Farmers dating?

slowmoe

Hey guys, I've seen a few threads lately in personal issues about farmers dating and its peeked my interest. Both from the content and also because a friend of mine is dating a farmer and experiencing the same sort of thing. I'm not sure if many of you have seen the threads but there was one from a farmer saying he'd met a lovely dublin girl and was looking for advice on if it could work out....as the thread went on it turned out he expected her to give up her work life and move in with him in the country, away from family and friends and to spend her life cooking and cleaning for him. I thinkn his family was creating a problem for them or there was an on thread sstory about another farmer whose family didn't like the girl and it ended in the break up.

There was another thread from a girl who was dating a farmer and wanted to move in with him and was trying to make friends with his neighbours and family but when she didn't do the dishes he complained about her to his neighbours giveing her an unfavourable reputation in her potential future home.

My own friend is born and bred in Dublin, she's well travelled, as is the farmer she's dating. She doesn't go clubing much, if at all but likes going out. Mainly for dinner or theatre, or to bar for one or two. She is drop dead gorgeous, really stunning, when we're out in Dulin she always turns heads and will have both men and women complimenting her, love your hair, where did you get that dress, amazing make up, you look great etc. She has really long dark hair, beautiful irish skin, blue eyes and a gorgeous welcoming friendly smile. She is a great friend, warm, caring, compassionate, funny, loyal to a fault. Her bf is about 15 yrs older than her, loves that she always looks good, he is charming and for the most part well mannered although sometimes takes the banter jokes too far. My overall impression of him is that he's a gentleman and this would be shared by our friends. Although we think highly of him, we would be of the opinion that he has done very well for himself with our friend , but that wouldn't be meant in a mean way if thats understandable?

However my friend has started to experience the same things from the other threads (apologies if thread info was not accurate-trying to recall from memory) in that she is expected to cook his every meal when they're together and do all the cleaning. She is a very good cook though and openly admits she loves cooking. He is always calling her lazy and telling her to exercise more. Now she is the perfect size 10, a figure to die for. She says he doesn't mean anything mean by it but considering her looks are a big thing to him and they are fanatsic then why would he criticise her? One friend is worried he's trying to push her into an old housewive of submission position. She has never not lived in a city, works, is a full time single parent and goes to evening college so apart from the cheek of her bf trying to get her to clean his house when she is still cleaning her own, she wouldn't even have the time to be doing all his housework and is working very hard so could not be called lazy!

So anyhow the whole point of my thread was how would you feel about dating in the farming community nowadays? The only examples i have here paint an archaic picture of a woman being brought into a mans home for slave labour with no regard to her own life. Now that women farmers are on the rise where does that leave their other halves? Are the husbands of female farmers going to do all the cooking and cleaning and probably child rearing? Or will the woman have to take on all that including the farm?? Do farmers find it easy to meet people or are they limiting themselves to people brought up in the farming community? This is just pure interest on my part from the threads and hearing about my friend. Thanks!

P.S. Sorry this was such a long post!
And no offense was meant in the making of this thread

Threads i'm reffering to;
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056264079
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056249521

bob charles

Well having spent a good few years in the pale I have an idea what your talking about. Any guy that thinks he deserves his cooking and cleaning done for him is a embrassment whatever his profession is. I always tell my female friends whatever they do dont fall for a farmer. not for the reasons you outline above but for the lifestyle of the farmer. I dont think I would ever allow a lady share and endure the lifestyle I have as it would just be unfair on her ie little money, long hrs constantly nowadays, and a smell of crap 24/7, rarely able to be away for longer than a weekend.

Oh and why do all girls say their friends are gorgeous. I have some horrid looking female friends and im far far from an oil painting myself.

slowmoe

Lol!!! I wouldn't say all my friends are gorgeous, just trying to be as accurate as possible and this girl is just a stunning girl.

So if you wouldn't want a lady to share your life, then how do you see your life going? Have you given up on finding a partner altogether or are you only looking inwards to the farming community to find one?

