lost in this world

LegacyUser

31yrs old female, just lost my job, have a mortgage, have a car, husband, what more could i want....Children....im going through fertility treatment, he has 3 kids from previous relationship. thats my life at the moment.
i look at other peoples problems and think, why complain, ive got alot more than other people have.
im just so fed up, i want a child of my own so much. i get anxious, stessed and depressed. ive worked all my life, went from job to job (always had a job) i got made redundant recently and cannot seem to get another job. i feel if i got another job that it might take my mind off this fertility buzz.
i wake up with his alarm every morning and get up with him every morning he goes off to work and im sitting around all day applying for jobs online, or checking fertility sites or other sites .
i just feel, wheres my life going, whats life all about:(

anyone feel the same?

LegacyUser

I am in a similar position to you. Long term partner and mortgage. I lost my job last year and spent last summer unemployed (5 months) before finding temporary employment. This contract has also just finished up so looks like another free summer unless I'm luckier this time.

I can totally relate to your feeling of isolation. Of my whole social circle I am the only person who has been affected by unemployment so spend all my week days alone, often the only person I speak to face to face is my OH.

My advice is have at least one activity planned every day to get you out of the house, even if it is just a trip to do the weekly shop it will give your day some purpose and structure.
It's also a good opportunity to improve fitness and well-being (always good when hoping to conceive). Get out and go for a walk, even if its only short you will feel better. I find/found its a good way to start the morning and counteracts the temptation of staying on the couch for the day.
I know lots of people don't like the idea of going alone but a trip to cinema is a great way of spending a couple of hours in the late morning/early afternoon. Its cheap at that time and you won't feel odd when you realise pretty much everyone there is there alone. I went through a brief stage of avoiding social gatherings because I felt I had nothing to talk about. This gives you something to talk about when you meet friends.

One thing I learned is a day will come when you will wake up one morning to the sound of your own alarm clock and think "why didn't I enjoy my freedom more"

As the saying goes, This too shall pass.

dan_d

Not an expert but I understand stress doesn't help conception. But being unemployed I know that it's very hard to not be stressed.

You have to get out of the house every day, for some exercise. Have to. Whatever about the conception part, it's essential for your mental health that you do. I cannot emphasise that enough. Do not spend all day every day looking for a job. Take the weekends off, and divide the days so you do a couple of hours in the morning and a couple in the afternoon/evening (or some combination of that).

Get your CV done, straight away, get someone else to look at it and offer a few opinions. If you can, join a few clubs....yoga or something. If money allows.Take up a sport, join a reading group, anything. The isolation of unemployment can become absolutely unbearable and adds further to the stress, because you've nothing to think about all day. If you can find a course of some sort to do, that will help too.

DO NOT spend the day checking fertility sites. That feeds further into your worries. I've been through this unemployment for a while now, and at the height of my stress a few months ago, a good friend said to me.."let me get this straight. You're sitting inside all day, frantically hunting the same sites over and over again for a job, getting more and more frustrated when you can't find them. And when you're not doing that, you're looking at sites that are discussing politics and the economy, making yourself angrier and even more frustrated and depressed. Why do you think you're feeling stressed out? You haven't taken any time for yourself". My God, best advice I ever got!!!:rolleyes: What is it that Einstein says about madness....

Insanity - doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

You're not insane, but you can see why you might be stressed out..:).

It's very,very hard but you've got to be nice to yourself. And when all else fails, there's more of us out here who do feel the same. It's hard when you're going through it, no matter how much luckier you might be than everyone else. So concentrate on the simple things, keep a routine, switch OFF the computer (I'll be doing that in a sec!!) and try and relax a bit.