i could do related to what I studied in college but whether Id get the job I dunno. I just figured I'd deal with that when I got home.

But now, my company here have offered my a new role in an area I really really want to get into. The chances of me getting this opportunity Ireland are non-existent. The contract is for a year initially but I know there would be chance to extend it when the time comes. Im so confused as to what to do. This is really good experience but my gut is telling me to just go home.

I know could just stay here for the year, do the work but I keep seeing this as a "career" job and by taking it I feel like I'm signing up to live here long-term. I also feel I'd just be putting off the inevitable or putting things on hold. Im 27 nearly 28, I want to meet someone, have kids, settle down etc. But if I plan on leaving in a year whats the point in starting to date someone here? I know kids etc is really far down the track but these are the things running through my head. At the same time I'm wondering if I just have some nostalgic image of Ireland in my head and that when I get there, am out of work for a while, i'll be kicking myself for not taking the job over here. I dont think I'd be desperately unhappy out here but I dont know if I'd be 'happy' either.

I just dont know what to do. I dont think I've ever felt this emotional or confused about anything before. There are so many ppl who would just at this opportunity - I keep wondering why I am not??

ManOfMystery

Sometimes it is nostalgia that makes you feel like this, and things are often not quite as perfect as they seem. And you'd be making one very big change if you ended up coming home and not loving it the way you expected to.

Have you got any option to take a month out, or take some time off on leave and go home for a while? See how you feel when you've been exposed to it again for more than a few weeks.

Supercell

Mossy, how long has it been since you were back in the aul sod?
I think you might find once you got back here with no job that the grass doesn't seem much greener at all. Pile on top of that regret about the new job spurned and that a recipe for a wrecked head.
If it were me , I'd accept the new job and take a vacation back home and get a headful of old friends family, scenery etc and then head back. In this day and age your solid network of friends you can turn to are just a call or webcam away.

Don't put your life on hold over this, we only get one stay on this earth so we should try and make the best of it.
I met a girl on a trip to China a couple of years ago, it was just a trip, fast forward two years and she's living here with me now as my wife! I only planned on staying there a few weeks, your already making romance plans for over a year ahead!!

Bottom line, I think you just need a break, come back home (if you can) for a couple of weeks, really see how the shoe fits when your back home and then make your decision.

shellyboo

You can always resign the new job and come home if you make up your mind that's really what you want to do... but you can't go back to this great opportunity if you change your mind once you get back home.

A couple of weeks at home as a holiday is definitely a good idea... but I'd give the job a try if I were you.

confused21

Hi Mossy, I agree with everyone here. I think you should maybe just come home for a holiday and go back to the job. I'm sure you have built up such a great image of Ireland in your head that you can only remember the good things.

I went to Oz in 2007 with the intentions of never coming home. One of my friends came over and I thought things would be great(had been travelling on my own before this)it was the worst thing that happened. I wish I never met my mate as we had a HUGE falling out as do alot of people travelling.

Anyways the reason I left Ireland was because I was sick of my life here and my bickering family. It was crazy and still is how they speak to one another they scream and shout. So when I fell out with my friend and I had been talking to my family on skype and the phone I ended up becoming really homesick. So much so they made me believe I was missing so much back here. I even thought that maybe they had all grown up and stopped fighting.

So I cut my trip short came home. It was a great novelty for about 2 weeks then boy did I regret it. Turns out my mam had missed me so much as I am the only girl of 5boys. She let me to believe everything was great but it was all for her own selfish reasons. She wanted me home. My family fight even more now and it drives me mad that I moved away.

I sold a gorgeous car, took out a loan and life was great. I loved Oz and meeting new people all the time. Since I moved back home I have had crap jobs and I feel like my life has been put hold ever since.

You are extremely lucky you are in a position that you are being offered a great job and a good standard of life. I would think long and hard about coming home. If you meet the right girl you can make it work. If you met the right girl over there you might get over the homesick and actually be happy. I'm from the country and live in Dublin. I used to go home all the time now it's lucky if it's once a month as I class my life with my boyfriend as my family.

Really don't just jump into a decision, only you can make up your mind but it helps to have other peoples opinions. I think that you really should consider coming back here for 2/3 weeks first before actually moving back. Being homesick is an awful feeling and the fact you have been away for so long is going to make it worse. Seriously nothing in Ireland has changed if anything it's worse, career wise etc.

Good luck and I hope your make the right choice for you.