I can't believe that the men expect a woman would do all their cooking and cleaning, have they not realised that the women have their own homes to be cleaning? I know my friend was made a laugh of for not doing 'the' cleaning in his home before. I would clean my own home, i wouldn't clean my friends homes or my boyfriends home, i'm cleaning what is my responsibility, other peoples homes are their responsibility.

What has really struck me with my friend is how they are only an hour away from each other but the cultural differences are insanely vast

pakalasa

......She's used to vip sections of clubs and in my local whoever sits closest to the tv gets a smack across the head when someone wants the channel changed......:D

Had to laugh at that - seriously, is someone taking the piss here ?

irishh_bob

slowmoe wrote: »

Lol!!! I wouldn't say all my friends are gorgeous, just trying to be as accurate as possible and this girl is just a stunning girl.

So if you wouldn't want a lady to share your life, then how do you see your life going? Have you given up on finding a partner altogether or are you only looking inwards to the farming community to find one?

I can't believe that the men expect a woman would do all their cooking and cleaning, have they not realised that the women have their own homes to be cleaning? I know my friend was made a laugh of for not doing 'the' cleaning in his home before. I would clean my own home, i wouldn't clean my friends homes or my boyfriends home, i'm cleaning what is my responsibility, other peoples homes are their responsibility.

What has really struck me with my friend is how they are only an hour away from each other but the cultural differences are insanely vast

its all very well being up to date with the latest PC trends but the fact of the matter is that farming is an incredibly time consuming job - life , your never really finished and any woman that marrys a farmer should be under no illusion about this , a farmer simply wouldnt have time to spend as much time doing house choirs as his wife or mother etc , besides , whats wrong with the wife doing the house work for the most part , as for farmers and how thier parents feel about thier chosen partners , the previous generation of farmers and country folk tended for the most part to be very selfish when it came to thier children , as i often say , my dad brought me into this world to carry buckets of milk 1st and foremost , the farm was everything and it was expected that the son when it came to choosing a mate , would consider what effect this choice would have on the farm above all things , im not saying this was universally the case but in general it was , hence why , farmers tended to marry nurses , teachers and other relativley conservative professions , i dont think ive ever heard of any farmer marrying a glamorous city girl , ala the women from sex and the city , not that i watch that kind of thing you understand

slowmoe

no i'm not doing anything 'piss' related! As i said i have a friend dating a farmer and while he would consider himself very modern and forward thinking seems to still be trying to push her into a slave role to his life. Have seen several of these threads in pi and thought it sounded like a common theme

slowmoe

irishh_bob wrote: »

its all very well being up to date with the latest PC trends but the fact of the matter is that farming is an incredibly time consuming job - life , your never really finished and any woman that marrys a farmer should be under no illusion about this , a farmer simply wouldnt have time to spend as much time doing house choirs as his wife or mother etc , besides , whats wrong with the wife doing the house work for the most part , as for farmers and how thier parents feel about thier chosen partners , the previous generation of farmers and country folk tended for the most part to be very selfish when it came to thier children , as i often say , my dad brought me into this world to carry buckets of milk 1st and foremost , the farm was everything and it was expected that the son when it came to choosing a mate , would consider what effect this choice would have on the farm above all things , im not saying this was universally the case but in general it was , hence why , farmers tended to marry nurses , teachers and other relativley conservative professions , i dont think ive ever heard of any farmer marrying a glamorous city girl , ala the women from sex and the city , not that i watch that kind of thing you understand

Would you automatically assume that a farmers partner would not work, and would therefore have time to 'tend to his needs'?

As in my friends case, she is a parent, works and goes to college. She would be a lot more busy then her farmer f ut yet when he arrived back to his house, he sat down in front of the telly, shouted for a cup of tea and then moaned at her (who was studying) for not having his own home (not her home) perfect!

