new friend, need my own space!

LegacyUser

A girl moved into my shared house two weeks ago, and I'm also working with her in the office, although not in the same department. She's not from the area (neither am I) so she doesn't know anyone. She's only 25 so 5 years younger than me, and overall she's very nice and I don't mind hanging out with her while she finds her feet. Problem is the other girls I live with, and those that I work with, haven't taken a shine to her (she's just quite loud and bubbly, which I don't think is a bad thing, but theres a culture difference too because she's from the US) and more or less ignore her, rather than invite her to do anything with them etc. So we live together, go to work together, come home together and now I even suggested she join the gym and now we work out together! She asks me to do everything with her, which I understand, but I seem to have taken on this big sister role and I'm finding it difficult to get my own space. I feel like I can't go and do something with my friends without inviting her, so I just don't bother. I haven't lived here too long myself so nobody I know is my best-friend if you see what I mean. For example, this sounds stupid, but how can I say I want to go walking by myself? As in, without talking...I usually listen to music and this helps me "zone out" but now I feel like I have to talk and walk! A stupid problem I know, but a bit awkward, especially because the other girls make no effort with her at all... Another thing is that she's young and dying to go out all the time, keeps making me go out to the pub with her but I don't have the money/energy/enthusiasm for all that right now! How can I cut the cord??

Wompa1

unregistered wrote: »

A girl moved into my shared house two weeks ago, and I'm also working with her in the office, although not in the same department. She's not from the area (neither am I) so she doesn't know anyone. She's only 25 so 5 years younger than me, and overall she's very nice and I don't mind hanging out with her while she finds her feet. Problem is the other girls I live with, and those that I work with, haven't taken a shine to her (she's just quite loud and bubbly, which I don't think is a bad thing, but theres a culture difference too because she's from the US) and more or less ignore her, rather than invite her to do anything with them etc. So we live together, go to work together, come home together and now I even suggested she join the gym and now we work out together! She asks me to do everything with her, which I understand, but I seem to have taken on this big sister role and I'm finding it difficult to get my own space. I feel like I can't go and do something with my friends without inviting her, so I just don't bother. I haven't lived here too long myself so nobody I know is my best-friend if you see what I mean. For example, this sounds stupid, but how can I say I want to go walking by myself? As in, without talking...I usually listen to music and this helps me "zone out" but now I feel like I have to talk and walk! A stupid problem I know, but a bit awkward, especially because the other girls make no effort with her at all... Another thing is that she's young and dying to go out all the time, keeps making me go out to the pub with her but I don't have the money/energy/enthusiasm for all that right now! How can I cut the cord??

Be honest with her...if you want to go zone out just tell her you need a little space, that you had a rough day. If you don't want to go to the pub then don't...just tell her what you've said on here. She should try joining clubs or something...if you do like her then I'm sure you'd hang out with her sometimes just not as regularly as you have been, right?

IrishEyes19

Well first of all, OP, you sound very considerate. Nice to see you dont want to hurt her feelings. Your friends on the other hand sound rather mean if you dont mind me saying. Its very hard moving to a new place where you know no-one, so I can imagine the girl is doing her best to try and fit in.

Well I guess you could just go for a walk by yourself. Do you always inform her that you are leaving the house. You are 30 years old, so you dont exactly have to answer to her for your every actions.

Miss Fluff

unregistered wrote: »

For example, this sounds stupid, but how can I say I want to go walking by myself?

Eh you don't You're not her minder or her babysitter so if you want to go out walking you don't have to explain where you are going or give an explanation as to why you want to do something by yourself. Just go out walking. You sound like a nice girl who has been very welcoming but perhaps this girl's expectations are being built around your behaviour. Pull back a little. Just go off and meet your friends without saying anything, to do anything else and to explain every move will just set a rather stifling precedent.