IrishEyes19

Everyone's opinions here are good, definately dont make a rush decision, you might regret it. But dont base it on falling out with people either, even though I respect the above posters story. Everyone's family background is different, so perhaps come home for a short break and decide then.

tinkerbell

Come home for a holiday but don't give up the job you have been offered over there. The grass is not always greener and Ireland is not what it was 3 years ago.

borabora

Hi Mossy, to be honest I haven't read most of the replies here, but this is just my 2c.

There is no place like home. No people like family. Ireland is a special place. The people are like no where else. People are what make life. If you're not feeling it there, you're not feeling it. Don't sign away the next few years of your life for a job. You'll do well in whatever you pick, if you have a passion for it. F*** the recession. Job wise, Ireland IS dire and depressing at the moment, absolutely no question of that. What about London? Similar banter, so many more opportunities, a stone's throw from home. Spend a few years there and come back to Ireland to settle.

Also, I just turned 27. It's not so mad to be looking forward to the long term plan, marriage, kids etc. People get snapped up young, and 27 really isn't so young.

Good luck with your decision.

wylo

I lived in Oz myself, loved it, great weather , people are friendly, on paper everything is correct. But home is home, you cant beat it. When I was going to oz I was 'never coming back' , so naive.

I was always the outsider no matter how well I got on with people, it wasnt naturally my home, it was never going to be my true true home.
I started missing the SMALLEST of things, stuff that I had never appreciated before.
Things like watching the premiership on a saturday, appreciating really sunny days here, frosty winters, mammys cooking , mates you've known for years.
I found myself craving all things Irish, some of which hadnt previously interested me that much in the past like GAA etc.

My advice, take the job for a few months, and if your still not happy come home. A holiday is fine but it might just give you a taste and you'll want it even more. But I guess the holiday is also a good test to see if you actually do want it or not.

Home will be always home, you cant beat it, my Aunt moved to america in 80s, got married, has kids, the whole shebang, and now she still to this day makes references to the idea of moving home when the kids are well grown up.

I came back 3 years ago and I still appreciate being home. And im not even that much of a homebird in general. But it took the trip away to realise how nice it is to have your own culture around you, even if there are many flaws to it (and believe me there are, conservatism and lack of open mindedness being big ones if your not from a bigger city, but all cultures have their own flaws).

Its really a simple decision man, are you truly happy in Australia? Deep inside I mean? Is it just a niggling slight homesick every now and again or do you feel it on a regular basis.
If you can answer that then you can make your decision quite easily.
Jobs arent the be all and end all of life, happiness and content is, so long as its done responsibly.

AdmiralRazor

You don't mention a social life in your post.

Do you have many friends where you are?

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Do yourself a favour and stay there. Take a holiday back here, catch up with people and then go back. There's nothing here for anyone (unless you're happy on the dole doing nothing with your days,months,years) and we're a long, long way away from recovery.

You're qualified, you've got good opportunities in a good place with good people. Don't ruin it all by coming back to this miserable dump and regretting what could have been.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

I definitely think you should go home on a holiday before you make any rash decisions! After being away for a year I was feeling quite homesick and went home for a wedding. And I can tell you, it was a massive wake up call. People say nothing changes but it definitely had. Before I went away, I was having a great time at home and great social life, so many friends and so busy all the time. I thought people would be beating my door down to see me! Eh, not the case! I'm a similar age as you are & this is the age which is a turning point in people's lives! A lot of my friends had either moved away or had settled down or had no money and basically had their own lives which they had gotten used to me not being there. Also I think when people turn 25+ they become more selfish, I don't mean selfish in a nasty way but they are more mature to concentrate on themselves a little more and don't do things to please other people. So just bare this in mind for when you go back coz it was a hard lesson that I learned and left me, well just a little disillusioned and sad. I was dying to get back to Australia after my trip home.

Now 9 months later again, I'm in a similar situation as yourself of wanting to go home. I miss my friends so so much because these are the people who have have been with me since school and we are so tight knit and it would be impossible to replace them. But don't worry I do try!!! I joke, but I do make an effort to make friends and am quite outgoing! The friends that tend to be made out here are generally fairweather friends, with the odd exception, but that is a very odd exception. It's all well and good to have them to go out on the piss with but a very different story when you're just feeling a bit down!!!

If this job in Australia is something that you really really want to do, and don't feel you will be presented with any opportunity like this in Europe/Ireland. Think very long and hard as once you turn this job down, there won't be any going back, but if you accept it, and decide down the line, whether it's a week, a month or a year that you still just want to be home, then you can always hand in your notice and fly back home again!

I know if I had a decent job out here, I would not be giving it up too easily to go home. At the end of the day, the grass is always greener! Accept the new job role, go on holidays home to see what you make of it these days. If it reaffirms you don't want to come back to Australia then you get to stay at home with no regrets. If you realise that home is not the lovely shiny place you remember it to be, then you will thank your lucky stars that you didn't turn down that job!!!!