I think a farmers work would be reflected in the type of farming? Would that be accurate. I know my friends bf only milks and has cattle. So his work is only about 4-5 hours a day

[EMAIL="Lol@ the"]Lol @ the[/EMAIL] sex and the city comment. Tbh my friend would fit into that category, she's very glam and beautiful, good job with big prospects, very hardworking, although she would never be seen drunk (have seen her drunk twice in 11 yrs!) or really into a bar scene

vincenzolorenzo

That chap just sounds like a d1ck, pure and simple.

djmc

He would spend 4-5 hours a day just milking cows after that he would have to look after cleaning houses and yards feeding calves grassland management etc
and it would be 7 days a week all year
I do it but would still do jobs around the house even though the OH does cook most of the time if shes home from work.
If they do get married either she will have to move to the countryside or he will probably have to give up his job and move to the city

slowmoe

no she said his milking takes him 40 mins in morning and 40 in evening but she adds on time for getting the cows to the milk place and back and cleaning the parlour. i think his dad does it one day a week too. he was showing my friend how to do it so she could give him a few days off too!!!

I didn't start the thread specifically for my friends situation, but more so to find out about the farmers attitudes to dating. Given my friend (who is the only person i know who has ever dated a farmer) and that these threads both give off the same vibes, is meeting a guy whose profession happens to be farming, akin to travelling back in time to when women were slaves in the home.

Which guy sounds like a dick???

johngalway

If she's unhappy, break up, it's not rocket science.

I don't put up with jumping up and down about my job or my hobbies. Allowances have to be made in both directions, if they're not being made then something is very wrong and the two people probably don't suit each other.

slowmoe

johngalway wrote: »

If she's unhappy, break up, it's not rocket science.

Again the thread wasn't about my friend, i was just using her and threads as an example.

I guess it seems like it is the case that any woman marrying a farmer must is expected to ecome the domestic slave. Sad really as i've even met a few farmers who seem like great guys but always complain they can't meet anyone.

Sorry i don't understand the jumping up and down thing either...as you can probably tell this isn't a forum i venture into much so i'm a little confused with the lingo.

How do farmers manage their lives then if they haven't met their wife/to be? Can they take care of themselves up until the point of marriage or do they hire someone to do their cleaning and cooking for them? Or do their mothers do their domestic work until they're married????

candor

He sounds like he needs to cop on, that is no way to treat a woman. A relationship is about give and take, it certainly sounds like he is taking a lot without giving much (although you never really know the full of a situation your not in yourself).

Many farmers use the work excuse but it sounds like she is busier than him on the whole of things.

I would nip it in the bud sooner rather than later, as it will only get worse.

johngalway

slowmoe wrote: »

I guess it seems like it is the case that any woman marrying a farmer must is expected to ecome the domestic slave. Sad really as i've even met a few farmers who seem like great guys but always complain they can't meet anyone.

I can't speak for all farmers everywhere but I don't agree with that assessment in modern terms, it likely happened a lot years ago but I can't see too many women putting up with it now with so many people having better educations, holding a wider view of the world having traveled etc.

slowmoe wrote: »

Sorry i don't understand the jumping up and down thing either...as you can probably tell this isn't a forum i venture into much so i'm a little confused with the lingo.

For example at lambing time, I can't be away. Or for weather related jobs such as spraying/dipping/shearing. The job get's priority then, and complaints are referred to deaf or heedless ear department My point was about changing who you are to suit someone else, I think that's basically a bad thing. If a person does that and becomes unhappy because of it... Look out.

It's no different from other jobs, there's pressure in all work. The last thing anyone needs is to have their ear bent backwards about it when they come home, IMO.

slowmoe

I think i've given off the wrong impression john, my friend would never complain about his work. As i said she works hard and respects his work. She's more unhappy about the responsibility for his home being handed to her even though they're only dating and she does not live there. And she would be much much busier himself. She said some of his friends were complaining she didn't do more in the line of cooking for them when they dropped over etc and told him to let her know a womans place is in the home. But as i pointed out she has her own home which is immaculate, his home is not hers. When he's at work she generally studies when she is at his.

