don't want to be with him but he wont listen

LegacyUser

Was going out with a guy before Christmas. It wasn't anything serious in my eyes but he still seems to think we are meant to be. He keeps asking me out and i keep telling him we won't work for various reasons. I'd really like to keep him as a friend but his ongoing advances are making it difficult. What should i do?

LegacyUser

My advice would be to forget trying to keep his as a friend. I was in a similar situation a few years ago, casually dated a guy for about two months but realised I wasnt into him that way despite liking him as a person and ended it. He took it pretty badly which I wasnt expecting since it was such a short lived thing. We had the same group of friends and assumed we'ed remain on friendly terms, but he couldnt seem to understand it was over and he ended up wrecking my head wanting to monopolise my time on nights out and talk my ear off. I ended up resenting him for it and resorted to giving him the cold shoulder so that he'd just leave me alone. When he eventually met someone else I was bad mouthed as the horrible ex who broke his heart.

Obviously I dont know your man would do the same but it sounds quite familiar.

SirenX

Cut contact.at least for the time being. the both of you are better off that way.
when his wounds heal (which will take some time) then and only then should you think about being friends, but for now, just don't text, ring him, or answer the phone or texts.

it's the best option for both of you

good luck

Virgil°

Pretty much whats been said above. You can't really be friends with someone who has strong romantic interests in you. Every time you talk to him or engage with him you give him false hope that he may have a chance. Leave the poor lad be, don't contact him any more and ignore all his contact until he gets past it.

Katgurl

Yeah.

I've gone out with this fella too - I told him it wasn't happening as nicely and as consistently as I could but he would not listen. It was hardly even off the ground so I was gobsmacked at how badly he took it. Then he wouldn't stop insisting we could make it work against the odds. I told him I was sorry to be hurting him but I didnt' want it to work, I didn't want to be with him. More objections; pleading, I was wrong, I was scared, I thought I didnt' deserve to be happy. Then the accusations; was there someone else, did I hate him that much, did I just like playing with people's feelings. Not to mention the threats, he couldn't go on without me blah blah.

I did my best as he was a nice fella and I think he was going through a hard time before I met him and he was transferring all that upset onto things not working out with me. But when he was still hanging on a few months later (I had long stopped answering calls / texts) I had to tell him very firmly to leave me alone.

LegacyUser

Some of the above stories sound almost identical. Hope we're not all dealing with the same guy haha. Guess i'll just stop responding to his texts again. Last time i tried that i was pretty much bombarded with silly pointless txts. Got pretty annoying. How harsh do i need to be with him so he'll get the idea?

AnonoBoy

Quit trying to be his friend.

He doesn't want that, he wants you as a girlfriend.

Since that's not what you want then you won't work as friends.

Don't entertain contact from him.

Miss Fluff

God he sounds exactly like the nightmare pest I'm dealing with at the moment who I dated for a few months last year. I'm going through the same and you just have to totally ignore him. I for the most part ignore the guy that's hounding me but when I do respond out of kindness or whatever he sees it as some kind of green light. If you can, please just forget about being friends as any contact will be misconstrued as you having an interest in him

shellyboo

WexfordWoman wrote: »

Some of the above stories sound almost identical. Hope we're not all dealing with the same guy haha. Guess i'll just stop responding to his texts again. Last time i tried that i was pretty much bombarded with silly pointless txts. Got pretty annoying. How harsh do i need to be with him so he'll get the idea?

Don't be *anything* with him. Just completely stop interacting with him. No matter how many stupid texts he sends, phonecalls, voicemails -- IGNORE. Don't answer the phone, don't listen to the voicemails, don't even read the texts.

Don't let him impose himself on your life when you've made it clear you don't want him in it. No need to even tell him you're cutting him off, that'll just give him more fuel. Your attention is what he wants, and you're giving it to him. He'll contiune to perster you until you stop giving him what he wants.

thecookingapple

Tell him your cutting contact and tell him why, some people just need the cold harsh truth to actually really listen, there is probaly zero chance you can remain friends with this man in all reality.