In regards to settling down, I wouldn't stop yourself from meeting people coz you think you're not going to be sticking around long term, you never know, the person you meet may be your reason for sticking around!!! When you know, you know! But you gotta give people a chance!

I could write for hours on this as I am as confused as yourself, but I shall leave it there.

Good luck!

solerina

Good Luck making that decision OP....I think you should come home, give it a time limit of say 12-18 months and see how things are going
1. have you settled in well,
2.have you found a job
3. Is the grass greener :-)
For most people who do come home and decide to stay its because of family and friends, yes the life and life style in Australia is amazing but if you want to be with family and friends then there is really no alternative than to come home...However to really settle in you will need more than 6 months, most people I know who come home cant settle for at least 6 months anyway.

LegacyUser

Mossy1983 wrote: »

Like the title, indicates, I've been living in Oz for the past 3 years nearly and REALLY cant decide whether to stay or go home. Coming out, I couldn't wait to leave Ireland - been to college, qualified, no job, on the dole, so depressing (like plenty of others I know). I found it a bit difficult to get a job in the beginning but I got lucky and now work for a really good company.

I've really enjoyed living Australia and think its a great place. Weather is good most of the time, cost of living is pretty high but so are wages - all in all I have way more spare cash in pocket at the end of the week than I ever did at home. Job prospects are good. But at the end of the day, its not my home and I dont think it ever will be. The last few months (and weeks esp) Ive been really homesick. I miss my family, I miss the scenery (sad I know but I do!), I miss the way of life, I miss the shops, I miss stupid things like watching tv on my couch in my house, I miss going out at night there, and most of all I miss having that solid network of people I can turn to that I just dont have here.

So decided to bite the bullet and bought tickets to go home. I knew there would be zero chance of me getting a job at home in what I'm qualified but planned on maybe heading Britain or Europe - just somewhere where I could go home at the weekend on a whim if i felt like it. My plans were pretty vague but I just told myself I'd sort something out when the time came. I have looked around on job websites in England and its hard to tell. There seems to bits and pieces i could do related to what I studied in college but whether Id get the job I dunno. I just figured I'd deal with that when I got home.

But now, my company here have offered my a new role in an area I really really want to get into. The chances of me getting this opportunity Ireland are non-existent. The contract is for a year initially but I know there would be chance to extend it when the time comes. Im so confused as to what to do. This is really good experience but my gut is telling me to just go home.

I know could just stay here for the year, do the work but I keep seeing this as a "career" job and by taking it I feel like I'm signing up to live here long-term. I also feel I'd just be putting off the inevitable or putting things on hold. Im 27 nearly 28, I want to meet someone, have kids, settle down etc. But if I plan on leaving in a year whats the point in starting to date someone here? I know kids etc is really far down the track but these are the things running through my head. At the same time I'm wondering if I just have some nostalgic image of Ireland in my head and that when I get there, am out of work for a while, i'll be kicking myself for not taking the job over here. I dont think I'd be desperately unhappy out here but I dont know if I'd be 'happy' either.

I just dont know what to do. I dont think I've ever felt this emotional or confused about anything before. There are so many ppl who would just at this opportunity - I keep wondering why I am not??

Well I don't know. You don't seem to settled there? Why don't you look for friends and people there start to becoming part of the community there. Do you realise for some people their home country doesn't automatically mean they have a network of support and people around them, many don't have supportive family or anyone. If i were you I would stay there I have learned not to become emtionally dependant on people I think you have to be when your an adult. It's up to you I am not you and I wouldn't be in your circumstances.

Mossy1983

Thanks everyone for your advice.

Yeah I will be coming home for a holiday cause I have the tickets booked and paid for. My boss is cool with that. So I guess I'll see how I get on when I get there. Havent been home in just over 3 years so i maybe I just need a visit home.

Thanks for all your help

I'm waiting for this inevitable feeling to kick in at some point.. I'm just in a lucky situation where nearly all my family and friends are around the world so I can't feel homesick. The life I had just doesn't exist anymore.

Holiday is the best idea.

wylo

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm waiting for this inevitable feeling to kick in at some point.. I'm just in a lucky situation where nearly all my family and friends are around the world so I can't feel homesick. The life I had just doesn't exist anymore.

Holiday is the best idea.

I wouldnt call it inevitable, alot of people are absolutely fine with leaving and not coming back.

Well hopefully it won't.. Cause I'm doing the "naive" thing and planning on not going back for 7 years.