Everytime we've met him he talks about his bachelor friends in their big houses who can't find women. I thought it might be a case of there just isn't many single women locally but between threads and their relationship i think perhaps its more a case of attitude? Sounds more like the men want a slave out of laziness and not accepting responsibility for themselves as opposed wanting a genuine loving relationship in their lives

easyeason3

I'm marrying a part time farmer. He also works full time.
I work full time too but I cook every meal, wash clothes, clean the house, do the shopping etc. I'm not made do it but for the hours he puts in compared to mine it would be very selfish of me to expect him to come home & clean a house or cook a dinner.
And I also like things done a certain way so it's easier if I do it & we avoid arguments

Your friend knows what she's getting herself into. It's not like he's acting like a charming prince only to change once he gets her to move in.

Storminateacup

Not all farmers are like that. My dad is a farmer. It isnt his JOB JOB but its still a job that consumes an awful lot of his time.
And I can honestly say he has never treated my mother in the way your friend is finding her "farmer" is treating her. Despite him being wrote off with two jobs, my dad always pulled his weight around the house with us growing up too.

That guy in your OP just sounds like a chauvinistic pig, and i dont think really reflects the opinions or ideas most farmers would have.

melly

Hi guys. I think though if you are dating/marrying a farmer you have to prepare yourself for a complete change of lifestyle. Its not like any other Job. If its sunday morning or christmas morning you still have to get up ti Milk/feed etc and your partner should be prepared to be a part of that. I am a full time female farmer and I'd hope that if i marry someone that I can get support from him on the farm and at home.Obviously I want to support him in what he does too. The last guy I dated ended it when I asked for some support down the line... I got the how are you going to "be pregnant,rear children while your farming". Time to call a halt to things then:eek:

irishh_bob

slowmoe wrote: »

no she said his milking takes him 40 mins in morning and 40 in evening but she adds on time for getting the cows to the milk place and back and cleaning the parlour. i think his dad does it one day a week too. he was showing my friend how to do it so she could give him a few days off too!!!

I didn't start the thread specifically for my friends situation, but more so to find out about the farmers attitudes to dating. Given my friend (who is the only person i know who has ever dated a farmer) and that these threads both give off the same vibes, is meeting a guy whose profession happens to be farming, akin to travelling back in time to when women were slaves in the home.

Which guy sounds like a dick???

id be carefull about using the word slave , thier is a big difference between the unavoidable responsibilitys and obligations which come with living on a farm and someone being used and abused , most farmers would have no problem with thier wife - partner having a career of thier own , most farmers would appreciate the second income but its naieve to think a farmer would have the same flexibility as the likes of a salesman or an accountant in terms of being able to relocate , if your married to a farmer , you live in rural ireland with little in the way of modern cafes , theatres etc , for some women - people , thats part of the charm , for some , its too much of a culture shock , not for everyone

slowmoe

irishh_bob wrote: »

id be carefull about using the word slave , thier is a big difference between the unavoidable responsibilitys and obligations which come with living on a farm and someone being used and abused , most farmers would have no problem with thier wife - partner having a career of thier own , most farmers would appreciate the second income but its naieve to think a farmer would have the same flexibility as the likes of a salesman or an accountant in terms of being able to relocate , if your married to a farmer , you live in rural ireland with little in the way of modern cafes , theatres etc , for some women - people , thats part of the charm , for some , its too much of a culture shock , not for everyone

but if their partner was also working surely then the housework would be shared? no? tbh if a guy does expect that and attempts to enforce it i would be putting it as very close to slavery.

But again this thread was never meant to be just about my friends relationship but about relationship attitudes in rural ireland. Although she actually earns more than her bf and even still has accepted she would need to move there for the relationship to progress. Is it still the case that in a relationship the woman must sacrifice her entire life to facilitate the mans or has rural life been brought into modern times? Are farming men capable of looking after themselves? How much does a farmers family do with the relationship?

In the thread where it was the farmer posting i felt very sorry for the girl as she had been openly ignored several times by the guys family at public functions and he wouldn't say a word to the family, just let it continue.

just for the record my friend has been dating her bf for 6 months so i definitely think its nuts that he is initiating her into the farm so he can have days off when she visits him.

slowmoe

I wish i'd put a poll on this thread, is there any chance a mod could add one in? Could it mention the farmers partner instead of woman to reflect that many women are farming now too? Thanks:D

irishh_bob

slowmoe wrote: »

but if their partner was also working surely then the housework would be shared? no? tbh if a guy does expect that and attempts to enforce it i would be putting it as very close to slavery.

