Dating Nice Girl - Messed Things Up

LegacyUser

I met a really great girl a few weeks ago on a dating site. After a week of messaging back and forth we moved on to texting and met up a few days later as she doesn't work far away. She was texting me nearly daily before and for days after meeting saying she wanted to meet again. There were times I'd have to wait for ages for a reply but she had admitted she was very bad for replying at times. Then contact dwindled to a text at the end of the week. I'd send a text and would only get a reply a few days later, saying she was swamped with busy. Then I sent a text asking how she was, general stuff and heard nothing for over a week. I assumed she wasn't interested and was ignoring me hoping I'd get the hint. Was this an over reaction cause I think no reply after a week would worry most people? Especially considering she had started to text randomly before that anyway.

So I messaged her on the site saying maybe we should just leave things as I couldn't help but feel I was getting the cold shoulder and to take care of herself. Trouble is just after I sent it I noticed a message from her saying "sorry for bring awol been really busy and training like mad, should meet up again when it suits you" Also mentioned something about her phone acting up.

I immediately sent her another message saying sorry, that I only said we should leave things as when I had no reply to a couple of texts (these were spaced out by a few days) for over a week I assumed she wasn't interested. I sent these on Thursday night, but she didn't log in until Monday morning. She also logged in this morning but no reply I sent one last text today saying sorry, how I'm not used to someone so relaxed at texting and stuff and thats why I got confused and over reacted. Said I'd like to put it behind us and maybe try again. That was at noon, although I know it's only been a couple of hours, I just need to vent cause I think I've made a balls of things I also want to know would any of you after a week of no reply have thought the same as me?

LegacyUser

Hi,

You should check out my thread on a related issue! For me, her behaviour just wouldn't be good enough. I mean, you can only get to know someone early on by communication, and if she's only contacting you once per week, you can't do that. It indicates to me that she is too blasé about it. Ball is in her court now. Don't send her any more messages. You didn't jump to an unrealistic conclusion either. After a week of no contact, most people would assume disinterest.

MissFlitworth

Relax! Honestly if she disappeared off for a week and never bothered getting in touch with you by email or text and you'd only just met then she could hardly blame you for the 'lets just leave it' message, it's a lot more polite than most people would be in the same circumstances.

It does sound like you may have met someone you aren't compatitable with OP, no blame on either side, but if you like lots of (or even, some) contact and she's too busy/not bothered to send a single text in a week or even to email you and let you know her phone was busted then what kind of a relationship will you have? You're only a couple of weeks into it and you sound stressed out!

Herrick

Nvm, wrong thread.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the quick replies guys 2textornottotext, I was actually reading through your thread and couldn't believe the similar situations. Yeah I know the early stages should be all about getting to know each other. I have no problem waiting if someones busy or something but not knowing where you stand is a sickener.

@Miss Flitworth, thanks The thing is, I couldn't care less about contact, as long as I knew what the story was. Like, if she simply text me saying "listen I'm really busy this week, will text later on in the week" I'd be grand. It's just basically waiting over a week and having heard nothing at all that got to me. I could put up with it easily as both of us found we have all the same interests and all our personal views pretty much line up. I'm just afraid I've been labelled clingy psyco or something now

neveah

I agree with the other posters OP, I would assume the exact same thing if someone took a week to reply to my text. We all lead busy lives but it doesn't take most people a full week to find a couple of minutes to reply to a text. Sounds like she just might not be that into you. I'd leave her off if I was you.

LegacyUser

Hey Neveah. Yeah thats exactly what I was things, that she wasn't that into me. But when I'd say to myself forget about her, she'll randomly start texting me no bother at all, all instigated by her.

LegacyUser

Well haven't heard her, saw she was online for a few mins earlier today too. I've a gut feeling I won't be. I suppose if she had time to log into the site she would have time to send a message/text if she was still interested. Pretty annoyed with myself for blowing things

neveah

I don't think it was your fault, she didn't reply for a week! What were you supposed to think in fairness. Maybe it's just me but if someone I dated sent me a text and I didn't reply to them for a week I wouldn't expect them to be too pleased with me or ask me out again. It would be different if you hadn't texted at all and you were just waiting to hear from her and she waited a week to get onto you.

LegacyUser

I'm glad to see I'm not the only that thinks this way. Well obviously I'm not gonna get onto her anymore, cause she isn't interested. Even if she does randomly get back to me I'm not sure what I'll do. You'd think if you were into someone and knew they were confused about what you were thinking, you'd let them know immediately.

Although it would be great just to know, even if she met someone else/changed her mind/etc I'd rather know than be kept wondering considering we had actually met in person already and given she was still really keen up to the last week or so. It's really weird, only last Thursday night she messaged me on the site saying we should meet again when it suited (this is the message I only spotted once I had sent the "lets leave it" message") and now nothing. Thats why I was thinking maybe my message messed it all up, can't do much more now.

LegacyUser

Just an update to this. So she finally got in contact last Sunday, apologizing for not contacting me, saying she was sorry if I thought she was messing me around and she wanted to meet again. She had a valid reason which I honestly know to be true from other sources that are involved so I said fair enough I'll give her the benefit of the doubt as I have friends that are lazy contact wise.

So it was her birthday this weekend and she asked me to meet her for a drink if I happened to be out. Told her I would and met up outside a bar, talked for a few minutes and she asked me would I help her find one of her mates first. We ended up searching for her in some bar and got separated, I then noticed her bringing her mate out of the bar but not a peep to see where I was (I was just out of the toilet) and left. Didn't even get a text to know where I had gone. I honestly don't know wtf her problem is.

LegacyUser

OP, Why are you being a doormat?, she knows you are running around like a puppy being a sucker. 'messed things up'?...you really think that?...you are being played for a fool..no doubt. just delete number from phone and if she txts just ignore her...if she was into you....you would'nt be getting the flake treatment...you would be in bed with her.

Miss Fluff

MessedThingsUp wrote: »

Didn't even get a text to know where I had gone. I honestly don't know wtf her problem is.

I do. She has the manners of Miss Piggy. Delete her number and move on, she's a headwrecker.

Sounds to me like she is multiple dating and hedging her bets. She was incommunicado while other "dates" were going well but is keen to keep you on the backburner.

I wouldn't give her a moment more of your time. Texting someone back, even a holding text to say you're incredibly busy, takes approximately 30 seconds. She is ill-mannered and clearly not that interested.

S23

What Miss Fluff said is spot on. Despite all her excuses, whether you think they are valid or not, her behaviour was way off the mark.

I have a busy life (as do many people!) and am often up to my eyeballs all day. However I'd always find the few seconds it takes to reply to a text. Even if it's to say. Busy now, I'll catch up with you soon. Or whatever!

Sending a text isn't exactly writing War and Peace. It takes less than 30 seconds to send a text. Most people would always have the manners to reply to a text. I'd say even moreso if it was in reply to someone they had started seeing and they were genuinely interested in them. You certainly wouldn't leave them waiting around for a week.

Then as for her behaviour when you met her in the pub. Absolutely shocking. She may spin you a line about why she absolutely had to leave immediately with her friend. However, coupled with her previous lack of manners towards you, I'd say you're best off writing this one off.

I hope she's young and might grow out of it because being a bit childish and stupid is the only thing that offers any kind of excuse for that carry on. It sounds like you were Plan B. Or maybe Plan C or D. Sorry thats not a reflection on you OP but she really sounds like she had you held in reserve if other things didn't pan out