But again this thread was never meant to be just about my friends relationship but about relationship attitudes in rural ireland. Although she actually earns more than her bf and even still has accepted she would need to move there for the relationship to progress. Is it still the case that in a relationship the woman must sacrifice her entire life to facilitate the mans or has rural life been brought into modern times? Are farming men capable of looking after themselves? How much does a farmers family do with the relationship?

In the thread where it was the farmer posting i felt very sorry for the girl as she had been openly ignored several times by the guys family at public functions and he wouldn't say a word to the family, just let it continue.

just for the record my friend has been dating her bf for 6 months so i definitely think its nuts that he is initiating her into the farm so he can have days off when she visits him.

this is where i bow out , im not interested in partaking in a discussion with someone who equates doing housework as being akin to slavery , that and the fact that the thread would be more at home in the psychologoy forum , ive no wish to lie on the couch any longer

The Left Hand Of God

There are quite a few non farming people who can't iron shirts.

Not a hard skill to learn tbh.

slowmoe

:rolleyes:

again...as i've said i made the thread to see the farming communitys thoughts on this issue which has come up a lot lately, hence i placed it in the farming forum. At least i can see if i'm not welcome posting on the farming internet then i probably would not be welcome visiting my friend and her partner in the country.

to get the thread back on track...would people involved in farming feel a woman/partner should be entirely responsible for housework or has life been modernised enough for men/farmers to take responsibilty in their home? Does this change if the partner is working?

Thanks to any helpful replies

easyeason3

slowmoe wrote: »

but if their partner was also working surely then the housework would be shared? no? tbh if a guy does expect that and attempts to enforce it i would be putting it as very close to slavery.

But again this thread was never meant to be just about my friends relationship but about relationship attitudes in rural ireland. Although she actually earns more than her bf and even still has accepted she would need to move there for the relationship to progress. Is it still the case that in a relationship the woman must sacrifice her entire life to facilitate the mans or has rural life been brought into modern times? Are farming men capable of looking after themselves? How much does a farmers family do with the relationship?

In the thread where it was the farmer posting i felt very sorry for the girl as she had been openly ignored several times by the guys family at public functions and he wouldn't say a word to the family, just let it continue.

just for the record my friend has been dating her bf for 6 months so i definitely think its nuts that he is initiating her into the farm so he can have days off when she visits him.

Just my opinion on a few of the highlighted sections above.

I have family members & friends married to farmers. None of them have sacrificed their entire lives, as you put it, to facilitate the mans. A hell of a lot of them work outside the home & farm. A few of them have small kids that are not of school going age & are in a comfortable enough financial position to stay at home for a few years. And some of them have stayed at home even after the kids have gone to school because they have a knack for farming themselves or have just decided that it's something they want to do.

You make it sound like the woman in the relationship has no choice & that it's expected that once she gets involved with a farmer that she is expected to give up everything in order to play the good housewife. This could not be further from the truth.

And are farming men capable of looking after themselves? Come on, that's a ridiculous question.

slowmoe

The Left Hand Of God wrote: »

There are quite a few non farming people who can't iron shirts.

Not a hard skill to learn tbh.

sorry if you misinterpretted my ramblings, i'm not for a second saying that all non farming people are domestic angels...not for a second. people are what they are. i am only asking about these things in farming as a few farmer related threads came up coupled with my friends relationship and i was surprised with some of the responses so asked the questions to get a feel for the general consensus.

as i said my friend and her bf only live 1 hour away from each other, just down the road really, yet their expectations of a relationship are so different for such a short difference

slowmoe

easyeason3 wrote: »

You make it sound like the woman in the relationship has no choice & that it's expected that once she gets involved with a farmer that she is expected to give up everything in order to play the good housewife. This could not be further from the truth.

i'm asking questions to find out answers and i'm glad to have gotten some, thank you. this is exactly what i was trying to find out as from the previous things this has been the overwhelming view i encountered. the two threads push the household responsibilities onto the woman as does my friends bf. All farmers/guys in question seemed surprised when this was challenged.

My friends bf doesnt have a washing machine-at 40!!!his mother does it for him! he said he would buy her one for her birthday as she would know how to use it!!! for his house! lol. Her bfs friends were offended that she didn't drop her study to cook them a meal when they arrived unnanounced,her bf was embarrassed by this also. She asked why didn't he put on the kettle for them and he was shocked at the suggestion. Before this i had only heard of these kind of things from my grandparents time lol! Her bf flat out refuses to do anything in his house when she's there,and in the place where he's from he's not alone. She knows of 4 other guys who refuse to do housework or cooking. She said she's been told numerous times there that a womans place is in the home, and his friends told him to remind her of that. I think its shocking,she said its the norm there

I guess its a case of some can, some can't as in all walks of like. I wonder with how many is it a case of won't though?

bob charles

slowmoe wrote: »

Lol!!! I wouldn't say all my friends are gorgeous, just trying to be as accurate as possible and this girl is just a stunning girl.
So if you wouldn't want a lady to share your life, then how do you see your life going? Have you given up on finding a partner altogether or are you only looking inwards to the farming community to find one?
I can't believe that the men expect a woman would do all their cooking and cleaning, have they not realised that the women have their own homes to be cleaning? I know my friend was made a laugh of for not doing 'the' cleaning in his home before. I would clean my own home, i wouldn't clean my friends homes or my boyfriends home, i'm cleaning what is my responsibility, other peoples homes are their responsibility.
What has really struck me with my friend is how they are only an hour away from each other but the cultural differences are insanely vast

yeah right, typical. oh thats lovely on you etc. and if she is so stunning why doesnt she sling her hook and find someone that isnt as demanding.

Regarding my own circumstances I havnt giving up finding a partner as I have no interest in finding a partner. I think it would be very unfair on my behalf to subject a female to my life/work plus Im happy on my own whereas when in relationship its allot of work and I dont have the time.

I think you are judging most farming folk of living in the dark ages. Recently at an old mans funeral one of his daughters said that her father would turn in his grave if he saw me as I was washing and drying the cups . There are going to be massive differences, but the main one is that farming is much more than just a job - its a complete lifestyle, whereas most desk jobs are portable - farming is not. Most self employed people are in the same boat. Go tell your friend to cop on,dont take such crap. Considering she has only being going out with him for 6 months I wouldnt worry too much. Most relationships come to now't.

easyeason3

slowmoe wrote: »

i'm asking questions to find out answers and i'm glad to have gotten some, thank you. this is exactly what i was trying to find out as from the previous things this has been the overwhelming view i encountered. the two threads push the household responsibilities onto the woman as does my friends bf. All farmers/guys in question seemed surprised when this was challenged.

My friends bf doesnt have a washing machine-at 40!!!his mother does it for him! he said he would buy her one for her birthday as she would know how to use it!!! for his house! lol. Her bfs friends were offended that she didn't drop her study to cook them a meal when they arrived unnanounced,her bf was embarrassed by this also. She asked why didn't he put on the kettle for them and he was shocked at the suggestion. Before this i had only heard of these kind of things from my grandparents time lol! Her bf flat out refuses to do anything in his house when she's there,and in the place where he's from he's not alone. She knows of 4 other guys who refuse to do housework or cooking. She said she's been told numerous times there that a womans place is in the home, and his friends told him to remind her of that. I think its shocking,she said its the norm there

I guess its a case of some can, some can't as in all walks of like. I wonder with how many is it a case of won't though?

But that's men & women in general.

King John V

All relationships should be based on respect and compromise. I come from a farming background myself. If I ever settle down I want it to be with someone who understands rural life and shares my love of the country.

When I try to explain the strong bond that me and other farmers have to the homeplace my non-farming friends often don't understand. People like Eddie Hobbs have described home farms as saleable assests - famers can up and leave anytime they want. Technically that isn't untrue but the emotional ties to the farm run much deeper than that. Farming is a vocation. It's not 9-5, it's non glamerous and it's non hugely profitable and if potential girlfriends doesn't appreciate that then I could forsee problems.

I reckon husbands and wifes should decide who does the housework between them - give and take on both sides. Trying to mould an educated, independent woman into a housemaid with benefits is harder than keeping mountainy sheep in a field with low walls! The fe**ers think they're at the Grand National the whole time...it's not easy in other words.

slowmoe

bob charles wrote: »

yeah right, typical. oh thats lovely on you etc. and if she is so stunning why doesnt she sling her hook and find someone that isnt as demanding.

Regarding my own circumstances I havnt giving up finding a partner as I have no interest in finding a partner. I think it would be very unfair on my behalf to subject a female to my life/work plus Im happy on my own whereas when in relationship its allot of work and I dont have the time.

I think you are judging most farming folk of living in the dark ages. Recently at an old mans funeral one of his daughters said that her father would turn in his grave if he saw me as I was washing and drying the cups . There are going to be massive differences but the main one is that farming is much more than just a job - its a complete lifestyle, whereas as most desk jobs are portable farming is not. Most self employed people are in the same boat. Go tell your friend to cop on, considering she has only being going out with him for 6 months I wouldnt worry too much. Most relationships come to now't.

lol i gather he isnt demanding with everything.i think its this one thing thats an issue. the full assumption that she will do all housework with no discussion..she appears to be quite devoted to him and she loves being in the country. ive never said all farming folk are in dark ages.im trying to find out if it is widespread or just isolated.im not judging at all, imnot here giving out and im sorry if it came across tha way. quite simply i came across attitudes that i was surprised by and now im finding out more about it.

keep going

we are married 9 years and i have to say my wife does most of the work around the house.it tends to follow the seasons. autumn/winter i would do a good bit but spring and summer only on sunday mornings and last thing at night.i should be doing something now instead of wasting time on here .:o the biggest regret i have is when brotherinlaws come around for weekends and i see how much they are able to help and do things on saturdays for their wives.on the plus side i think i have a good relationship with my children due to the fact im around all the time and they spend a good bit of time with me.so everything is about balance i suppose,all people trade off something in relationships.

slowmoe

keep going wrote: »

we are married 9 years and i have to say my wife does most of the work around the house.it tends to follow the seasons. autumn/winter i would do a good bit but spring and summer only on sunday mornings and last thing at night.i should be doing something now instead of wasting time on here .:o the biggest regret i have is when brotherinlaws come around for weekends and i see how much they are able to help and do things on saturdays for their wives.on the plus side i think i have a good relationship with my children due to the fact im around all the time and they spend a good bit of time with me.so everything is about balance i suppose,all people trade off something in relationships.

when it comes to my friend and previous threads the trade seems to be one sided and it just seems expected.said friend would (she hasn't said all this, just for this thread im looking at situation) have to move herself and child somewhere she has no family or friends, would have to take on full responsibility for house as he refuses to, would have to leave or cease her education as its too far, would have to leave her job and look for new work or face unemployment...and he couldn't wash a teacup???? they are a nice couple and im not just here about them, its just this attitude really shocked me!

edit-also shes happy to leave the glamour in dublin but he likes it and is unhappy if shes not done up a little, so he wants farm glamour not her

Storminateacup

OP you are actually really annoying. You keep bringing all back to "your friend" and her situation, and despite posting in the farming and forestry forum for opinion, you seem to pretty much ignore everything that isn't agreeing with what you say.

My eyes are glazing over the drivel youve posted since like, your 3rd post.

We get it.

Your friend isn't an unkempt sturdy woman, with good childbaring hips.
Your friends boyfriend is a rough gruff mean machine.
Your friend can do better than having to wash up, hoover or clean a toilet.
Your friend can do better than have a man suggest she might show an interest in his way of life.

for gods sake will you change the record.

bob charles

think your a bit too interested about your friend, let her make her own mistakes. In all fairness she also has a kiddie, you should be delighted she has found a taker

caseih

there's single farming men around my part of the country (me included)would be glad to hav a girlfreind kid or no kid involved.. women round here treat farmers like vermin.....

johngalway

OK, I think this has run it's course.